Dig
by joan3
Summary: Luka is asked a favour prologue to LKCK saga
1. Dig

Dig

Luka waded through the morass of papers in his mailbox. A lot had happened on his week-end off. It was mostly junk. Memos, journal subscription notices, new journals, photocopies, more memos, a notice asking if he was happy and would he be happier with ginseng and, at last, a letter.

A letter.

He thought he recognized the handwriting. The letter itself was marked N.W.T. Who did he know in northern Canada? At any rate, someone knew him.

He opened the envelope.

_Hey, Dr. K.,_

_I need you to do me a favour. A friend of mine is coming in for her nursing practicum. She's a really good kid, really bright. She assisted my current employer in a dig near Norman Wells, Canada. Anyway, she worked at the infirmary there. She knows her stuff._

_Please, Dr. K. If there is anyone who sees the good in everyone, it's you. I'm not asking for miracles, I'm just asking that you give her a chance. Please._

_Thanking you in advance,_

_Dr. Dave_

Why had Malucci written to him? He found it curious that a resident he hardly knew would confide in him a trust- to speak up for this nameless nursing student.

Luka investigated the envelope further. Aside from the address, there was nothing else about the letter or envelope but a Polaroid photograph tucked into it. Written on the edge was a name and a date- Ceila Kowalski, arriving July 26. Two days from now.

Luka looked at the photograph. It wasn't the best photograph. There was too much sun glare. At any rate, a girl, pretty, perhaps no older than sixteen, stood behind fields of heather and rock. Her dark hair was tied back and she grinned. She wore a simple blouse and kept her arms behind her back.

Luka replaced the photograph. He would honour this promise even though he didn't know if it would pan out.


	2. Natural Selection

Natural Selection  
  
July 26  
  
It was a day like any other in summer. The heat, smog, windless air and unyielding cement made Chicago into one ungodly sauna in which its inhabitants could find neither relief nor escape. They moved, sluggish as stunned flies, from one point to another. One bade her father good-bye as he wished her good luck and drove away. One fussed with her baby in the backseat. Another counted how many cherry popsicles he had left in his ice cream trolley. A milk tanker edged slowly around the intersection in cautious precision that complemented the languor of the moment.  
  
It all changed when a speeding car plowed into its side.  
  
A spark soon ignited into a huge pillar of flame and combusting metal. A wave of great heat sent everyone on the street flying. Even the cement shuddered with a shockwave that slapped the air. Litres and litres of milk flowed everywhere.  
  
The girl picked herself up. Everywhere she looked there were flames, broken glass and spilt milk. The car that crashed into the milk tanker hadn't survived at all. The milk tanker, along with parked cars, an SUV and the ice cream trolley were all overturned. She gaped.  
  
"Dude..."  
  
Ceila Kowalski brushed away troublesome black curls from her face and dropped her shoulderbag. She knew emergency crews had a response time of eight to ten minutes. She had to do something in the mean time.  
  
Ceila sprinted into the heart of the disaster site. Her hair now had become undone. She hopped around the hot spots. A burst of heat made an attempt to approach the downed milk tanker next to impossible. She turned instead to the tipped-over SUV. A woman hung precariously from her seatbelt. She was conscious and frantically trying to get herself out. Her desperate brown eyes pleaded with Ceila.  
  
"Help me! Please!"  
  
Ceila pulled at the door handle and then recoiled. The door had become too hot. Ceila quickly flicked off her blazer and covered her hands with it before attempting to pull the door open again. She released the woman from her seatbelt and carefully dragged her far from the burning car.  
  
"My baby! My baby's still in the car!" she screamed.  
  
Ceila ran back to the downed SUV. A crying infant was suspended from her carseat in the back. Her wails got louder and louder. Ceila climbed in, gently extracted the baby from the seat, supported her head and carried her to her mother.  
  
"Is she hurt?"  
  
"I don't know," Ceila admitted.  
  
Ceila examined the child. She had minor inhalation burns about her nostrils. She pressed on the child tenderly. Squeals got louder as she pressed the infant's stomach.  
  
"She has abdominal pain."  
  
The woman squinted her eyes.  
  
"Oh God.."  
  
"Don't cry, don't cry," Ceila tried to assure her. "Hey! What's your name?"  
  
"Dana," the woman panted.  
  
"Okay. I'm Ceila. Tell me what your daughter's name is."  
  
"Larissa," Dana sputtered.  
  
"That's a pretty name," Ceila smiled as she brushed a lock of hair from a cut on Dana's forehead. "I need to ask you some questions, okay?"  
  
Dana struggled.  
  
"My daughter..."  
  
Ceila put up her hand to silence her.  
  
"I know, I know. But I can't do anything for her now. All I know is that her stomach hurts. It may be nothing but where the bar caught her. The emergency crews are on their way."  
  
A tear escaped Dana's eye.  
  
"She's crying."  
  
Ceila lay the child flat on her back. She still cried but her squeals lessened.  
  
"Dana, I need to ask you- did you lose consciousness?"  
  
"No," she answered.  
  
Ceila looked into Dana's eyes.  
  
"Can you move your toes and hands?"  
  
Dana wriggled her fingers and toes.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good," Ceila nodded as she cupped her hands around Dana's head. "I want you to keep your head as still as you can."  
  
Just then, the SUV exploded into flame. Ceila shielded Dana and Larissa from the blast. In the distance, sirens sounded.  
  
"Don't move. Help is on its way."   
  
An onlooker emerged from a nearby building. Ceila waved him down.  
  
"Hey! Hey you! I need you stay here with them, please."  
  
The man nodded and knelt by Dana and Larissa.  
  
"Don't go!" Dana cried.  
  
Ceila knelt back down.  
  
"I'll be right back, Dana. I promise. The emergency crews are nearly here. You won't even need me. Just stay perfectly still. You and Larissa are away from the fire so you're okay. Just be brave, Dana!"  
  
Ceila ran from Dana and tried to get to the burning milk tanker.  
  
"Hey! You can't get in there! It's on fire!"  
  
Ceila's head swivelled to the voice warning her.  
  
The ice cream trolley man staggered to her.  
  
"Kid, stay away from there!"  
  
"The driver is dying!" Ceila returned. "We have to get to him!"  
  
Ceila ran for her blazer and wrapped it around her front. She darted to the driver's side of the tanker. She perched herself on the blistering hot undercarriage and grabbed the driver's arm.  
  
"Help me! He's heavy!"  
  
The ice cream trolley man edged near the tanker. He raised his arms to protect himself from the heat.  
  
"It's too hot!"  
  
"Hurry!" Ceila pleaded.  
  
The man took Ceila's place and hoisted the driver half way out. Ceila grabbed the driver's other arm and together they pulled him to safety.  
  
Ceila coughed from the heat and exertion.  
  
"Is he breathing?"  
  
The other man coughed.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Ceila immediately fell to her knees.   
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Gary," he panted.  
  
"Okay, Gary," Ceila panted, "we need to see if this guy is breathing and see how badly he's hurt, okay?"  
  
Gary raised his hand.  
  
"I'm hurt."  
  
Gary's cut was superficial. Ceila's immediate concern was the driver. She ripped a section of her blouse and wrapped it around Gary's hand.  
  
"You're good to go."  
  
Ceila turned her attention to the driver. She leaned over him and checked his airway.  
  
"His breath sounds aren't so good. No doubt there is some internal injury and there's partial thickness burns on his side," Ceila observed.  
  
She touched the driver's left side. Underneath his shirt there was a hole with something protruding out of it.  
  
"Jesus!" Ceila exhaled. "Do have, like, tongs or anything, Gary? Like, clean ones?"  
  
"I have ones I use to scoop nuts on ice cream."  
  
"Get 'em."  
  
Gary went to his overturned trolley, picked up his tongs and gave them to Ceila. She applied the tongs to the tip of the protruding item and yanked.  
  
Gary looked like he was going to vomit.  
  
Ceila's brow furrowed as she regarded the offending item.  
  
"This looks like a stick shift. Dude, that is nasty!"  
  
Ceila composed herself.  
  
"We've got to staunch the blood."  
  
Gary thought quickly.  
  
"My trolley! I might have something in there!"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Do you have any water?"  
  
"Yeah, in my trolley," Gary answered.  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Great. Bring anything else like the first-aid kit, scissors. Hurry!"  
  
Gary bolted from Ceila.   
  
Ceila ripped the driver's shirt off. He had second degree burns over his upper body where flames and heat had licked him and the huge gash underneath his left underarm from blood was pouring. She remembered a girl in Norman Wells who had her liver gushing from her torso. This didn't seem worse yet it was. Luckily, the man was unconscious. Or maybe it wasn't lucky. She checked again for cardiac sounds. They were faint, like his breathing.   
  
Gary mercifully arrived with bottles of ice-cold water, the first-aid kit and a white dishcloth.  
  
"Thanks. Help me lift him," Ceila ordered. "Carefully."  
  
Gary carefully cradled the man while Ceila poured the water over his chest, careful not to get any in the wound. She cracked open the first-aid kit, ripped gauze from their packages and placed thin pieces on the driver's burns and put the dishcloth on his wound.  
  
"This should hold while help comes."  
  
**  
  
The first emergency crew arrived. A tallish man with ginger hair looked all around him.  
  
"My, my," he clucked his tongue. "What a mess."  
  
The emergency crew was flagged down by a stranger. They ran to him and the woman lying at his feet.  
  
"This girl told me to stay with this lady and her baby," he explained.  
  
The ginger-haired man knelt by the woman.  
  
"Ma'am, I'm Dr. Karamazov. I'm going to look after you and your baby, alright."  
  
She sniffed.  
  
"That's like the book."  
  
He grimaced.  
  
"I get that a lot."  
  
The woman touched his arm.  
  
"My name is Dana. This girl pulled me and my baby out of our SUV. She told me to move my toes and keep my head still. She said my daughter has a pain in her stomach."  
  
The paramedic nodded her head.  
  
"Jeff, she's right. This child presents with blunt force abdominal trauma and slight inhalation burns."  
  
Jeff creased his brow curiously.  
  
"Were you seen by a doctor, ma'am?"  
  
"I guess so," Dana supposed. "But then she went away."  
  
Jeff nodded.  
  
"Well, she saved you and your baby's lives." He nodded to the paramedic. "I want a saline IV, O² and a collar. Get on the radio to County General and them we might have a pediatric surgical case."  
  
Dana flustered.  
  
"She needs surgery?"  
  
"She might," Jeff stated as he dressed Dana's head laceration. "But she's gonna be okay. I promise you that."  
  
They started to load Dana and Larissa onto the ambulance while a fire rig put out the milk tanker fire.  
  
**  
  
Ceila looked at the dishcloth. It was soaked in blood.  
  
"Shit!" she cussed. "This guy is losing blood fast."  
  
She waved down a rig. A paramedic ran to her and started to treat the driver.  
  
"Hey! My hand is hurt!" Gary pointed out.  
  
"Not now!" Ceila huffed at the impatient man and then rattled the driver's condition to the paramedic. "We pulled this man from his burning tanker. I haven't ascertained cervical or spinal trauma but have assessed his other wounds. He was unconscious when we pulled him out. Partial-thickness burns over the trunk and part of the neck, penetrating trauma just under the left axillary artery with subsequent blood loss and possible fractures of the ribs. So far, no depression of the lungs but his blood pressure is very low- about 20/40- and he's losing a lot of blood."  
  
The paramedic was astounded.  
  
"Doctor, you didn't appreciate any C/S injuries?!"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"I'm not a doctor!"  
  
The paramedic tried to push Ceila out of the way.  
  
"Stay back and let us do our job!"  
  
Ceila would have none of it.  
  
"Hey! This guy would be dead if we didn't pull him out! Now you check! His blood pressure is low. He's losing blood faster than you can give him in this rig! You can argue with me or you can get him the hell out of here!"  
  
The paramedic couldn't argue.  
  
"He's got a damaged axillary artery so we've got to staunch the blood before we can move him. We also have to put a collar around his neck, if it will do any good."  
  
Ceila nodded and got to work on putting pressure on the wound.  
  
The paramedic was ready to load the driver on the rig.  
  
"Where are you taking him?" Ceila asked.  
  
"County General," the paramedic answered.  
  
"Then I'm going with you," Ceila asserted. "I need to be there. Besides, you can use an extra set of hands."  
  
"What about my hand?!" Gary cried.  
  
Ceila cast a quick look at him.  
  
"There are paramedics treating minor wounds over there."  
  
Ceila was ready to shut the door.  
  
"Thanks a lot, Gary!"  
  
Ceila continued putting pressure on the driver's wound while the paramedic started giving the driver saline.  
  
"How long before get to the hospital?" Ceila asked.  
  
"Eight minutes," the paramedic answered. "Do you know how to take blood pressure?"  
  
"Yes," Ceila nodded.  
  
"Then take his," the paramedic demanded and handed her a BP cuff.  
  
Ceila wrapped the cuff around the unconscious driver's arm and calculated his blood pressure.  
  
"Still 20/40," Ceila reported.  
  
Ceila touched the driver's neck and looked at her watch.  
  
"Heartbeat less than twenty."  
  
"We're nearly there," the paramedic assured her.  
  
A few minutes later, the rig pulled to a sudden stop. The paramedic started to unload the driver. Ceila checked his pulse.  
  
"Hey! His heart stopped!"  
  
The paramedic rushed him into the hospital. Ceila climbed on top of the gurney and started compressions. She tried to drown out strange voices and pump life back into the driver.  
  
"Is this from the crash?"  
  
"Yeah. Adult male in his forties. Partial thickness burns over twenty percent of his body for which he received dressings in the field, possible rib fractures, penetrating wound near axillary artery, loss of consciousness, BP down to 20/40 and heart rate less than minimal. Just started compressions."  
  
"Who's this?"  
  
"A Good Samaritan."  
  
A man tapped Ceila on the shoulder.  
  
"Hey, we can take it from here."  
  
Ceila shot a look to the person who tapped her on the shoulder. A tall, thin young man with blank Alpine ski-chiseled features and a cuff of dark brown hair common among tall, thin WASP-ish types glared at her as if to say: sit down, little girl, we've got it covered.  
  
"I've got to stabilize him. I've nearly got him back!"  
  
The young man was annoyed.  
  
"We can do that! You're just thumping his chest!"  
  
"I'm getting his heartbeat back, asshole!" Ceila cried indignantly.  
  
The attending looked up at the strange young woman who performed CPR on the patient. Her tangled black hair kept getting into her eyes but she still pumped life into him. He looked back at the patient and ordered a gram of epinephrine. He touched Ceila's shoulder.  
  
"Miss."  
  
Ceila looked at him quickly.  
  
"Let us take care of him," the attending said firmly. "You've done enough. Go."  
  
Ceila bit the inside of her cheek and relented. She hopped off the gurney and bade watching the doctors and nurses pull the driver from the brink of death.  
  
The attending ordered a series of tests.  
  
"You have to check for blood in the chest cavity," she offered.  
  
The attending turned to her.  
  
"I know," he said simply and returned to treating the man. "Leave."  
  
Ceila backed her way out of the trauma room, her irrelevance becoming more obvious with each passing second. Everywhere she looked, someone from the accident was being treated. Blast injuries, glass shards, minor burns. She saw a familiar face lying behind a curtain.  
  
"Dana!"  
  
Dana sat up.  
  
"Ceila!"  
  
Ceila sat next to her.  
  
"You're alright."  
  
"Whiplash and a cut head," Dana grimaced.  
  
"And Larissa?"  
  
Dana gulped.  
  
"They took her up to operate on her. They said they found blood in her belly."  
  
Ceila wrung her hands.  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"Don't. You saved us both," Dana gushed. "We would have burned to death if you didn't pull us out in time."  
  
Ceila clapped her hand on Dana's.  
  
"I didn't do anything, Dana. You were the brave one, remember?"  
  
A nurse approached Ceila.  
  
"You can't be here."  
  
Dana tried to reach out to her.  
  
"But she saved me and my daughter!"  
  
The nurse was insensible. She ushered Ceila away and closed the curtain.   
  
Ceila back away from Dana and the rest of the injured and found solitude in an empty treatment room. She lay down on a gurney and shut her eyes. It wasn't even two o'clock and she already bumbled her way through her first trauma in the city.  
  
**  
  
Traumas slowed down to a trickle. Soon, no one from the accident was being treated. Only the odd sprained ankle and allergy attack were seen.  
  
A young woman approached the admittance desk. She lay down a dry cleaning bag on the desk and addressed Frank.  
  
"Excuse me, I'm looking for my brother. He was in an accident."  
  
"I think he's resting in the curtain area," Frank answered. "I can get one of the nurses to take you to him."  
  
The woman nodded and thanked him. She joined a nurse who led her to her injured brother.  
  
**  
  
Kerry ran the board with Luka.  
  
"Three major trauma cases," Luka iterated, "an infant with abdominal bleed, now under control and in recovery in the PICU. A man with partial-thickness burns and penetration wound to the upper thorax is now in surgery. One more, an MVA, dead on arrival. Everyone else had minor injuries- lacerations and contusions. Some had concussions but none have shown signs of serious cerebral damage."  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"I'm surprised that's all."  
  
"There was something else," Luka started.  
  
Kerry proceeded to walk away. Luka had to follow her.  
  
"Yeah. I heard a "Good Samaritan" had words with Carter," Kerry related.  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Yes. She looked familiar. Anyway, she was stabilizing a patient as he was coming in."  
  
Kerry now paused.  
  
"Is that a fact? Was that the driver?"  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
Kerry looked impressed.  
  
"Some Samaritan."  
  
Kerry now looked at her watch.   
  
"In another hour I have to interview a student for..."  
  
Kerry stopped and peered into the treatment room. She saw a young woman stretched out on a gurney and she was truly a mess. She appeared injured. Dried blood stained her clothing and her hair was matted with sweat.   
  
"Oh my God, Luka! Whose patient was this?!"  
  
Luka and Kerry burst into the room. The young woman stirred.  
  
"Did I fall asleep?"  
  
A look of recognition touched Luka's face.  
  
"I know her! She came in with the driver! She's Malucci's Canadian friend. Wait here!"  
  
Luka ran off.  
  
Kerry tried to assess the young woman.  
  
"Are you hurt?"  
  
The young woman shook her head. She rose from the gurney.  
  
"No. This isn't my blood but this pantyhose is ruined!"  
  
Kerry sighed.  
  
"Did you come here with a friend or a relative?"  
  
"No, I was...in an ambulance with a man who was injured," she explained. "Do you know anything about him? He's a milk tank driver. He had partial-thickness burns..."  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"He's in surgery. He's alive because of you, Miss...."  
  
"Ceila," the girl answered.  
  
Kerry smiled.  
  
"He's alive because of you, Ceila."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"I didn't do anything. The doctors did."  
  
Kerry smiled.  
  
"Don't sell yourself short."  
  
She extended her hand to Ceila.  
  
"Walk with me."  
  
Ceila was apprehensive.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I am impressed with you," Kerry admitted. "I should be recommending you to the board."  
  
"I have an interview here," Ceila revealed.  
  
"Do you?" Kerry gushed.  
  
This was all happening too fast. Ceila bit on her nails.  
  
"I have to phone my mum."  
  
Ceila ran to find a phone. Kerry strolled over the admittance desk, looked at Randi and tapped the bridge of her nose.  
  
"That's Canadian for mom."  
  
**  
  
Luka ran to the lounge and got into his locker. He lifted the Polaroid from the envelope. He knew he had seen her somewhere before. He ran back to join Kerry in the treatment room.  
  
"Hey, Luka!" Carter called out.  
  
"In a moment!" Luka shouted out and ran to find the familiar face. She kept her head low, uttered a few words into the pay phone and hung up.  
  
Luka lifted the Polaroid in the air.  
  
"I know you."  
  
Ceila seemed confused.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You are Ceila Kowalski. Dave Malucci's friend."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"He recommended you come here," Luka said.  
  
Ceila was too smitten to speak. She blushed at the Croatian doctor. He was very tall, dark and extremely handsome. His features were so chiseled one could have mistaken him for a god. His eyes were both pensive and inviting. He always appeared neat and tidy, even after a trauma rushed through like a hurricane. His voice had a lovely-velvety-gravelly quality to it. Her face was turning red and there was nothing she could do about it. He had that effect on her.  
  
Luka extended his hand to her.  
  
"Kovac."  
  
Ceila gratefully though timidly accepted.  
  
"You are a student, yes?" Luka asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"From Canada?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"I ran into some people from Canada once," he admitted.  
  
"Really?"  
  
Luka only smiled.  
  
"I saw you in the trauma room," Luka revealed.  
  
Ceila waited for Luka to finish, as if to receive his approval.  
  
"You did well," he resumed and walked away to another patient.  
  
**  
  
Carter watched as Luka turned away from the Good Samaritan.  
  
"There she is!"  
  
Carter charged after her.  
  
"Hey, you!"  
  
Ceila swivelled to the person calling her.  
  
"What the hell were you trying to pull?!"  
  
Ceila only glared at the approaching man.  
  
"Pull?"  
  
"Don't play games with me!" Carter snapped. "You're damn lucky that guy was negative for spinal injuries and that his pressure got back up!"  
  
Ceila shook off his anger.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I am!"  
  
"I wouldn't have that attitude when Dr. Raymond gets down here," Carter warned.  
  
"Who's he?"  
  
"He's the guy who put the driver back together,"Carter snapped.  
  
Ceila still did not understand Carter's animosity.  
  
"He's lucky that there was a guy to put back together. Look- what is your problem? Seriously? Is it that I shouted at you in front of the nurses or that I pulled a guy from the brink before you got to?"  
  
"You're arrogant!" Carter observed.  
  
"Then I should get along very nicely with you!" Ceila returned.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
A doctor in surgical scrubs addressed Ceila and Carter.  
  
"I'd like to do my dressing-down in private."  
  
The doctor led the two into an empty treatment room.  
  
"Is this the Good Samaritan who doubles as a cowboy?" he angrily asked Carter.  
  
"Yes, Dr. Raymond," Carter nodded.  
  
Ceila stood her ground.  
  
"Tell me,"Dr. Raymond asked, "do you have a medical degree?"  
  
Ceila drew in confident breath.  
  
"No, but I do have paramedic experience..."  
  
"Oh! Well, hold the phone!" Dr. Raymond exclaimed. "You're a paramedic! That trumps surgeon any day! You moved a victim without proper caution against possible cervical or spinal injury...."  
  
"He would have burned to death!" Ceila shot back.  
  
"I'm not finished!" Dr. Raymond snapped. "You then pulled debris from a major penetrating wound."  
  
"I had reason to believe..."  
  
"Reason to believe what?"Dr. Raymond queried.  
  
Ceila bowed her head as Dr. Raymond rebuked her.  
  
"What the hell were ya thinking? Or were you thinking?"  
  
The ginger-haired doctor at the accident scene entered the treatment room and gave her a curt sympathetic look.  
  
"Don't worry about it, kid."  
  
"Don't stand up for her. Dr. Karamazov!" Dr. Raymond snarled.  
  
Dr. Raymond now turned his fury back to Ceila.  
  
"You're damn lucky the outcome was good. Next time, when your luck runs out, find yourself a good lawyer. But for now, stay the hell out of my way!"  
  
Dr. Raymond stormed out of the treatment room. Carter followed him. Only Dr. Karamazov remained.  
  
"Kid, don't let them get to you. You did what you thought was right."  
  
Ceila crossed her arms.  
  
"If the patient's outcome was good, why are they so mad?"  
  
Jeff put his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet.  
  
"It's their show. Besides, sometimes you might get lucky, other times not so. Just keep that in mind. Medicine isn't for cowboys...or some such thing."  
  
Ceila took that as small comfort.  
  
"Thanks..."  
  
"Jeff," he smiled.  
  
"Jeff," Ceila smiled back.  
  
He gave her a thumbs-up signal before leaving.  
  
"Hey! Sensitive souls like us have to stick together!"  
  
**  
  
Ceila tried to get her bearings straight before exiting the treatment room. Luka followed her. He saw she was crestfallen.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
Ceila lifted her head.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"It was Dr. Raymond, wasn't it?" Luka surmised.  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"I guess that's his name."  
  
"Don't be discouraged," Luka advised. "Everyone gets yelled at around here, especially if they are new. I was yelled at all the time. It might have been that I parked my car in the ambulance bay," Luka joked.  
  
Ceila laughed.  
  
"You didn't do that!"  
  
Luka was caught in his whimsical lie.  
  
"No. But at least you feel better."  
  
Ceila conceded with a small smile. She brushed loose curls from her face.  
  
"By the way, what time is it?"  
  
Luka looked at his watch.  
  
"Ten minutes to two."  
  
"Shit!" Ceila cussed.  
  
Luka was puzzled.  
  
"What?"  
  
Ceila threw her hands in the air and paced.  
  
"I'll be late for my appointment!"  
  
Ceila looked at her clothes.  
  
"I'm a mess!"  
  
Luka didn't know how to respond to Ceila's distress.  
  
"I don't have anything that fits you!"  
  
Ceila now scowled at him.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Luka was now crestfallen.  
  
"That doesn't help?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"NO!"  
  
Ceila left the treatment room. Her eye caught her eleventh hour salvation. Immediately, she grabbed a dry-cleaning bag with a Mandarin blouse in it resting on the admittance desk. She ran to the elevator and frantically pressed her floor number. Luka followed her.  
  
"That isn't your's," Luka pointed out.  
  
"I know," Ceila admitted. "I'm only borrowing it for a while."  
  
With that, she removed her blood-stained shirt and put on the blouse. Luka turned away. She quickly ran the comb through her tangled black hair, grabbed a set of wrapped chopsticks, blew away the paper and fixed them in her hair. She applied some lipstick.  
  
"My pantyhose is ruined!" she exclaimed and removed them.   
  
Luka had his back to her.  
  
"Tell me when I can look."  
  
Ceila smoothed out wrinkles in her clothes.  
  
"It's alright."  
  
Luka turned around. Admittedly, she looked better than when she first came in.  
  
"You look good."  
  
A bashful smile touched Ceila's face.  
  
"You think so?"  
  
He nodded  
  
"Yes."  
  
Luka looked at his watch.  
  
"You have less than two minutes."  
  
Ceila ran from the elevator.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Luka watched her as she sprinted down the hall. He crouched down to pick up her discarded clothes. Another doctor stepped into the elevator and gave him a puzzled look.  
  
"What?"  
  
**  
  
Ceila made her appointment on time. She noticed a name badge on the blouse and removed it quickly. She smiled quickly at the assembled interviewers. She recognized one of them- the genial red-haired doctor from downstairs, Kerry. She waved to Ceila and smiled at her. She was very eager to get everything started.  
  
"Before we begin, I feel introductions are in order. This is Nurse Terence, head of nursing; Dr. Kayson, head of cardiology; Dr. Coburn, head of OB/GYN; and you know me. I'm head of the emergency department."  
  
Kerry was the only one who smiled. Everyone else had a face of stone or wonderment.  
  
"How good of you to join us, Miss....Kowalaski," Kayson greeted her cheerlessly.  
  
"Kowalski," Ceila corrected.  
  
She felt self-conscious about doing so.  
  
Kayson noted what he thought was an oddity.  
  
"Are those chopsticks in your hair?"  
  
"No!" Ceila denied. "Why would I shove chopsticks in my hair?"  
  
"Just have to ask," Kayson rattled off.  
  
Nurse Terence clicked her pen and prepared herself to take notes.  
  
"Please, in your own words, tell us why you want to be a nurse."  
  
Ceila sat up straight. She had rehearsed this over and over in her mind. What could she say that hadn't been said or done? She wanted to be a nurse because she wanted to help. She had an aptitude for it. She could splint a leg using only hockey tape and two-by-fours. Her career as an Arctic nurse- the uber of all nurses- depended on this practicum.  
  
"It's complex...."  
  
**  
  
"Thank you for coming, Miss Kowalski."  
  
Ceila rose.  
  
"Do I have it?"  
  
Kerry's face neither confirmed or denied anything.  
  
"We'll let you know."  
  
Ceila nodded politely and left.  
  
Kayson waited for Ceila to be out of sight before shaking his head.  
  
"No."  
  
Kerry was surprised.  
  
"Why not? Her grades are the best I've seen. She certainly has the aptitude for it."  
  
"I don't like her attitude," Kayson replied.  
  
"Wasn't she the one who used a rude epithet to Dr. Carter earlier?" Coburn asked.  
  
Kerry tried to explain.  
  
"Yes, but that was..."  
  
"Bad attitude," Coburn finished for her.  
  
"It can be changed," Kerry returned.  
  
Nurse Terence started to weigh in with her opinion.  
  
"I agree with Dr. Weaver. The young woman certainly has proven herself."  
  
Coburn huffed  
  
"She's smart. I'll give her that, but she's sassy."  
  
"She's not sassy, she's..." Kerry put.  
  
Coburn was still in disbelief. She crossed her arms.  
  
"She's what?"  
  
Kerry bit her lip. Out of all the candidates, Ceila was the most promising. She couldn't let her slip away because of one slip of the tongue.  
  
"She's got balls!" Kerry snapped back.  
  
**  
  
Luka had no idea what to do with Ceila's discarded clothes. He had no idea how long she would be or if she was even coming back. He tried to tuck the clothes into a ball and place them in the lounge but he was caught.  
  
Abby looked at Luka.  
  
"Why do you have pantyhose?"  
  
He handed them to a passing Yosh and escaped.  
  
Just then, a salvation of sorts.  
  
Ceila emerged from the elevator. She no longer had her proud, springy gait but rather shuffled along dejectedly. Her head was pressed down to her chest.  
  
"Ceila!"  
  
Ceila lifted her head. She brightened to see Luka.  
  
"Dr. Kovac!"  
  
Luka walked over to her.  
  
"You weren't long. You are finished with your interview?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes, but.."  
  
Luka was troubled by her hesitance.  
  
"But what?"  
  
She didn't look at him directly.  
  
"I don't think I did well."  
  
He only smiled.  
  
"I think you did well," Luka assured her. "You did well today."  
  
Ceila held her head high, as if expecting something.  
  
"Did I?"  
  
"Yes," Luka nodded. "Your patients survived. You did a lot for them."  
  
She couldn't help but shrug.  
  
"Some people don't think so."  
  
Luka huffed.  
  
"When you're a doctor, you have to do what you think is best."  
  
Her brow furrowed.  
  
"But I'm a student nurse."  
  
Luka waived away her assertion.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Ceila nodded. She bit her lip and glanced quickly to the bay doors.  
  
"I have to go now. My ride must be here. Maybe I'll see you?"  
  
Luka nodded as well.  
  
"I hope so."  
  
**  
  
Carter pulled his locker door open. Another day, another mess. Jeff prepared himself to leave.  
  
"New shift next week!" he piped.  
  
Carter nodded.  
  
"I guess you don't like working with us."  
  
"I never said that... out loud," Jeff joked.  
  
Carter smirked a little.  
  
"Well, you won't have to work with all of us."  
  
Jeff's brow furrowed.  
  
"Are you still fried over that girl today?"  
  
"Nah," Carter lied. "Well- yeah. A little. What do you think of her?"  
  
Jeff huffed.  
  
"Look, Carter, I know you don't appreciate being shown up by a student, especially a girl student, but she was right in what she did. You weren't there. I was. If she didn't act when and the way she did, we would be looking at crispy critters crisped beyond recognition."  
  
Carter gaped.  
  
"She's arrogant. You saw her."  
  
"Maybe," Jeff supposed. "But she knows her stuff."  
  
Jeff slung his pack over his shoulder.  
  
"Till next time."  
  
Carter bade him farewell and prepared to leave for the evening.  
  
**  
  
Kerry stepped out of the elevator with an air of triumph. She had done it. She won over her colleagues and got herself a new protégée. Kerry looked up the number Ceila provided and called her.  
  
She could start tomorrow.  
  
**  
  
Ceila stepped proudly into the ambulance bay. The day to begin her orientation had finally arrived. Kerry came out to greet her.  
  
"Oh good. I'm so glad you're here."  
  
Kerry looked at Ceila's apparel. It didn't seem appropriate to wear a short-sleeved shirt and an even shorter skirt with hiking boots.  
  
"We'll have to find scrubs for you."  
  
A look of ingenuous puzzlement appeared on Ceila's face.  
  
"The other nurses said I wouldn't be staying so I wouldn't need scrubs."  
  
Kerry seemed bothered by that.  
  
"I'll look into that for you. In the mean time, I'll give you a quick tour and set you up with the nurse manager and a doctor to observe what we do here."  
  
Randi approached Kerry with some forms. She seemed impressed with Ceila's choice of clothing where as Kerry seemed dismayed.  
  
"Cool skirt."  
  
Ceila grinned.  
  
"Thanks. It's a duway skirt. Cool for hiking in hot weather."  
  
Randi nodded her approval.  
  
"Is there a doctor free, Randi?" Kerry asked.  
  
"Dr. Lewis is with a patient, Dr. Kovac is with Gallant and Drs. Chen and Pratt are with an abdominal pain patient. Dr. Carter isn't in yet. Him, maybe?"  
  
Kerry smiled.  
  
"Alright then. Ceila, Randi will have you fill out some forms and when you're done, we'll get some scrubs and get started."  
  
**  
  
Kerry stopped to get a fresh cup of coffee. Carter had just arrived.  
  
"Oh good, John, I'm so glad you're here. I've got a project for you."  
  
Carter started to groan.  
  
"Please no discompunctions."  
  
Kerry shook her head.  
  
"No, nothing like that. More of a student/teacher nature."  
  
That was a little better.  
  
"Oh, yeah. A medical student?"  
  
"No, a nursing student," Kerry provided. "I just need you to show her around. Let her know what we do here, that sort of thing. I wold have one of the other nurses do it but they're a little tied down now."  
  
Carter nodded and clapped his hands eagerly.  
  
"Alright. Who am I teaching? Someone from U. of C.?"  
  
Kerry sipped her coffee.  
  
"No. I've decided to bring on that Canadian."  
  
"What Canadian?" Carter asked casually.  
  
"The girl who came in with yesterday's trauma," she explained. "Oddly enough in search of a practicum. She impressed me and the board so much that we gave it to her."  
  
Carter couldn't believe it. Not her!  
  
"Kerry, you can't!"  
  
"Can and did," Kerry spouted nonchalantly as she strode away. "She's a great kid, smart, on the ball."  
  
Carter puffed heavily and poked his head out the lounge door.  
  
"Where is she then?"  
  
"Can't miss her," Kerry answered quickly. She waved her hand over her head. "She's got big hair and earrings and that."  
  
Kerry made her way down the hall.  
  
"You'd better find her. I've paired her with you for the first half of the shift."  
  
Carter looked around the hallways. Where was this bright young student nurse?  
  
A crushing blow to Carter's trachea felled him. He fell back after having been clotheslined. A smiling face peered at him.  
  
"I do hope we'll be able to work together, Dr. Carter. Okay?"  
  
Ceila sashayed away.  
  
Carter lay on his back. Randi had since walked over and looked down on the felled doctor with her hands on her hips.  
  
"What?"  
  
**  
  
Carter put on a turtleneck sweater for the rest of the morning. His colleagues thought it odd as it still was summer but there was talk of a brutal and unexpected clotheslining. Pratt was the first to notice.  
  
"That girl hit him," he remarked to Chen.  
  
"What girl?"  
  
"That new one," Pratt supplied. "She's a nurse, I think. And she's got a fiiiiiine butt."  
  
Chen rolled her eyes.  
  
"Don't you ever have a feeling that doesn't originate in your pants?"  
  
Pratt didn't know what to think.  
  
**  
  
Ceila studied the layout of the ER. She knew where the trauma rooms were, where to put finished charts, where the drug lock-up was. She would go through each and every single room and determine where everything was put.  
  
"You done?"  
  
Ceila turned her head to the stalwart nurse's manager, Haleh.  
  
"Not yet," she politely answered. "I still have to remember where all the fire extinguishers are located."  
  
Haleh was still stony-faced.  
  
"Why do you have to remember that, child?"  
  
Ceila was serious.  
  
"Trust me. I do."  
  
Haleh sighed.  
  
"Just don't injure me, child."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Understood."  
  
**  
  
Luka walked Gallant through a patient behind Curtain Three. He turned his head slightly. The student nurse was back.  
  
Gallant also turned his head.  
  
"Is she new here?"  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"Yes. She is a student nurse. You'll like working with her, I think."  
  
Gallant's impressionable jaw was dropping.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
Luka and Gallant regarded Ceila.  
  
"Shouldn't she be wearing nurse's scrubs?" Gallant asked.  
  
Luka did not answer.  
  
"Did you do a full work-up of the sciatic nerve in Curtain Three?"  
  
Gallant's attention was still elsewhere.  
  
"What skirt?"  
  
Gallant quickly caught himself.  
  
"I mean- yes. I did! The patient still has pain so I prescribed a painkiller..."  
  
Haleh tapped Gallant on the shoulder.  
  
"We have an electric shock victim coming in. ETA one minute."  
  
Luka and Gallant ran with Haleh to the bay doors.  
  
**  
  
Kerry supplied Ceila with the requisite nurse's scrubs- baggy light pink drawstring pants and a top.  
  
"We're also going to have to do something with your hair," Kerry noted.  
  
She took a hair band and pulled Ceila's hair right back and tied it up in a tight bun.  
  
"It would also be advisable that you avoid wearing dangly earrings, make-up, nail polish, costumes, items of a symbolic or sentimental nature... Oh! And decent shoes! I can't stress that enough!"  
  
Ceila tried to keep her sanity.  
  
"Dorothea Dix didn't even have so strict rules."  
  
"Yes, she did," Kerry countered.  
  
She looked at her protégée once more.  
  
"There. All ready."  
  
Kerry piled charts and suture kits into Ceila's arms.  
  
"Now, follow me and we'll take you through some traumas. Minor ones, because it's your first day."  
  
"I can take on heavier loads," Ceila insisted.  
  
Kerry had to gently disappoint her.  
  
"We'll start simple for now."  
  
Ceila lagged behind. Another nurse joined her.  
  
"You know, if you do it her way, nobody gets hurt."  
  
Ceila cast her eyes on the stranger.  
  
"Does she hire people to break thumbs?"  
  
The nurse shifted her head left and right, checking to see if the coast was clear.  
  
"Ssshhh! Don't say anything!"  
  
She put forth her hand.  
  
"Abby!"  
  
Ceila could only offer her index finger.  
  
"Ceila."  
  
Abby smiled a warm smile that put Ceila at ease.  
  
"You've got lots of earrings."  
  
"Just two on each ear."  
  
She pointed to the markings on her upper arms.  
  
"And tattoos. What's with the funny face?"  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"That's Malina, the woman who lives in the sun. She's a symbol in Inuit mythology."  
  
Abby didn't understand.  
  
"It's like Eskimo," Ceila exhaled.  
  
Abby nodded.  
  
"I see. Well, I feel better for knowing that."  
  
"Ceila!"  
  
Abby broke away from Ceila.  
  
"You better catch up before Weaver yells at you!"  
  
Ceila looked at Abby once more before she scurried away from the mythical wrath of Kerry.  
  
**  
  
Luka and Gallant started to shock the patient with the defibrillators by the time Lizzie had walked in.  
  
"How long has he been down?"  
  
Gallant looked at the clock.  
  
"Fifteen minutes."  
  
"Push five of epinephrine," Luka ordered.   
  
"If he doesn't pull out, we'll have to do something else," Lizzie grimly suggested.  
  
**  
  
Kerry led Ceila (still balancing kits and charts in her arms) through the curtain area.  
  
"This man needs a banana bag, this man is waiting for sutures. That woman's icon was positive for pregnancy. We'll discharge her in a minute."  
  
Ceila observed the woman.  
  
"She seems iron deficient, possibly anemic. She looks pretty pale. See her eyes? See the ring around her contact lenses? I'm sure we can enroll her into a prenatal clinic if she's willing."  
  
Kerry beamed at her.  
  
"You're quite observant but we prefer to let the doctors do the diagnosing."  
  
Ceila took on a conciliatory air.  
  
"I'm just saying."  
  
Kerry approached Susan who was treating the woman.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski has reason to believe your patient is anemic and thinks it would be wise to enroll her in a prenatal clinic."  
  
Susan tried to bite her tongue.  
  
"Well, Student Nurse Kowalski, we like to perform tests as opposed to just diagnosing things we read in Homeopathic Medicine Today."  
  
Ceila still juggled suture kits and charts.  
  
"Dr. Joseph Bell, upon which Sherlock Holmes was based, could tell what was wrong with a patient just by looking at him. And when you look at your patient, she seems kind of pale. I suppose if we ask her what her diet is like, along with the final blood work-up, we can rest the case."  
  
Susan still furrowed a skeptical brow.  
  
"You can join Dr. Bell if you like."  
  
Kerry shushed Susan.  
  
"Dr. Lewis, check your patient. If Student Nurse Kowalski is wrong, then it will be lesson for her not to diagnose. However, I think she was just offering an observation."  
  
Susan at last bit her tongue.  
  
"Alright, for the sake of science, I will ask my patient what her diet is like."  
  
Susan approached her patient.  
  
"How are you for iron?"  
  
The patient was confused.  
  
"You mean, like, huffing stuff? Because I stopped years ago."  
  
Lily gave her the results of the blood work. Anemia.  
  
Susan shut her eyes. The kid was right about something.  
  
**  
  
Susan slammed her chart down.  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
Carter sipped his drink.  
  
"It's the student nurse, isn't it?"  
  
Susan swivelled her head to him.  
  
"Yes! She diagnosed anemia in my patient just by looking at her! In front of Weaver, too! Those beady little eyes of her's! She was staring at us like: destroy, my little pretty!"  
  
Abby typed something into the computer.  
  
"She's just a busy little beaver. Give her some time. She'll stop giving a rat's ass in the next few weeks. The other nurses and I are trying to break her spirits now. She's been taking urine samples all day."  
  
Susan smiled.  
  
"Good."  
  
**  
  
Luka applied the defibrillators to the patient's chest.  
  
"Nothing," Lizzie noted. "We've got to put him on bypass."  
  
Luka's brow furrowed.  
  
"What is it with you and bypasses?"  
  
Lizzie's eyes burned him as she phoned the SICU.  
  
"It works. I'll deal with Dr. Romano. You know how territorial he is. Gallant, prepare to move this man."  
  
"I'll need an extra set of hands," he said glumly.  
  
Luka whipped off his gloves and started out the trauma room.  
  
"I know where to get them."  
  
"Get them before Romano arrives!" Lizzie called after him.  
  
**  
  
Romano charged out of the elevator.  
  
"I swear to God everyone here has to suffer from some sort of developmental retardation! I get a skewed report about a bypass...."  
  
Romano rammed right into Ceila. She avoided spilling the contents of her tray but dropped her charts.  
  
"Sorry," she muttered and bent over to pick them up.  
  
Romano was annoyed.  
  
"In this hospital, we use our eyes if not our brain cells!"  
  
He had a peek.  
  
"Nice butt, though."  
  
Ceila swivelled to him angrily.  
  
"I'll thank you not to walk right into me and not to look at my bum!"  
  
Romano, stung and mystified at the same time, placed his hands on his hips and held Ceila in his virile gaze.  
  
"I've heard about you. You're the kid with a cussmouth for every chief resident and specialist who blinks the wrong way. You've got quite the wontons to stand your ground, however shaky it may be, and I can almost respect that. And as much as I truly can't stand to even hear the sound of Dr. Raymond's voice, I still can't let a little nurse like you strut around like you own the place. So, just continue..."  
  
Romano noticed Ceila's labs collection.  
  
"Collecting urine samples and let the grown-ups do all the big work. Okay?"  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski!"  
  
She turned to a familiar voice.  
  
"I need you to assist me in with this patient. You have to bag him. Do you understand, nurse?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes, Dr. Kovac.  
  
Romano looked at the lanky Croat.  
  
"Is this the one who's assisting you on the bypass?"  
  
"Yes," Luka lied.  
  
Romano looked at her once.  
  
"Don't mess this up."  
  
As Romano left, Luka surreptitiously winked at her.  
  
And Ceila knew. 


	3. Sunday Morning After

Sunday Morning After  
  
Carter gripped the knotted sock with the mutt-dog hanging on the end of it.  
  
"Yep,?he puffed. "It's a lazy dog-danglin' afternoon."  
  
Abby grimaced at him.  
  
"John, stop torturing the dog."  
  
Carter let go of the sock, consequently letting go of the stray dog.  
  
"I'm not torturing him. He likes it. Doncha, boy?"  
  
Carter pet the dog and it licked its lips. It only wanted love.  
  
Susan retrieved another chart.  
  
"Whose dog is that, anyway?"  
  
Carter looked up from the dog.  
  
"I don't know. It followed Kowalski. She thinks it only wants a cool place to sit."  
  
Susan rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh God! She's collecting pets now?! It seemed like yesterday she was gathering interesting cases for our approval. Is she trying to win the Nobel Prize for Effort or something?"  
  
Abby laughed.  
  
"No, she's trying for teacher's pet."  
  
"Tell, she's doing a good job," Susan rejoined. She's like a puppy dog."  
  
Abby thought about it.   
  
"No, she's more like one of those Siberian huskies with bright blue eyes."  
  
When Abby turned around, she saw that Ceila had heard her. The girl hugged a chart to her body and grimaced at her.  
  
"First of all, earshot. Second of all, I would rather be a husky than a Skye terrier."  
  
With that, she picked up a red ball and Abby chased it.  
  
Abby was furious.  
  
"You knew I would chase that ball!"  
  
But Carter knew that he should never have let them take the quiz, "what kind of dog are you?"  
  
Just then, a trauma rolled in.  
  
The paramedic rattled the bullet.  
  
"MVA, driver with LOC and facial laceration. Cardiac and respiratory functions steady and no other injuries apparent."  
  
"I'm fine," the driver called out. "It's just a bump."  
  
Carter called to Ceila.  
  
"Kowalski, put the chart away. You'e needed here."  
  
Ceila put her chart away and went to attend to the trauma.  
  
Carter, Abby and Ceila wheeled the patient into trauma room one.  
  
"Kowalski, I need chem seven, ABG and CT. Can you handle that?"  
  
Ceila marked the instructions on a new chart.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Abby took the driver's blood pressure.  
  
"40/60."  
  
"A little odd," Carter noted. Sir, do you know where you are?"  
  
"I'm in a hospital," the driver exhaustedly explained. "I was driving down Taylor and the lights were flashing and I guess I lost control of my car."  
  
Ceila's brow furrowed.  
  
"Were you drinking? Any drugs?" Carter asked.  
  
"No," the driver responded. "I took an aspirin two days ago. Does that count?"  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
Ceila whispered to Carter.  
  
"The lights on that street don't flash. Could he be prone to epilepsy?"  
  
Carter thought for a second.  
  
"Maybe. It could even be the glare of the sun."  
  
He now turned to the driver.  
  
"Sir, do you have epilepsy?" Carter asked.  
  
The driver thought for a second.  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Were you out in the sun too long? Are you dehydrated?" Abby asked.  
  
"No. I was driving from my house to the library. I had a lemonade before I left," he explained.  
  
Carter nodded once more.  
  
"Let me see if anything shows up on the CT. I also want to run an EEG." He pressed gently against the man's face. "Sir, we're going to check if you have any other injuries. Is there anyone you would like us to call?"  
  
"My wife should be from dropping the kids off at swim practice," he said.  
  
Carter nodded to Ceila.  
  
"Sir, what's your name?"  
  
The driver seemed perplexed for a moment.  
  
"Ah! My name! Sorry, everything's happening so fast. My name is Carl, Carl Linwood. I do siding. Do you need siding?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No, but if I do, I'll let you know.?  
  
Ceila left the trauma room and made the arrangements.  
  
Abby started to dress the abrasion on Carl's face.  
  
"Mr. Linwood, we're going to run some tests. If everything checks out, you'll be able to barbecue by suppertime," Carter assured him.  
  
Carl huffed.  
  
"I hope so. I really just want to let my wife know where I am."  
  
Abby smiled at him.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski will take care of that for you."  
  
Abby went aside to get some more dressings. Carter joined her.  
  
"Are you free tonight?"  
  
Abby avoided his eyes.  
  
"Um... I can't. Susan's taking me to the...4-H Club. Some tropical BBQ."  
  
Carter rolled his eyes.  
  
"If you're going to lie to me, Abby, at least make it plausible. You'e not even trying any more."  
  
Abby still didn't look at him.  
  
"I'm not lying."  
  
Abby returned to treating Carl.  
  
Carter only looked at her, lost.  
  
**  
  
Ceila spoke with purpose on the phone.  
  
"Yes, Mrs. Linwood. He's conscious. Well, his apparent injuries aren't bad- just a bump and a cut but we're running a few tests to make sure. No, I think your insurance company will cover it. Alright, Mrs. Linwood. Just try get down. Okay.?  
  
Ceila put down the receiver. Luka walked by. Ceila immediately retrieved her chart and ran to him.  
  
"Dr. Kovac!?  
  
Luka swivelled his head to her.  
  
"I have this amazing case!?Ceila proclaimed. "You see, a young woman came in with heat stroke and she told me she keeps cool in a meat locker...?  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Uh, no, Student Nurse Kowalski.?  
  
Ceila became downcast.  
  
"Well, um...?  
  
Luka shook his head again.  
  
"No. Perhaps you should try not to present cases that are...how do you say in English?....Boring.?  
  
Ceila's eyes became glassy.  
  
"Okay.?  
  
Luka did not want to see her cry.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski, there are some intriguing cases in pediatric orthopedics.?  
  
Ceila's eyes brightened.  
  
"There are?! I am so there!?  
  
But Luka stopped her before she could run away.  
  
"You can't go anywhere. Not until your shift is over.?  
  
Ceila could hardly contain her enthusiasm nor could Luka hold her still.  
  
"You give me a weekend and I'll have a case report of the most interesting trauma...?  
  
Luka tried to silence her.  
  
"You know, I want you to speak to me only in Croatian.?  
  
A look of bewilderment touched Ceila's face.  
  
"I can't speak Croatian.?  
  
Luka smiled in an unfamiliar sinister way.  
  
"Really??  
  
Just then Carter exited the trauma room. Ceila excused herself from Luka and went to report to Carter.  
  
"The labs aren't back yet and Neurology is backed up.?  
  
Carter rubbed the back of his neck.  
  
"Okay, let me know the minute his labs pop up.?  
  
Ceila nodded and returned to attend to Carl.  
  
"Mr. Linwood, I phoned your wife. She's driving down.?  
  
Carl nodded.  
  
"I hope she doesn't kill me. The front end of the car is smashed in.?  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"I've done much worse.?  
  
Abby seemed wickedly impressed.  
  
"Don't offer me a ride. Anywhere. Ever.?  
  
"Wear a seatbelt and nobody gets hurt,?Ceila piped.  
  
"I'll wear a helmet and goggles for good measure,?Abby added.  
  
"That would be a good idea,?Ceila nodded.  
  
"I'm gonna restock the dressings,?Abby said as she removed her gloves. "Please keep an eye on our patient patient.?  
  
Abby exited the trauma room and caught up with Susan.  
  
"Hey! Are we still on for tonight??  
  
Susan was hesitant for a moment and then nodded.  
  
"Yes, of course! I just thought you were spending the night with Carter.?  
  
Abby shook her head as she re-supplied herself with gauze.  
  
"No. What gave you that idea??  
  
"I just thought...?Susan started off. "See ya later!?  
  
Abby concurred.  
  
**  
  
Luka finished the last of his charts.  
  
"No distractions and all my work is done!?he exhaled.  
  
Kerry caught his sigh of relief.  
  
"Let me guess- Student Nurse Kowalski.?  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Always with the questions and the case studies.?  
  
Kerry groaned.  
  
"Oh! I know! I once thought it was a thrill to have cases presented to me. You know- student enthusiasm. But she is like some kind of nonstop generator!?  
  
"I found a way around it, though,?Luka pointed out in a self-satisfied way. "I have her speak only in Croatian. She doesn't speak a word apparently.?  
  
Kerry laughed.  
  
"I'd like to enjoy your silence but I have Q and A's to fill out.?  
  
Luka smiled and let Kerry find an even quieter place to work.  
  
**  
  
Ceila monitored Carl's condition.  
  
"How long am I going to be here??  
  
Ceila marked down Carl's vitals.  
  
"Until we know you're okay.?  
  
She replaced the cap on her pen.  
  
"Do you mind if I ask you a few questions??  
  
Carl shrugged.  
  
"Shoot!?  
  
Ceila rested her hands on the side bars of the gurney.  
  
"What did you see when you were driving??  
  
Carl's brow furrowed.  
  
"What do you mean? I saw a lot of things.?  
  
"When you arrived, you said you saw the lights on Taylor blink.?  
  
"Yeah.?  
  
"Those lights don't blink.?  
  
"But they were blinking,?Carl maintained.  
  
"They don't blink,?Ceila insisted.  
  
"Are you saying I made this up??  
  
"No. I'm just suggesting that...?  
  
Ceila stopped. She had Carl shut his eyes.  
  
"Think. Remember the time before your accident.?  
  
Carl thought hard.   
  
"I saw a car ahead of me. I yielded. Kids walking down the street. A hotdog vendor. Streetlights.?  
  
"What about the streetlights??  
  
"They were flashing at me and then...nothing.?  
  
Carl opened his eyes and Ceila opened her's.  
  
"They weren't supposed to flash, Mr. Linwood.?  
  
Carl started to drool.   
  
"Mr. Linwood??  
  
His hands twitched. His jaws clenched and then he throttled back and forth.  
  
Ceila poked her head out of the trauma room door.  
  
"Dr. Carter!?  
  
Carter ran to the trauma room. He saw Ceila trying to hold the now seizing Carl still.  
  
"What happened??  
  
"He started seizing! He needs atavin.?  
  
Carter pulled on some gloves.  
  
"He doesn't need atavin at all!?  
  
Carter filled a syringe and pushed the contents into Carl's IV. Carl stopped shaking.  
  
"Now, I want this man to get an EEG. Don't let Neurology talk back to you. Then, I want to see you.?  
  
Ceila gripped the bars of Carl's gurney and prepared to take him to the Neurology ward.  
  
**  
  
Ceila returned from transporting Carl to Neurology. Carter waited for her with taut jaws and crossed arms.  
  
"I don't know what you're taught in nursing school but here you are a nurse! Moreover, you are a student nurse! You do not make diagnoses or perform procedures which require a medical degree!?  
  
Ceila steadied herself.  
  
"I didn't push anything nor did I do anything outside the bounds of my duties as a student nurse. I asked the patient about his accident and then he seized. I thought he needed atavin.?  
  
Carter wouldn't hear of it.  
  
"You do not push atavin! You're a student nurse! You change IVs and suture cuts!?  
  
The chords in Ceila's neck stood out as she was ready to raise her voice. Just then, Luka came in.  
  
"Neurology tried to page you, Carter. Your patient has status epilepticus.?  
  
Carter shot Ceila a quick burning look.  
  
"Good thing you didn't push the atavin.?  
  
Ceila was solid to herself.  
  
"I knew he was epileptic.?  
  
Luka was confused.  
  
"What's going on??  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski has expressed a desire to push a drug not recommended for status epilepticus.?  
  
Luka's eyes were clear.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski, define status epilepticus.?  
  
Ceila crossed her arms.  
  
"Status epilepticus is a term used to describe any continuing type of seizures. Generalized convulsive status epilepticus is the abnormal electrical activity involving all areas of the cortex. Seizures may last five or thirty minutes. Such conditions usually preclude a history of epilepsy.?  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Do you know if he had epilepsy?  
  
She did not look at him.  
  
"I was waiting for the EEG.?  
  
"I see, and what is the best course of treatment??  
  
Ceila did not answer.  
  
"You don't know, do you??he asked.  
  
She still did not answer.  
  
"Dilantin is the drug most often used,?Luka answered for her. "You cannot push any drug as you are not a physician, nor can you proceed with a course of treatment without undergoing tests.?  
  
Ceila seemed chagrined from Luka's gentle admonishment than from Carter's more stern approach.  
  
"The patient's wife is waiting in chairs,?Luka said. "Take her to see her husband. Tell her Dr. Carter will see her shortly.?  
  
Without looking at him, Ceila nodded to Luka and went to attend to Mrs. Linwood.  
  
Luka now turned his attention to Carter.  
  
"How bad is the damage??  
  
Carter rubbed the back of his neck.  
  
"I stopped her before she could do anything...?  
  
Luka interrupted him.  
  
"Whoa-whoa! Wait a minute! You yelled at her because she wanted to push atavin? I thought she did.?  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"No, I said she wanted to. It's very dangerous...?  
  
Luka cut him off.  
  
"She didn't actually push any drug, did she??  
  
"No,?Carter admitted.  
  
Luka placed his hands on his hips.  
  
"Then why did you scream at her??  
  
"Luka, she's jumping the gun.?  
  
"This is a teaching hospital,?Luka said firmly. "She learns. You teach.?  
  
Carter wouldn't let him get away with it.  
  
"This goes on her record.?  
  
"You put that on her record, I will put on your record your inability to properly monitor student medical staff and failure to follow orders from present attendings,?Luka spat back.  
  
Carter huffed.  
  
"Don't go over my head on this one, Luka.?  
  
Luka was resolute.  
  
"Don't fuck with me on this one, Dr. Carter.?  
  
Luka stormed out of the trauma room leaving Carter with a stern warning.  
  
**  
  
Ceila was where Luka thought she would be- waiting dejectedly in the Neurology ward while Mrs. Linwood talked to Mr. Linwood.  
  
"You aren't going to cry, are you??  
  
Ceila shot him an angry look. Luka learned then to back away.  
  
"I read the case notes,?he said. "You were right about the epileptic seizures.?  
  
Ceila stared straight ahead of her.  
  
"Am I going to get the Nixon treatment??  
  
Luka looked lost.  
  
"I have no idea what that means but it can't be taken off the chart and I've spoken to Dr. Carter. You haven't done anything wrong so he cannot punish you.?  
  
Ceila now looked at him.  
  
"So my career isn't over before it begins??  
  
He locked his jaw.  
  
"It can be.?  
  
Luka leaned on the wall next to her.  
  
"You have to promise me not to be the doctor, at least not until you are one.?  
  
Ceila was puzzled.  
  
"I'm studying to be a nurse. Why do you think I should be a doctor??  
  
Luka shrugged.  
  
"You look like one. And you might like a nice parking space.?  
  
Ceila giggled and blushed at the same time.  
  
Luka smiled broadly.  
  
"You look good when you laugh.?  
  
He wanted to take it back. The thought of it was too much.  
  
Ceila bowed her head so that he couldn't see her blush.  
  
Luka gulped.  
  
"I have to get back to the ER.?  
  
Ceila smiled gently.  
  
"You still have to teach me Croatian.?  
  
He remembered.  
  
"Oh...yes...?  
  
Ceila started to walk with him.  
  
"Tell me some basic words.?  
  
They walked back together.  
  
"Like what??  
  
"Body parts,?Ceila asked.  
  
Luka pointed to each part and enunciated the word.  
  
"The head-glava; the heart-srce; the hand-ruka; the eye-oka.?  
  
"Like in Polish,?Ceila pointed out.  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"No.?  
  
"It does sound the same,?Ceila insisted. "It does! We're all Slavs underneath, Dr. Luka.?  
  
Luka laughed.  
  
"Maybe. I guess. What else??  
  
"Like,?she said softly.  
  
"Voljeti.?  
  
"I, you, he..?  
  
"Ja, ti, on.?  
  
"To be.?  
  
"Biti.?  
  
Luka turned to Ceila.  
  
"We should take this in stages. There are variants and many sounds you must master.?  
  
"I speak some Polish,?she offered.  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"Not the same.?  
  
They entered the elevator.  
  
"I think so,?Ceila said in a small voice.  
  
**  
  
  
  
Abby saw that Ceila was in a better mood after coming down from Neurology. She wondered if Luka had anything to do with that. He always had something encouraging to say.  
  
"Hey!?  
  
Ceila swivelled her head to Abby.  
  
"You alright??  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yeah, fine.?  
  
Abby shrugged a little.  
  
"Don't let John- Dr. Carter- rattle you. He's really a nice guy and he's a good doctor.?  
  
Ceila was not convinced.  
  
"Really? Maybe you should go out with him then. I'm sure there are no rules against that.?  
  
Abby wondered why Ceila didn't see what she thought was the obvious.  
  
"I do.?  
  
She only gave a suspicious smile.  
  
"It doesn't look like it.?  
  
"Well, we don't....?Abby fumbled. "Um...Hey! Susan and I were going out and if you would like to come with us, you can. You won't be able to drink but you can eat the appetizers.?  
  
Ceila frowned.  
  
"I miss my country's drinking age.?  
  
Jerry motioned Ceila over to the telephone.  
  
"Yeah? No! Great! Thanks, Chuan!?  
  
Ceila hung up the telephone and raised her arms as in victory.  
  
"Thai wedding!?  
  
The whole place was alight in jubilation.  
  
"Someone you know is getting married??Susan asked.  
  
"No,?Ceila shook her head. "I live above a swanky-ass Thai restaurant. The only time I get to have a party is when the restaurant is hosting a wedding. It's loud and colourful and it's a great opportunity to kill brain cells, seeing as I'm not using them to study. It would be too loud.?  
  
She turned to Abby.  
  
"Sorry. I won't be able to eat the food you don't want. Maybe some other time.?  
  
She spun around to expectant party-goers.  
  
"Who wants to come??  
  
Jerry raised his hand.  
  
"Me! Where is this place??  
  
"Half a block from Navy Pier.?  
  
Jerry's brow furrowed.  
  
"That isn't The Vanilla Flower, is it? The scene of the Headless Pad Thai Cook??  
  
Ceila grinned.  
  
"And how! My coffee table is right where they found the torso!?  
  
"Cool!?Malik breathed.  
  
"Come!?Ceila invited. "I'm off in half an hour. I have lots to prepare. Be there at eight.?  
  
Ceila fled into the lounge.  
  
Jerry and Malik were excited. Susan remained.  
  
"Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.?  
  
"No way!?Jerry exclaimed. "Canadian beer, loud music, and a chance to rifle through Kowalski's underwear drawer.?  
  
Susan was disgusted.  
  
"That is gross!?  
  
Jerry's voice took on an ominous tone.  
  
"She must have gotten that place for next to nothing. Finding a place in Chicago can be murder.?  
  
Susan rolled her eyes.  
  
**  
  
When Luka took his break, he noticed that Ceila was doing some paperwork. Kerry had her take numerous case notes and Ceila was happy to oblige her. She took pride in noting down every detail.   
  
She lifted her head and politely smiled. Luka noticed a change in hue for her.  
  
He sat next to her and drank coffee as he reviewed his own charts.  
  
Silence. Only the scratching of pens on paper.  
  
Ceila went over her notes. She tore a piece of paper from her notebook and wrote something for Luka. He looked at the note once and paused. He wrote a reply and sent it back to her. She did not look directly at him but he could see the sheen in her pale blue eyes.  
  
She rose from the table, hugging the note to her body.  
  
**  
  
Eight o'clock had rolled around. Luka prepared to leave. The ER was emptying out.  
  
"This place is becoming abandoned,?he related to Susan.  
  
"Yeah, everybody's going to Kowalski's for some wholesome Thai wedding fun. Are you going??  
  
He didn't look directly at her and shook his head.  
  
"No. I am going straight home.?  
  
He waved a quick good bye and walked out the door.  
  
Abby emerged from the lounge and skipped to Susan.  
  
"Are you ready??  
  
Susan looked pained.  
  
"I can't. I promised I'd cover part of the shift for Chen. Some emergency at home or something.?  
  
Abby nodded slightly.  
  
"Well, it would be a shame to waste the reservations. So...?  
  
Susan opened her mouth to speak but before she could say anything Abby was out the door. Chen would arrive in only ten minutes.  
  
**  
  
It was hard not to notice Ceila's flat. The balcony above the Vanilla Flower was alive with party-goers and festooned with bright red and fuschia garlands. The restaurant below exuded an exuberance only a wedding could give off. The entire place was just one big happy party.  
  
Luka climbed the stairs to Ceila's flat and knocked on the door. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay. The noise and the bright lights and the decorated papier-m?he elephants made him feel uncomfortable. He was never much of a party-goer. At least not that he remembered.  
  
Ceila pulled the door open.  
  
"Dr. Luka!?  
  
She looked different from when she was at work. Her long black hair fell to her shoulders in clumsy tousles. She wore a red shirt which sported the tattoos on her well-muscled arms and a navel piercing.  
  
He looked embarrassed as he did smitten.  
  
"I didn't realize you had friends over.?  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh stop being such a Weaver and get in here!?  
  
She dragged him into her flat.  
  
"Do you love this place or what? My dad's a cop. This place was a crime scene so I got it for a song! Can you imagine?!?  
  
Ceila handed Luka a beer as he looked around.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you...?  
  
Ceila shuffled some nacho chips in front him.  
  
"Dude, relax.?  
  
But Luka opened his mouth as he would speak. A garland was placed around his neck.  
  
"Hey! Dr. Kovac!?  
  
Jerry and Malik, each with beers in their hands, waved to him. Luka waved back feebly. He wanted to talk to Ceila but she was engaged in conversation with someone else.  
  
"Dr. Luka, you're not drinking,?Ceila grinned and motioned to his untouched bottle. "You can waste food but you can't waste beer! Drink-drink!?  
  
Luka put the bottle to his lips and eased into oblivion.  
  
**  
  
Luka shot up. He was on a couch he scarcely remembered was Ceila's. His mouth was dry and his head felt as though it was in a vice. There was still evidence of a wild party he scarcely remembered all over the place. Broken garlands, empty beer bottles, quarter empty bowls of snacks, moved retro furniture. The mess almost overshadowed evidence of Ceila's life. Pictures of children with black curly hair, a woman with long black hair, mountains, trees, a huge maple leaf.  
  
"You're awake. Hurry- you'll be late for Mass.?  
  
Luka swivelled his pain-filled head to Ceila. She had her hair tied up and wore a tasteful skirt.  
  
"Mass??  
  
She helped Luka to his feet.  
  
"Come on. I have an extra toothbrush. You can wash up here.?  
  
Luka staggered to the bathroom. He looked like he had been drinking all night when, in fact, he had. He pulled at his jacket.  
  
"I don't know if this is mine.?  
  
Ceila didn't hear him as she put toothpaste on a toothbrush and laid out a washcloth.  
  
"You've got to hurry or we'll be late.?  
  
He started to brush his teeth. He spat into the sink.  
  
"Did anything happen??  
  
Ceila scrubbed his face with the washcloth.  
  
"I don't know. Did you have a tattoo when you came in??  
  
Luka's eyes bugged open. He tried to remove his jacket butCeila grabbed him before he could investigate further.  
  
"We've got to go!?she insisted and pulled him to church.  
  
**  
  
The Cross of Christ beamed at him from the altar.  
  
Luka had tried going back to Mass. Sometimes he succeeded, other times failed and other times simply missed Mass altogether.   
  
But Ceila was insistent. Why it should matter to her if he went or not did not occur to him right away. She stood and sat and knelt intently as she was supposed to. She finished praying and motioned Luka to get up from the pew.  
  
"Polish language Mass will begin in half an hour and I know how you feel about linguistic variants.?  
  
His head was still woozy as he offered an explanation.  
  
"I was referring to...?  
  
Luka stopped. His eyes became glassy as he held her in his gaze.  
  
"I don't think we are supposed to...be here...together....?  
  
Ceila only answered his uncertainty with a concise response.  
  
"We went to church, Dr. Kovac. I don't know anything more proper than that.?  
  
"Ceila!?  
  
A wiry blondish man walked down to her pew and embraced her.  
  
"How are ya, my girl?!?  
  
Ceila grinned.  
  
"Daddy, this Dr. Kovac. I told you about him. He joined me for Mass today.?  
  
Luka felt instantly uncomfortable, as he did at the party. Ceila's father did not perceive the awkwardness. He simply grabbed Luka's hand and shook it firmly.  
  
"Bardzo dobry! It's so good that someone who is almost like us not only teaches but goes to Mass!?  
  
Luka did not understand.  
  
"Almost like us??  
  
He playfully punched Luka's arm.  
  
"Ya know, a Slav!?  
  
Luka finally nodded.  
  
"Ah, yes.?  
  
Ceila's wicked grin softened to a slight smile.  
  
"Will you join us for pancakes??  
  
The hue in Luka's face changed.  
  
"I can't. My friend....?  
  
"Oh,?she sighed. "I'll see later then, Dr. Kovac. You can help me go over intubations with the fibreoptic scope.?  
  
Luka nodded uneasily.  
  
"Yes, it's important you go over that...?  
  
He nodded a curt good-bye and staggered out of the church.  
  
Ceila's father looked on the lanky man.  
  
"Nice enough guy.?  
  
Ceila smiled confidently.  
  
"I think so, too.? 


	4. Where Were You?

Where Were You?  
  
Headaches.  
  
Everyone seemed to have them this morning, for whatever reason. Susan quietly surmised to herself (for the most part correctly!) that these headaches were brought on by an excess of spirits of the potable kind. She kept her conclusions to herself, however, despite wanting to rib Jerry and Malik about their night of wild Thai wedding fun.  
  
Jerry and Malik staggered to work bleary-eyed and feeble.  
  
Abby sided along with Susan in jocular fashion to tease the two suffering men.  
  
"You guys look especially alive today."  
  
Malik and Jerry would have none of it. They glared as much as they could with hangovers.  
  
Abby grinned.  
  
"So...what do Canadians do that is so great?"  
  
Jerry rubbed his temples.  
  
"Drink tons of beer, for one."  
  
He edged closer to Abby.  
  
"You'll never guess who I saw there."  
  
Abby smiled in anticipation.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Dr. Kovac."  
  
She seemed genuinely surprised, or shocked.  
  
Malik listened in on the anecdote, of which he had already been privy.  
  
"I have it on good authority," Jerry continued, "that he went to church with her. Met her dad, too."  
  
Jerry and Malik hummed "The Wedding March".   
  
This annoyed Abby.  
  
"Stop it, you guys!" she snapped and walked away.  
  
Susan joined her.  
  
"I'd take whatever they said with a grain of salt," Susan added. "Luka told me he was going home."  
  
Abby wanted to believe her. She smiled.  
  
"Yeah, Luka hates parties," Abby chuffed off. "There is no ounce of joy in that man!"  
  
Susan didn't know if she should believe Abby or not but never really delved into the quiet man to contradict.  
  
"I don't think he's...you know...standing on guard for thee."  
  
Abby laughed.  
  
"So, where were you last night?" Susan finally asked.  
  
Abby became as pale as when Jerry told her he saw Luka.  
  
"I went to the club. We already had reservations and I thought it was a shame to waste them, so...."  
  
Susan frowned a little.  
  
"Don't you think that maybe wasn't a good idea?"  
  
Abby now turned to Susan.  
  
"I don't remember you being my mom, Susan!"  
  
With that, Abby walked away.  
  
**  
  
Luka staggered into work in very much the same manner Jerry and Malik did. He disappeared into the lounge to place his coat in his locker.   
  
Kerry noticed Luka's fatigue.  
  
"Did Luka pull another shift for someone?"  
  
Susan approached the desk and stood beside her.  
  
"No. Jerry and Malik said they saw him at Kowalski's party. I guess he must be hammered. That's weird because he said he wasn't going and he doesn't seem like the party kind of guy."  
  
Kerry shook her head.  
  
"Luka would know better than to fraternize with students, and certainly wouldn't "party" himself out."  
  
Kerry shrugged.  
  
"Perhaps- just perhaps- he met up with some old friends."  
  
Susan shook her head.  
  
"Not according to Malik and Jerry."  
  
Luka emerged from the lounge and proceeded to see a patient with chest pain. He was more than weary and rubbed his shoulder compulsively.  
  
"Here's what I think happened..." Kerry suggested and invited others into her vision.   
  
Luka held his cigarette, smouldering like himself, limply in his hand. His hazel eyes gazed steely before him.  
  
A partygoer leaned forward in order to engage him frankly.  
  
"Let me be blunt, Dr. Kovac, is there a medical care crisis in America today?"  
  
Ceila, with her hair done up in an attractive French roll and wearing a nicely tailored wintergreen ensemble, sat on the arm of Luka's chair and listened intently. A man with slicked back hair and rolled trousers was eating a peach and wanted to know what he was thinking, always what he was thinking...  
  
"I don't think T.S. Eliot was there, Kerry," Susan negated.  
  
Kerry shrugged.  
  
"He's there in most of my fantasies. I don't know why."  
  
Jerry joined in on the conversation.  
  
"Here's what I can piece together..." Jerry added.  
  
Luka had affected the sway of a man who had too much to drink and was now convinced that he was in the right place at the right time. He was feeling pretty good.  
  
A tall bearded man approached the lanky Croat and slapped him jovially on the shoulder.  
  
"Hey, man! You could use a tattoo!"  
  
Luka smiled freely.  
  
"Yeah, okay..."  
  
No one could believe it.  
  
Susan swivelled to Kerry.  
  
"We might have to undress Dr. Kovac to prove it."  
  
"I want a peek!" Kerry asked.  
  
She wanted a peek!   
  
Susan was a bit surprised to hear that but not too surprised. It wasn't as though she wanted to see Frank unclothed or anything.  
  
"We need subterfuge, Kerry," Susan suggested.  
  
"That's my middle name!" Kerry piped up.  
  
And together they went to discover the "awful truth"' about Luka.  
  
**  
  
Abby saw that Luka was hunched over alone in an empty treatment room. He rubbed his temples and worked on a chart.  
  
"Are you busy?"  
  
Luka turned to her.  
  
"No. What is it?"  
  
"The chest pain's enzymes came in. No heart attack- yet."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Luka returned to his chart and noted the patient's labs.  
  
"Are you alright?" Abby asked.  
  
Luka turned to her again.  
  
"I'm fine. My head is a little sore. Work, you know."  
  
Abby crossed her arms, disbelieving of his answer.  
  
"You mean Kowalski?"  
  
Luka sat up straight.  
  
"What are you saying? That I spend too much time with her?"  
  
Abby nodded.  
  
"Yeah. I've seen you with her. She's your new pet project," she spat.  
  
Luka stood up.  
  
"Stop it! She is not a pet. She is not a project! She is a student here to learn, and I want to help her. She has the courage to learn!" He waved his arm tiredly. "And what do you care? You're happy, aren't you?"  
  
Abby watched as he walked away, stung by his assumption.  
  
She followed him.  
  
"Luka, you're letting yourself go again!"  
  
"It's none of your business, Abby!" he said back.  
  
She grabbed his arm.  
  
"Where were you?"  
  
Luka stopped and looked at her simply.  
  
"I wound up at church."  
  
He walked away to work on his chart somewhere else.  
  
**  
  
Abby still felt stung by Luka's simple but lashed-out truth. Whatever he edged closer to, he moved from her. Her isolation began to feel complete.  
  
Carter started his shift.  
  
"Hey, Abby! I tried to call you last night! Your cell phone was turned off."  
  
Abby faked a smile.  
  
"Yeah, I was...tired. Work, you know."  
  
Carter nodded warily.  
  
"Not...drinking?"  
  
"No!" Abby declared. She smiled warmly on him. "I'll make dinner tonight."  
  
Carter smiled.  
  
"Great! Maybe Italian."  
  
Abby smiled again.  
  
"I'll surprise you."  
  
**  
  
Kerry and Susan knocked on the equipment room door where Luka had found quiet refuge from the rush and noise.  
  
"Um, Dr. Kovac," Kerry nervously started, "we need to... check if you're vaccinated."  
  
"Hospital policy," Susan added, to which Kerry quickly agreed.  
  
Luka's head flopped heavily on the gurney and he fell asleep.  
  
Susan poked his arm. He did not move.  
  
"I'll take his pants, you take his shirt," Kerry suggested.  
  
"Agreed!" Susan conceded quickly.  
  
Slowly and with muscle, they pushed Luka onto the gurney and removed his pants.  
  
"No tattoo here."  
  
Susan pulled his shirt down past his shoulder bone. She observed a dark bluish mark.  
  
"What is that?"  
  
Kerry moved in for a closer look.  
  
"It's a...wolf's head."  
  
They folded his clothes and looked on his half-naked form.  
  
"He's in pretty good shape," Susan noted, her eyes glazing over him.  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"I'm going to take his pants for safe keeping."  
  
Susan was again surprised. She thought she had nibs on his pants.  
  
"Kerry, can we negotiate?"  
  
**  
  
Ceila rubbed her eyes. She slept too long. It was already three in the afternoon. She decided that she needed the rest. The Saturday had been too long. Now she was ready to resume the business that, as of late, had become her life. Ceila reached for her address book and punched in a new cell phone number.  
  
**  
  
Kerry heard Luka's cell phone go off but decided not to answer it. It was, perhaps, a private call and, though she may have checked out his half-naked form, she would be reluctant to intrude further into his privacy. She left the cell phone in his pocket and placed Luka's pants on a shelf.  
  
**  
  
Ceila hung up. Luka wasn't there. Maybe he had been called to a trauma. She sighed. He had left abruptly earlier that morning. She wanted to talk to him. Maybe clarify things. She felt that there was too much to be said but wasn't.   
  
She lifted the blankets from herself and padded out of bed. There was still the housekeeping to be done.  
  
  
  
**  
  
Luka's eyes opened. He was staring at the ceiling of an empty treatment room. He was too familiar with it (as were many who had spent a long night in the ER). He sat up steadily. He was half-dressed and his pants were missing.  
  
"Dammit!" he cussed. "Why does this keep happening to me?"  
  
He scurried around the room for a pair of scrubs and having found a pair, he placed them on. He then went in earnest to discreetly look for the rest of his clothes.  
  
He avoided the hospital staff, even going so far as to look away in a vain attempt to shield his face. It looked odd.  
  
Malik and Conni passed Luka as he tried to remain inconspicuous.  
  
"Somebody must have taken his pants again," Malik whispered to Conni.  
  
She nodded in agreement.  
  
**  
  
The early evening sky was hued sporadically with the orange of the fading sun. Luka walked out of the hospital, still unable to locate his pants. Another thing bothered him. Actually, several things bothered him (his clothes being the least of his worries). People looked at him over their shoulders. They had many an occasion to do that. He was, after all, the "foreign guy", and his pants were taken from him again. But he could hear amid the regular din of the ER the churning of rumours. Why was he with her? Is she his new girlfriend? Co-workers could be so cruel.  
  
"Dr. Kovac!"  
  
Luka lifted his head. She was there, her hair not done up and was wearing baggy trousers and a t-shirt that hung off of her.  
  
Ceila walked up to meet Luka. He nervously turned his head to see if anyone was watching.  
  
Ceila had her hands in her pockets.  
  
"You left right after Mass."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"I couldn't stay. I had to work."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"I just wanted to thank you for coming last night."  
  
Luka nodded haltingly.  
  
She did not look directly at him.  
  
"And for being understanding."  
  
He knew she was referring to Carter's severe treatment of her.  
  
"You didn't do anything wrong. You were too eager."  
  
She smiled slightly. He did, too. She now looked at him.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Would you like some tea?" she offered.  
  
Luka blanched and shook his head.  
  
"No, I can't. I...."  
  
Ceila looked conciliatory.  
  
"Oh, I didn't realize you were busy. I'm sorry."  
  
Luka shook his head again.  
  
"No, it's not that. It's just that we should not talk outside of work."  
  
Ceila tilted her head.  
  
"What?"  
  
She giggled a little.  
  
"Dr. Kovac!"  
  
Luka took on a serious expression. Ceila only kept smiling and giggling.  
  
"I never thought you were one to worry about what others thought."  
  
"I don't," Luka said coldly.  
  
Ceila beamed gently.  
  
"Then why aspire to their good opinion?"  
  
Luka was still cold and sullen.  
  
"What makes you think I do?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know," Ceila shrugged. "Maybe how you keep looking around, your defensive stance, how your ears turn red when you aren't being truthful."  
  
She stepped to the left of Luka, regarding him.  
  
"Yep."  
  
Luka scowled.  
  
"I don't like being sized down."  
  
"Sized up," she said.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Sized up is the expression," Ceila corrected him. "And I'm not sizing you up. I only notice things. That's all."  
  
Ceila became serious.  
  
"What are you worried about?"  
  
Luka stopped being sullen.  
  
"Nothing," he lied.  
  
Ceila shook her head.   
  
"That's not true."  
  
She looked right into Luka's eyes.  
  
"You're worried about what others might think. Don't. People will think what they want with or without the facts. And we have nothing to do with them."  
  
Luka was as assured by her words as he was worried by them.  
  
"We?"  
  
Ceila stopped looking into Luka's eyes.  
  
"I'm simply saying..."  
  
Luka nodded, a little wary of her supposed meaning.  
  
"Yes."  
  
He placed his hands in his pockets.  
  
"I should be going," he excused himself. "Busy day tomorrow."  
  
Ceila looked at him again.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Luka started to walk away.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Luka stopped in his tracks once more.  
  
Ceila faced him.  
  
"I was wondering...." She looked uneasy.  
  
"Yes?" Luka asked.  
  
"I have this friend. He was looking for a new place to, you know, work, and I thought..."  
  
Luka shook his head and smiled a politely.  
  
"I'm sorry, I can't help like that. I don't...."  
  
Ceila looked as though she understood.  
  
"Oh no! I... You know, I thought, maybe you might know somebody or something and..."  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"Yes. I do know somebody."  
  
Ceila felt relieved and smiled back.  
  
"This time I really must go," Luka said finally, and, without looking back, wished Ceila a good night.  
  
Ceila waved back at him. She breathed easy and started off to the El train.  
  
**  
  
Abby sipped cranberry juice and peered out the window.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
She turned to Carter, who had since finished a piece of tiramisu cake.  
  
"This was really nice," he said and pushed the plate away.  
  
Abby did not smile or even look at Carter. She sat down opposite him.  
  
"It's nothing. I bought it at the market," she muttered and sipped the juice.  
  
Carter shrugged.  
  
"It was still nice."  
  
He leaned forward.  
  
"What's bothering you?"  
  
Abby put her juice down and looked at him wide-eyed.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Carter disbelieved her.  
  
"Work?"  
  
Abby smiled quickly.  
  
"Let's talk about something else."  
  
* 


	5. Gossip

Gossip  
  
"Dr. Luka."  
  
He almost shuddered to hear the little voice.  
  
He turned on one heel slowly. She was there- her head bowed, her black hair pulled back severely, her arms crossed over chest covering something.  
  
Luka wasn't expecting her to be here.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski."   
  
She didn't look up.  
  
"I know I'm not supposed to talk to you," she said softly.  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"I meant that we aren't..."  
  
She didn't let him finish.  
  
"I don't think this is against the rules, though. I have something for you," she said. " I should give it to you now."  
  
She removed her arms from her chest.  
  
"I'm not working here so much now that I'm in class," she explained as she held up the gift wrapped in tissue paper. "Besides, they're bouncing me from oncology to obstetrics and all over the place so I won't get to benefit from your experience as much."  
  
She pushed the gift closer.  
  
"Here. For you."  
  
Luka accepted the gift.  
  
"Me?"  
  
She coyly looked at him.  
  
"Yes, Dr. Luka. For your birthday."  
  
Luka smiled. Someone remembered.  
  
"Of course. I didn't think anyone would know."  
  
Ceila smiled coyly without looking at him.  
  
"I did."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Luka unwrapped the gift. It was a book of poetry.  
  
"Ondaatje," Ceila pointed out. "You know, the guy who wrote The English Patient. You might like some of his stuff."  
  
With that, Ceila took her leave.  
  
"Thank you," Luka called after her. He then disappeared into the lounge with his new gift.  
  
**  
  
If I were a cinnamon peeler   
  
I would ride your bed...  
  
"Luka!"  
  
Luka closed the book quickly, as if trying to conceal evidence of something.  
  
Abby had walked into the lounge. She swung her arms forward in a gesture of childlike play.  
  
"What's that?" she asked. "A present from someone?"  
  
Luka was taken aback. She had seen the book.  
  
"Oh! I..." he stuttered.  
  
She grinned.  
  
"I see I'm not the only one to remember your birthday."  
  
Luka nodded quickly and gave a little nervous laugh.  
  
"Yes, well..."  
  
Abby smiled politely.  
  
"I thought you might like lunch- on me- for your birthday. We can only run to Doc Magoo's but it's better than nothing."  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"I would like that. Thank you."  
  
Luka stopped smiling.  
  
"But I cannot. It would not be appropriate."  
  
Abby looked puzzled.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I think you know," he said simply and started to walk out of the lounge.  
  
He stopped before he walked out the door.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Abby swung her hands before her once.   
  
"Dammit!" she cussed.  
  
**  
  
Ceila was in a half-empty suture room, behind a curtain, quietly doing little chores. She started folding sheets. Two other nurses gathered on the other side of the curtain, also folding sheets and replacing tubing, gauze and other items. They were talking to each other.  
  
"Where's Dr. Love?" asked one nurse. "I haven't seen him today."  
  
"Kovac? Oh, he's here," replied the other nurse. "He's on lunch break. Disappeared with some book."  
  
Ceila smiled. It appeared he liked the book.  
  
"Abby wanted to take him out to lunch. He didn't go, though."  
  
Ceila listened carefully.  
  
"What? She charges too much?"  
  
Laughter.  
  
"I dunno. I guess. She wanted to take him without Carter knowing!"  
  
"Ooooh! Don't let him find out or he'll be over the Croatian Sensation like glue again!"  
  
Giggling.  
  
"He's been a little mellow since his crash-and-burn."  
  
"Over Abby? I thought he was through with her? They had a major blow-out."  
  
"I think I know why."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Shrugging.  
  
"Just how he is."  
  
"You might not like him but I don't think he's so bad. He's sweet with the kids. I heard he beat up that guy who broke Abby's nose."  
  
"I heard that, too! Geez! What a savage!"  
  
"I guess that what they do in other countries. Anyway, he's always tried to be Mr. Knight-In-Shining-Armour with her. You know, he sent out an application for med school and she was all "my moods, you jerk" and he just rolled those pretty eyes of his like he didn't understand. I guess he was trying to do her a favour. I mean- after the hissyfit I heard she threw with her ex, you'd think she'd welcome the favour."  
  
"I guess not. You know- I really think Abby hates her job. She's always talking to Carter about it."  
  
"She's always talking to Carter! Like, excuse me, there is work to be done!"  
  
"Yeah, right."  
  
The nurses finished their chores and left the room.   
  
Ceila had since stopped folding. Her eyes bore a blank expression. She wondered how much of that was true and how much was just rumour?  
  
**  
  
Ceila wandered aimlessly out of the suture room. Malik rushed by her.  
  
"Hey, Kowalski! There's a carpenter injured. Nasty thoracic lac."  
  
She perked up a little, with the thoughts of the nurses' conversation still in her head..  
  
"You couldn't drag me away."  
  
Ceila charged into the trauma room with Malik and gowned up. Luka was working with Lizzie on the carpenter. He was bleeding from the chest and had since been intubated.  
  
"He'll bleed out if we don't clamp!" Lizzie warned.  
  
Luka concurred. He turned to Ceila, who was now ready to assist on the trauma.  
  
"Ceila, we need a blood type and crossmatch for four, complete blood count, electrolytes, BUN, creatinine, glucose, PT, ABG, urine dip for blood, serum and urine toxicology screen. Can you handle that?"  
  
Ceila wrote down the orders and began to work.  
  
"Done!"  
  
"Where's that chest x-ray?" Lizzie asked.  
  
Malik handed her the x-ray.  
  
Lizzie peered at it.  
  
"That looks like..."  
  
Ceila also peered it at with a macabre sense of awe.  
  
"Part of an awl. Yummy."  
  
Lizzie raised a curious brow.  
  
"Not so yummy for him if he bleeds out," Lizzie noted. "He needs surgery."  
  
Luka worked on the unfortunate man.  
  
"He is not going anywhere until we stabilize him."  
  
With that, Ceila read his blood pressure.  
  
"20/40."  
  
"Not good," Lizzie noted.  
  
"See if the labs are back," Luka asked Ceila.  
  
Ceila went to retrieve the labs. She gave them to Luka.  
  
"His arterial pH is 7.1," Luka said.  
  
"We've got to crack him open," Lizzie scowled. "He's bleeding everywhere in his chest cavity."  
  
Malik lifted up foley to show how much blood was in the carpenter's urine.  
  
Luka prepared to start a peritoneal lavage.  
  
"There's no time!" Lizzie snapped.  
  
"You want to crack him open!" Luka returned. "There's blood everywhere. We have to control the bleeding. I told you- he is not going anywhere until we can stabilize him."  
  
Lizzie bit her tongue and helped Luka.  
  
"His heart rate is dropping!" Ceila noted. "It's gone!"  
  
Luka cussed under his breath.  
  
"He needs a cardiac massage!" Luka said. "Get me the sternal saw!"  
  
Malik handed him the saw. Lizzie made an incision along the sternum and Luka applied the saw to the man's chest. Once inside the man's chest cavity, Lizzie applied the defibrillating paddles.  
  
"Clear!"  
  
Everyone backed away. No sinus rhythm was seen on the monitor.  
  
"Again!" Luka ordered.  
  
Lizzie applied the paddles again. A familiar beeping sound indicated that the man' heart rate had returned.  
  
Lizzie exhaled finally.  
  
"Now, he's a surgical case!"  
  
Malik helped her move the man out of the trauma room.  
  
Ceila could help but laugh a little.  
  
Luka spun around to her.  
  
"There is nothing funny about a man's life."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No! It's not that! It's just... I mean, that was really cool."  
  
Luka cooled a little and snapped off his gloves.  
  
"Cool is when he recovers from surgery and can go home."  
  
Ceila started to clean up the trauma room.  
  
"I think cool is when you have the confidence to bring a man back from the brink like that and can actually do it," she opined.  
  
Luka disposed of empty drug vials.  
  
"It's not always like that," he said sadly.  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yeah. I know."  
  
Ceila heaped used pads into the wastebin.  
  
Luka swallowed once, the soft sound of it filling a silent void. "It's good that you are benefiting from other doctors' experience," he said.  
  
Ceila looked straight at him.  
  
"I wonder when you will benefit from our experience again?" he asked.  
  
He smiled beautifully, to match Ceila's own beaming smile.  
  
"I still think what you did was cool," she quipped.  
  
Luka took off his gown and smiled wickedly.  
  
"Maybe it was."  
  
He left the trauma room.  
  
Ceila's smile broke into a quick laugh. A nurse, one from the suture room, came into the trauma room to help Ceila with the clean-up.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Nothing. Just saved someone from a crash-and-burn. That's all."  
  
*  
  
Author's note: The first two lines of "The Cinnamon Peeler" by Michael Ondaatje have been used here. 


	6. The Prodigal

The Prodigal  
  
Another day, another ride-along.  
  
Gangbangers, the hypothermic homeless, the drunk and confused. It had been one long week for Luka. He wanted this stint to end.  
  
It was eight o'clock. The bright lights of Chicago's art district blinded one as did the ambulance's overhead lights. A reported drug overdose. Another one.  
  
The door was already open. The dry-brushed sienna paint on the walls, the posters of exclusive Post-Impressionists, Ghanian statuettes, Ikea furniture screamed bourgeoisie before the excess did. As Luka walked in, he saw a skinny blonde splayed on the bathroom floor, with her legs kicked up over the toilet and her eyes wide open. He was no fool. This had been some party (as they say). He would be careful not to touch anything.  
  
The patient lay on the floor next to the coffee table. Lines of pure heroin lay mostly untouched on its glass surface. The patient was a young man, son of a financier Luka was told, who was gradually turning gray and had specks of vomit dribbling from his mouth.   
  
"What do we have?"  
  
The police officer on the scene related what he had found.  
  
"White male, late twenties, heroin overdose."  
  
"How much did he take?" Luka asked as he checked the man's airway and heartbeat.  
  
"Search me," the officer shrugged. "Probably five milligrams of the pure stuff."  
  
The officer huffed.  
  
"Gets an allowance of 20 K and he blows it all on smack! Go figure!"  
  
Luka ignored the officer's commentary and worked on his patient.  
  
"What's his name? You might want to inform his family of his condition."  
  
"Stephen Crowe," the accompanying paramedic replied. "Rich and stupid."  
  
"We should talk about class structure later," Luka said. "We will have to intubate here and give him a naloxone push when we get to County."  
  
"No TPA, Dr. Kovac?" the paramedic asked.  
  
"No," Luka shook his head as he suctioned out matter from his patient's mouth and prepared to intubate. "Too risky."  
  
Luka finished the intubation and helped lift his patient onto a backboard.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
**  
  
Ceila crossed her arms and looked at Luka's patient. Stephen Crowe, whom his friends called a "warm, caring human being" lay swathed under blankets and tubes in the ICU. His female companion was not so lucky. His friends never factored that in.  
  
"What would make a well-off individual blow away his life on smack?" she asked.  
  
Lydia crossed her arms and regarded the comatose patient.  
  
"Too much time on his hands."  
  
Ceila raised an unsympathetic brow.  
  
"Boo-hoo."  
  
Lydia looked surprised by the girl's cynicism.  
  
"You're cold. I mean- granted he did something really stupid but it doesn't look like he's gonna survive the night. The EKG came back abnormal."  
  
"He had everything in the world and he fried his brain on drugs!" Ceila huffed. "There are kids up north who huff gas who would love to have but a fraction of what he does."  
  
Lydia looked at Ceila.  
  
"Why don't you get them to stop huffing?"  
  
Ceila returned the woman's bleak suggestion with even more cynicism.  
  
"Why don't you get their parents to stop drinking?"  
  
Luka came to check up on Stephen.  
  
"How is he?"  
  
"Not so good," Lydia informed him. "The EKG came back abnormal, pulmonary edema is setting in, his blood pressure has lowered significantly- 20/80- and he is still intubated."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Conni tapped Luka on the shoulder.  
  
"Mr. Crowe is here."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Thank you, Conni."  
  
A tallish man in a camel hair overcoat and burgundy scarf extended his hand to Luka.  
  
"I'm Alfred Crowe, Stephen's father."  
  
"Dr. Kovac," Luka introduced himself.  
  
"How is my son?" he asked.  
  
Luka swallowed.  
  
"Mr. Crowe, your son ingested six milligrams of pure heroin which caused him to go into cardiac arrest and caused considerable brain damage. We were able to stop the arrest but his heart is weakened as a result. There are other problems, as well. His blood pressure is low. He is developing pulmonary edema- accumulation of fluid in his lungs- and needs dialysis. Our biggest concern is the damage to his brain. The EKG shows signs of limited brain function. He may recover or he may be brain-dead in the next twenty-four hours. We have yet to see."  
  
Mr. Crowe bit on his lip.  
  
"He has machines breathing for him?"  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Right now, he does, yes. That may change, however."  
  
Mr. Crowe gave him a desperate look.  
  
"For better or worse?"  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
Mr. Crowe looked down.  
  
"He'll be a vegetable."  
  
"Right now, sir, things do not look so good," Luka admitted. "His condition may change. A neurologist will see him in the morning."  
  
Mr. Crowe shot angry look at Luka.  
  
"To tell me what I already know?! That he'll be a vegetable?! No!"  
  
Mr. Crowe shook his head angrily.  
  
"No! Take him off the machines!"  
  
Luka went pale.  
  
"Sir, please reconsider! I understand you are upset!"  
  
"Damn right I am!" Mr. Crowe snarled. "My only son and heir will be a babbling gork for the rest of his life!"  
  
"He may recover. We need time..." Luka tried to say.   
  
"And he might not!" Mr. Crowe snapped back.  
  
Luka steeled his jaw.  
  
"Sir, I cannot comply with your request. We need time!"  
  
Mr. Crowe locked his jaw.  
  
"Cannot or will not? I want to see who is in charge! Now!"  
  
Luka's jaw set. He remained silent.  
  
**  
  
Kerry and Dr. Merchant, the neurologist, met with Mr. Crowe privately. Luka could only watch them from behind the window.  
  
"Is this about the patient who ingested all that smack?"  
  
Luka turned around. Ceila was behind him offering a cup of hot green tea. He took it and sipped it.  
  
"I don't like green tea," he said in disgust.  
  
Ceila took the cup from him.  
  
"I can make you some orange pekoe, if you like."  
  
Luka only smiled at the elfin student nurse.  
  
"No thank you."  
  
Luka returned his gaze to the debate behind closed doors.  
  
"They wouldn't even listen to me," Luka said under his breath.  
  
"I don't think you did the wrong thing, Dr. Luka," Ceila piped up. "If you don't mind my saying so."  
  
Luka looked at Ceila briefly, then turned away.  
  
"Ceila, there are things you still need to know."  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"Well, I know that no bodily functions can occur without the brain; that a patient in persistent vegetative state is in a state of deep circadian sleep and that even gastric tubes, catheters and oxygen masks are somehow stimulating to the comatose individual despite no cognitive or adaptive response."  
  
Luka locked his eyes on her.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ceila was proud of herself.  
  
"I'm not so out of the loop."  
  
Luka smiled broadly at her.  
  
"No."  
  
He became instantly chagrined with the current situation.  
  
"That still doesn't help us now. My patient could wake up or not."  
  
"You're doing a lot for him, Dr. Luka," Ceila added supportively. " And you're probably thinking why should you but you know deep down that you should."  
  
Luka shot her an angry look.  
  
"How do you know what I think?"  
  
Ceila would not be moved his crossness.  
  
"Maybe he doesn't deserve extra treatment but he is your patient and I know you want to do what is best for him. So, what I propose is that I help you. I can change IVs. You can supervise me. And when time comes for my class to discuss coma in neurology, I'll be ahead of the curve."  
  
Luka looked at quizzically.   
  
"What are you saying?"  
  
Ceila's eyes were very bright.  
  
"That we keep Stephen Crowe isolated for the next twenty-four hours and monitor him. If his condition changes, we can convince Mr. Crowe to keep him alive. If he is brain-dead, we don't have to."  
  
Luka was aghast but Ceila was persistent.  
  
"I am only proposing what you are thinking, Dr. Luka."  
  
So true.  
  
"Get a bed ready," he ordered.  
  
Ceila smiled and went to perform her assigned task.  
  
**  
  
Ceila had already reserved an empty room in the ICU. She told them it was for some bigwig. Luka was surprised they believed her. He, for his part, signed Stephen out and transported him to the room Ceila saved for them. She had done inventory, as well. They had enough saline, glucose, dipravin, epinephrine, O², furosemide, intubation trays, even granola bars and juice for them to survive on for the next twenty-four hours. Stephen still did not flutter and his vitals remained the same as before. Luka hoped they would change- anything if for no other reason than to give credence to his belief and his defiance.  
  
Ceila had her headphones on. Luka tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Did you bring his chart?"  
  
"Of course," Ceila said. "I'll change his IV in three hours."  
  
Luka nodded, peering cautiously through the blinds.  
  
"Good."  
  
**  
  
Kerry looked at her feet.  
  
"Are you sure, Mr. Crowe?"  
  
Mr. Crowe gulped.  
  
"I don't want my son to be a vegetable."  
  
"You do understand his condition could change overnight?" Dr. Merchant asked. "He might even recover."  
  
Mr. Crowe bit his lip and his eyes watered.  
  
"I don't want to think what might happen if it doesn't."  
  
Kerry and Dr. Merchant nodded.  
  
"There will be forms to sign," Kerry said softly.  
  
Mr. Crowe nodded.  
  
"Can I see him- before you....?"  
  
The doctors nodded and accompanied him to the ICU.  
  
Kerry peered through the ICU window at an empty space. She approached the nurse on duty.  
  
"Where is the patient supposed to be in that bed?"  
  
The nurse looked at her chart.  
  
"He was transported to another room."  
  
Kerry couldn't believe it.  
  
Mr. Crowe looked baffled.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
Kerry put on her best diplomatic face.  
  
"He's been temporarily moved," she lied. "I'll arrange that he returns here."  
  
Mr. Crowe was still confused.  
  
"What do you mean temporarily moved?" A look of recognition touched his face. "Does this have anything to do with that foreign doctor? Because if it does..."  
  
Kerry put her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"It's only a slight inconvenience, Mr. Crowe. Please, let us handle this. Perhaps it would be best if you waited in the lounge."  
  
Mr. Crowe bowed his head and let Dr. Merchant lead him out of the ICU.  
  
Kerry pursed her lips and went to hunt for the errant Dr. Kovac.  
  
**  
  
Kerry charged up to the ICU nurse.  
  
"Where is Dr. Kovac?"  
  
The ICU nurse shook her head.  
  
"I don't know but he did sign out the patient."  
  
Kerry sucked on the insides of her cheeks.  
  
"Alright. Thank you," she tried not to rasp.  
  
Kerry thought for a second.  
  
"Did Dr. Kovac say where he was transporting the patient?"  
  
The ICU nurse shook her head.  
  
"No. He didn't even write it down. I think one of the nurses that helped him is still working. I can get her."  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"Good. Do that."  
  
The ICU nurse nodded and went to find the nurse.  
  
Kerry wiped her mouth and leaned against the wall. She hated when anyone went over her head. What was he thinking? Kerry wondered to herself.  
  
The ICU nurse returned.  
  
"He transported the patient to the east wing. Room 302."  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Kerry marched her way to Room 302. She could see vague movements behind the slats of the blinds. She banged on the door. The blinds flew open and Kerry could see the sweet face of the student nurse.  
  
"Ceila?! What are you doing here? Where is Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Ceila looked a little guilty.  
  
"I know why you're here, Dr. Weaver," Ceila tried to explain, "but we're trying to do the right thing. Dr. Kovac is trying to keep Stephen Crowe alive."  
  
Kerry shook her head.  
  
"I don't know why Dr. Kovac brought you into this...."  
  
"Dr. Kovac did not bring me into this," Ceila denied. "I wanted to help him."  
  
Kerry's jaw locked.  
  
"Ceila, this isn't your fight."  
  
Ceila wouldn't listen.  
  
" You wouldn't even listen to him," Ceila started. "But Stephen Crowe might have a chance. If you would only talk to his father...."  
  
"It's not what he wishes," Kerry interrupted.   
  
"Explain to him that...." Ceila tried to answer.  
  
Kerry had enough.  
  
"Unlock this door, Ceila."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
Kerry became more adamant.  
  
"Unlock the door or I will get the key."  
  
Ceila dangled the key before Kerry's eyes.  
  
"You mean this key?"  
  
Kerry blanched.  
  
"Ceila, listen to me. Don't make a mistake. Just open the door and I will forget the whole thing. I have no doubt you only want to help Dr. Kovac but the truth is..."  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"Of course I want to help Dr. Kovac. I want to help him with his patient."  
  
Kerry was becoming quite angry.  
  
"Stephen Crowe is not his patient any more."  
  
Ceila's face radiated a sweet innocence, an innocence that belied her defiance in the face of a woman who had helped her from the beginning.  
  
"He was his patient before you made a political move about him."  
  
Kerry could have slapped Ceila's face.  
  
"His father wants this."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"I don't think a father really wants to kill his son."  
  
Kerry pulled on the door now, a gesture of futility.  
  
"You're not doing what is best for the patient. You're not letting him go."  
  
"There's still life in him," Ceila returned.  
  
Kerry was exasperated.  
  
"Even if there was life in him, what kind of life would it be?"  
  
Ceila huffed a little.  
  
"People waste the precious gift of life everyday. We don't feel a need to take it until it's right in front of us. It's all a power construct."  
  
Kerry banged on the door.  
  
"It's not even in the same ballpark and you know it!"  
  
Ceila still had the same calm and confident expression as when Kerry first banged on the door.  
  
"I'm closing the blinds now, Dr. Weaver. See you in twenty-three hours."  
  
"Ceila, don't....!" Kerry tried.  
  
The blinds were closed and Kerry was back where she started. She walked to the nurses' station and dialed a number into the phone.  
  
"Yes, can I have someone from security come up to the east wing of the ICU? Thanks"  
  
**  
  
Luka was busy changing a tube.  
  
"What did she want?"  
  
"She wanted to come in," Ceila answered. "But I wouldn't let her. I changed the keys around."  
  
Luka felt guilty.  
  
"I think you should go. You will only get into trouble."  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"You need me. Besides, who will change the IVs?"  
  
"I can do that," Luka offered.  
  
Ceila wouldn't hear of it.  
  
"Dr. Luka, this is as much my fight as it is your's."  
  
The audacity!  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"No it isn't!"  
  
Ceila punched a straw through a juice box.  
  
"Let's not argue," she said as she gave him the juice box.  
  
**  
  
Gossip had a way of spreading to every corner of the hospital. Just as Kerry had called for security to get up to the ICU, the ER already had tongues wagging in speculation.  
  
"Kovac has that smack guy holed up in the ICU," Lydia breezed. "Apparently the kid is with him!"  
  
"Bonnie and Clyde!" Chuny gasped.   
  
"He's my candidate for guy getting shot by the Feds in a stand-off," Malik joked and mimicked someone being riddled with bullets.  
  
Carter overheard the nurses' lurid speculation. He reached for the phone and called Neurology.  
  
"Yeah, hi. I'm calling for a patient's EKG. Last name: Crowe."  
  
"I know it's you Carter," the person on the other end answered.  
  
Carter huffed.  
  
"Cut me some slack. Things have really hit the fan down here."  
  
"Tell me about it," the person answered. "How can I help?"  
  
Carter smiled.  
  
"You want to pull Kovac's fat out of the fire?"  
  
"Don't shit me, man," the voice answered. "What fat? That man doesn't eat. Ever. I will, however, do him this one kindness. Preliminary EKG showed nothing but another one was done. The tech thought he made a mistake. There is some brain activity. Much of his gray matter's fried, yeah, but if he pulls through, he'll at least be able to tie his shoe laces. Does that help?"  
  
Carter nodded.  
  
"Maybe. Could you please print that up for me?"  
  
"Sure, man. Why do you want to help?"  
  
Carter fingered a pen.  
  
"Just trying to be a Good Samaritan."   
  
**  
  
Luka observed Stephen.  
  
"His eyelids are fluttering," he said softly as he brushed away a strand of hair from the man's forehead. "He is dreaming."  
  
Ceila looked from a book she brought with her.  
  
"Maybe. And maybe it's just automatic."  
  
Luka seemed discouraged.  
  
"Maybe I should have let him go."  
  
The room's phone rang.  
  
Both Luka and Ceila exchanged surprised looks. Ceila ran to the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Open the blinds," the voice said.  
  
Ceila opened the blinds. Carter stood at the nurses' station with a piece of paper.  
  
"I have something you might want to see."  
  
Luka went to the window.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"An EKG," Carter answered.  
  
Luka's eyes widened.  
  
Carter put down the receiver and slipped the paper under the door.  
  
Luka grabbed the EKG and studied it.  
  
"What is it?" Ceila asked.  
  
"It's his EKG," Luka answered. "It shows some purposeful activity."  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
Luka took the phone from Ceila.  
  
"How did you get this?"  
  
"Someone wanted to do you a favour," Carter answered.  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"Now, I don't know how long this activity will last," Carter said as he peered through the window. "But you better be right, or you're in a world of crap you do not want to know."  
  
"Yeah, thanks, man," Ceila smiled.  
  
"Also," Carter added, "I had to reroute security. They were ready to slap the cuffs on you. I am on the way to explain this to Kerry and Dr. Merchant."  
  
Luka touched the glass.  
  
"Don't do it, man! Kerry will finish you!"  
  
Carter smirked.  
  
"No she won't! She loves me too much."  
  
Luka damned the man's confidence.  
  
"You just keep that man alive, Luka, or we're all screwed," Carter warned.  
  
"Done, and thank you," Luka answered and hung up the phone.   
  
Carter, likewise, hung up the phone and made his way to Kerry and Dr. Merchant.  
  
**  
  
  
  
Luka reclined on a chair and watched Ceila as she attended to Stephen. She did not seem her girlish self when attending to a patient. She seemed as attentive and professional as any doctor. He often wondered why she chose nursing as a profession. She certainly had a knack for it but Luka felt she could do much more.  
  
He looked at his watch. Less than twenty hours left.  
  
"What are you studying now?"  
  
"In school?" Ceila asked. "Geriatric care."  
  
Luka brow furrowed.  
  
"What? You study other things?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"It's usually good to pick up a few languages. They can always be used. Portuguese...."  
  
"Hrvatski," Luka supplied.  
  
"Da," she returned with a coy smile.  
  
Ceila changed Stephen's IV.  
  
"So why do you care?" Luka asked.  
  
Ceila barely glanced at him and smiled again.  
  
"You ask an awful lot of questions, Dr. Kovac."  
  
"No I don't," he denied. "So why do you?"  
  
Ceila stopped. Her eyes became blank.  
  
"I was out-of-action."  
  
Luka was shocked.  
  
"Head trauma? Portal-systemic encephalopathy?"  
  
"Someone chased me off a scaffolding," she answered.  
  
She disposed of the fluid bag.  
  
"I know what it's like for people to give up on you."  
  
Ceila swallowed hard.  
  
"I think in another few hours we should change his IV."  
  
Luka could see it was hard for her to talk about what had happened.  
  
"You can tell me..."  
  
She looked at him quickly.  
  
He wished he hadn't said it but as her look softened he felt a little easier.  
  
"Maybe when we have time," she said softly.  
  
Luka looked at his watch.  
  
"We have nineteen hours."  
  
Ceila bowed her head and sat down. She crossed her hands.  
  
"I remember seeing things when I was down...."  
  
Luka listened as Ceila related to him gauzy memories.  
  
**  
  
Carter straightened out his white coat and prepared to enter Dr. Merchant's office. Carter looked through the window. He could see that only the doctor and Kerry were there. Mr. Crowe opted to go home for the time being and sort out his legal options.  
  
Carter knocked briefly. Kerry and Dr. Merchant stopped talking and turned to Carter as he entered the office.  
  
"Hello, Dr. Merchant? I have something for you."  
  
Dr. Merchant reached out his hand.  
  
Carter gave the EKG report to Dr. Merchant.  
  
"They wanted to give it to Dr. Kovac but he wasn't there so I took it," Carter lied.  
  
Dr. Merchant read the report.  
  
"It shows some activity," Dr. Merchant related.  
  
Kerry huffed.  
  
"That still doesn't excuse Kovac's cowboy attitude! What made him think he could usurp a patient's wishes?"  
  
"He was only doing what he thought he should do for the patient," Carter meekly defended. "I mean- his father may be, a bit... I don't know."  
  
Kerry glared at Carter.  
  
"I can't believe I'm hearing this from you!"  
  
"Kerry..." Carter tried to defend himself.  
  
"Kovac took it upon himself to play a god over a patient's life!" Kerry exclaimed.  
  
"And so do we! Every day we do it! I think Dr. Kovac is doing what he believes is best!" Carter returned.  
  
"Thank you, Carter," Kerry breathed abruptly.  
  
Carter, sensing his welcome was through, left the office.  
  
"I say we unlock the door and end this silliness," Kerry proposed.  
  
Dr. Merchant joined his fingers together.  
  
"This report changes everything," he said. "The young man is not brain-dead and he is hooked up to respirator. A little problematic. We should explain to his father how the situation has changed."  
  
Kerry rapped her knuckles on the desk.  
  
"You do that. I'll get Kovac to come out of hiding."  
  
Dr. Merchant nodded and picked up the phone. The night was just dragging on.  
  
**  
  
Ceila had fallen asleep. The bun in her hair had become undone and jet black tousles fell over her face and under the hand she used to prop her now sleep-heavy head. She was a sensible girl (despite what others may have thought) to have pinned up her hair but often Luka wished she hadn't. He liked the way the wavy curls enveloped her white face. Black on white. He reached over and brushed a long lock of hair from her cheek and placed it on the other side of her sleepy head.  
  
A knock at the door jarred him. Who was it? Who had seen him in this singular action of affection?  
  
The blinds were down.  
  
Luka walked over and lifted them. It was Kerry. She looked irate, as usual.   
  
Luka indicated to the phone and Kerry walked up to the one at the nurses' station.   
  
"Luka, please open the door."  
  
He looked at his watch. Sixteen hours left in his vigil.  
  
"I can't that," he said. "I wanted to wait twenty-four hours."  
  
Kerry exhaled.  
  
"The situation has changed. I've seen the EKG."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"I was right."  
  
"Luka..." Kerry tried to say.  
  
"I was right," Luka interrupted her. "I was, and you wouldn't listen to me."  
  
"This isn't about you, Luka," Kerry reminded him.  
  
"I know," Luka returned. "It was about a patient everyone gave up on."  
  
Kerry stopped. Her expression became placid.  
  
"Open the door, Luka. I won't force you out or anything. I only want to talk."  
  
Luka decided he could believe her and unlocked the door. He stepped out and joined Kerry at the nurses' station.  
  
"If we can stop this silliness and talk like adults," Kerry started, "Dr. Merchant has explained the situation to Mr. Crowe. He still wants tests done to see if there is any appreciable life in his son."  
  
"He's still alive, Kerry," Luka maintained.  
  
"Yes, as you've tried to point out to us," Kerry concurred. "That still doesn't sweep everything under the rug."  
  
Luka crossed his arms and waited for the other show to drop.  
  
"Do what you like to me," he said, "but leave the girl alone."   
  
Luka nodded his head in Ceila's direction.  
  
"Oh no," Kerry refused. "This stunt will cost her."  
  
Luka uncrossed his arms.  
  
"Leave her alone. It was my idea. She had nothing to do with it."  
  
Kerry looked incredulous.  
  
"I'd like to believe that, Luka, but I think we all know that's not true."  
  
Luka was disgusted.  
  
"How could you talk about her that way?! You get rid of her, you get rid of one of the best students we've had, and for what? Because I asked her to help? Take your punishment out on me, not on her!"  
  
Kerry swallowed.  
  
"I'll be sorry to see her go."  
  
"Don't do this, Kerry!" Luka warned.  
  
Kerry thought for a moment.  
  
"Get her," she asked. "I'd like to talk to her."  
  
"Kerry," Luka said more firmly.  
  
"Just get her."  
  
Luka went into the room to get Ceila. He shook the girl's arm.  
  
"Djevojka, get up."  
  
Ceila stirred, all flummoxed.   
  
"Stephen! Is he..."  
  
She looked at the monitors.  
  
"Still stable."  
  
"He's fine," Luka said. His face became pale. "Kerry wants to see you."  
  
Ceila brushed her hair back.  
  
"I won't let anything bad happen," Luka promised.  
  
Ceila rose and walked out to see Kerry.  
  
Kerry swallowed.  
  
"Dr. Kovac has informed me of your involvement."  
  
Luka waited for Kerry to take her anger out on the girl.  
  
"Dr. Weaver..." Ceila tried to say.  
  
"I'm not finished," Kerry interrupted.  
  
Kerry glared at her young charge.  
  
"I can't believe the arrogance you had to possess to even think you could do this!"  
  
Ceila did not bat an eyelid. Luka admired her strength.  
  
"However," Kerry began again, "as Dr. Kovac has maintained, you were not directly responsible for this and you have cared for the patient, I've decided to be lenient."  
  
Ceila breathed at last. Her defences came down.  
  
"You're suspended as of immediately," Kerry said. "And this will go on your record. Be sure of that. Now, go home and get some sleep."  
  
Ceila had no choice but to go. She looked at Luka and, seeing his surrender, gave up as well.  
  
Luka could see that Kerry was being as lenient as she knew she could be.  
  
Kerry glared at Luka.  
  
"She's far luckier than she should be, and far luckier than you will be."  
  
**  
  
Seven AM.  
  
Luka looked out the window of the meeting room.  
  
A neurologist was seeing to Stephen. He was improving but only a little. The furosemide he had ben given for the pulmonary edema was working. He even tried to open his eyes.  
  
Kerry was exhausted.  
  
"You should go home," Luka said gently.  
  
Kerry swivelled her tired head and looked at him.  
  
"And miss all the fun of punishing you?"  
  
Luka could see she was joking and tried hard to suppress a laugh. It was not a time to be jocular.  
  
Dr. Merchant came in.  
  
Luka was anxious to hear any news.  
  
"Stephen?"   
  
"He is showing improvement," Dr. Merchant revealed. "Not much. He can't open his left eye but has been taken off the respirator. He doesn't speak in normal sentences. He'll have to learn from the ground up. That goes for all of his motor functions, too."  
  
Dr. Merchant sat down.  
  
"His quality of life has been greatly diminished but he is alive."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
Dr. Merchant now glared at Luka.  
  
"Don't be so full of yourself, Dr. Kovac. This young man may be breathing but he will never have a full life. I suppose he has you thank for that."  
  
Luka wanted to say that Stephen had a hand in his fate and that he only kept him breathing despite all objections and odds, but he opted to keep silent. He did not look at Dr. Merchant but looked away from him.  
  
"You seem less than verbose," Dr. Merchant observed. "No heroic statements to make?"  
  
"I kept him alive," Luka answered. "That's what I am supposed to do as a doctor."  
  
Dr. Merchant huffed.  
  
"Who are you to play God?"  
  
Luka held Dr. Merchant in his gaze.  
  
"It's only who plays God that matters....and you know it."  
  
Luka rose from the table.  
  
"They only wait for you so they have a reason to pull the plug."  
  
Dr. Merchant fumed. He rose and was ready to lash out at Luka.  
  
"Doctors?"  
  
They turned to the door. Mr. Crowe stood there. He looked shaken.  
  
"Mr. Crowe, please sit," Kerry offered.  
  
Mr. Crowe sat down.  
  
"I wanted to thank you, Dr. Kovac," he said shakily. "But I wonder if I should. He'll never a full life. He isn't himself..."  
  
Mr. Crowe stopped.  
  
"I think I know why you did it," he continued. "But that doesn't make things easier."  
  
Mr. Crowe rose from the table.  
  
"Thank you," he said to the doctors, "for helping my son."  
  
Mr. Crowe left the room.  
  
Luka thought to himself. He didn't doubt what he had done. He saved a young man some deemed not worthy to save. His life wasn't worth living by any of their standards. Life had become some arbitrary fad, worth saving one day, worth losing the next. He thought of his hands and how some had observed them. How they looked as though they could heal. But why heal?  
  
Mr. Crowe had long gone.  
  
Kerry did not look at Luka but kept a small fist clutched on the table.  
  
"Suspended until further notice."  
  
Luka was as silent as ever. He left the room and went to get this things.  
  
**  
  
Carter gave Luka once last look as he walked through the bay doors. In fact, the whole demeanor of the ER had become grave. Conni smiled at Luka and he smiled back. Abby didn't even bother to look but kept her back to the whole scene.  
  
Luka walked out into the crisp morning. The sun was too bright. Luka thought only for a moment about Stephen. It was now completely out of his hands. Stephen's life hung in the balance of his own ailments and the will to live.  
  
But now, Luka could not think about it too much. He was tired. At least he felt supported, something he rarely felt. It was good not to be alone.  
  
"Dr. Luka!"  
  
Luka spun around. Ceila ran up to him.  
  
"I thought you went home?" he wondered.  
  
"I couldn't leave," she said, "not until I knew what happened to you."  
  
"It's Stephen you should think about," Luka offered weakly.  
  
He looked at his shoes.  
  
"I'm tired. I'm going to bed."  
  
Ceila brushed away loose curls that waved in front of her face.  
  
"Do you want some breakfast?"  
  
Luka looked at her quizzically but she only smiled.  
  
"You know- breakfast."  
  
Luka smiled back at her and they walked from the ambulance bay into growing throng of the morning crowd.  
  
**  
  
Kerry prepared to leave. She would be on again in twelve hours. Romano helped himself to some coffee. He casually glanced at her.  
  
"So I hear Euro-Cowboy rode into the sunset."  
  
Kerry scowled.  
  
"If you think that's funny."  
  
Romano shook his head.  
  
"I didn't say anything was funny. Just making random, idle conversation before I officially stop giving a crap about stuff."  
  
Kerry did up the buttons of her coat.  
  
"Don't let it eat you up, Robert."  
  
Romano sipped his coffee.  
  
"I might say the same to you."  
  
Kerry now looked at him.  
  
"Don't worry," Romano assured in his gruff way. " In a few weeks, this will all be forgotten."  
  
* 


	7. Running With the Bulls

Running With the Bulls  
  
Luka leaned heavily on his shoulder and watched as life unfolded before him in the world outside of his apartment. The café opened its doors. People ran for the el train (it was getting too crazy to drive) or walked their kids to school. He missed it all.  
  
A knock on the door disturbed him from his revery. He moved from his onlooker's spot and answered the door.  
  
A slim-built man with spiked hair and a tailored suit greeted Luka with a half-smile.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Luka remained weary. He hoped it wasn't a subpoena.  
  
"Who wants to know?"  
  
The man's green eyes twitched.  
  
"Someone who repays generosity with generosity."  
  
He stepped forward.  
  
"Do you mind if I come in? I prefer to do business in private."  
  
The man barged in, rubbing his hands and darting his eyes about the place.  
  
"You've got quite a place here, Dr. Kovac," the man commented. "I mean that. Very stylish. Very Euro-iffic."  
  
Luka was impatient.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
The man turned around. His eyes sparkled.  
  
"A Mr. Jessman will do."  
  
Luka pulled the door open.  
  
"Well, Mr. Jessman- if that is your real name- I think you should leave."  
  
Jessman shook his head.  
  
"I don't think so, Dr. Luka Kovac, current attending at County General Hospital, son of Zdeslav and Rujan Kovac, both of whom currently reside just outside of Šibenik, Croatia."  
  
Luka saw that the man did his homework.  
  
"Just close the door and let me say what I came here to say," Jessman suggested.  
  
Luka closed the door.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
Jessman sat down on an armchair and crossed his arms.  
  
"Please sit," he invited.  
  
Luka preferred to stand.  
  
"Suit yourself," Jessman shrugged. "I'm here only to deliver a message."  
  
"From who?" Luka asked.  
  
"Whom," Jessman corrected smugly.   
  
Luka rolled his eyes.  
  
"From a person who was glad he was wrong and glad you were right," Jessman answered at last.  
  
Luka seemed slightly interested.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"A man who can reward hard work and caring," Jessman answered quizzically. "And discretion."  
  
Luka knew at last.  
  
"Now you can leave!"  
  
Jessman was put off.  
  
"You don't want to hear about the generous offer?"  
  
Luka threw his head back and huffed.  
  
"If Mr. Crowe thinks he can buy me, then he is more stupid than you are."  
  
Jessman frowned.  
  
"It's very ungracious to refuse a cool million put in an offshore account just for you."  
  
Luka grimaced at the man.  
  
"I don't want anything from you or the people you work for."  
  
Jessman rose from his seat.  
  
"Come on, Dr. Kovac. The money could do you a lot of good. Your son, too."   
  
Luka's brow furrowed in anger.  
  
"Get out!"  
  
Jessman raised his hands in mock defence.  
  
"Hey! Don't shoot the messenger!"  
  
"If I had a gun..." Luka surmised angrily and pulled the door open.  
  
Jessman presented Luka a business card.  
  
"Call me if you reconsider."  
  
Luka crumpled the card and threw it at him. He slammed the door, gritting his teeth and clenching fists that wouldn't be used for punching. At least not today.  
  
**  
  
It was two in the afternoon when the door-bell rang again.  
  
Luka didn't even bother to look in the peephole. He was ready to hit that Jessman guy.  
  
Luka tucked his tight fist behind his back when he saw it wasn't that repellent messenger but a sweet-faced girl. His expression became soft.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski."  
  
Ceila smiled at him.  
  
"Were you expecting someone else?"  
  
Luka half-nodded.  
  
"Sort of."  
  
"May I come in?" she asked. "Only to talk."  
  
Luka allowed her in.  
  
"Would like something?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No thank you. I only wanted to talk."  
  
She cast her eyes about the place.  
  
"Nice apartment."  
  
Luka smiled sheepishly. He then folded his hands, looking guilty.  
  
"I want to say I am sorry about you getting into trouble."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"It was my idea, remember? And no one twisted my arm."  
  
Luka still looked ashamed.  
  
"It was truly my idea. You just said it aloud. And I put you in a bad situation."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Luka..."  
  
She called him Luka. Not Dr. Luka or Dr. Kovac. The both of them seemed startled by the utterance.  
  
She broke the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"We both screwed up. For the greater good, yeah, but still."  
  
Luka bowed his head.  
  
"It doesn't help us now, does it?"  
  
Ceila shrugged.  
  
"At least we can sleep a little more," Luka joked.  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"You know, I was thinking the same thing."  
  
Ceila twirled around and dropped her shoulder-bag on the floor.  
  
"It's good to have a little time off. No more running for the el. No more senior nurses telling you to butt out altogether. It's almost worth the censure."  
  
She shrugged again.  
  
"Almost."  
  
She reached into her pocket and pulled something out.  
  
"I found this outside your door."  
  
Luka examined it. It was the crumpled business-card Jessman tried to give him.  
  
"Ah! A Mr. Jessman left this for me but I didn't want it."  
  
Ceila thought for a second.  
  
"There's a message on my voice-mail from that guy," Ceila revealed.  
  
Luka avoided her eyes.  
  
"He wanted to offer me a million dollars. I suppose he wanted to make a similar offer to you."  
  
Ceila's eyes widened.  
  
"Holy shit! Really?!"  
  
Luka was shocked at her.  
  
"Would you have taken the money if he had offered it?"  
  
"No!" Ceila quickly denied. Her skin blushed.  
  
Ceila crossed the room and fingered the blinds.  
  
"But, damn! That is a lot of money!"  
  
Luka bore the look of clean disgust on his face.  
  
"It's just money."  
  
"It's just tuition!" Ceila returned.  
  
She sat down at last.  
  
"It would have hurt to turn down that cash but if they want to buy somebody, fuck 'em. I'm not for sale."  
  
She slumped back and absent-mindedly brushed her hand through her hair.  
  
"You'd be surprised what you can buy with the right amount of cash, though."  
  
She looked at Luka.  
  
"What angle did he use on you? Did he pull on your heartstrings?"  
  
Luka thought of Miran.  
  
"Kind of."  
  
Ceila nodded. She sat up.  
  
"Well, I guess I should be going..."  
  
Luka motioned her to stop.  
  
"Wait."  
  
Ceila remained still.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Would you stay?" Luka asked. "If you have nothing else to do."  
  
He wrung his hands. He was losing his olive colour.  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"I have nothing else to do today."  
  
Luka smiled in return. The day would not be empty, after all.  
  
**  
  
Luka couldn't stop laughing.  
  
"I'm sorry. You did what?"  
  
Ceila was clearly embarrassed. She tried to cover her blushing face with her hair.  
  
"I didn't know that other car was there, and it was, like, so...easy to turn over."  
  
Luka laughed so hard.  
  
"It's one of those of those moments where you wish to God there was a rewind button or something because it was just..." Ceila gushed.  
  
"So what did you do?" Luka asked between fits of laughter.  
  
"Well I had to apologize," Ceila continued. "But really- it was his fault. I mean- the guy thought could do some easy park job with this, like, I don't know- SAAB convertible, I think it was- not even trying to be aware of the other cars. He was at fault."  
  
Luka was insistent.  
  
"But what did you do?"  
  
"Well," she sputtered, " I- I stepped out of my car and- at this point, I must remind you of how completely soaked I was and I was wearing these cut-offs with a white t-shirt- nothing you want to wear when you are wet. Anyway, I was out of the car and trying to apologize to this guy. And his face was all screwed up. He was just livid! He was threatening to sue me and everything. All I could say was that I was sorry and that there was no room at all for me to have backed out properly. Get this, though- he stopped and he was staring..."  
  
Ceila motioned her hand over her body.  
  
"Then he said: "Oh no! Don't worry about it! I've seen more than enough!"  
  
Luka laughed harder than before.  
  
"And so he was off on his cellphone calling his insurance company and getting CAA to tow his toy car away and I'm just standing there with a busted bumper I have to explain and not realizing that my assets are visible to the naked eye."  
  
She brushed her hand over her eyes.  
  
"Bad day, bad day."  
  
"So," she continued, "if you are ever in cottage country, don't drive in town and don't ever wear white. I think that's a safe rule for everyone."  
  
She exhaled, letting her soft blue eyes wander.  
  
"That was to be one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me."  
  
Luka's interest was peaked.  
  
"One? There are more embarrassing things?! You must tell me!"  
  
Ceila violently shook her head.  
  
"NO! By now, you have an idea how impressive my assets are!"  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"No! And I would never think of such things! But I do want to know how else you have embarrassed yourself!"  
  
"I don't think so," she refused. "It's your turn! You tell me!"  
  
Luka ran his finger along the edge of the couch's upholstery.  
  
"I don't know. You might lose all respect for me."  
  
Her eyes took on a dreamy glow.  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
He caught her the look in her eyes. He matched them with a softened look.  
  
Ceila became jarred. She sat upright.  
  
"I think maybe I should go. I've taken up too much of your time."  
  
"It doesn't matter," Luka assured her. "I'm not going anywhere or doing anything."  
  
She avoided his eyes.  
  
"I do have an assignment for tomorrow."  
  
"I can help you," Luka offered. "What is it?"  
  
Ceila was still shaky.  
  
"The use of thrombolitics," she answered.  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"Where do we begin?"  
  
**  
  
Ceila opened her eyes.  
  
She was back in her apartment. She looked at her alarm clock. Six-forty. She didn't have to get up for another forty-five minutes. She stayed in bed, however, letting her eyes rest on a piece of carpet uncluttered by unfolded clothes or her bookbag.  
  
She thought of yesterday. She had spent almost the whole day with Luka. She did not deny herself the fact that she wanted to but she was still afraid. She had never done this sort of thing before. But something in her knew.   
  
Ceila turned over. She now looked at the ceiling. She saw the post-it notes she left there. Get your ass out of bed one note read. Ruith an. An ancient adage from her mother's side of the family. Run to.  
  
"Run to."  
  
**  
  
Ceila rang Luka's doorbell once more, this time a little sure of herself. She was feeling at home already.  
  
Luka answered the door. He grinned when he saw her.  
  
"Ceila! Come in!"   
  
He wiped his hands on a tea-towel and invited her into the kitchen. He bade her to sit at the counter.  
  
"I'm making French toast."  
  
Ceila raised a surprised brow.  
  
"Oh? French toast?"  
  
Luka spun around, licking a crumb off of his thumb.  
  
"You don't like French toast?"  
  
Ceila shook her head and tried to reassure him.  
  
"No! I...I didn't know you could cook."  
  
Luka's shoulders bowed a bit.  
  
"Well, I am not Emeril Lagasse but...."  
  
"You watch that show?" Ceila gaped.  
  
Luka was surprised.  
  
"How could you not?"  
  
Luka put a plate of French toast before her. He poured maple syrup over the toast.  
  
"Eat."  
  
Ceila dug in.  
  
"Oh my God, this is good," she mumbled.  
  
Luka grinned.  
  
"You think it's good?"  
  
Ceila nodded and shovelled more toast into her mouth.  
  
"Good," Luka nodded. "You need to eat."  
  
Luka sat before her.  
  
"What about your assignment?"  
  
Ceila put down her fork and finished swallowing.  
  
"I almost forgot. Thank you! The prof loved it! You are a genius as well as fantastic chef!"  
  
Luka bowed his head sheepishly.  
  
"No, I... You did all the work. I just...."  
  
Ceila clucked her tongue and tilted her head in that girlish way.  
  
"You are so modest, too!"  
  
Luka bowed his head so that Ceila would not see the effects of her flattery.  
  
"Dr. Luka, you should blow your horn more often," Ceila mumbled with food in her mouth. "It's more impressive than what you think."  
  
Luka tried to blink away any innuendo and inquired about her assignment.  
  
"So, your professor was pleased with your work?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes. Very factual and to-the-point."  
  
Ceila cut into the toast with her fork.  
  
"She suggested I read more medical journals. I kept meaning to but, you know, time being what it is and everything."  
  
Luka nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yes. I completely understand. You start reading an article about new protocols and then you have to stop because there is another trauma or something. And when you get home you are so tired. I scarcely get any time to read the journals or speak to my friends in the neighbourhood."  
  
Ceila finished her French toast and pushed away the plate.  
  
"Yeah, yeah...."  
  
Ceila folded her hands and rested them on the counter.  
  
"Now, with everything and a break coming up, I'll have more time to study. My journals are getting backed up. Maybe, if I can, I'll go back home for a bit."  
  
Luka looked blankly into space.  
  
"Dr. Luka?"  
  
Luka was snapped out of his revery.  
  
"Oh, yes," he smiled. "Home."  
  
Ceila grabbed her shoulderbag.  
  
"Anyway, I have to jet. Class and midterms to study for. You know."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Thank you for the toast and the help."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Before Ceila left he called out for her.  
  
"If you still need help, you can ask."  
  
Ceila smiled before she shut the door on him.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
**  
  
Midterms. The bane of one's existence but a necessary evil and now they were over. For once Ceila did not feel too much pressure. Her life was inside a pressure-cooker, she believed, but of situations of her own making. But now, she wanted to be at ease. There was someone to be at ease with.  
  
Ceila pressed the button to Luka's floor. More study time, even though midterms were over. Maybe they could do some review work.  
  
Ceila thought of her budding relationship with Luka. She liked hanging around with him. He was sweet and patient. He understood her.  
  
She arrived at Luka's floor. She ran to the door. She stopped when she saw a piece of paper taped on the door. She ripped it off and read it.  
  
Ceila djevojka,  
  
I thought about what you said. Going home. You might have to do without me for a while but I promise I will come back and I will tell you all about it.  
  
Luka  
  
Ceila crumpled up the note and let her gaze fall to the floor.  
  
"Yeah," she said softly to herself. "I can do without ya for a little while."  
  
**  
  
It had been a week since he left Chicago, and Ceila. He wanted to get away. Ceila was right. Go home, even for a little while.   
  
He returned to his family's homestead in Šibenik. He saw his uncle and helped him retire the boat for the season. He went to Vodice to see Hanouš and Miran (he was growing so fast). He went to Zagreb to see his brother and nephews and niece (his sister-in-law would have nothing to do with him. She felt he was evil). For a few nights, he spent time with friends, reminiscing and drinking. It was good to be home.  
  
Now he was in Spain. He stayed with a friend in Madrid. While his friend worked, he walked aimlessly and without purpose down crowded streets and nearly-empty thoroughfares. The place was quiet as winter approached. Luka looked up. The tops of the old buildings were giving way to more open spaces, like the open space of the bullring ahead. He thought not of the barbarism of the sport or the people shuffling behind him. He thought only of the space and the onset of silence.  
  
"¡Tienen cuidado!"  
  
Luka was shaken from his lethargy. Large black creatures with ivory-coloured horns rushed before him. Luka pressed himself against the wall and watched as the bulls charged mindlessly around the corner. Jet-black creatures with no other purpose than to charge. When the last one bolted around the corner, Luka remained still. There was a Hemingway anecdote in there somewhere but he could not place it. Instead, he continued walking and thinking of what to tell Ceila when he got home.  
  
**  
  
Ceila threw a few things into her backpack. She rested the phone receiver on her shoulder.  
  
"Hi, Mum. Yeah, it's me. No, I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I'm just phoning to tell you that if you hear about anybody sneaking around the cabin, it's just me. So don't worry. What am I doing? I'm flying up North and using Pelly's jeep. Yeah. No, no! I'm good!"  
  
Ceila looked out the window.  
  
"I just want to get out of town for a while."  
  
**  
  
Luka had the right idea- just get away.   
  
Ceila gripped the steering wheel loosely. She smiled broadly as she continued on the highway from Whitehorse. She turned into the gas station and got out of the jeep.  
  
Ceila placed her hands on her hips and looked before her. The vastness of the Yukon was all around. The tall sentry trees without end. The disappearing sun just touching the snow and frost. The wilderness that lead to nothing and nowhere.  
  
"I missed this."  
  
**  
  
Her suspension was now over. Classes had resumed, too. Ceila shut the door of her locker. Her head was bowed slightly. Luka had not yet come back. He was still suspended and he hadn't contacted her. Maybe he forgot.  
  
Ceila left the lounge. She saw Dr. Lewis argue with Dr. Weaver.  
  
"We are down an attending, Kerry. We can't keep up this pace!"  
  
Susan turned her head to Ceila.  
  
"Oh, hi, Kowalski," she casually mumbled and resumed her argument.  
  
"You have to stop being mad at him sometime, Kerry!"  
  
Kerry tried to assuage Susan's anger.  
  
"I'm in the process of calling him."  
  
"I heard he was in Croatia," Ceila piped up.  
  
The two women looked at her. Ceila looked chagrined.  
  
"You know, I heard that. You know, grapevine."  
  
Susan huffed away.  
  
"Maybe you got that from the psychic connection with Yuri Gellar!"  
  
Ceila swivelled her head to the woman.  
  
"He's the guy who bends spoons!" Ceila spat back.  
  
Ceila now turned her attention to Kerry.  
  
"When is Dr. Luka- Kovac- coming back?"  
  
Kerry remained aloof.  
  
"I wouldn't worry about that," she said. She grabbed a chart. "You'll be working closely with one of the senior nurses today. Until we're satisfied with your performance."  
  
Kerry walked away.  
  
"Have you ever been dissatisfied with it?" Ceila called after her.  
  
Kerry did not answer. She only attended to a patient behind Curtain Three.  
  
**  
  
Three-thirty.  
  
Ceila looked at her watch once and opened her locker to get her things. Kerry made sure her shifts were cut in half. Dr. Weaver was still mad, she thought.   
  
"Hello."  
  
Ceila turned around.  
  
It was him. As though he had materialized from incorporeal air, Luka stood before her, smiling and wearing scrubs that made his sculpted form look lanky (indeed, the scrubs left something to be desired). His hair had grown longer and olive complexion richer (from being in the sun, no doubt). He looked more relaxed.  
  
Ceila was agape. She couldn't speak.  
  
"You will not say hello?" Luka wondered.  
  
She could finally speak.  
  
"You're back! Where did you go? And...and.... I didn't know where you were and...."  
  
Luka only smiled.  
  
"I am sorry I didn't write to you but I was busy."  
  
"Doing what?" Ceila asked.  
  
"Being at home," Luka answered simply.  
  
Ceila understood.  
  
"That can take a lot out of you."  
  
"It can," Luka agreed. "I want you to come by after your shift so I can tell you all about it."  
  
"Great!" Ceila breathed. "But I'm finished now. Dr. Weaver must still be angry with me."  
  
Luka's brow furrowed.  
  
"I don't think I will get any better treatment, then."  
  
"You're gonna beg for your job back?" Ceila wondered.  
  
"Yeah," Luka nodded. "Hey! It's what I do!"  
  
"Being a doctor, not begging," Ceila assumed.  
  
"Something like that," Luka laughed.  
  
"Well," Ceila sighed heavily. "No guts, no glory."  
  
Luka was confident.  
  
"Of course."  
  
Luka stood up straight.  
  
"And thank you."  
  
"For what?" Ceila asked.  
  
"For giving me the idea of going home," Luka answered. "I needed to. It was good to be where you know everyone and everything. You taught me that."  
  
Ceila could not speak. The lump in her throat multiplied. She tried to clear it.  
  
"You'd better....uh....get to Dr. Weaver. See if she's in a good mood."  
  
"I will," Luka replied. "Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."  
  
Luka left the lounge and approached Kerry who was standing at the admittance desk filling out a form.  
  
Ceila watched from the lounge. The showdown was about to begin.  
  
**  
  
Abby and Conni were cleaning an empty trauma room. Abby peered through the window. She gasped.  
  
"My God!"  
  
Conni scurried to the window.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"He's back!" Abby sputtered.  
  
Conni saw the source of Abby's shock. Dr. Kovac had returned and stood face-to-face with Kerry.  
  
**  
  
Chen and Pratt hid behind a wall and watched as Dr. Kovac stood his shaky ground.  
  
"He's a brave dead man!" Pratt admired.  
  
Chen shushed him and listened to the showdown.  
  
**  
  
"Kerry?"  
  
Kerry turned and looked up at Luka.  
  
"Back I see."  
  
He nodded.  
  
Kerry placed her pen down. She held Luka in a gaze that so many recognized before- one of cold, aloof authority.  
  
"I hope we don't have to repeat the suspension again. You're pulling midnight shifts and ride-alongs until further notice. Understood?"   
  
Luka let his nonchalant look answer for him.  
  
"Good," Kerry said finally.  
  
She took a chart and handed it to him.  
  
"You're on as of right now," she said. "Clear the board. Get moving."  
  
Kerry marched away and when she was out of earshot, sighs and laughs of relief could be heard from the crevices where others had been hiding and eavesdropping.  
  
None of this fazed Luka. He was back on the job. Luka swung his stethoscope around his neck and winked at Ceila.  
  
Ceila laughed quietly to herself.  
  
No guts, no glory.  
  
Or something like that.  
  
* 


	8. Are You Burning, Little Candle?

Are You Burning, Little Candle?  
  
Luka looked at the falling snow through the hole in the frost burnt by his breath. He shut himself off from the hustle-bustle in the ER. He reviewed the last of the forms for the year and placed the finished ones in a neat, little pile. He would finish early tonight (for a change) and start the new year with his last ride-along stint and then resume his regular duties. His penance was nearly over. He crossed his fingers together and looked out at the snow. He closed his eyes for a moment. He thought of home and of how Christmas was. A rig pulling up to the bay doors destroyed that revery. He tucked away his papers and made way for duty.  
  
**  
  
"Finally!" Kerry cried out triumphantly and marched past Ceila. "I am going to celebrate Christmas early this year."  
  
She handed some charts to the girl.  
  
"I want you to review these and write down any interesting things you see."  
  
"Isn't that pointless busy work?" Ceila asked.  
  
Kerry tapped her nose.  
  
"Bingo!"  
  
Kerry prepared to leave.  
  
"If you need any help, Carter and Pratt will be here for a while."  
  
Carter and Pratt stood behind Kerry wearing false reindeer antlers and headband with a sprig of mistletoe respectively.  
  
Ceila looked at Kerry with a severe disbelieving look.  
  
"They're still doctors!" Kerry snapped back and marched to the doors before the ER could suck her back in.  
  
"Merry Christmas, everybody!"  
  
Everyone waved and mumbled their adieus and resumed work.  
  
Ceila, however, was completely bummed by the Christmas Eve shaft Kerry Klaus was quick to give her.  
  
Pratt leaned haplessly against the admittance desk.  
  
"You know, mistletoe is supposed to be good luck."  
  
Ceila glossed over him.  
  
"Well, not for you if you're expecting a kiss from me."  
  
Pratt was stung and left without any cheer whatsoever.  
  
**  
  
Ceila met the incoming trauma. A small child, bundled under from the cold with the exception of mittens, was wheeled in on a gurney to Curtain Two.  
  
"A mall cop found her walking out in the parking lot. She was shivering. She has frostbite on her hand."  
  
Ceila smiled at the girl.  
  
"Hi. I'm Ceila. What's your name?"  
  
"Jodi," the girl answered in a small voice.  
  
A little smile appeared on her face.  
  
"You have a pretty name."  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"Thank you. I like your name, too."  
  
Ceila reached for Jodi's hand.  
  
"May I see your hand."  
  
Jodi reluctantly showed Ceila her left hand. Ceila's gentle touch did not aggravate the child's injury. The skin on her hand was red and a little swollen.  
  
"Does your hand hurt?"  
  
Jodi nodded.  
  
Ceila smiled at her.  
  
"We're going to fix you right up."  
  
Ceila left Jodi and went to retrieve Luka.  
  
Luka went behind the curtain and smiled at Jodi. He brushed a blond lock from the little girl's forehead.  
  
"What do we have?"  
  
"This is Jodi. She was found wandering in a mall parking lot," Ceila explained. "She has first degree frostbite on the third and fourth fingers of her left hand."  
  
"Just her left hand?" Luka queried.  
  
"I had to hold onto the gift bag," she explained.   
  
Blushing tears welled in her blue eyes. Luka brushed them away.  
  
"I see. Where is your mother, Jodi?"  
  
She sniffled.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Ceila cast a quick look at Luka.  
  
"Place a warming pad on her hand and watch for blisters. Also, call Social Services," he said.  
  
Ceila took Luka aside.  
  
"I don't think she was left deliberately. She might have just wandered away from her family and, in the busy hustle-bustle, she got lost. It can happen. She's well-fed, well-dressed and the gift she was holding wasn't even for her so I don't think abandonment is the case here."  
  
"Many children get abandoned or overlooked at this time of year," Luka said.  
  
He thought for a second.   
  
"I want someone from Social Services here just in case her family cannot be reached."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes. I'll get right on it."  
  
**  
  
The snow fell in thick clumps and multiplied in the banks collected in the south side of Chicago. The older brick apartment buildings decked in the festiveness of the season and rival gang graffiti. In one such apartment, no cheer or sense of festivity could be felt.  
  
Eddie waffled into his apartment after his stint as a Santa Claus at the mall. He pulled the fridge door open, grabbed two bottles and slammed the fridge door shut. He gulped back the last of the milk, mixed with a bit of vodka, and toasted a rumpled picture of ex-girlfriend.  
  
"Merry fucking Christmas, Tulla!"  
  
He stumbled about his half-empty apartment. He looked out his window. The snow had become heavier since he made his way home (still in his Santa suit).  
  
"Ho-ho-ho!" he snarled. "I hate Christmas!"  
  
Eddie clumsily climbed out to the fire escape and leaned over the railing.  
  
"Hey, everybody! Christmas is a big rip-off! Hey!"  
  
Eddie lost his footing and fell onto the deep snow below the fire escape.  
  
He grimaced.  
  
"Ohhhhh...." he groaned. "I hate Christmas...."  
  
**  
  
Doris wheeled the fallen Eddie through the bay doors.  
  
"Santa Claus here has had too much cheer and fell off of a fire escape. He's lucky all that he broke was his leg."  
  
Carter (still wearing his false reindeer antlers) started to appreciate the man's injuries.  
  
"She left me!" Eddie warbled. "Why do they leave at Christmas time? Why?"  
  
Carter was sympathetic to Eddie's girl woes.  
  
"Christmas is just not Christmas without them!"  
  
Carter flagged down Chuny.  
  
"Send Santa Claus to x-ray and let's prepare a cast."  
  
Chuny relieved Carter of Eddie who still moaning the loss of Tulla.  
  
Carter went into Exam Room Three and started to fill out Eddie's chart. Abby bounced into Exam Room Three wearing a Santa hat and a huge red ribbon with a placard reading: UNWRAP ME! How could he ignore that?  
  
"Am I supposed to unwrap you?" Carter gaped.  
  
Abby nodded.  
  
"Yep."  
  
Carter looked at his watch.  
  
"Could you, like, contain your Christmas spirit until my shift finishes?"  
  
Abby stamped her foot.  
  
"I can't contain it! I want to release it now!"  
  
Abby stamped away, pouting as she did so.  
  
Carter huffed. It was one thing to be joyous about the season but this bouncing about and singing was way too much, he thought.   
  
He finished his chart and went to check on Eddie. Frank was at the admittance desk shuffling papers and replacing pens.  
  
"Frank, what is it about Christmas that makes people act stupid?"  
  
Frank shrugged.  
  
"Search me. I do wish the nurses would at least keep the carols to a minimum."  
  
Just then, Ceila and Abby skipped about the admitting area singing merrily.  
  
"Un flambeau Jeanette Isabella!"  
  
Frank regarded them.  
  
"I hate when they do that!"  
  
**  
  
Luka carried a small stuffed Snoopy into Curtain Two. He saw that Jodi was sitting all by herself.  
  
"Hey! I have something for you."  
  
He waved Snoopy in front of her.  
  
Jodi's face brightened and she cheered.  
  
"Snoopy! Oh, thank you!"  
  
Jodi gratefully accepted Snoopy and started to play with him.  
  
"Now you won't be alone," Luka smiled.  
  
Luka held her left hand and started to re-examine her frostbite once more.  
  
"Your hand is getting better."  
  
Jodi grinned.  
  
"Thank you, Doctor."  
  
Luka smiled at her once more and brushed his hand through her hair.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Luka turned around. It was Ceila.  
  
"I found Jodi's family," she said. "A search went out for her thirty minutes after her mum reported her missing. She just got lost. I guess she tried to find her way back to her mum's car when she didn't see her anywhere. Her parents are coming by now to get her."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Good. Good news. At least she is not alone or with strangers."  
  
Ceila agreed. She looked at Jodi playing with the stuffed Snoopy.  
  
"Where did she get that toy? She didn't have it when she came in."  
  
Luka looked a little guilty.  
  
"I got it for her. I thought, well.."  
  
Ceila smiled broadly.  
  
"That was sweet of you."  
  
Ceila still smiled as she went to get her things and go home for the night.  
  
**   
  
Pratt was dejected. The sprig of mistle drooped from the headband. Not one kiss.  
  
"This sucks!" he declared. "I thought chicks dug the mistletoe. You know, Christmas and everything."  
  
Lydia could only smirk.  
  
"Oh, you thought. I see."  
  
Jeff McFarlane, an acerbic, chain-smoking physician's assistant (a friend from the old country, Ceila would say), patted the pack of cigarettes in the breast pocket of his white coat and pointed to the drooping sprig of mistletoe.  
  
"Yeah, I don't think the ladies want flaccid seasonal cheer."  
  
The spring upon which the sprig was attached continued to droop. Pratt only swatted it away.  
  
"I'm not giving up until I get some lip action!"  
  
Gallant, always ready to please, gave Pratt a chaste peck on the cheek.  
  
"Merry Christmas, lover-boy!" Gallant said as he batted his eyelashes in a doe-like fashion.  
  
Everyone chuckled. Pratt had enough. He wiped away Gallant's kiss and retired the mistletoe for the rest of the night.  
  
**  
  
Luka could see that Ceila was about to go.  
  
"Leaving already?"  
  
Ceila spun around and knotted her scarf about her neck.  
  
"Yeah. I have to be somewhere in an hour so I have to jet."  
  
"Please wait," Luka asked and got a little gift bag from his locker.  
  
"For you. For Christmas."  
  
Ceila smiled and pulled a scented candle out from the gift bag. She sniffed it.  
  
"It smells like pine trees," Luka informed her.  
  
Ceila smiled and nodded.  
  
"I see. Thank you."  
  
Luka looked uncomfortable.  
  
"Well, good night..."  
  
"Come to midnight Mass with me," Ceila asked.  
  
Luka hesitated.  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
Ceila stamped her foot and pulled on Luka's sleeve.  
  
"Come on! You are required to go to Mass at least twice a year- Christmas and Easter- and now is Christmas, so... Come."  
  
Luka's gaze became less serious and more narrow. Bedroom eyes.  
  
"Why do I think you are trying to make a good man out of me?"  
  
Ceila returned his sultry gaze with one of her own.  
  
"Do I have to try?"  
  
"Maybe," he answered.  
  
"Then I'll work at it," Ceila purred.  
  
Luka couldn't resist her charm, whether it was the girlish glee she effected or the aura of seduction she was becoming so good at exuding. He had to relent.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"At my church," Ceila supplied. " Saint Stanislaus Kostka."  
  
"I'll follow," he offered.  
  
That would not do. Her eyes were wicked.  
  
"No. You come with me."  
  
**  
  
Luka looked all around him. It had been ages since he had been to midnight Mass. He remembered midnight Mass back home with Danielja. She would be holding a candle. The children would be too tired to wonder what gifts they would get in the morning. The incense would grow thicker and the bells would ring to herald a birth that occurred centuries ago. He would smile at her and she would smile back.  
  
Now, Luka looked around him. He recognized no one but Ceila and she was too busy listening to the priest's words to notice him.  
  
Bells, both hollow and piercing, started to ring.  
  
"Do you hear the bells?" she whispered. "It's now Christmas."  
  
Luka gave a slight smile and listened to the bells.  
  
**  
  
Midnight Mass was over.   
  
Throngs of people exited the church into the cold, wishing each other Merry Christmas in false soprano voices or wanting desperately to get home and open gifts (or bottles of alcohol).  
  
Luka and Ceila exited the church, as well.  
  
"Wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked.  
  
Luka shrugged but Ceila only laughed.  
  
"You're bad, Dr. Kovac," she purred.  
  
They made way for a less crowded spot on the snow-covered pavement.  
  
Ceila cast her head over to a man standing next to a car metres away.  
  
"My dad's here, " she said. "Going home with him. I'll spend Christmas breakfast with him and eat dinner with my mum."  
  
Her face brightened with the thought of a suggestion.  
  
"Would you like to come? I can make some room for you. We'd love to have you."  
  
"I can't," Luka politely refused. "A friend..."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Alright."  
  
A void that would otherwise be silent was filled by the bells.  
  
"Sretan Bo ic," Luka said. "It's how we say "Merry Christmas" in Croatia."  
  
Ceila smiled coyly.  
  
"Bo e Narodzenie, Dr. Kovac. It's how I say it."  
  
She turned on the heel of her knee-high boot and sauntered to her father's car. Luka could only watch her.  
  
"I liked the way you said it," he said in a voice to soft to be heard above the bells.  
  
* 


	9. I've Got To Get Close Tou You

I've Got To Get Close To You  
  
Luka stared out the window. Little Zagreb below moved at a sluggish pace. It was too cold for hustling and bustling. Luka watched as people, bundled under from the cold, scurried into buildings for warmth.  
  
A knock at the door interrupted his revery.  
  
Luka opened the door. The breath left his body.  
  
It was Ceila. She stood before him, looking both demure and seductive. Her thick black hair fell in scrambled tousles on her shoulders, no longer unjustly held back in a tight bun. Her bluish scarf was wrapped in a knot about her neck and Luka was pretty sure it was much too cold for the short skirt and the knee-high boots.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski," he said finally, "only you would be bold enough to go outside in cold weather like this."  
  
"I was in the neighbourhood shopping for sausage skins for my grandmother," she revealed, "and I thought you might need a trip to the market, as well."  
  
Luka swallowed hard and crossed his arms.  
  
"No, thank you, I don't need to go."  
  
She shifted the weight onto one foot, put her hands on her hips and affected the look she often did when she had, what she termed, credibility issues.  
  
"Now, Dr. Kovac. I don't believe that for one moment."  
  
"I don't!" Luka denied.  
  
Ceila did not believe him.  
  
"Even if you don't need anything immediately, I have it on good authority that there is a woman who makes the best parenki in the area."  
  
Luka sighed heavily, let his head fall back and put his coat on.  
  
"I think I need more coffee."  
  
Ceila smiled and led Luka onto the street and to the market.  
  
She casually looked at the buildings, weaving through the narrow thoroughfare around cold and busy people.  
  
"This place has a nice Old Europe feel to it," she breathed.  
  
Luka did not look at her, but rather admired the New World-fashioned antiquity.  
  
"I know. That's why I like it."  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Does this place remind you of home?"  
  
"Sometimes," he said.  
  
They went into the thick of a small crowd shopping for herbs and spices.  
  
"Is this where you get your coffee?" she asked.  
  
Luka helped himself to a bag of his favourite coffee.  
  
"This is the only place that has the coffee I like."  
  
More bustling.  
  
Ceila tried to hold her own in the thickening crowd.  
  
"I still have to get the sausage skins."  
  
"I know where you can go," Luka offered.  
  
"Where?" she asked.  
  
Luka stopped. What was happening? Why was he talking to a student nurse who had an unusual knack of being where he was? And why was that? What was she about?  
  
Ceila waited for an answer.  
  
"Luka?"  
  
Just then, an inadvertent shove propelled Ceila into Luka's arms. He caught her and, for a moment, held her. She tilted her neck to look up to him as her body remained flaccid. She smiled gratefully and righted herself to a more erect position. She bowed her head as a blush covered her pale cheeks.  
  
Luka bit his lip.  
  
"I think we should find the sausage skins."  
  
Ceila did not lift her head but kept it bowed, letting a slight nod answer for her.  
  
**  
  
Luka sipped his coffee. Why this coquettishness and formality? They worked with each other, off and on. They had developed something of a rapport that escalated or decreased with each meeting. And the overtures were bold, adventurous, yet surrepticious.   
  
They had finished their shopping. She was talking (as usual). Something about her father's side of the family. She neglected her hot chocolate and swivelled in her chair, waving her hands about. The proprietor of the cafe had shut out Ceila's voice and wiped down the counter. Luka heard her voice as it rambled and his eyes wandered.  
  
"...They live near Krakow."  
  
His eyes returned to her face.  
  
"Who?"  
  
Ceila seemed disappointed at his lack of attention.  
  
"My grandmother and cousins."  
  
"I thought they lived in Canada?" Luka asked.  
  
"My dad's side of the family, I mean," Ceila clarified.  
  
Luka nodded. He had been paying attention. Not to her words, but how the cold made her pale skin taut. She looked disappointed that he hadn't been listening. As though he thought what she had to say was boring. But she wanted him to listen. Did she need his approval?  
  
"If you don't want to talk about this, we could talk about something else," she offered. "I just thought I'd..."  
  
"You're bleeding," Luka interrupted. "Your knee."  
  
A cut had formed on Ceila's knee. The blood had become a solid blotch just under her kneecap.  
  
Ceila shot a look at her knee.  
  
"Oh...." she gasped. She looked embarrassed. "I must have cut myself when I fell."  
  
"I guess so," Luka supposed.  
  
He rose from his seat and asked the proprietor for a bandage.  
  
"Molim, dajte mi zavoj."  
  
The proprietor handed him his first-aid kit and Luka took from it some salve and a band-aid.  
  
Luka knelt to apply the bandage to Ceila's knee. He could sense tension under her skin.  
  
"Good thing you noticed it," Ceila smiled.  
  
He had noticed it, long after they had sat down at the table, when she was talking. He had been looking at it the whole time.  
  
"There," Luka said after he fixed her knee. "All better."  
  
He was still kneeling. He looked up at her. Her pale skin brightened with a little colour.  
  
"Thank you," she offered in a quiet, mellow tone.  
  
Luka tried not look her in the eye and rose. He offered his hand to her.  
  
"I will walk you home."  
  
Ceila gave him her hand.  
  
"Just to the el station will be fine," she said and rose from her seat.  
  
"Alright," Luka said softly.  
  
Ceila smiled and linked her arm with Luka's.  
  
The proprietor smiled quietly to himself.  
  
They walked out of the cafe, arm in arm, into the cold in a world filled with people but where they themselves felt quite alone.  
  
* 


	10. In the Bleak Midwinter

In the Bleak Midwinter  
  
Coldest. Day. Ever.  
  
In an unusual dip of the mercury, the temperature dropped to thirty below zero. The gusts of wind that belted the city through the night died down, leaving only a horrible frost and snowdrifts.  
  
The ER had been flooded with frozen homeless people suffering from frostbite and hypothermia. What a way to ring in the New Year.  
  
It was six in the morning. Ceila made her way past hordes of frostbitten patients.  
  
"Dr. Romano, I need an actual doctor to treat these people."  
  
Romano looked annoyed, irritated and cold. He wondered where the hell everybody was.  
  
"As loathe as I am to treat the great unwashed, I see for now that I have no choice."  
  
He tried to hold his ground amid the flopping masses. He was definitely annoyed.  
  
"Could you kindly tell me where the hell everybody is?!"  
  
"Dr. Kovac is still doing his ride-along penance, Dr. Corday is having some kind of childcare trouble and I have no idea where anyone else is," Ceila answered.  
  
"Would that include nurses?" Romano asked.  
  
Ceila nodded uneasily.  
  
Romano signed a chart and sighed heavily.  
  
"Well, you're in charge of the ER then."  
  
Ceila gaped.  
  
"What?! I can't...!"  
  
Romano stopped her.  
  
"Can is the first word in "Canadian", am I right?"  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"You don't really expect me to."  
  
"You're the only one here, so, yes, I expect you to hold the fort," Romano answered. "Hopefully, it won't be for long and I promise you, your endurance and professionalism will be rewarded with the best treat I feel like shelling out for."  
  
He started to walk away but uttered a curious witticism.  
  
"You know- you're like those huskies, you know- the ones with blue  
eyes. I should reward you with fresh salmon."  
  
"Oh, would you?!" Ceila sarcastically plumbed.  
  
Romano stopped before he got onto the elevator.  
  
"Your job right now is to track down our errant staff. That is how you can be in charge."  
  
"What about the patients?" Ceila asked.  
  
"Keep them waiting in chairs," Romano ordered.  
  
Romano pressed a button for a floor.  
  
"I have to be back in the surgical theatre. Page me only- I mean only- if it is an emergency." Ceila could only watch as Romano left her to tend to an entire ward.  
  
** The rig pulled up to a decrepit bungalow.  
  
Luka and a paramedic jumped out and grabbed their gear.  
  
"How long has she been there?" Luka asked.  
  
The paramedic shook his head.  
  
"I dunno. This is a bad neighbourhood so nobody notices anything unless it's on fire. But a neighbour noticed mail piling up so she thought she'd call us."  
  
"Considerate of her," Luka commented.  
  
"Yeah, right," the paramedic huffed in disbelief.  
  
"Come on, Ru(z," Luka addressed the paramedic.  
  
The two men trudged through knee-deep snow up to the bungalow's entrance. They made it to the door.  
  
Luka tried to open the door.  
  
"It's stuck."  
  
He looked at the bottom of the door. It was completely iced over.  
  
"She has been here for too long," Luka concluded.  
  
Ru(z looked around the side of the bungalow.  
  
"A water-pipe might be broken," he assumed.  
  
"In the house?" Luka asked.  
  
"Looks like it," Ru(z said.  
  
"If she's collapsed, she may be wet as well as cold," Luka surmised.  
  
"Wait here," Ru(z said and he ran back to the rig.  
  
He came back with a blowtorch.  
  
Luka raised a curious brow.  
  
"If you have any better ideas, Dr. Kovac.." Ru(z asked, knowing full well the tall doctor probably had none.  
  
"Go ahead!" Luka invited.  
  
Ru(z ignited the spark and started to melt the ice at the bottom of the door. With a big push, Ru(z opened the door.  
  
"I'm in."  
  
Luka carefully made his way into the house. There were old newspapers and other bits of rubbish iced to the floor.  
  
"You're right," Luka concurred. "A water-pipe was broken."  
  
"From the bathroom, maybe," Ru(z guessed.  
  
The men heard moaning coming from the other room. They made their way carefully to the room where they heard the moans. In the kitchen, an elderly woman lay immobile on her side. She wore only a thin nightgown and slippers. Her skin was grey. A thin stream of blood was on the right side of her head. Luka and Ru(z fell to their knees and crawled to her.  
  
"Madame!" Luka cried out. "Can you hear me?"  
  
The woman only moaned.  
  
"I'm so cold."  
  
Luka and Ru(z touched her.  
  
Luka gaped.  
  
"She's frozen to the floor!"  
  
"You've got to be shitting me!" Ru(z exclaimed.  
  
Luka started pounding a thin layer of ice under the woman with his fist.  
  
"Forget it!" Ru(z negated. "We've got to melt it with the torch!"  
  
"No!" Luka refused. "You'll burn her!"  
  
"No, I won't!" Ru(z denied and crawled to get his blowtorch.  
  
Luka touched the old woman's head.  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
"Hester," she answered in a weak voice.  
  
"We're going to take you to a hospital, Hester," Luka promised.  
  
Luka observed the dark bruise on Hester's face.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"The water.." Hester moaned.  
  
"Yes, yes," Luka nodded.  
  
Ru(z returned with his blowtorch.  
  
Luka gazed steadily at him.  
  
"I'll keep the flame low," Ru(z promised.  
  
Ru(z now turned his attention to Hester.  
  
"Ma'am, I'm going to try to free you. I don't want you to move, okay?"  
  
Ru(z started to melt the ice carefully.  
  
Luka could barely feel his fingers.  
  
"Hurry."  
  
Ru(z stayed focussed on his task at hand.  
  
"I'm getting there."  
  
"Please," Hester said in a weak voice. " I'm so cold."  
  
"We're nearly there," Luka assured her.  
  
Ru(z turned off the torch.  
  
"Done! I'll get a C-collar."  
  
Hester tried to kick.  
  
"Don't move, Hester," Luka warned her.  
  
Luka turned to Ru(z.  
  
"She has deep bruises on the right side of her face and shoulder, as well as fractures of the orbital bones and scapula."  
  
Ru(z returned with the C-collar and placed it carefully around Hester's neck.  
  
"She also exhibits signs of hypothermia and second-degree frostbite," Luka added. "Inhalation re-warming is our first course."  
  
"I have heat pads in the rig," Ru(z said.  
  
The men lifted Hester onto a stretcher and carefully lifted her outside.  
  
Ru(z wrapped a blanket around the woman.  
  
"I can't believe you were all by yourself, Hester!" Ru(z huffed. "You're a brave lady."  
  
"I want to get warm," Hester declared. "Do you have some tea?"  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"There is a nurse at the hospital who has all kinds of tea. She'll take care of you."  
  
**  
  
Ceila tried to speak into the phone as the din in the ER rose higher.  
  
"Gallant, please say you're working today," she pleaded.  
  
Gallant motioned to someone in his unit that he would only be a minute.  
  
"I can't come in," he regretted. "My unit needs me here at the base."  
  
"Shit!" Ceila cussed and ran her hand to the back of her head.  
  
"Sorry," Gallant apologized. "I guess it's just you and the rest of the docs."  
  
Ceila huffed.  
  
"No, it's just me."  
  
Gallant was incredulous.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah," she moaned. "Thanks. Stay loose."  
  
With that, Ceila hung up.  
  
The din and stress were mounting. Ceila made her way to the middle of the waiting area. "Would everyone please listen to me?!"  
  
It was still unbelievably noisy. Ceila grabbed an emesis bin and beat it against the wall. Now there was adequate silence.  
  
"Anyone who has pink to dark purple discoloration and chapping of their skin, please stand over there," she directed to the far left side of the waiting area. "You, no doubt, have frostbite."  
  
An impatient man huffed.  
  
"We do or we don't? Are you a doctor or what?"  
  
Ceila glared the man into submission.  
  
"No, I'm, an enforcer, dingus! Now move your ass!"  
  
Ceila resumed her litany.  
  
"People with chest pains, sit here please. People with breathing problems, excluding the common cold, sit right here. People with other problems, please, sit in the middle. Someone will be with you as soon as they can."  
  
The telephone at the admittance desk rang.  
  
Ceila ran and answered it.  
  
"Hello. County General Hospital. How can I help you?"  
  
"Ceila!" Luka puffed. "Where is everyone?"  
  
"It's just me and Romano for now," she explained. "He's trying to save a heart patient." Luka cussed to himself.  
  
"I can't believe it! Look- get Romano and prepare to receive an elderly patient with hypothermia and a broken shoulder."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Will do."  
  
Luka hung up.  
  
Ceila dialled a number and called Romano.  
  
"Dr. Romano, you're needed."  
  
**  
  
Luka and Ru(z wheeled in Hester. Ceila met them at the door and helped move the woman to Trauma Room one.  
  
"You can't reach anyone?" Luka queried.  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Nope."  
  
She looked at her watch.  
  
"It's six-forty-five now. Drs. Pratt and Chen should be here by seven."  
  
Luka shook his head. That simply would not do.  
  
"They need to be here now."  
  
Luka and Ceila started to re-warm Hester. Luka ordered x-rays.  
  
"I'm sorry, Dr. Luka. I've been pulling triple duty by being the desk help, resident student nurse and enforcer. I haven't been able to reach them yet."  
  
Luka and Ru(z raised curious brows.  
  
"Enforcer, huh?" Ru(z wondered.  
  
"Don't get her angry!" Luka joked.  
  
Luka started to treat Hester's other injuries.  
  
"Can I have some tea?" Hester asked as Luka prepared to set her broken bones. "The doctor said I could have some."  
  
Luka gave Ceila an approving look.  
  
"Okay," Ceila answered Hester. "I have orange pekoe, lemon, mint, jujube, green tea."  
  
"Just orange pekoe, please," the woman tried to smile.  
  
"When Dr. Kovac is finished with you, then I'll get you some tea," Ceila smiled.  
  
Ru(z prepared to leave.  
  
"Ya coming?"  
  
Luka wrapped his stethoscope about his neck.  
  
"I can't," he refused. "I'm needed here."  
  
Ru(z nodded.  
  
"I hear that. I'll get to Caruthers to cover for you."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Ru(z smiled.  
  
Wouldna met ya, wouldna know ya, Doc!"  
  
Luka smiled in return as Ru(z left the trauma room.  
  
Ceila started an IV for Hester.  
  
"Won't Dr. Weaver be mad at you?"  
  
Luka shrugged.  
  
"I suppose she will."  
  
Both of them laughed.  
  
The impromptu laughter stopped when Romano burst through the door.  
  
"Kowalski, stop flirting and get your tight ass over here!"  
  
Ceila scowled.  
  
"I need her here!" Luka snapped.  
  
Romano shook his head.  
  
"The old lady's stable. This kid isn't."  
  
Ceila cast a quick look at Luka.  
  
"Go!" he ordered and off she went  
  
In Trauma Room two, a young child lay immobile on the gurney. Her mother watched over her helplessly.  
  
"What happened?" Ceila asked.  
  
"She got outside," the mother tearfully explained.  
  
Ceila placed a gown on.  
  
"Alright, ma'am, you'll have to wait outside."  
  
The woman was shocked.  
  
"No! Let me stay!"  
  
Ceila turned to her.  
  
"We need to work. Please."  
  
The woman stumbled out of the room, never taking her eyes off of her child.  
  
Romano started to treat the child.  
  
"How does a five-year-old wander outside without her parents' knowing?"  
  
"You'd be surprised," Ceila answered.  
  
"Okay, pop quiz, Hot Shot," Romano queried, "How do we proceed with treatment?"  
  
"Core re-warming and an O2 mask of warm, moist air," Ceila answered.  
  
"Yeah," Romano nodded. "Anything else?"  
  
"Warm IV fluids of dextrose/saline but no drugs until the core temperature is above thirty-two degrees Celsius."  
  
Romano applied the O2 mask to the child.  
  
"Ding! Ding! Ding! Monty, tell her what she's won!"  
  
Ceila grinned at Romano's levity.  
  
Romano and Ceila started a warm solution for the child.  
  
"There are med students who couldn't give me so quick and precise an answer," he went on. "You should consider being a GP or, better yet, a surgeon. Don't waste your life with the proles."  
  
Ceila half-smiled.  
  
"I think I like where I am, Dr. Romano."  
  
"Pity," he muttered. "You'd be missing an opportunity to practise real medicine, and think of the perks! A salary with several zeroes."  
  
Ceila raised a rhetorical brow.  
  
"Is money everything?"  
  
I'm going to forget you said that," Romano snapped as he treated the child. "A good parking space."  
  
Ceila perked up.  
  
"Well, now you're talking."  
  
"And don't forget the golfing," Romano added. "If you like that sort of thing."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Well, then, backgammon," Romano supplied. "Whatever turns your crank."  
  
Ceila looked at the monitor.  
  
"BP gradually climbing. Body temp at twenty degrees."  
  
Romano concurred with the results.  
  
"She's improving. Lucky for her. Maybe there will be no brain damage."  
  
"Should I call Neurology?" Ceila asked.  
  
"Wait and see," Romano advised. "She's responding well. It doesn't look like she's been out for long. Look at her skin. She's pale and very little sign of frostbite."  
  
Ceila looked at the child's feet.  
  
"A little on her toes," she observed. "Was she dressed up when she came in?"  
  
Romano nodded.  
  
"She had her bed clothes on. What do you call them? The one-piece suit thing. Never mind. The mom caught her just in time."  
  
"Good," Ceila nodded. "She's improving quickly."  
  
Ceila checked the child's pupil.  
  
"I don't think I could take the meetings."  
  
Romano looked from the monitor.  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
Ceila looked at him.  
  
"I said I don't think I could take the meetings. All the official business and formalities."  
  
Romano huffed.  
  
"Let me level with you- the meetings are a myth."  
  
Ceila grinned wickedly.  
  
"Really? Get behind me, Satan!"  
  
Romano affected his patented evil look.  
  
"I knew you'd like it."  
  
Romano removed his gloves and tossed them away.  
  
"I want you to monitor her and let me know the second she wakes up."  
  
"What will you tell the mother?" Ceila asked.  
  
"That it looks like she'll pull through," Romano answered.  
  
Romano pulled away his gown.  
  
"Now, to treat the tired, the poor and the unwashed masses yearning to breathe in taxpayer-paid oxygen."  
  
Ceila wondered at his snark.  
  
"Even the great unwashed need medical care, Dr. Romano."  
  
Romano rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
Ceila laughed a little.  
  
"Has anyone ever told you that they liked you?"  
  
"Not that I'm aware of," he stodgily admitted.  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"Someone has now."  
  
"I'll make a note of it, Kowalski," Romano said. "And keep an eye on that kid!"  
  
** Seven AM.  
  
Chen looked at her watch and kicked the floorboard of Pratt's car.  
  
"We are so late!"  
  
Pratt merely gripped the steering wheel and peered at the immense car pile- up out of the frosted windshield.  
  
"Yeah, well, nobody else is moving, either, so we'll be late together."  
  
Chen simply rolled her eyes.  
  
"At least Weaver the Cleaver isn't working this morning."  
  
Pratt grinned at her snipe.  
  
"The last thing I need is to hear that nasal, high-pitched bark of her's!" Chen fumed.  
  
"Jing-mei, you're late! I'm docking your pay!" she mimicked Kerry.  
  
Pratt laughed.  
  
"That sounds just like her!"  
  
The mirth died down a little. Pratt hit the steering wheel forcelessly and wondered what was going on.  
  
"Something's up."  
  
He rolled down his window and flagged a police officer that was monitoring the stopped traffic.  
  
"Hey! What's the hold-up?"  
  
The police officer approached Pratt.  
  
"A broken water-main."  
  
The police officer's walkie-talkie buzzed. He answered it.  
  
"This is Officer Rickman. We need an ambulance on the corner of North Wabash Avenue."  
  
Chen reached over Pratt.  
  
"Officer, what is it?"  
  
"A man is having a heart attack," he answered.  
  
Chen unfastened her seatbelt.  
  
"I'm a doctor," she put in. "I can help."  
  
She opened the passenger side door.  
  
"Greg, call County."  
  
Pratt shook his head.  
  
"There's no way they'll get an ambulance through this!"  
  
Chen slammed the door.  
  
"They'll have to!"  
  
Chen ran along side Officer Rickman.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
Rickman pointed several metres ahead of the pile-up.  
  
"Up here."  
  
Chen and Rickman stopped at a middle-aged woman crouched over a man.  
  
"Ma'am, this woman is a doctor," Rickman explained.  
  
The middle-aged woman was crying.  
  
"He hates traffic build-up," she sobbed. "We normally take the el."  
  
Chen knelt to examine the man.  
  
"Does he have a heart condition? Is he taking medication?"  
  
"My husband just takes Digoxin," the woman cried.  
  
Chen appreciated no breath or cardiac sounds.  
  
"Dammit!" she cussed under her breath.  
  
She started compressions.  
  
**  
  
Pratt pulled out his cell phone and called County General.  
  
A deep voice answered the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Pratt was puzzled.  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"It's Kovac," Luka answered.  
  
"Where the hell is Randi?" Pratt spat.  
  
"Where are you?" Luka returned. "We need doctors and nurses here now!"  
  
Pratt sighed heavily.  
  
"Look, we're stuck because of a broken water main. We were on our way when it happened. That's not important now. There's a guy in full cardiac arrest."  
  
"Stabilize him and bring him in," Luka ordered.  
  
Pratt rolled his eyes.  
  
"How the hell can we bring him in with this car pile-up?"  
  
"Find a way," Luka said and hung up.  
  
Pratt, likewise, disconnected. He cussed to himself. He got out of the car and ran to Chen. She was performed CPR on the downed man. Chen gave him a quick look.  
  
"I can't feel my hands," she revealed. "We need to get him to a hospital."  
  
Pratt could only look at her.  
  
"I just hope an ambulance can get through this pile-up."  
  
Pratt turned to Rickman.  
  
"Is there any way to clear some of this traffic? Just enough for an ambulance to get through?"  
  
Rickman threw his hands in the air  
  
"How? Would you like me to clear an entire sidewalk?"  
  
Pratt returned his frustration with impatience.  
  
"If that's what it takes, yeah! Unless you want to carry this man on your back, I suggest you find a way!"  
  
Rickman wouldn't argue. He got on his walkie-talkie and tried to negotiate a solution.  
  
Pratt knelt next to the man.  
  
"Let me take over."  
  
Chen backed away and let Pratt resume compressions.  
  
"I wish I brought my med bag," she wished.  
  
Pratt now looked at his watch.  
  
"He's been down for nearly ten minutes."  
  
"Keep trying," Chen implored.  
  
Rickman ran back.  
  
"If you can move him to the side street just down here, then we can transport him."  
  
Pratt nodded.  
  
"How do we move him?" Chen asked.  
  
Rickman grinned and pulled a sled he had dragged behind him.  
  
"A neighbourhood kid was good enough to let me borrow it for a minute."  
  
Chen couldn't believe the dumb luck.  
  
"Whatever works!"  
  
Pratt and Rickman carefully lifted the man onto the sled. Pratt now turned to Chen and tossed her his car keys.  
  
"You'll have to move my car."  
  
Chen scowled.  
  
"He's my patient!"  
  
"If you can move him, then he's all yours," Pratt returned.  
  
Chen had to relent.  
  
The man's wife grabbed Pratt's arm.  
  
"Can I come? Please?"  
  
Pratt nodded.  
  
"Come on."  
  
The woman followed Pratt and Rickman to an ambulance waiting on a side street.  
  
Chen watched them. Traffic slowly moved and started to disperse.  
  
**  
  
Pratt wheeled his patient in. Luka met him at the door.  
  
"What's open?" he asked.  
  
"Trauma Room one," Luka answered. "Do you need help?"  
  
"I'm good," Pratt replied. "We got him back on the sled."  
  
Luka was baffled.  
  
"Long story," Pratt sighed.  
  
Luka shrugged off the puzzlement.  
  
"Where is Dr. Chen?"  
  
"She's coming, if the traffic moves," Pratt assumed.  
  
**  
  
Ceila continued to watch her young patient all the while trying to convince her friend, Jeff, to forego his day off and cover for a couple of hours.  
  
"Don't you think Rosie would be better off here, just in case she goes into labour? Well, it looks like she may be well ahead of the game, Jeff, so you're stuck."  
  
She rolled her soft blue eyes.  
  
"Well, whatever. Where's Jeff? Duh! Of course the other one! Really? When's he coming back? Aw, shag it! No, Jeff, the ER's not just fucked, it's a different level of fucked!"  
  
Ceila noticed that the child's eyes started to flutter.  
  
"Jeff, I have to go. Someone needs me."  
  
Ceila hung up and went to the gurney. She touched the child's head.  
  
"Hey?"  
  
The girl opened her eyes.  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"Good to have you back."  
  
The girl breathed heavily into the oxygen mask.  
  
"Mommy!"  
  
Ceila tried to soothe her.  
  
"Your mum is outside. I'll go get her."  
  
Ceila leaned out the door and called the child's mother.  
  
"She's awake!"  
  
The woman ran into the trauma room and hugged her child.  
  
Ceila looked at them both and then left the trauma room without a sound.  
  
Romano finished treating yet another frostbite victim.  
  
"Is the kid awake?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes. All signs are vital."  
  
Romano nodded without looking at her.  
  
"Good. Man the desk for a few. See if any of the miscreants who are supposed to work here are actually going to show up today. And you have my express permission not to take any crap from them."  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes a little and sat behind the desk for another number- crunching phase.  
  
**  
  
Abby stepped lightly on the ice outside her apartment. As lightly as one could step when one was late for work.  
  
She ran carefully to the el train. She scolded herself. She drank too much last night and now she was beyond late for work. She just hoped Carter would forgive her.  
  
**  
  
Eight AM.  
  
Romano had to run upstairs (something about "that bastard Ferguson"), leaving Luka, and now Chen and Pratt, to hold down the fort. Things were getting a little better but the ER was still short of nurses and desk staff. Ceila had been running from the desk to either a trauma room or a suture room or a curtain and found that her patience was wearing thin. This was evident to a bundled-under blonde who stopped at the admittance desk.  
  
"What do you mean heat stroke?" Ceila barked into the phone impatiently. "Oh, I see- a heat strike! Well, you know what I think a heat strike is? A heat strike is the mating call of somebody who has a stupid sense of entitlement! You know, half the world works in conditions that would be intolerable for dogs yet no one thinks twice about it! Now we have patients who need care and they need it now so you can either forget this "strike"- if you want to call it that- and come in, or I'll get scabs to replace you and not just any scabs but Canadian scabs who will not only work but do things properly!"  
  
Ceila slammed down the phone.  
  
"Excuse me!" the blonde addressed Ceila.  
  
"Yes?" Ceila snapped impatiently.  
  
"You've got patients backed up," the blonde observed.  
  
Ceila did not need updates.  
  
"Yes. I see that."  
  
The woman tried to offer a suggestion.  
  
"Well.. It might help if you..."  
  
Ceila came out from the desk and stood face-to-face with the strange woman.  
  
"What? If I try to clear the board, things would be better? Do you think I don't know that? What do you think I've been think I've been trying to do? I've been everybody's gopher since three in the morning! I've answered phones, ran errands and treated patients when there was other medical professional around! I'll tell you what I know right now! That man over there has congestive heart failure, those three over there have frostbite in their extremities. That woman's daughter has a fever and three babies have the croup. If you think you can do better, then do it!"  
  
Ceila looked defeated. She spun around and crossed her arms, pouting.  
  
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to yell!"  
  
The blonde woman only let out a chuckle.  
  
"Don't worry about it! And I wasn't commenting on your ability to hold all of this together. Believe me- I've been through this! I totally know how you feel!"  
  
Ceila turned around slowly.  
  
"Really?"  
  
The woman smiled and nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Ceila cleared her throat. She looked sorry she ever snapped.  
  
"Do you have an appointment or something?"  
  
The woman shook her head.  
  
"No. Just popped in to say hello."  
  
She peered at Ceila's name-badge.  
  
"Cecilia?"  
  
"Ceila," Ceila corrected. "Like keh-la. It's Gaelic. It means, "together". Not that I have my shit together right now, or anything. You know, I just need some tea."  
  
"Why don't you just get some?" the woman suggested. "I'll watch things here."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No. No, thank you. I have to.. you know, be here."  
  
The woman started to remove her coat and sit behind the desk.  
  
"Take off for a few minutes," she pushed. "I'll watch things. I was a doctor here. I know where everything's put. Just go."  
  
Ceila shrugged slightly.  
  
"Well.. I just have to get some tea. I'd be back in a couple of minutes."  
  
The blonde woman waved her off.  
  
"Go!"  
  
Ceila smiled her gratitude and went to the lounge.  
  
She could not deny she was grateful for a few minutes of peace and quiet. She had been on her feet for hours. She would just get a cup of tea and be right back.  
  
Ceila's cell phone went off. She rummaged through her shoulderbag and answered it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Kowalski?"  
  
Ceila crossed her arms.  
  
"How did you get this number?  
  
"Never mind that!" the voice snapped. "Just get up to the el. I'm stuck."  
  
Ceila was incredulous.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah," the unfavourably familiar voice intoned. "Really."  
  
**  
  
Ceila threw on her parka and ran to the el tracks that stopped outside of County General. She chugged up the steps. The el train, it seemed, was literally in medias res. It had stopped. Passengers tried to pry open the door or the window. Carter was one such passenger.  
  
Ceila couldn't believe it. Her face bore a "the hell?" expression.  
  
"Don't just stand there!" Carter cried with hands trying to pry open a window. "Give me a hand!"  
  
Ceila pushed on the window. It was opened halfway and would not budge any more.  
  
"This window could use some W-4," she commented. "You'll have to crawl out like this. I'll get a firefighter to jimmy this door open."  
  
Carter tried to crawl out of the half-opened window of the el car. He gracelessly landed on the hard cement. He stood up trying to retain his dignity. Others clumsily followed suit.  
  
"I heard this happened in Russia once," Ceila noted.  
  
Carter dusted himself off.  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm late because of this damn train! Who's on?"  
  
"Dr. Kovac, Dr. Pratt, Chen and Romano," she answered. "No nurses but me. Oh! And a blonde doctor! She said she worked here before!"  
  
A man rubbed his hand.  
  
"I think I hurt my hand when I fell out," he pouted. "Can you do something?"  
  
Ceila grabbed some ice from the roof of the train, handed it to the man and made her way along with Carter to the hospital. Carter grabbed on the railing so as not fall.  
  
"What do you mean you think she is a doctor?" he asked.  
  
Ceila shrugged.  
  
"She said she was and that's good enough for me at this point."  
  
Carter couldn't believe it.  
  
"What? You just let anyone in because they say they are doctors? She could be an escaped lunatic for all we know!"  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes far back into her skull.  
  
"Fear not! You don't have to worry about that, Dr. Carter! Your metal detectors would have kept her out!"  
  
Carter, incensed, spun his head to her and raised an angry finger.  
  
"Don't you dare..!"  
  
The blonde woman had approached Carter unawares.  
  
"John?"  
  
Carter stopped, his expression made softer by memory. Carter smiled at the familiar face.  
  
"It's good to see you again, Anna."  
  
**  
  
Ceila broke away from Carter and his old friend (or flame). They looked genuinely happy to see one another, Ceila thought. She had since left them and went to retrieve her tea. On her way out of the lounge, she nearly bumped into Randi.  
  
Ceila gaped.  
  
"OH, thank GOD you're here!"  
  
Randi just shivered.  
  
"Please say you've got more of that in the lounge and that it's piping hot."  
  
"Oh yeah," Ceila nodded.  
  
Randi, too, thanked God and went into the lounge to help herself to some hot tea. Ceila re-entered the lounge.  
  
"We are very short-staffed. You've got to man the desk."  
  
Randi sipped the hot tea.  
  
"That's why they pay me the small bucks."  
  
Ceila grinned and returned to the admittance desk. Once again, she nearly ran into somebody. Abby emerged very quickly from the cold and ran to Carter, practically ignoring the woman he was speaking with.  
  
"John, I am so sorry I was late!" Abby apologized. "You know, the weather and everything."  
  
Carter could not believe her unawareness but chose to ignore it. He extended his hand to Anna.  
  
"This is Anna Del Amico. An old friend," he explained.  
  
Anna only smiled.  
  
Abby tried to compose herself.  
  
"Hello."  
  
Anna swung out her hand.  
  
"Hi."  
  
Abby smiled awkwardly.  
  
"I'm sure John's told you all kinds of bad stories about me."  
  
Anna shook her head.  
  
"No, he hasn't."  
  
Carter looked a bit awkward.  
  
"Well, you have to punch in before Kovac gets up on your grill about being late."  
  
Carter and Anna left Abby.  
  
"No, he wouldn't do that," Abby said out of earshot.  
  
Abby turned to the lounge, shuffling as she went.  
  
Ceila ran up to her.  
  
"You are immensely late!"  
  
Abby spun around to her and snapped.  
  
"Sorry, Little Nurse Muffet! I'll never do it again!"  
  
Ceila became nonchalant.  
  
"WhatEVER! Don't get your back up because you are late and the entire hospital is short of nurses."  
  
Abby ignored her and put her things away in her locker.  
  
"Anyway," Ceila continued, "there are several patients who presented with frostbite and are now in various stages of treatment. There are also three children with croup, a man with congestive heart failure and is now being monitored. Dr. Kovac brought in an elderly woman with fractures and hypothermia. She has to be transported to Geriatrics. Abby, are you getting this?"  
  
Abby did not look at her. She only folded her hands together.  
  
"What's wrong?" Ceila asked.  
  
Abby spun around.  
  
"Nothing. Nothing at all."  
  
**  
  
Carter and Anna walked in and out of suture rooms, chatting as they went.  
  
"I haven't heard from you in ages," Carter said.  
  
"Well, you could have written, too!" Anna returned.  
  
Carter shrugged.  
  
"You know me! Work, work, work!"  
  
Anna only looked at him.  
  
"And you were attacked."  
  
Carter froze.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Anna was concerned.  
  
"How are you? I mean- really?"  
  
Carter formed and unformed fists.  
  
"Just getting by. I have to."  
  
Anna nodded.  
  
"At least Weaver keeps you busy!" she joked.  
  
Carter threw his head back and laughed.  
  
"Yeah, she does!"  
  
"That candy-striper up there is proof of that!" Anna noted.  
  
Carter knew she meant Ceila.  
  
"Oh! Kowalski? She's a student nurse, and she doesn't know the meaning of the word stress."  
  
Anna couldn't believe it.  
  
"Well, she looked wiped to me!"  
  
Carter wrapped his stethoscope about his neck.  
  
"She thinks jumping out of airplanes is good exercise. Trust me- she doesn't know the meaning of the word stress!"  
  
**  
  
Abby started her rounds very late. She shuffled along. Luka came out of a suture room.  
  
"Abby, you're here!" he cried.  
  
"Yep," she mumbled.  
  
Luka approached her.  
  
"You're very late."  
  
"I know," she mumbled again.  
  
"I should tell about the status of some of the patients," he offered.  
  
"Don't bother," she refused. "Ceila already did."  
  
Abby walked away from Luka. He raised his hands in mock defence, for fear she may bite his head off.  
  
**  
  
Randi chewed on a muffin and mumbled into the phone.  
  
"Yeah, Kovac is here, looking all fine in a black turtleneck. Carter is here now. Chen and Pratt are, too. Yeah. Kowalski was, I guess. Yeah. Okay. Bye for now, Dr. Weaver."  
  
Randi hung up the phone only to answer it again went it rang.  
  
"County General. How can I help you? Oh, hi, Jeff! How's the wife? Oh! That soon, huh? Kowalski? Yeah. I'll see if she's around."  
  
Randi toddled off to the lounge and tapped Ceila on the shoulder.  
  
"Jeff's on line two."  
  
Ceila picked up the phone and spoke.  
  
"Hello? Jeff? What's the matter? You think you should bring Rosie in? She may not be due for another two weeks but it's better to bring her in if you think it's best."  
  
Ceila's cell phone went off. She reached into her shoulderbag and screened the call. The monitor read unknown number. She impatiently shut the phone off.  
  
"Okay. Jump the car and come down. I'll see if someone from OB can monitor her."  
  
Ceila hung up and swallowed the last of her tea. It was time to get back to work.  
  
**  
  
Jeff pulled out a duffle bag from the closet and started to put a few things in. His eight-and-a-half months pregnant wife, Rosemary, waddled into the bedroom.  
  
"I feel fine now," she said with her hand on her swollen belly. "Maybe it was one of those false contractions."  
  
Jeff shrugged.  
  
"Maybe. And maybe it's something else."  
  
Rosemary smiled and walked over to her husband. She brushed her hand through his dark hair.  
  
"You are a worrywart!"  
  
Jeff spun his head to her.  
  
"I am not!" he denied.  
  
Rosemary only laughed.  
  
"Yes you are! And you will stop smoking! It's definitely not good for the baby!"  
  
Jeff was frustrated by her blasé attitude.  
  
"What if something happens?! At least you'd have doctors near you."  
  
Rosemary did not want to argue any more.  
  
"I'll go for an hour. If they give me all-clear, I am out the door. There's stuff I have to do."  
  
Jeff nodded and kissed his wife.  
  
"That's all I ask, mikan."  
  
**  
  
Lizzie checked that Ella was secure in her baby seat and wrapped a blanket over her. She hushed her.  
  
"Be still. We're going to the hospital today. Just for today, darling."  
  
Lizzie started the car.  
  
"You'll have so much fun with the other children."  
  
"Santa," Ella mumbled.  
  
Lizzie shook her head.  
  
"No, Ella, Father Christmas is gone home. He'll back next year with lots of presents."  
  
Lizzie adjusted the rear-view mirror and backed out of the garage.  
  
"Here we go!"  
  
**  
  
Jeff gripped the steering wheel. He looked right and left.  
  
"Damn light!" he cussed.  
  
Rosemary had her head back on the headrest.  
  
"We're nearly there, right?"  
  
Jeff reached for her.  
  
"Rosie?"  
  
She breathed heavily.  
  
"Good thing you were taking me to the hospital!"  
  
Jeff slapped the dashboard.  
  
"Shag the light! I'm running it!"  
  
Rosemary shook her head.  
  
"Don't! The last thing you need is some cop giving you grief!"  
  
Jeff pressed his foot on the gas.  
  
"Let him!"  
  
Jeff had to brake suddenly. A pedestrian slapped the hood and marched the driver's side door. Jeff rolled down the window.  
  
"I'm sorry!" Jeff quickly apologized. "You okay?"  
  
"I might not be if you didn't stop, jerkass!" the toqued pedestrian shouted.  
  
Jeff tried to contain his impatience.  
  
"I've got to take my wife to the hospital!"  
  
The pedestrian's look softened.  
  
"Can I help? I'm a doctor."  
  
Before Jeff could refuse, Rosemary cried out in pain.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes!" the pedestrian said and climbed into Jeff's car.  
  
The pedestrian slapped Jeff's headrest and pointed to the now green light.  
  
"Get a move-on!"  
  
Jeff couldn't believe the nerve of this stranger but Rosemary's pain was paramount to any potential fisticuffs.  
  
"How far along are the contractions?" the pedestrian asked.  
  
"Maybe about ten-fifteen minutes," Rosemary panted. "I thought they were false contractions."  
  
The pedestrian shook his head.  
  
"Nope. If your husband steps on the gas, you can get to County General before the kid is born."  
  
"Done and done," Jeff said as he turned to the direction of the hospital.  
**  
  
Jeff and the pedestrian both carried Rosemary into the hospital. Abby ran to them with a wheelchair. She looked at the pedestrian, stunned.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
The pedestrian returned her stunned look with a sarcastic one.  
  
"What are you doing here? Do you work here or something?"  
  
Abby ignored his snark and helped Rosemary into the wheelchair. She wheeled her to the elevator. Jeff ran along side them. He turned quickly.  
  
"Hey! Thanks!"  
  
They disappeared into the elevator. The pedestrian could only give a brief thumbs-up.  
  
**  
  
Luka stopped Ceila before she could take the elevator to the obstetrical ward.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"McFarlane brought in his wife. She is having the baby now. That's where Abby is and I'm going to see them!" she panted.  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"You can't. You have to stay here. You're needed."  
  
Ceila stamped her foot.  
  
"But I want to see the baby! Everything here's fine!"  
  
Luka took her by the wrist.  
  
"You can see the baby later. Let's go!"  
  
Ceila would not go easily.  
  
"But I want to see the baby now!"  
  
Luka huffed.  
  
"You are a baby!"  
  
"I am not!" she pouted.  
  
Just then, Romano stamped out of the elevator. Luka and Ceila stopped their feud.  
  
"Damn Ferguson!" he muttered.  
  
He looked at his watch.  
  
"Kowalski, it's eleven-twenty. If any of the soon-to-be-unemployed nurses shows up, you can take a hike!"  
  
He marched into a trauma room without looking at either Luka or Ceila. The two of them shrugged. It had been a long day and it was not even noon yet.  
  
**  
  
Abby kept her voice low as she talked into her cell phone. The nursery was still half-filled with New Year's arrivals, Jeff and Rosemary's newborn son being among them.  
  
"Yeah, I know, Conni, but things have cleared up a little so I think you can make it out. As far as I know, things in ER have settled down. No, I'm in the neonatal ward. McFarlane's wife had her baby. She had a little boy. Yeah."  
  
Abby tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
"Say again? Ceila threatened to replace you with Canadian scabs?"  
  
Abby rolled her eyes with that bit of information.  
  
"Yeah, well, maybe you should get down here fast. Romano and Weaver have taken her under their satanic wings and, for all we know, she's the Second Coming of.something evil."  
  
**  
  
It had just turned twelve. Susan had arrived and looked about. There were only a few patients waiting and the board looked clear. She spied an exhausted Luka coming out of a suture room.  
  
"You look wiped!"  
  
Luka smiled as he rubbed the back of his neck.  
  
"I am very tired."  
  
Susan smiled at him.  
  
"At least you don't have to do ride-alongs any more."  
  
Luka nodded fervently.  
  
"Oh yes. Now I have only forced labour here!"  
  
Susan chuckled at his joke.  
  
"You guys held down the fort really well," she noticed.  
  
"You mean only three people took care of over eighty patients?" Luka queried. "Yes, I suppose we held down the fort very well. If Kerry doesn't notice, then I don't know what to do!"  
  
Susan understood his frustration.  
  
"You're not the only who hasn't felt appreciated!"  
  
Conni burst through the bay doors, shivering, despite the fact that she was incredibly bundled under. She removed her gloves as she charged into the lounge.  
  
"If that skinny-ass kid called in some sub, I'll kill her!"  
  
Susan and Luka shivered for Ceila  
  
**  
  
Carter checked the blood pressure of a homeless man who now found respite from the cold. Anna waited at the foot of the patient's bed.  
  
"How long are you staying?" Carter asked.  
  
"Heading back tomorrow," she answered.  
  
Carter looked hurt.  
  
"You're in and out!"  
  
Anna reached out her hand and touched Carter's elbow.  
  
"At least we managed to hook up."  
  
Carter returned her smile.  
  
"You know, maybe we can have dinner? Just the two of us. I know a great Korean place!"  
  
Anna was touched by the idea.  
  
"Great! When are you off?"  
  
"At eight-thirty!" he piped up excitedly.  
  
Anna grinned.  
  
"It's the bomb!" she grinned. "I'll swing by at eight-thirty!"  
  
"Great!" Carter nodded. "I'll see you then!"  
  
Anna went to get her coat.  
  
"Don't keep me waiting, John-boy!"  
  
Carter only laughed.  
  
**  
  
Lizzie had finally made it to the hospital, with Ella in tow. She burst into the lounge. Only Ceila and Conni were there, arguing about something.  
  
"No one's in a good mood?" Lizzie asked. "I wonder why?"  
  
Lizzie spied a thermos marked TEA on the table.  
  
"Oh, is that Tetley's? Thanks!"  
  
She grabbed it and ran out of the lounge.  
  
Ceila gaped at the theft of her precious tea.  
  
"What do you mean thanks?!"  
  
Conni poked Ceila in the shoulder.  
  
"Don't even think about trying to replace me again!"  
  
Conni stormed out of the lounge and started to work.  
  
Ceila puffed and slumped down on a chair. She wondered if she could now go home.  
  
**  
  
Abby saw that Carter was working on some charts in an empty treatment room. She knocked on the door and entered.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Carter looked up briefly and returned to his work.  
  
"Oh, hi."  
  
"Is your friend still here?" Abby asked.  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"Oh no. She had to go. I'll see her later."  
  
Abby's brow furrowed.  
  
"Later? You're inviting her over?"  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"No. we're. going out for dinner."  
  
Abby was intrigued.  
  
"Really? Can I come?"  
  
Carter put down his pen.  
  
"Uh, no. Sorry. I." He stumbled for a reply. "You see, I haven't seen her in ages. I just wanted to catch up on old times. You'd only be bored."  
  
Abby couldn't believe it.  
  
"You're shutting me out!"  
  
"No I'm not!" Carter denied.  
  
"Yes you are!" Abby returned. "You didn't even tell her we were going out!"  
  
"It never came up!" Carter explained.  
  
A look of clean disgust was etched on Abby's face.  
  
"Nothing ever comes up with you, does it, John?!"  
  
Abby stamped away before Carter could say another word.  
  
**  
  
Ceila had enough.  
  
She sat down, put her feet up on the table and swallowed obscene spoonfuls of ice cream. Romano had rewarded her endurance.  
  
Abby had a scowl on her face when she came into the lounge in search of coffee. She cast her eyes to Ceila.  
  
"Are you eating ice cream? It's like fifteen degrees outside!"  
  
Ceila swallowed a spoonful of ice cream.  
  
"It's now minus twenty degrees Celsius," she answered. "And yes, I am eating ice cream. I deserve it!"  
  
Abby raised an incredulous brow.  
  
"You do?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"For being a good Girl Scout?" Abby spat.  
  
Ceila dug into the tub of ice cream.  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
She shoved a spoonful into her mouth.  
  
"It's Fat Girl's Choice Chocolate-Cherry Swirl."  
  
Now Abby was interested in the ice cream.  
  
"Oh, really?! That stuff's fantastic! Can I have some?"  
  
Ceila unleashed her rage in languid way.  
  
"Fuck you!"  
  
Abby was appalled.  
  
"Oh, come on! Stop being rude! You're not going to eat all of that, anyway!"  
  
Ceila glared at Abby, adding an eerily evil glow to her pale blue eyes.  
  
"Yes, I am going to eat of all of this fucking ice cream because I showed up for my fucking shift and worked everybody else's fucking shifts, too! So, if you don't mind, I'm going to continue to eat this fucking tub of fucking delicious ice cream!"  
  
Luka walked into the lounge.  
  
"I showed up for work. May I please have some of your fucking ice cream?"  
  
"Yes, you fucking may," Ceila allowed.  
  
Luka thanked Ceila and marvelled at the ice cream's taste.  
  
"Mmmmm.this is fucking good ice cream."  
  
Abby left in disgust. She did not want to be in the same room with people who would not share their ice cream.  
  
**  
  
Ceila left Luka to eat the rest of the ice cream and went to the neonatal ward. She peered through the window of the nursery. There was Jeff's son, a little bundle of pink flesh wrapped in a blue blanket.  
  
"Ya wanna hold him?"  
  
Ceila looked around. It was Jeff, beaming. It was a decidedly odd look for him.  
  
"No," she gently refused. "Just let him sleep."  
  
She spied the name-card.  
  
"David! You called him David! That is such a good name!"  
  
"I think so, too!"  
  
Both Ceila and Jeff turned around. Jeff grimaced. It was that damn pedestrian! Ceila knew him by another name. She jumped on the pedestrian and hugged him tight.  
  
"Malucci!"  
  
Ceila broke her embrace.  
  
"It's so good to see you again!"  
  
Malucci cupped Ceila's face in his hands.  
  
"You, too, ya mutt!"  
  
Jeff didn't care for the familiarities.  
  
"Kid, you know this jerk-off?"  
  
Malucci scowled at Jeff.  
  
"That's the thanks I get for my Good Samaritan act?"  
  
Ceila now turned to Jeff.  
  
"Dave helped you? Jeff, you've got to be grateful. Malucci is always ready to help."  
  
Ceila hugged Malucci again.  
  
Jeff couldn't be bothered with arguing.  
  
"You still didn't tell me how you know this jerk-off."  
  
"I met him at a dig near Norman Wells," Ceila explained.  
  
"A dig?" Jeff intoned quizzically.  
  
"Yeah," Malucci spat.  
  
"What were you digging for?" Jeff asked as he crossed his arms.  
  
"Someone in my family tree who fell to his death in the Mackenzie Valley and was amazingly preserved in an ice bed," Ceila answered.  
  
Jeff could not contain his enthusiasm, which at the time was a cross between indifference and a morbid interest in something that froze to death in northern Canada.  
  
"Yummy."  
  
Ceila hoped he meant it.  
  
"I didn't even know what I had stumbled across until I found a post on a pathology listserve inquiring about Arctic exhumations. Malucci and his pathologist-boss were keen to see what I found."  
  
Jeff perked up a little.  
  
"So, someone who was trying to exhume intact flu victims from the early twentieth century ended up digging up some yahoo you're related to instead?"  
  
"In a nutshell!" Ceila grinned with glee.  
  
"Wow," Jeff deadpanned. "No. Really. Wow."  
  
Ceila disbelieved his lack of zeal.  
  
"Now, Jeff, I know you don't really mean that!"  
  
Ceila wrapped a tight arm around Malucci and resumed her reminiscences.  
  
"Malucci and I became tight."  
  
"Too tight!" Malucci said as he tried to extract himself from Ceila's unyielding embrace.  
  
Ceila boxed him in the arm.  
  
"You're such a nob!"  
  
Jeff still had his arms crossed as he listened to Ceila's narrative.  
  
"Well, this is all too fascinating but I have take my David to my wife."  
  
Malucci gave Jeff an enthusiastic thumbs-up.  
  
"It's good that you named the little guy after me!"  
  
The red rose in Jeff's face.  
  
"We were thinking of that name for a while, dumbass!"  
  
Ceila laughed.  
  
"Jeff, I'll come by to see David and Rosemary later."  
  
Ceila and Malucci staggered playfully from Jeff, laughing as they did so.  
  
**  
  
Susan was now running the ER, at least until Kerry arrived. Luka took the opportunity to see Jeff, his wife and the new baby. He made his way down the hall of the obstetrical ward at a brisk pace. His pace slowed when he saw two familiar faces in very close proximity of one another. Malucci was there. Luka hadn't seen the young man in a long time. Luka remembered the letter Malucci had written him months ago- a request to look after his friend, Ceila. Luka watched in the distance as Ceila wrapped an arm around Malucci.  
  
Luka now stopped. He fulfilled his end of the bargain, he supposed. Turning around, he promised himself he would see the new baby at a later time. It was best to leave lives in others' arms, anyway.  
  
* 


	11. Out of the Dead Land

Out of The Dead Land  
  
I would cut the waist of  
  
The long November night,  
  
And roll one half  
  
And keep it under my coverlet  
  
Of the spring breeze.  
  
And when my love returns to me  
  
I would unroll it inch by inch.  
  
February was unusually balmy. Global warming some said.  
  
Luka did not mind. He kept the window of his bedroom open and enjoyed the cool air on his bare skin. He had the night off, a welcome change from the purgatorial shifts he had been working since November. Since the beginning of the month, it seemed he was barely at the hospital. He saw more of his neighbours and friends in Little Zagreb than he did of his co-workers. That included Ceila.  
  
Ceila.  
  
He barely saw her at all. He remembered her walking with Malucci arm-in-arm in January. The memory pained him. He was growing closer to her, oblivious of the letter Malucci had sent and of the world around him. But when he saw them together, Luka moved away. Ceila was something out of his reach. Something he could never have. He felt a feeling that had been all too familiar in recent years. The torture of want somehow made the pain liveable.   
  
He remembered in August when Ceila was working her first shifts in the ER. They sat alone in the lounge. He taught her only how to say body parts and to count to three in Croatian. It kept her speech to a minimum. He went over journals as she did her assignments. She tore off pieces of paper and wrote questions.  
  
How do you say: "I know" in Croatian?  
  
He wrote: Znam  
  
She wrote back: How do you say: "I love you"?  
  
He looked at the note and then shot a quick look at her. Gulping only once, he wrote her the reply and gave it back to her.  
  
Volim te.  
  
Volim te.  
  
He remembered how she looked when she took the note. Her pale blue eyes had that eerie sheen. She hugged the note to her body and left the lounge, as if she were terrified by the gravity of the question and response.  
  
Everything that followed after- the gift of the poetry book, their suspension and the time they spent together, Christmas, when she fell into his arms and the blood on her skin.... Luka bit his lip. It had been some kind of flirtation. Nothing more. It was best, he deemed, to forget.   
  
**  
  
Ceila shut her eyes and hoped sleep wouldn't overtake her. She kept the window of her bedroom open to enjoy the cool air (being a child of the Arctic, she did not mind the temperature). She was moving around again- pediatrics, orthopedics, surgery. And the classes. She was busier than ever. She could no longer work part time at her filing job. Her studies had to take precedence over any minimum wage job. She would pull through somehow. All she wanted to do now was to think and rest. She thought of only one man.  
  
Luka, she thought, had been avoiding her as of late. It wasn't simply her moving from ward to ward. He barely looked at her. How did she offend him? How could she make it up to him?  
  
He occupied her thoughts a lot. He was there when she shut her eyes or when her thoughts drifted from more serious matters. Now, she thought about how to see him again. He was there from the beginning when no one had an ounce of faith in her. He did. She needed that faith again.  
  
Ceila remembered in late July when he needed her skills. She looked up to him. Literally. He was tall with a slight slouch about his shoulders. His dark hair was short but for a moment she imagined it longer. Dark wisps falling about his high cheekbones. She watched his lips as they moved in speech and heard only the deep cadences of his voice.  
  
"Do you understand, nurse?"  
  
She smiled slightly and nodded.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ceila now opened her eyes. It wasn't her being smitten. She recognized in him something she thirsted for- a presence and a power that no one could deny. Someone who could understand. She wanted it back.  
  
**  
  
Ceila was back in the ER. She was a born stress junkie the nurse manager professed. The ER staff was actually happy to see her again, even Susan and Carter. Luka kept his remove of her, though. Even in the close proximity of the elevator.  
  
Her black hair was pulled back in that unbecoming bun. A French roll, a plait, anything.  
  
Luka scolded himself for his thoughts. He was not interested in her. A student nurse. Another man's woman.  
  
Ceila offered Luka a polite smile.  
  
"It's good to be back, Dr. Luka."  
  
Luka nodded a little.  
  
"Are you going to the third floor?" he asked.  
  
Ceila shook her head, her eyes with that eerie sheen.  
  
"No. The eighth," she replied.  
  
Silence.  
  
Ceila turned to him and tried to engage him in some friendly conversation.  
  
"It's too warm for February," she noted. "It's so warm I can keep my bedroom window open."  
  
Strange, Luka thought. He could do the same but would not say as much.  
  
Ceila waited for an answer.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Luka now turned his head to her.  
  
"Sorry. I didn't hear you," he lied.  
  
A frown touched her lips.  
  
"Are you angry with me?"  
  
Luka turned his head to her again. He couldn't let her feel that way.  
  
"No. I...."  
  
Ceila still frowned.  
  
"You must be," she supposed. "Whenever I talk and you don't listen, I think that you don't care about what I'm saying. I know I'm not like your other friends but I like talking to you..."  
  
"It's not that," Luka said.  
  
Ceila was confused.  
  
"Then what? Ever since January, you've been avoiding me..."  
  
Luka's eyes, with a sense of guilt in them, were fixed on Ceila.  
  
She exhaled. She then laughed a nervous laugh that put Luka off.  
  
"You saw Malucci and me together and you're jealous!"  
  
The red of lividity rose in Luka's face.  
  
"I am not! I couldn't care less what you do in your spare time!"  
  
Ceila only laughed with a little more confidence with having figured out the source of estrangement.  
  
"You're jealous of Malucci and me?!"  
  
Luka squared his jaw and turned from Ceila.  
  
Ceila faced Luka.  
  
"Malucci is my friend," she stated. "Nothing more, nothing less."  
  
"You don't have to justify your relationship with him to me," Luka said.  
  
Ceila tried to look into his eyes.  
  
"There's nothing to justify. He is only my friend. I don't want him."  
  
Luka waited for her to say what he thought she must have been thinking. She only stopped when he looked straight into her eyes.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
Ceila swallowed.  
  
"I want you to meet my friends," she piped up. "And I can meet your friends. That way, we'll all be friends! Agreed?"  
  
The elevator stopped at the third floor. Luka was now stunned.  
  
"I don't think that would be a good idea."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Nonsense!" she refuted. "It's a great idea!"  
  
Luka got off, still looking at Ceila as she waved to him.  
  
"Be at my place at eight-thirty."  
  
**  
  
He is suddenly in the heat of the party  
  
slouching towards women, revolving round  
  
one unhappy shadow.  
  
Luka felt he was being suckered into something. Why couldn't he ever say no to Ceila?  
  
It was eight-thirty and he was at the door of the pad above the Vanilla Flower (he remembered how to get there but couldn't remember how he knew that). He knocked on the door.  
  
Ceila pulled the door open. Luka couldn't believe how completely different she looked after work. She wore her hair in a loose roll (much better than that unbecoming tight roll she affected for work). She could have impeccable taste in clothes when she tried (less revealing than the short skirt she wore on her first day at the ER). She had on a black knit halter top and skirt with knee-high black boots.  
  
"You're here!" Ceila cried. She grabbed Luka's arm. "Come in!"  
  
Luka was pulled in and thrust into a world he was afraid of. A tall, bespectacled man with spiky blond hair, a red-headed woman, a man who helped himself to beer, a blonde woman all looked at Luka and were all wearing black. It must have been required for the evening but Luka missed that bit of information. He, therefore, felt out of place in his navy-blue clothes. He tried to hide his feelings of self-consciousness as Ceila introduced him to her friends.  
  
"These are just a few of my friends," she explained as she pointed out the blond man, the redhead, the man with beer and the blonde respectively. "Craig, Bina, Gary and Alison (a friend from Canada)."  
  
Luka froze. He forgot what he was supposed to do in these situations. Everyone waited for him to say something.  
  
Ceila did it for him.  
  
"Dr. Kovac is from Croatia. He lived by the sea growing up. He is the attending physician where I work and he has a really weird birthmark on his arm. Ask him about it."  
  
She slapped him on the shoulder (the tattooed shoulder).  
  
"Take it away. Dr. Luka."  
  
With that, Ceila disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Luka to slowly back into the wall and grip it in fear of the black-clad strangers known as Ceila's friends.  
  
**  
  
Ceila arranged cut vegetables on a platter. Alison ran into the kitchen, keeping her high voice as low as she could.  
  
"Oh my God, Ceila!" she gaped. "He is everything and a bag of chips!"  
  
Bina followed suit.  
  
"My God! That man is six feet worth of sexy!"  
  
Ceila smiled a little.  
  
"Six feet four."  
  
Bina tapped Ceila on the shoulder.  
  
"You're stalking him!"  
  
Ceila placed a cherry tomato in her mouth.  
  
"No, I just observe things."  
  
Ceila walked out with the platter of vegetables.  
  
Alison rolled her head back.  
  
"Observes things! Right!"  
  
**  
  
The night wore on. Luka lost some of his inhibition and actually talked a little to Ceila's friends. Now, he looked at the pictures Ceila had displayed on the wall. Black-haired children. Mountains. A huge leaf.   
  
Ceila edged along side of him.  
  
"I know you don't like these sorts of things," she said softly.  
  
He turned to her briefly and resumed looking at the pictures.  
  
"I don't mind."  
  
"I only wanted you to meet my friends and my friends to meet you," she explained.  
  
He looked at her again.  
  
"I don't mind," he repeated. "Really. I like your friends."  
  
Ceila smiled warmly.  
  
"I'm glad you do. They like you and I know I'll like your friends."  
  
Luka returned her smile. He directed her attention to the pictures.  
  
"Who are these people? What is this?"  
  
Ceila looked and pointed to each picture.  
  
"These are my sisters and brother. These are the mountains in the west, and I found this leaf hiking around Georgian Bay. Remember I told you about that place?"  
  
Luka chuckled.  
  
"I remember something bad about a car!"  
  
Ceila looked embarrassed.  
  
"Well, I got that there, before I turned over the car."  
  
Luka still laughed at the incident and Ceila was still embarrassed.  
  
"Please say you don't have a mental picture of me in white t-shirt!"  
  
Luka did, as well as the turned-over car. He just buried his head in his hands, trying to hide the gales of laughter that flooded from his mouth.  
  
Ceila could only roll her eyes.  
  
**  
  
It was Saturday night. Luka invited Ceila to Little Zagreb. He felt confident to be seen with her there. No one from work could see them (how could they? They had no idea where he lived or cared what he did) and Ceila, Luka felt, was a woman to be seen with. Young, pretty, an easy manner with people. He felt she complemented his quiet stoicism.   
  
Aristotle Simunic lifted his head when Luka walked into the bar with a pretty girl on his arm.   
  
"Šime, Ti si ovdje! Kovo ona je?"  
  
Luka placed a friendly hand on Ceila's shoulder.  
  
"Moj ime je Ceila," she answered.  
  
Aristotle was impressed.  
  
"Your Croatian is good," he complimented. "Šime is a good teacher."  
  
Ceila smiled at Luka, who self-consciously skulked behind her.  
  
"Yes, he is."  
  
**  
  
They sat in the corner booth. Luka was on his second cigarette. Ceila was appalled that he should smoke but he disregarded her pouts. He only blew out shapely rings of smoke while Gojslava, Aristotle's wife, and Kaja, her daughter, told Ceila all about Luka.  
  
"His friend from medical school, Gordana, has more stories about him," Kaja revealed, a glint of friendly evil in her eye. "All the nasty things he's done!"  
  
Luka gave her a naughty look as he flicked his ash.  
  
Gojslava gently chided her daughter for her gossip.  
  
"Don't listen to her, Ceila! Šime is a very good boy! Would you like to see pictures of him when he was small?"  
  
Now Luka was worried.  
  
"Yes, I would!" Ceila said before Luka could refuse.  
  
Gojslava left the table to get the pictures.  
  
Kaja, likewise, rose from the table.  
  
"I have to get back to work," she said, giving the two a cautious look. "Make sure he's a gentleman."  
  
"Oh, I will," Ceila assured her.  
  
Luka and Ceila were now alone. Ceila rested her hands on the table.  
  
"You're bad, Dr. Kovac," she purred.  
  
Luka did not look at her. Maybe he felt a bit guilty. He smoked the last of his cigarette.  
  
Ceila locked her eyes on him.  
  
"You're more than what you seem."  
  
Luka mashed out his cigarette. He did not answer Ceila, or even look at her. He seemed bashful that any revelation about him left him in the open.  
  
Ceila craned her neck to see into his eyes. He giggled at her.  
  
"You're bad underneath, Šime!"  
  
Ceila toyed with her napkin.  
  
"Why do they call you Šime, anyway? What is that? A pet name or something?"  
  
"It's a just a nickname," Luka answered. "It's kind of common where I grew up."  
  
"Down by the sea," Ceila nodded. "With the rough rocks and the ports and the pirates who buried treasure! Ahoy!"  
  
Luka laughed.  
  
"I don't think there's any treasure where I lived!"  
  
Ceila was happy to see him laugh. He looked so beautiful when he did that.  
  
"Why don't you go back?" she asked.  
  
Luka fingered another cigarette.  
  
"I live here now."  
  
Ceila rested her arms on the table.  
  
"Don't you miss your home?"  
  
Luka thought for a second.  
  
"Kind of."  
  
He put his cigarettes away.  
  
"But I'm doing okay here."  
  
Ceila looked at him. He avoided her eyes the whole time he was talking to her.  
  
Gojslava returned with a bundle of photographs.  
  
"Here they are!"  
  
Luka buried his head in his hands.  
  
"Oh no!"  
  
Ceila wanted to rummage through them.  
  
"Any baby ones?"  
  
Gojslava picked one out. Ceila gushed over it.  
  
"Oh my God! What an angel!"  
  
Luka tried to hide under the table but couldn't fit.  
  
Ceila smiled evilly.  
  
"I'm going to scan this and use it as wallpaper on my computer."  
  
Ceila rose from her seat.  
  
"But for now, I'm going to get something to drink."  
  
Ceila made way to the bar where Aristotle was working. He gave her a brief look.  
  
"You get along well with Šime," he said without looking at her.  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"I like Dr. Kovac," she revealed.  
  
"I see that," Aristotle noted. "I even saw you with him once. He caught you when you fell in the market. I could see it from here."  
  
Ceila blushed a little.  
  
"I hoped I wouldn't have to relive that!"  
  
Aristotle firmly gazed at her.  
  
"What do you want with Šime?"  
  
Ceila was affronted by Aristotle's question.  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"I mean, why do follow him around?" Aristotle explained. "What's a pretty girl like you doing teasing him like that?"  
  
Ceila scowled at Aristotle.  
  
"What do you mean teasing? And what do you mean that I'm hanging around him? I'm just casual eye candy out for fresh meat?! That's disgusting! I shouldn't even dignify that with an answer!"  
  
"I've seen lots of pretty girls look at him," Aristotle said. "He doesn't need to be hurt."  
  
Aristotle looked Luka over Ceila's shoulder.  
  
"He's been through enough."  
  
"What are you saying?" Ceila asked.  
  
"I mean his wife," Aristotle explained.  
  
Ceila was incredulous over the bit of information.  
  
"Luka was married?"  
  
Aristotle gave her a scorching look.   
  
"She's dead now. Kids, too. All killed in Vukovar. He was hanging by a thread when he came here. He doesn't need to go through the past again, and he doesn't need someone to leave him!"  
  
Ceila did not answer Aristotle. Her eyes became glassy. An obstruction formed in her throat.  
  
"I didn't know that about him....."  
  
"He doesn't like to talk about it," Aristotle said. He pressed his hand on the counter. "Don't hurt him."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Never..."  
  
She took a glass of water and returned to the table. Luka could see how her white skin became whiter.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked.  
  
"Just tired," Ceila lied. "Could I please go home now?"  
  
Luka nodded. He bade Aristotle and Gojslava good night and walked Ceila out into the cool night air.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked. "You look sick."  
  
Ceila tried to laugh off Luka's concern.  
  
"I think I ate something that didn't agree with me," she lied. "I'll be okay once I get home."  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"I'll drive you."  
  
Ceila could not refuse.  
  
**  
  
The earth is hollow.  
  
It cannot feel the touch of walking feet,  
  
Or the kiss of falling rain.  
  
The grass under our feet is brown-  
  
Not green as when our children ran on it.  
  
The sky becomes angry.  
  
Crops do not grow.  
  
All the world is hungry  
  
And cannot be filled.  
  
At Ceila's request, Luka left her. Her apartment was dark save a few night lights. She hated the dark but sensed that Luka may be watching her from the window so she did not switch any lights on. She walked into the bathroom and leaned over the sink. She vomited and rinsed out her mouth and face. She looked into the mirror. She could see an outline of her face. She rubbed her hand against the mirror and damned her eyes. She could not look at Luka the same way after what Aristotle told her. How could she pretend that Luka was not among the decidedly forgotten atrocities? There was a pain in him that he hid from her, from everybody. She didn't want to hurt him. Ceila screwed her eyes shut. She knew in her bones how she felt about Luka, now and then, and nothing could change it.  
  
**  
  
It had been nearly a month since Luka began to see more of Ceila on a social basis. He knew her friends and they knew him. Ceila, oddly enough, was a bit reserved around his friends but still held her own. We're all Slavs underneath, she would say. It made him laugh.  
  
The el train rocked back and forth. Luka was oblivious to it. He smiled when he thought of her (even though it may have seemed odd to the other passengers). Nothing bothered him now. He felt a little fearless. Ceila had that effect on him.  
  
Over the past few months, she had grown. She was learning more, studying more, becoming more. Luka began to figure out what Ceila wanted. He wanted it, too. He had grown, as well. He was not afraid. Whatever was to happen should happen, he thought. Damn everything else.  
  
The bell rung. Three more stops before County General. He held onto the potted plant tightly and waited for his stop.  
  
**  
  
March seventeenth.  
  
More commonly known as Saint Patrick's Day, the ER staff knew it as Green Day for the green vomit that would eventually wind up on the floor. However, Ceila's birthday would provide some relief from the inevitable vomit. At least, Kerry thought so.  
  
"I think it would be nice if we did something for Student Nurse Kowalski's birthday," she said.  
  
Susan rolled her eyes.  
  
"Why? Junior's too young to take drinking!"  
  
Kerry was livid.  
  
"We don't need to take her drinking! We need to do something nice! A card! Anything! I don't want her finishing her practicum thinking that County General is an inhospitable place."  
  
"But it is!" Susan returned. "Look at Frank!"  
  
Frank could only scowl. He directed Susan to an ill patient.  
  
"I think someone could use your help, Dr. Lewis!"  
  
Susan made her way to a man keeled over in the hall.  
  
"Sir, can I help you?"  
  
The man wretched and vomited while Frank smiled evilly at the karma expelled on Susan's shoes. The vomit-dimmed tide was loosed.  
  
**  
  
The staff gathered surreptitiously at the admittance desk.  
  
"What did you get for Kowalski?" Chuny asked Malik in a hushed voice.  
  
"Bath-beads," he answered.  
  
Conni huffed in disbelief.  
  
"You didn't!"  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"I didn't know what else to get her!"  
  
Lily also confessed to acquiring the same gift.  
  
"I don't really know her that well, so....." she stammered.  
  
Lizzie was at the desk with a form.  
  
"Dr. Corday, what did you get Kowalski?" Chuny asked.  
  
"I got her that green tea she likes so much," Lizzie answered.  
  
Chuny sighed with relief.  
  
"At least somebody got her something different. That should hold that little SOB!"  
  
"I got her a little stationary set," Frank announced. "Canadians like those sorts of things."  
  
"I got her a scrapbook," Gallant said.  
  
Pratt rubbed his hands together.  
  
"I got my hands on some Vancouver smoked salmon!"  
  
Chen and Susan (fresh from cleaning off some more vomit) were intrigued at Pratt's apparent purchasing power.  
  
"That's quite a gift!" Chen awed. "It's too much!"  
  
Pratt only scowled at her.  
  
"Nothing is too good if it came from off a ship!"  
  
"Where did you score that?" Susan asked.  
  
"A friend of mine who works on a ship got it for me!" Pratt revealed. "I can't wait to see Kowalski's face when I tell her what I got her!"  
  
Susan could not resist being sarcastic.  
  
"Yeah! Who wouldn't want something that was in a rusty cargo hold?"  
  
Pratt ignored her, confident in the assumption that his was the right gift.  
  
**  
  
Ceila had an incredible smile on her face. The day being her birthday, she did not see any reason why she should feel blue. She had a skip in her step, a smile on her face and wore under her scrub shirt a changed t-shirt reading: Kiss me, I'm Ceila.  
  
Carter saw the t-shirt. His face was alight with possible flirtation.  
  
"You saw that!" he declared to no one in particular and pointed at her t-shirt. "She waived consent!"  
  
Carter ran up to Ceila and planted his lips on her's. Ceila's face puckered up, completely surprised and repulsed by Carter's impromptu kiss. When their lips broke contact, Carter presented her with a gift.  
  
"Happy birthday!"  
  
Carter ran along, leaving Ceila holding onto a small package.  
  
**  
  
Ceila was still wiping the debasement of Carter's kiss when she walked into the lounge. Luka had just arrived. He was removing his coat.   
  
"Ceila!" he cried.  
  
Ceila was equally happy to see him.  
  
Luka saw the present Ceila was holding.  
  
"You have a present?'  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes...." she uttered sheepishly.  
  
"I have something for you," Luka announced.  
  
He pushed the potted plant to her.  
  
"Happy birthday," he said pleasantly. "It's a...hijacint...I think."  
  
"Hyacinth," she repeated in English and smiled. She sniffed the flower. "It's beautiful. It's a spring plant."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Yes."  
  
He backed away, pleased that his gift did not offend. How could it?  
  
"I hope you like it," Luka wished.  
  
Ceila sniffed the fragrant flower again and touched its white, waxy buds.  
  
"I do. Thank you."  
  
Luka was glad to see she appreciated it.  
  
"I suppose your friends have something planned for your birthday."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Not really," she replied. "My dad thought of taking me out. He always makes a big deal out of my birthday."  
  
"It's always good to have a reason to celebrate," Luka supposed as he placed his white coat on. "I have to get to work or I'll be back on midnights!"  
  
Ceila smiled at him.  
  
"Thank you, Luka."  
  
He offered her a warm smile before leaving.  
  
**  
  
Pratt would not rest until he proved for once and for all that his gift of smoked salmon was the right gift to get. He approached Ceila.  
  
"Okay, Kowalski?"  
  
Ceila looked at him  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If you could have any wish in the world right now," Pratt asked, "aside from world peace and children singing in peace and harmony and all that- what would it be?"  
  
Ceila shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. A plate of smoked salmon, maybe?"  
  
That was it.  
  
Pratt whooped for joy and ran up and down the hall triumphant.  
  
**  
  
A shift of inglorious hell had ended. Ceila enjoyed her gifts- the green tea, the stationary, the endless number of bath-bead sets, the smoked salmon. Now her friend, Jeff McFarlane, offered to take her out for an evening of loud Celtic music and drinking.  
  
"Won't Rosemary wonder where you are?" she asked.  
  
Jeff huffed.  
  
"Yeah. So?"  
  
Ceila grimaced.  
  
"Jeff, you hoser! Don't take that attitude!"  
  
Jeff tapped Ceila on the shoulder.  
  
"I'll phone her and tell where I am," he compromised. "I'm not going to stay, anyway."  
  
Ceila became a little more conciliatory.  
  
"Better."  
  
"Put your coat on, kid," Jeff advised. "And don't let them card you at the door."  
  
**  
  
Abby and Carter walked into the crisp air, hands in pockets, heads bowed. They did not look at each other nor did they speak. Only the sounds of their feet dragging on the pavement of the ambulance bay could be heard.  
  
Carter wanted to break the silence.  
  
"Do you want to get something to eat?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Abby nodded disinterestedly.  
  
"There's a Thai place," Carter suggested.  
  
Jeff and Ceila jaunted at a quick pace. They ran into Carter and Abby. Ceila seemed a bit embarrassed by her enthusiastic gait.  
  
"Hey!" Ceila cried. "Jeff and I were going out for some drinking and loud music! Do you want to come with?"  
  
Abby seemed very keen on the idea.  
  
"Yes," she responded quickly. "Yes, I do."  
  
Carter glared at her.  
  
"Maybe it's not such a good idea," he suggested with hidden meaning in his voice.  
  
Abby ignored him.  
  
"I could use a night out."  
  
**  
  
Things got louder as they approached. The door of the pub was pushed open.  
  
Jeff grinned with a lit cigarette between his teeth.  
  
"Ah, yeah! She's goin' up tonight, boys!"  
  
Carter had no idea what that meant but he hoped it didn't involve alcohol. He took Abby by the arm.  
  
"I'll order us some sodas and we'll sit away from the rabble. We'll talk, just you and I."  
  
Abby released her arm from Carter's grasp and followed Jeff to the bar.  
  
Ceila had since sat down at a booth. With a slouch creasing his shoulders, Carter shuffled to her. Ceila did not seem as distant as she had been of him. Relations had cooled between them. Carter did not seem as anxious to scold her and Ceila felt she could trust him, if only a little, after the Crowe affair.  
  
Carter sat next to her in the booth. They did not speak but rather rested their hands on the table and remained uncomfortably silent.   
  
Ceila broke the silence by clearing her throat and offering her thanks for the present.  
  
"Thank you for the Chinese stress balls," she said, her blue eyes becoming as glass.  
  
Carter smiled a little.  
  
"I don't think you will use them."  
  
Ceila smiled a little, as well.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Silence.  
  
"You should look out," Carter warned. "Someone might see that you're underage."  
  
"I'm twenty-two," she said.  
  
Carter was surprised.  
  
"Oh! You look younger," he said. "I just thought..."  
  
"Yeah," Ceila nodded. "I get that."  
  
Carter nodded and the two fell into another bout of silence.  
  
**  
  
Jeff ordered himself and Ceila a half-pint. Abby was beside him quickly swallowing shots of whiskey. He thoroughly expected her to fall over any minute.  
  
"Lockhart, have you had enough?" he asked.  
  
She sneered at him.  
  
"Not you, too!"  
  
She staggered to the table where Carter and Ceila were sitting.  
  
Carter could see from Abby's glassy eyes that she already had started to drink.  
  
"I think we should leave, Abby," Carter angrily suggested. "It's getting too loud and smoky. You know how you hate cigarette smoke."  
  
Abby stole one of Jeff's cigarettes and lit up.  
  
Ceila turned to Carter.  
  
"I guess not."  
  
Carter sucked on his cheeks.  
  
"Excuse me," he mumbled and rose from the table.  
  
Jeff was confused by Carter's standoffish behaviour.  
  
"What is this? WASP insecurity?"  
  
Abby chuckled.  
  
"Just ignore him," she slurred. "He's in a bad mood."  
  
Ceila reached for her drink.  
  
"I think you hurt him," she supposed. "Maybe he wanted to spend time with you."  
  
Abby now glared at her.  
  
"It's none of your business."  
  
Jeff could see that Ceila was holding back an urge to act on Abby's snipe.   
  
Ceila rose from the table.  
  
"Then it won't be any of your business if I get up and join him!"  
  
Abby only laughed as Ceila went to find Carter.  
  
"Nothing's stopped you before!"  
  
Jeff was annoyed.  
  
"You're doing a great job alienating people, Lockhart."  
  
Abby only puffed on her cigarette and helped herself to another drink.  
  
**  
  
Carter stood against the wall at the far end of the pub. Ceila approached him.  
  
"Head back to the table with me," she asked.  
  
"I don't think so," Carter replied.  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"Stop being such a child! You know as I do she can like a cow! Are you going to let that ruin your evening?!"  
  
Carter was astounded by Ceila's forthrightness. Someone who said what was on their mind for a change, he thought.  
  
"That's not it," Carter returned.  
  
"Then what?" Ceila asked. "I swear to God, you higher-up people are all alike! Someone hurts your little feelings and you throw hissy-fits! No wonder there are revolutions!"  
  
Carter huffed.  
  
"I've never made my background an issue with you ever but you call me up on it! I think you do that because you need some bourgeoisie pet hate!"  
  
Ceila's face read a "whatever" look.  
  
"Project all you want!" she deadpanned. "And you still don't know a thing about me! Now, head back to the table and let her know you're not taking any crap from her, or be a child and sulk. It's entirely up to you."  
  
Carter became less defensive.  
  
"How about a third option?"  
  
Ceila was remotely intrigued.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Carter sat at an empty table.  
  
"Sit here with me."  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"What? Look- I have Jeff waiting for me...."  
  
Carter just sighed and tapped his fingers against the table.  
  
"Yeah, you unWASPs are all alike- too snobbish to sit with someone who is not from the neighbourhood."  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes again and plunked down on a seat.  
  
"Fuck you, Carter! I swear to God!"  
  
Carter only grinned at his evil.  
  
**  
  
Jeff looked at his watch. He wondered where Ceila and Carter were. He told Rosemary he would only be an hour and that was over an hour and forty-five minutes ago. Now he was stuck babysitting Abby who was out-drinking and out-smoking him.   
  
"Don't you think you've had enough?" he asked gingerly, wary of upsetting one's binge-induced feelings.  
  
Abby puffed on another cigarette.  
  
"I'll tell you when I've had enough!" she snarled. She then laughed and smacked Jeff on the hand. "HA! I had you going!"  
  
Jeff was not amused.  
  
"You sure did."  
  
"I like you, Jeff," Abby said as she stroked Jeff's hand. "You always say what's on your mind."  
  
Her fingers gently rubbed over the roughness of Jeff's knuckles.  
  
"I like that," she revealed softly.  
  
Jeff carefully removed his hand.  
  
"I'll call you a cab," he said as he got up yo use the phone.  
  
Abby shook her head.  
  
"Carter will take me home," she said. "He wouldn't leave without me."  
  
**  
  
Luka walked into the pub. It was noisy and crowded but through the smoke, he could see Jeff coming towards him.  
  
"Hey!" Luka greeted him. "I thought you were with Ceila?"  
  
Jeff was putting on his jacket.  
  
"I was but she went to chase Carter out of crying his eyes out over Abby," Jeff explained. "By the way, she's turned into the Bride of Lushenstein. I called a cab for her."  
  
Luka nodded slowly.  
  
"I see. Thank you."  
  
"Don't thank me, Boss-Fella," Jeff said. He slapped Luka on the shoulder. "Hey, I didn't thank you for the gift you gave Rosie and David. It was nice."  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"I'm glad she liked it. And the baby?"  
  
Jeff rolled his eyes.  
  
"He likes anything he can stick in his mouth!"  
  
Luka laughed.  
  
"Good night, Boss-Fella," Jeff said as he went out the door.  
  
Luka ventured further into the pub to find Ceila who was apparently trying to comfort Carter. She was there, at a table at the end of the pub, sitting chastely as Carter waved his hands, presumably trying to explain something. Luka breathed carefully. It couldn't be a repeat of Malucci. It couldn't.  
  
"Hello," Luka said as kept his eye on the rambling Carter. "I didn't think I would see you here," he lied.  
  
Carter had since stopped talking. Ceila was delighted to see Luka.  
  
Luka looked right at Carter.  
  
"Do you mind if I sit down?"  
  
Ceila laughed.  
  
"Luka, you don't have to ask Carter's permission to do anything! Sit!"  
  
Carter was surprised at Ceila's ease.  
  
Luka sat down feeling a little more confident.  
  
"I was just explaining to Kowalski how I had to insert a guide wire into a patient once," Carter expounded.  
  
"It's an interesting story," Ceila said. "You should hear it."  
  
Luka crossed his hands together.  
  
"I'm sure it is."  
  
**  
  
Abby could see from her booth how Ceila was cornered on either side by Carter and Luka. The girl was not oblivious to either man's attentions.   
  
Abby pursed her lips together and hugged her hands around the pint glass.  
  
The bartender tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Hey, lady? There's a cab for you."  
  
Abby nodded.  
  
"Thank you," she said softly.  
  
Abby pushed away her glass and wobbly made her way to the waiting cab.  
  
**  
  
Why should I blame her, that she filled my days with misery...  
  
Carter repeated his guide wire story for Luka. For Carter, it seemed that Luka only listened out of politeness, something he did frequently. Ceila, too, listened but, then again, only as a matter-of-course. It became obvious to Carter that throughout his story, Ceila wanted to have her attention elsewhere.  
  
Carter looked at his watch.  
  
"I've gotta go," Carter said as he excused himself from the table. "I start early tomorrow. I should go get Abby, as well."  
  
"I believe Jeff called a cab for her," Luka told him.  
  
Carter raised a curious brow.  
  
"Oh. Well..."  
  
He looked one more time on Luka and Ceila.  
  
"Good night."  
  
Luka and Ceila smiled their good nights to Carter and watched as he left.  
  
Carter put on his jacket at the door. He looked on Ceila and Luka from the distance. They were talking, even joking. She seemed genuinely happy in the company of the melancholy man. With a bowed head, Carter left in the chill of the night.  
  
**  
  
Abby lay her head back in the cab. It had started to hurt her.  
  
"Hey, lady! Where do you live?" the driver asked.  
  
Abby shot her head up.  
  
"Take me to County General Hospital."  
  
The driver peered at Abby through the rearview mirror.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine!" Abby snapped. "Just...take me there, please."  
  
The driver turned to the direction of the hospital.  
  
Abby was ready to jump out as the driver got closer to the hospital.  
  
She threw some bills into the driver's hands, mumbled her thanks and got out of the cab.  
  
A paramedic was in the ambulance bay going through his rig.  
  
"Hey! Is Dr. Lewis still here?" Abby asked.  
  
"Yeah, I think so," he answered.  
  
Abby nodded to him and ran into the hospital to find Susan.  
  
Susan saw Abby as she scurried down the hall. She flagged her down.  
  
"Abby!"  
  
Abby spun around to her.  
  
"Susan, can I talk to you?"  
  
Susan looked concerned.  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
"Outside," Abby directed her.  
  
Susan followed Abby out to the ambulance bay.  
  
Abby ran her fingers through her hair.  
  
"I'm going out of my skull!" she cried.  
  
Susan crossed her arms, trying to keep the chill from her body.  
  
"Okay?"  
  
"Wanna know why?" Abby asked.  
  
Susan caught Abby's bloodshot eyes.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Fucking Kowalski!" Abby snapped. "That's who! She's Miss Goody-Nurse-Chick of the Year or something!"  
  
Susan laughed.  
  
"Yeah, I hear that."  
  
Susan breathed deeply.  
  
"Don't let her get to you, Abby. She's just a go-getter! They come and go through here all the time!"  
  
Abby waved her finger at Susan.  
  
"No, she's not! She's a... a... sign of something!"  
  
Susan doubted.  
  
"Abby, trust me. She is not a sign of anything. She's an eager beaver. A glorified candy-striper, and once her practicum is up, things will get back to normal."  
  
Abby's anxiety stopped. Her shoulders caved in.  
  
"Yeah. I suppose you're right."  
  
Abby staggered around the ambulance bay.  
  
"What is so fucking great about her, anyway?"  
  
Susan could see now how drunk Abby really was.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
Abby turned on her foot.  
  
"I think you should go home," Susan suggested. "You need to sleep on some things."  
  
Abby smiled.  
  
"You're right!" she concurred. "I do!"  
  
Abby left Susan and hailed a cab.  
  
**  
  
Luka and Ceila had since left the pub. They began their long walk home. They laughed as they ambled on their way.  
  
"I didn't think you liked places like that!" Luka laughed.  
  
Ceila offered a light explanation.  
  
"Jeff took me."  
  
She stopped giggling.  
  
"I had a nice time," she admitted.  
  
"Yes," Luka nodded uneasily. "You were with your friends..."  
  
"Carter just wanted to sit with someone," Ceila explained. "I think he looks to tell someone how great he is. It's a sign of loneliness."  
  
Luka shrugged.  
  
"I wouldn't know," he ambled away with his hands in his pockets. "He doesn't talk to me."  
  
"He talks at you," Ceila concluded. "I've seen him do it."  
  
Ceila gathered rising nerve.  
  
"I don't think you should let him do that."  
  
Luka stopped walking and looked right at her.  
  
"I know it's none of my business," she went on further, "but you are his attending and he talks to you like you're hired help. It smacks of condescension and possibly- dare I say it?- ethnocentrism. Does he think that everyone from Eastern Europe came off the boat?"  
  
Ceila paused for a second.  
  
"Well- my great-grandfather did, but he was escaping the Russians!"  
  
Luka laughed and pressed his finger to Ceila's ribbon lips, which had become just a blotch of colour on her rapidly blushing face.  
  
"I don't worry about what he says and neither should you," he said softly.  
  
Luka removed his finger from her lips.  
  
"We should go home," he said. "We have to work tomorrow."  
  
Ceila now looked into his eyes.  
  
"I don't have to work until the end of the week."  
  
Luka looked disappointed.  
  
"I see," he nodded. "It's still late."  
  
Luka linked arms with Ceila and walked her home.  
  
**  
  
The elevator always took a long time to get to its destination.  
  
The tendons in Romano's neck tensed and the vein in his head pulsed. Jeff Karamazov, the pediatrician, noticed this. However he may have felt Romano's anger, Jeff still had to approach the problem diplomatically.  
  
"We need Dr. Ferguson's support, whether you like it or not!" Jeff put forth.   
  
Romano shot back at him, pointing his finger angrily.  
  
"That bastard has his greedy little tentacle on the board of trustees' wallet and releases it when he feels like it. Now he's the one who's squirming!"  
  
Jeff's jaw tensed.  
  
"He's just a little boy!"  
  
Romano shook his head.  
  
"I'm not gonna play chicken with a kid's life!" Romano snapped. "I may be cold, but I'm not that cold! I say we use this as an opportunity to make that bastard a little more receptive!"  
  
Jeff now understood.  
  
"I wish there was another way."  
  
"Yeah, well," Romano huffed, "you know what they say about wishes and horses!"  
  
When the elevator stopped at the tenth floor, Romano and Jeff stepped off and made their way to the conference room. There, a tallish middle-aged man with ginger-coloured hair waited at the table. He lifted his head when the men entered the room.  
  
"I'm glad to see punctuality is still one of your strong suits, Dr. Romano," the man said coldly.  
  
Romano returned the man's coldness.  
  
"It always has been, Sheldon."  
  
Jeff didn't want to get in the way of the ongoing coldness between Romano and Dr. Sheldon Ferguson. He was here for a purpose.  
  
"Dr. Ferguson, we have matters to discuss," Jeff asserted.  
  
Ferguson looked coldly on the young man and then sat down.  
  
"Of course."  
  
Romano and Jeff sat down as well.  
  
"As you know," Jeff began, "I've been trying to bring children from Chyornobyl here for treatment of cancer- a move you have steadfastly thwarted."  
  
Ferguson joined his fingers together.  
  
"The board of trustees and I have found such suggestions unworkable."  
  
"Even though there was medical staff willing to provide their services gratis," Jeff returned. "And now...."  
  
Ferguson's face was screwed up in mounting anger.  
  
"And now you want to use my current situation against me!"  
  
Jeff's face was blank and his eyes glassy.  
  
"I wouldn't think of it, Dr. Ferguson. I only wondered if, in the light of things, you had a moment to become- how shall we say?- receptive?"  
  
Ferguson resumed his regally cold exterior.  
  
"I shall take your suggestions up with the board of trustees, Dr. Karamazov. In the evening, you shall know our mind in full."  
  
Jeff nodded and got up. Romano, who had remained silent for much of the meeting, glanced quickly at Jeff and then rose from the table. Both of them turned to leave.  
  
"Dr. Romano!" Ferguson called out. "A moment, please."  
  
Jeff cast a quick look on Romano, wary of possible fallout, and then left. If Ferguson was an octopus, Romano was a wolverine. He could take care of himself.  
  
Ferguson rose from the table and placed his hands behind his back.  
  
"Walk with me."  
  
**  
  
Ceila hurried to the chief oncologist's office with the report in hand. This was the last shift of the week and the last working hour. She wanted to go home. She hurried by patients resting in their rooms or receiving chemotherapy. Her quickened gait stopped when she saw a henna-haired woman clutching onto a small boy's hand in a private room. He was pale and a cold sweat pasted dark tousles against his head. He looked wan and thin. Another child- a girl with walnut-coloured hair- gripped the edge of her sweater's sleeve and kept her head down. Ceila peered inside, never once taking her eyes off of the children.  
  
**  
  
Ferguson marched through the oncology ward. Romano had to quicken his pace.  
  
"Did you think I wouldn't recognize a Romano-engineered screw-job when I saw one, Robert?" he asked coldly.  
  
Romano kept his eyes ahead of him.  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Sheldon," he denied. "Dr. Karamazov was only trying to speak for his patients."  
  
Ferguson only sneered.  
  
"So you use my nephew's condition to shove the point that my fiscal responsibilities aren't to your liking?"  
  
Again, Romano strategically denied Ferguson's claims.  
  
"Your nephew's leukemia and Dr. Karamazov's pet project have nothing to do with one another. Coincidence, I'm sure." Now Romano was cocky. "And I would never accuse you of being- too fiscally responsible."  
  
Ferguson sneered again.  
  
"Tell your pediatrician- friend he'll get his funding- for now. Call it empathy."  
  
Romano remained.  
  
"Why, Sheldon, I would hardly accuse you of having empathy."  
  
Ferguson had to let Romano's snide ago. He had all kinds of fish to fry.  
  
"You!" Ferguson shouted at a tiny nurse peering into a private room. "What are you doing here? Get moving!"  
  
The tiny nurse swivelled her head to the shouting man. Her face contorted in anger, she brushed past Ferguson, tossed a report onto the nurses' station and left the floor altogether.   
  
Romano only looked as Ceila strode away.  
  
**  
  
Jeff trembled with anticipation. He knocked on Romano's door.  
  
"Come in."  
  
Jeff came in, his hands tensing.  
  
Romano was working at his desk.  
  
"Well? What did he say?" Jeff panted.  
  
"You've got your funding," Romano answered. "For now," he added with great weight. "His words, not mine."  
  
Jeff nodded.  
  
"And his nephew?"  
  
Romano put down his pen.  
  
"He needs a bone marrow transplant. Dr. Ferguson thinks one can be found here."  
  
"Doesn't the boy have a twin sister?" Jeff asked.  
  
"Yes," Romano answered, "but she is only a ninety-eight percent match."  
  
Jeff rubbed his brow.  
  
"If the boy's sister can't be used as a donor, I wonder why Dr. Ferguson thinks a perfect match can be found here."  
  
Romano shrugged.  
  
"Don't know. Maybe he knows something we don't."  
  
**  
  
Lizzie was already battle-weary and it wasn't even five o'clock. She had a bowel resection in the morning (after leaving a cranky Ella with the nanny), an emergency appendectomy and was on call in the ER which, especially today, was in great need of her. She certainly was in no mood for bother.  
  
"Dr. Corday!"  
  
Lizzie huffed and screwed her eyes shut.  
  
"Yes, Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Luka ran up to her.  
  
"I need to speak to you about Student Nurse Kowalski."  
  
Lizzie kept walking.  
  
"Student nurse from Canada, tattoos, earrings...." she rattled off.  
  
Luka kept pace with Lizzie.  
  
"Yes, that's her."  
  
"What about her?" Lizzie asked disinterestedly.  
  
"You wrote comments for her evaluation," Luka began.  
  
"I did," Lizzie confirmed. "I thought her rotation in surgery went well. Very well, in fact. I've rarely encountered such an inquisitive- and colourful- student."  
  
"Yes," Luka nodded. "I wrote comments, too. She does a very good job in the ER."  
  
Lizzie seemed a bit surprised that Luka had done as much. He wasn't the kind to put his thoughts forth. She let this fact slide for the moment.  
  
"What is this about, Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Luka seemed hesitant to say.  
  
"She approached me...."  
  
Lizzie was very interested.  
  
"Really? She approached you?"  
  
"She was worried about a negative comment," Luka explained defensively. "She thought I gave it to her. I didn't, of course, and you didn't. No one else has any real complaints about her...except Dr. Ferguson."  
  
Lizzie raised a curious brow.  
  
"That's odd. He has nothing whatsoever to do with students- or patients, for that matter. Why would he add his comments?"  
  
Luka shook his head  
  
"I don't know. I was hoping you could find out."  
  
Lizzie stopped in her tracks.  
  
"You want me to find out?! That man is a lion! He would eat me for breakfast!"  
  
"But you work more closely with him than I do," Luka implored.  
  
Lizzie huffed.  
  
"I met him once and I didn't relish the experience!"  
  
Luka was adamant.  
  
"Please."  
  
He remembered how Ceila approached him that morning. She was much paler than usual and she wrung her hands.  
  
"I work as hard as the other nurses do," she said in a shaky voice.  
  
"You work harder," he answered.  
  
"Then why am I being treated like this? Am I doing something wrong? This comment could ruin my chances of finishing with top honours and future employment!"  
  
Luka could only look at Ceila. This was important to her, so important that her stoic shield could no longer protect her. He had seen her take abuse, work longer hours and do more difficult work. She lived for the work that the emergency department thrived on. She was made for the work. It should be only fair that she be allowed to continue.  
  
"I'll find out," Luka promised her.  
  
Ceila still looked pale but felt a little better.  
  
Luka implored Lizzie one more time.  
  
"Will you help?"  
  
Lizzie was torn. She wanted to help Ceila but did not wish to incur the ire of Dr. Ferguson, who was notorious for coming down on those who opposed him.  
  
"How can I contradict his comments, however misplaced they may be?"  
  
Luka clenched his jaw. His brow furrowed in anger.  
  
"If you won't help then I'll do it myself!"  
  
Luka turned from Lizzie. She grabbed his arm before he could storm off.  
  
"Alright!" Lizzie breathed deeply. "I'll do it but we have to have a plan and a unified front. I don't like being on the wrong side of this man's temper!"  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
**  
  
Jeff peered at Dr. Ferguson's nephew. The clock was ticking for the child, once a vibrant little boy, now a pale child with strands of black hair pasted to his forehead.  
  
Romano approached Jeff.  
  
"How's the kid?" he gingerly asked.  
  
"He needs the transplant now!" Jeff declared without taking his eyes off the boy.  
  
"He's in luck, then," Romano said. "A match has been found. Right here."  
  
Jeff was amazed.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Kowalski," Romano answered. "Carter found out."  
  
Romano looked at the boy once.  
  
"I guess Ferguson's instincts were right."  
  
**  
  
Midnight.  
  
Ceila crept through the oncology ward. She didn't want to be seen. Indeed, no one would have suspected her. She should have left the hospital hours ago. She snuck into the room where Dr. Ferguson's nephew lay sleeping. The boy's parents had taken the other child, a shy girl, home with them for the night. Ceila looked at the boy's chart. Hutchinson, Isaac. She sat next to his bed and took his hand as gently as she was able.  
  
"Hello, Isaac," she whispered. "I've heard an awful lot about you."   
  
Ceila plucked a damp tousle from Isaac's forehead.  
  
"Why did you have to become sick? Hhmmmmm?"  
  
Ceila's shoulders sank. Isaac did not move. His chest only heaved slightly with breath. Ceila wondered how the little boy could be so afflicted. He should have been climbing trees or collecting rocks, she thought. Was his illness random or a punishment from something not yet atoned?  
  
Ceila could hear heavier breathing behind. She saw reflected in the sidebars of the bed that Carter was standing in the doorway with a chart in his hand.  
  
"I've been looking for you," he said in a low, soft voice.  
  
"I've been keeping out-of-sight," she answered without lifting her eyes from Isaac.  
  
"I have the results from the blood test," Carter answered.  
  
Ceila only nodded slightly.  
  
"You're a match," Carter explained. "You're an unbelievable match. You..."  
  
Ceila gripped onto the sleeping Isaac's hand.  
  
"So you think I should undergo the procedure right away?" she interrupted.  
  
Carter only looked at her.  
  
"It would be good, yeah."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Good," she breathed shakily. "The sooner we can get this kid's life back to the way it was, the better."  
  
** The sky had become angry and the days seemed longer. Luka hadn't seen Ceila in days, not since the bone marrow transplant. So much had transpired since then. He had spoken to Dr. Ferguson and Isaac was recovering. She needn't be afraid.  
  
Luka went to her flat and banged on her door. She had not answered the phone nor her e-mail. Her parents had seen her twice, saying that she wanted to rest and not be seen. Luka could not be that patient. He banged on the door again. Just then, it started to rain.  
  
"Govno!" he cussed.  
  
The door was jarred open. Ceila appeared before him in drab, heavy bed-clothes, looking wan and worn, her eyes reddened and her thick black hair unbrushed and knotted. She tried in vain to make her hair more appealing by brushing through it with her hand.  
  
"Dr. Kovac, I wasn't expecting you," she whimpered.  
  
The rain pelted down. Luka became drenched in a matter of seconds.  
  
"You're wet," she noticed weakly. "Come in."  
  
"Are you alright?" he finally asked.  
  
Ceila tried to make her hair presentable again.  
  
"I'm getting over the procedure," she answered automaton.  
  
"That's not what I meant," Luka returned.  
  
He stepped in the doorway. He brushed a curl from Ceila's head.  
  
"I meant...."  
  
Luka swallowed hard.  
  
"Years ago, my family....they died....."  
  
Ceila avoided Luka's eyes.  
  
"Why are you telling me this? I can't help you."  
  
Luka stepped back, his face and hair wet with rain.  
  
"I don't want you to help me. I just wanted to let you know."  
  
Ceila stepped away from Luka.  
  
"You know..." he stuttered. "You can tell me things. Anything. Just to say."  
  
Ceila opened the door a bit more.  
  
"Come in," she implored. "Please."  
  
Luka obliged her and disappeared into the dry warmth of her home.  
  
**  
  
Ceila returned to work two weeks later. She seemed her bright, chipper self, ready to take orders and do the scut work the other nurses didn't want to do. They called her Nurse Cinderella. She didn't notice. She just did her job and disappeared into the lounge, when she had a moment, to drink her green tea.   
  
Luka started his shift in the morning. He saw that she was back. Breath failed to leave his lips.  
  
"Ceila!"  
  
Ceila put down her cup of tea.  
  
"Dr. Kovac!"  
  
The two faced one another, awkwardly, like something unresolved halted them.  
  
Luka waved his hand over her.  
  
"You're all better?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She shoved her hands in her back pockets.  
  
"You're still working mornings?" she asked.  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Thank you for seeing me," she said softly. "When..."  
  
Luka nodded again.  
  
"I wanted to see you again," he answered.  
  
More silence.  
  
There was that sheen in her eyes again.  
  
"Luka, I need to ask you something," she breathed.  
  
Luka waited without breath.  
  
"Where did you get the hyacinth?" she asked.  
  
The breath came back.  
  
"A garden..." Luka mumbled with hints of anti-climax in his voice.  
  
"I only ask because my mum wants to know," Ceila explained. "I'm not trying to be rude or anything because....well, just because. The hyacinth was a gift, and a lovely gift, but my mum is starting to put her garden in and she wondered when she came by where I got the hyacinth, so...."  
  
Luka put his hands in his pockets.  
  
"I can show you," he offered. "After work. There is a place on the outskirts. A really nice greenhouse. My friend owns it."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yes. Thank you. At seven, then?"  
  
Luka nodded without looking into her eyes.  
  
"Yes."  
  
**  
  
"You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;  
  
They called me the hyacinth girl."  
  
-Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,  
  
Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not  
  
Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither  
  
Living nor dead, and I knew nothing...  
  
The rain pelted the city once more.   
  
Luka and Ceila ran from the car to the only light they saw- the one in the greenhouse- in hopes of finding relief from the rain. Once inside, Ceila looked around.  
  
"Where is your friend?"  
  
"Not here," Luka answered as he brushed droplets of rain from him. "She goes home for the night at six-thirty."  
  
Ceila was baffled.  
  
"She just leaves this place unlocked? Isn't she worried that someone could steal something?"  
  
Luka shrugged.  
  
"What? There are no TVs or money. What could they steal? A plant?"  
  
Ceila could see Luka's point.  
  
"But we're on our own," she saw. "Can we just take something?"  
  
"I called her before," Luka supplied. "She'll know."  
  
"Okay then," Ceila exhaled as she looked about. "I guess we should pick up a hyacinth and get going."  
  
Luka nodded and started to look.  
  
"Okay. You wanted a pink hyacinth."  
  
When he turned to Ceila, he saw she wasn't inside. He could see from the window that she had gone outside to see the rose-of-Sharon growing on the trellis. He could not breathe. He slowly walked outside and crept to her.  
  
Luka could see her in the rain. She plucked a rose-of-Sharon blossom and placed it in her hair. She stood on her toes to smell the flowers on the trellis. Just then Luka saw that she was more beautiful than anything. Her black curly hair was like wet silk draping over her shoulders. Her floral print cotton dress clung to her body. Luka kept moving toward Ceila. Her eyes, blue and vapid, stared at him, not knowing what to think.   
  
Luka took her face in his hands and pressed his lips to her's. She did not resist. Her body became limp, held up only by Luka's hands. He pressed his body to her's. They fell under the weight of it. It was under the rain-drenched pink blossoms that he made love to her.  
  
**  
  
Even though it had stopped raining, both Luka and Ceila were soaked to the skin and smudged with freshly-dug soil. Luka picked Ceila up and placed her in the car. He drove into the city to her apartment. Only the outside lights shone on the inside. Luka placed her down on the bed and started to remove her wet clothing. She grasped his wrists.  
  
"Stay."  
  
Without thinking, he pulled away the last of her clothing and started to remove his. Ceila lost her hands in his dark hair and shut her eyes tightly. She could hear him breathing and feel the heat of his breath on her neck. She completely surrendered when she could feel him inside her.  
  
**  
  
He went to work in the morning, still thinking of her. His eyes were dull, his heart heavy. He was lost in revery. It was noticed. Now subject to the conjecture of others, he left sullen. He went back to his apartment. He waited. His hands twitched and his breath was bated. He picked up the phone.  
  
"I need you."  
  
She dropped her phone and sprinted to his apartment. He opened the door three times to see if she had come. The third time she was there. She locked herself in an embrace with him and they tumbled into his bedroom, shearing off their clothes, suckling each other's lips and pulling each other's bodies closer together so that every part touched and entered. He rolled over her, pressing his manhood against her skin, joining himself with her. He enjoyed the cool velvet of her skin, the roundness of her breasts, the muscles of her arms. She arched her back and gripped the bars of the headrest, expelling excited air. There was nothing in this world but him right now and she relished it.  
  
*  
  
Author's note: this story uses lines from the poems by Hwang Chin-i, Michael Ondaatje, WB Yeats, TS Eliot. 


	12. Come To Me

Come To Me  
  
They had lain together for hours. Time and the outside world became immaterial hours ago, and was like that still. He planted his lips down all down her body. She lay quivering, moans caught in her throat. Neither of them wanted any of this to end.  
  
**  
  
It had been hours since Luka noticed the time. He still did not know what time it was but the sky had darkened. He had made love with Ceila all afternoon. She still lay in bed, anticipating his slightest touch. He came behind her and put his arm around her. Her hand rested on his face.  
  
"I don't want you to leave, Luka," she whispered. "Stay here."  
  
He did not speak. He simply let his lips touch hers.  
  
**  
  
It was 6:03 AM. Luka had stayed the whole night laying next to Ceila. A thin bed sheet barely covered her slender form. She turned on her back and cupped Luka's face in her hands.  
  
"Luka, do you remember the time I told you about the minor car accident back home?"  
  
He kissed her shoulder.  
  
"I remember how your body may have looked," he whispered naughtily.  
  
She playfully smacked him.  
  
"No! You told me about your brother. Do you remember?"  
  
Luka now lay his head on her chest. He let her fingers get tangled in his hair.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Matja?" she asked.  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Yeah. He lives in Zagreb now with his wife and children. I barely see them."  
  
"Oh, Luka," she breathed. "You should see them. I want to see them, too."  
  
He looked up at her.  
  
"Why are you talking about this now?"  
  
Her fingers traced the bones of his face.  
  
"Because I want everything about you."  
  
**  
  
The next night, they fell back in his apartment and kissed heavily, practically biting at each other's tongues. She wrapped her legs around his form. They frantically tried to rip at each other's clothes. Neither of them could move fast enough for the other. How ever the feat was accomplished, both now lay on Luka's bed, stripped bare of any garment and ready for each other.  
  
**  
  
Ceila threw her head back with such force that her long black hair whipped her shoulder blades. She gasped. Luka's thumb slid into her open mouth and she let herself wallow down to him once more.  
  
**  
  
The lights from outside shone only faintly in the confines of Luka's room. It was there that Ceila felt at ease. Luka lay drowsily in bed, his strong, firm body scarcely covered with a thin bed-sheet. Ceila enjoyed letting her hand glide over his body, itself beauty. Her head rested on his chest. Her fingers crawled along his breastbone and danced on his collarbone until she was a hair's breadth from the scar on his shoulder.  
  
"Darling, how did you get that scar?"  
  
He did not answer her with an explanation, only a warning.  
  
"Don't touch my scar."  
  
Ceila turned her head upright.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Luka gulped without looking at her.  
  
"It hurts me," he answered.  
  
She nestled her head into the hollow of his other shoulder.  
  
"But it's a part of you. I love all the parts of you. I love you."  
  
His angry eyes would stare up at the ceiling to avoid being cross with her. He didn't let his other lovers touch the scar. Why would he let her?  
  
"I don't touch your scar," he returned defensively.  
  
"I know," she said almost sadly. "I notice the things you don't touch."  
  
She moved her hand to the scar and he grabbed it. She moved her lips to it and kissed it.  
  
"There. Now every time you think of the scar, you'll think of my kissing it and it won't hurt so much."  
  
He suppressed his discomfort and shut his eyes tightly.  
  
It was true. The scar did not bother him so much after that.  
  
**  
  
If I were a cinnamon peeler I would ride your bed and leave the yellow bark dust on your pillow.  
  
The sun was coming up. Luka and Ceila had spent all night together, barely moving a centimetre from one another. Luka could no longer try sleeping. Instead, he locked his eyes on the sleeping Ceila.  
  
Again, he was transfixed by her body. At work, she wore the drab pink nurse's scrubs and tied her hair back in a bun. Now, her naked body was before him and he could see what her clothes and movements belied. He saw the scar on her knee (the scar he would not touch for fear it would offend). Luka saw that Ceila was losing weight, results of stress and a rigorous exercise plan (she was always on the move). Her ribs were like rolling skeletal hills over sculpted abdominal muscles. Her navel was pierced and appeared as unnatural as the tattoos she had on her arms. She marked herself, he supposed, to ward off contact of other skin. The symbols were like talisman for searching hands. In some respects, it was true. He was more interested in flawless flesh than the grinning woman in the sun or the burning Sacred Heart marked on strong ropey arms.   
  
She lay on her back and, as she had done to him when marking his body, he danced his fingers along her sternum, up and down the ridge of her collar bone and her neck over her chin to her ribbon lips. She slept soundly, like a baby. Her eyes were shut. When they were just opened or were pensive, they became the softest blue. Her hair was tangled under her head. Black thick curls. It used to be blond when she was a child, she said. Now it was like black unrefined silk. Other lovers had earthen hair- darkest brown. From them grew resentment or children. There is wheat that grows from the blackest soil. Then she was organic, Luka thought, but so far grew only in intimacy.  
  
**  
  
When neither of them could wait to flee to their homes, Luka and Ceila fulfilled their impatient desires in hidden spaces.   
  
An empty treatment room in the radiology wing served such a purpose. Ceila had already taken off her scrub shirt. Luka had his eyes fixed on hers. He pulled off her brassiere. And tugged away at her scrub pants. Ceila clawed at Luka's clothes. Her fingers, ever nimble, undid the buttons on his shirt one at a time.....  
  
**  
  
The elevator seemed big enough for their purposes. Luka slammed the emergency stop button and locked in an embrace with Ceila. She fell to her knees and tugged away at his belt buckle.  
  
Five minutes later, they emerged from the elevator breathless, struggling for composure and hoping that their meddlesome co-workers were none the wiser.  
  
**  
  
For a change, they both had the day off. The night was spent in frantic love-making (as though the world would end and neither would be in each other's arms ever again). The morning would allow them the quiet time they craved just to talk. When Ceila rolled over in bed, her arm did not swing onto Luka. She was puzzled for a moment but when she heard muffled clutter from the kitchen, she grinned broadly. Luka- the sweetheart he was- was making her breakfast. Ceila sat up and placed some of Luka's clothes on (she could not readily find hers). She adjusted the clothing for the bagginess and stretched, letting her eyes wander.  
  
Ceila began to be curious about what Luka had hidden away in his apartment. She knew he had a picture of a small boy with curiously indigo eyes on his bedside table and that in his wallet he had a picture of his late wife and child. Ceila did not mean to pry; she simply stumbled upon parts of his life. She did not want that. She told him she wanted everything about him. She supposed more time would have to pass between them. But she was impatient.  
  
Ceila stood on a chair and reached for the box on the top shelf in Luka's bedroom closet. She put the box down on the floor and rummaged through it carefully. Old notebooks with Croatian notes scribbled in them. She noticed a faded red one tucked to the side. She peered through it. Even Luka's handwriting, (like her grandfather's), she thought, had an Old World gentility to it. A date was scribbled on the top. 91.6.29.  
  
Zemlja je izdubina.....  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Ceila spun around. She nearly dropped the notebook. Her face pale, her mouth gaping, she looked at Luka. He did not appear to be angry so much as ashamed. His face was losing some of its olive colour. He grabbed the notebook from her. He lowered his head.  
  
"It's mine..." he said softly.  
  
"I didn't mean to pry, Luka," Ceila apologized. "I only wanted to see..."  
  
Luka was pressed against the wall. He gripped the notebook tightly in his hand.  
  
"What is it?" Ceila asked.  
  
"It's nothing," he lied.  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No. I saw the word, "zemlja". Almost like in Polish- "ziemiia"- but...."  
  
Luka held the notebook from her. She tried to reach for it.  
  
"Please, Luka," she pleaded. "I only want to...."  
  
His face bore a look of sad determination. He held back something from her unwillingly but it was something he wanted only for him. Eventually, Ceila's fingers no longer reached for the notebook Luka held away. She bowed her head.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Luka touched her face in consolation.  
  
"No. Don't be."  
  
Ceila relaxed to Luka's touch and all was forgotten.  
  
*  
  
Author's note: this story has a line from "The Cinnamon Peeler" by Michael Ondaatje 


	13. All You Wanted

All You Wanted  
  
The rainy season had finally given into a period of spring warmth. It was a welcome change, even for those who did not immediately notice it.  
  
A rush of traumas came and went, as usual. Having repaired the damage, the doctors and nurses moved onto other, less urgent, duties.  
  
Ceila was alone in a darkened treatment room, working a half shift. She didn't have her hair held in a tight bun today. She opted, instead, for a loose braid. She felt it being tugged from behind. It was Luka. He held the long black braid in his hand, leaned over her shoulder and kissed her. She tried to suppress a giggle.  
  
"Don't! Someone might see you!" she warned.  
  
"No they won't," he whispered and kissed her again.  
  
"I need to see you again," he whispered in her ear.  
  
"You don't need to ask," she whispered back.  
  
**  
  
Luka opened his eyes. The sun was rising and in three hours he had to start work. Ceila slept next to him in his bed, peaceful as a child. He let her sleep. Luka shut off his alarm and turned off his phone. He wanted nothing to disturb her sleep.  
  
** No answer.  
  
Abby stayed on the phone. She wondered why Luka didn't answer his phone. He wasn't at work (he wasn't scheduled for a night shift and the morning shift wouldn't start for another two hours) and she wasn't sure where he could be. He must be at home, she thought. But each answerless ring confirmed what she knew already. He wasn't there. Abby hung up the phone. She would try again later. **  
  
Ceila sat up. She watched as Luka got dressed for work. She smiled. He noticed her mood.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing," she said and reclined in bed.  
  
Luka leaned over her and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"I'm not going away forever," he assured her. "You'll see me at work."  
  
Ceila grinned and shook her head.  
  
"It's not that."  
  
Luka was confused.  
  
"What?"  
  
She touched his face.  
  
"You."  
  
**  
  
Luka had only spent an hour at work but it seemed like an entire shift. Where was she? he wondered as he looked at his watch.  
  
Ceila casually strolled through the bay doors and went to place her things in her locker.  
  
Luka breathed a sigh of relief. Now the shift wouldn't seem so long.  
  
**  
  
11 AM.  
  
Anxiety emerged from confusion.  
  
Kerry raced around like a chicken without a head. It seemed odd to Ceila for a woman who scowled, fussed and yelled in an authoritarian manner that she should do so in a nervous-hen manner.  
  
"He's here and I am nowhere near done my proposals!" Kerry complained.  
  
"Proposals for what and for whom?" Ceila asked as she raced next to Kerry.  
  
"For the specialist...." Kerry sputtered. "The...the guy who, uh..... you know, SARS..."  
  
Ceila furrowed her brow for a moment and then spoke up.  
  
"You mean an Infection Control Specialist?"  
  
"Yes!" Kerry declared, excitedly pointing her finger at Ceila. "That's it!"  
  
"Just tell him you're not ready," Ceila suggested.  
  
Kerry looked at the girl as if the suggestion were dully stupid.  
  
"I can't do that!"  
  
Kerry grabbed her folder and marched past the admittance desk.  
  
"I could give him a preliminary report if I had the time," Kerry complained.  
  
She turned to Ceila on her heel.  
  
"Can you look after him? All you have to do is keep in the conference room until I come. I'll be only half an hour."  
  
Ceila gaped.  
  
"What? I can't...."  
  
Kerry nodded and started away.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Ceila called after her.  
  
"Why do I have to do things I'm not supposed to do?"  
  
"Because you're so good at it!" Kerry called back. "Did I tell you what a fantastic job you did in January?"  
  
Ceila, still agape, shook her head.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, you did a great job!" Kerry supplied with a perfunctory thumbs-up. "Courage!"  
  
Ceila sighed heavily.   
  
Luka came up behind her.  
  
"She has a way of making you do things you don't want to, doesn't she?"  
  
Ceila nodded in a defeated way without looking at him.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
**  
  
Dr. Gavin Lofton waited alone in the waiting area. As was thought, most white-collar professionals in the medical field would have felt like tools waiting with the coughing, dripping masses but Gavin did not mind. It reminded him of his field days.  
  
"Dr. Lofton?"  
  
Gavin turned around. An elfin girl with a long black braid stood before him.  
  
"I must tell you that Dr. Weaver has been detained," she reported in a sweet yet automaton way. "You can wait for her in the conference room. I can take you there, if you like."  
  
Gavin nodded.  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Follow me, please," she said.  
  
Gavin followed her to the elevator.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name," he regretted.  
  
"I'm Student Nurse Kowalski," she said.  
  
They stepped in the elevator.  
  
Gavin felt a little uncomfortable.  
  
"Do you have a first name, Student Nurse Kowalski?"  
  
She looked at him not expecting such a question.  
  
"Really, practically no one calls me by my first name, except my grandmother and my friends," she said.  
  
"I prefer first names to titles or last names," Gavin said. "Less stuffy and formal."  
  
"Formal isn't always bad," she said.  
  
"What is your first name?" he asked again.  
  
"Ceila," she replied.  
  
A soft, relaxed smile touched Gavin's face.  
  
"Ceila," he intoned. "That's a pretty name."  
  
"We're here," Ceila said as she stepped off the elevator.  
  
Gavin followed her to the conference room. Ceila didn't look at Gavin. She walked ahead of him. Gavin couldn't help but notice this aloofness.  
  
"Are you always this friendly?" he asked.  
  
Ceila turned her head to him.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I said are you always this friendly?" Gavin repeated. "You walk too fast and make eye contact as little as possible."  
  
Ceila stopped and looked squarely at him.  
  
"What precisely is it that you do, Dr. Lofton?"  
  
Gavin was taken aback at her sudden boldness. However, he would oblige her curiosity, however put on it may have been.  
  
"I study outbreaks of hantaviruses, emerging bugs, public reaction to these problems...."  
  
He caught Ceila's soft blue eyes in all their deceptive coyness.  
  
"Anything infectious."  
  
Ceila kept her gaze from Gavin and fluttered her eyelashes. Waiting for a bit, she continued her path to the conference room.  
  
"Why did Dr. Weaver send you after me?" Gavin asked.  
  
Ceila opened the door to the conference room.  
  
"I thought you disliked last names and titles?"  
  
"And I still think you don't like people," Gavin returned.  
  
Ceila's gaze became hot and cold.  
  
"Some people I don't like."  
  
Gavin's dark eyes became glassy.  
  
"I hope I'm not one of them."  
  
Ceila couldn't help but smile slightly.  
  
"Can I get you something to drink, Dr. Lofton?" she offered.  
  
"Gavin," he supplied. "Coffee, please. Two sugars and black."  
  
Ceila nodded once and went to retrieve Gavin's coffee.  
  
Gavin watched as Ceila strode down the hall. Curious girl, he thought.  
  
**  
  
Ceila turned around carefully to see if Gavin still had his eyes on her. She couldn't see him anymore so she breathed a sigh of relief. He seemed he could do nothing but flirt with her. Ceila hoped that Kerry would take the wind out of his sails.  
  
**  
  
Ceila returned with Gavin's coffee.  
  
"Black, two sugars," she said as she offered him the coffee.  
  
Gavin gratefully accepted the coffee.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Gavin looked at his watch.  
  
"She won't be long, will she?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No, I don't think so."  
  
Silence.  
  
"You must be from Wisconsin or Canada," Gavin supposed. "I can tell from the way you pronounced your vowels."  
  
Ceila smiled a little.  
  
"Yes. From Canada."  
  
Gavin nodded.  
  
"Ah. From Ottawa or..."  
  
"I was born there," Ceila admitted.  
  
Gavin seemed surprised.  
  
"Oh! Do you know Mike Moran?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No."  
  
Gavin nodded.  
  
"I just thought."  
  
His hands waved about a little.  
  
"Given that there's, like, thirty-one million people over nine million square kilometers, the odds are that someone knows someone from somewhere. That's usually been my experience so I'm not just saying this."  
  
Ceila understood.  
  
"I see. I do know someone from Ottawa."  
  
Gavin swivelled his cup of coffee.  
  
"There you go!"  
  
Just then, the hot contents of Gavin's cup spilled out. Both he and Ceila gasped. The coffee had spilled all down Ceila's scrub shirt.  
  
Gavin was agape.  
  
"I am so sorry!"  
  
Gavin placed the near-empty cup on the table.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
Ceila pulled on the shirt.  
  
"I'm fine," she sputtered.  
  
"That was really hot," he said as he reached into his pocket for a Kleenex.   
  
Ceila put her hand up to prevent Gavin from helping her.  
  
"I'm fine," she asserted. "I'll just get another scrub shirt from the supply closet."  
  
Ceila left the room and went past the nurses' station to a supply closet. Gavin followed her, feeling sorry for his carelessness.  
  
"Can I help....?" he called out.  
  
Ceila didn't hear him. She snuck into the closet and rummaged around until she found a green scrub shirt. Gavin could see Ceila through the slit of the door. She removed her soiled scrub shirt and placed the clean one on. There was something to this pretty specimen, he thought.  
  
Ceila exited the storage closet. She was surprised to see that Gavin had followed her.  
  
"I, uh...." Gavin stammered. "I'm sorry about the...."  
  
A blush rose on Ceila's face.  
  
"Yes."  
  
She brushed away the wrinkles on her new scrub shirt.  
  
"We should wait for Dr. Weaver," she suggested.  
  
Gavin agreed and went back to the conference room to wait for Kerry.  
  
**  
  
Though he had waited for nearly an hour, Gavin's meeting with Kerry took only half an hour. He thumbed through her report as he stepped off the elevator.  
  
"I'll go through your report but I do wish you could implement my suggestions."  
  
Kerry could only shrug.  
  
"We simply don't have the money or the manpower."  
  
Gavin grimaced.  
  
"A pathogen won't care for those logistics."  
  
Nevertheless, Gavin gave Kerry a curt smile and bade her adieu.  
  
Ceila entered a trauma room. Gavin peered at her through the door. She moved lightly and swiftly with the attending physicians. Gavin backed away and approached Carter at the admittance desk.  
  
"Excuse me?" he addressed Carter.  
  
Carter lifted his head to Gavin.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Gavin pointed at Ceila.  
  
"The nurse in the trauma room- Kowalski. What do you know about her?"  
  
Carter's brow furrowed a little before he spoke.  
  
"Nanuq of the North? Orphaned as a child after the Great Tundra Fire of 1983 had wiped out not only her parents but her sixty brothers and sisters, Kowalski bravely trekked to Toronto on her sled (and in the middle of a polar bear stampede, too!) where she made a living as snowshoe-shine kid. She was brought over to Chicago through our "Foster-A-Canadian-Brat" program. Would you like to help? For only forty cents a day, you can feed a Canadian child."  
  
Gavin would not be sold on such a fantastic tale.  
  
"You don't know anything about her, do you?"  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"Not as such, no."  
  
Gavin rapped his knuckles on the desk.  
  
"Okay," he exhaled. "Thanks."  
  
Gavin left with Kerry's report in hand, and the name of Ceila on his lips. He reached for his cell phone.  
  
"Charlie? Hi, it's me. I need you to look up a name for me...."  
  
**  
  
Ceila felt absolutely grimy after her extended shift. All she wanted to do was to scrub herself clean and curl up next to Luka in her own bed. He had declined her offer of a joined shower but promised to wait for her. Too tired to argue, she climbed into the shower alone.  
  
Ceila let the hot water cascade through her hair. Her voice rose with an old song she was sung to years ago.  
  
**  
  
Luka could hear Ceila singing in the shower. He wandered about her apartment. He had been so far as the couch and her bedroom. He wandered to the desk in the back of her flat. Her computer was nearly swamped with post-it notes. Her bookshelf was heavily laden with books, most of which were medical texts and foreign language dictionaries- Polish, Russian, Portuguese, Croatian. It was almost as though she did not read for pleasure. Maybe she really hadn't the time to do so. At last, Luka found a well-thumbed copy of Wuthering Heights. He opened the cover. On the inside was an inscription from her mother. It had been a present for her fourteenth birthday. Luka smiled. He had never read the book in English. He might ask for her copy, if she were willing to part with it.  
  
On the other side of her desk, she had a collection of CDs- music and CD-ROMs with a variety of medical studies on them. Her notebooks, crammed with information, were neatly stacked on another shelf. For a student, she kept her place in a reasonably neat condition.  
  
"Do you see anything you like?"  
  
Luka was startled.  
  
"I thought you were still in the shower."  
  
"Finished now," Ceila revealed as she dried her wet hair with a towel.  
  
"I was only looking around," Luka admitted. "I didn't mean to..."  
  
Ceila smiled.  
  
"You can do that," she breathed. "My place is your place, too."  
  
Ceila wrapped her head in a towel.  
  
"I'm gonna get dried off and then we'll have supper."  
  
"I'll cook," Luka offered.  
  
Ceila grinned.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
She spun on her heel to her room.  
  
Luka relaxed. She was not angry at his inadvertent intrusion. He looked once more at her bookshelf. He might see something else he wanted to read. He noticed the plethora of messages Ceila left for herself on post-it notes. Essay for Friday. Work on Saturday- 1 to 4. Phone Dad. Don't forget, stupid- for chest traumas- calculate the anion gap (reference range = 8-12 mmol/L) and base deficit (reference range = ±4 mmol/L) as guides to hypoperfusion and bicarbonate repletion if the patient's initial arterial pH is less than 7.25.  
  
Luka picked off the last note. He locked his eyes on the eviscerating epithet. She was self-punishing. He was seeing it all now. She pushed herself.   
  
**  
  
Ceila staggered to the couch after leaving the supper dishes to soak.  
  
Luka could see how tired she was.  
  
"I suppose you won't have tea."  
  
She crashed prostrate on the couch.  
  
"I don't think I have enough energy to yawn," she breathed.  
  
Luka sat at her feet.  
  
"I don't know why, but I am so exhausted!" she declared.  
  
Luka laughed a little.  
  
"Because you are busy all the time!"  
  
Luka cradled her foot in his hand.  
  
"You push yourself," he said. "You need to learn how to rest."  
  
"I can't rest," she said. Her cool blue eyes were fixed on him, catching him in a truth. "And you can't, either."  
  
Luka felt a little uneasy about her statement. There was truth in it.  
  
Ceila brushed her hand through her drying hair and sighed.  
  
"I was never much good at sitting down. When I was a kid, the Sisters threatened to kill me if I didn't sit still in class."  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"Sister Petra made me take up stuff like boxing and gymnastics, thinking that it would expend all my energy," Ceila continued. "And my mum taught me some more useful skills."  
  
Ceila's eyes became glassy.  
  
"I think you can physically push yourself but find that it's not enough."  
  
Luka nodded, his gaze having wandered elsewhere.  
  
"I know."  
  
He rubbed her foot gently.  
  
"But if you push yourself too much, you'll fall off the edge."  
  
Ceila's eyes became heavy with sleep.  
  
"Yeah. I think you're right."  
  
Seconds later, Ceila drifted off.  
  
Luka picked her up and carried her to her bed. He placed her under the covers and kissed her cheek. He brushed away long tousles from her face before he retired next to her.  
  
**  
  
Luka woke before Ceila did.   
  
She was still asleep, so unaware of the world. Luka touched her face and lifted himself from the bed. He quietly crept out of the room and went to take a shower.  
  
**  
  
Luka went to work before she did (they couldn't go to work together). When she arrived, she saw that he was with a patient. There would be no chance to talk now. Maybe they could sneak off and share their lunch together, Ceila thought.  
  
Ceila approached a whole pile of charts that Susan had left her in a carrel behind the admittance desk. She could see a familiar face in the corner of her eye.   
  
Gavin had returned.  
  
Gavin smiled and sauntered over to her. Ceila made an effort to slowly back away, at least out of earshot of the gossipy desk staff. Gavin walked along side next to her. Ceila tried to focus on the charts she now carried.  
  
"So," Gavin breathed. "Tell me about yourself, Ceila Kowalski."  
  
Ceila looked at Gavin once with clear eyes and then avoided looking at him.  
  
"There is nothing to say," she answered quietly.   
  
Gavin laughed.  
  
"I don't believe that, Ceila. I've done my homework."  
  
Ceila prepared herself.  
  
"Ceila Susan Kowalski," Gavin started. "Your father is American and your mother is Canadian. You have a penchant for climbing as you do for kick-boxing, studying for medical exams and learning other languages."  
  
Ceila's eyes burned Gavin.  
  
"Where did you find all of this out?"  
  
Gavin grinned and shrugged.  
  
"I've been asking around, rummaging through a few files, twisting a few arms."  
  
Gavin looked squarely at her.  
  
"You're more interesting than you let on."  
  
Ceila stopped in her tracks.  
  
"What do you want from me?"  
  
Gavin laughed incredulously.  
  
"I don't want anything from you! I just.... want to get to know you."  
  
"You know more than enough!" she snapped.  
  
Gavin did not flinch.   
  
"Have dinner with me?"  
  
Ceila went absolutely pale.  
  
"I can't. It's not appropriate, and you know it!" she gaped.  
  
Gavin laughed, something he seemed to have a habit of.  
  
"No it's not! I'm not a doctor here and you're barely a nurse. I'm here only to discuss contingency plan for emerging bio-hazards. I'm not seeing a conflict-of-interest, and I'm not taking no for an answer."  
  
Ceila did not move. She lowered her eyes.  
  
"So, will you?" he pressed.  
  
Ceila lifted her gaze.  
  
"And what if I say yes?"  
  
Gavin bore a devilish grin.  
  
"Then I would say: meet me at Le Fournier's at eight. And you say?"  
  
She could hate herself.  
  
"Alright."  
  
**  
  
Ceila kept her head down since arriving promptly at Le Fournier's at eight. Long black curls fell from the fixed roll at the back of Ceila's head. Her eyes were fixed on the hem of her light blue dress rather than on Gavin who sat across from her.  
  
"Did you lose something?"  
  
Ceila shot her head up.  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
Gavin smiled gently on her.  
  
"You kept your head down. Did you lose something?"  
  
Ceila tried to wave off Gavin's concern.  
  
"I'm just a little tired."  
  
Gavin nodded.  
  
"Teaching hospitals milk students for every ounce of energy they have. Believe me, I've been there," he related.  
  
Ceila agreed.   
  
"Will you drink wine?" he asked.  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No thank you."  
  
Gavin flagged down the waiter. He related his order to him.  
  
"Ceila?"  
  
"A salad, please," she said.  
  
The waiter took the orders and went to the kitchen.  
  
Gavin leaned on the table.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked. "We could always go somewhere else."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No, I'm alright." She looked around. "I like this place. It's nice."  
  
Gavin nodded and placed a napkin on his lap. He looked at the dress Ceila was wearing.  
  
"I like that colour," he commented.  
  
Ceila's attention was elsewhere.  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
Gavin nodded to the turquoise stone around her neck.  
  
"I said I like the colour you have on. It suits you. Much better than pink."  
  
He chuckled.  
  
"They don't let you play around with your uniform much. It leaves nothing to the imagination. You look so much better like this."  
  
Ceila had heard the lines before from softer lips. She didn't want to give into Gavin's seductions. She put her hands on the table.  
  
"What would the protocol be for a SARS-like contagion loose in an inner-city hospital?"  
  
He gaffed.  
  
"I can't believe you're asking me this while we're going to eat dinner!"  
  
Ceila was unshaken.  
  
"I would like to know."  
  
Gavin's eyes bulged in their sockets.  
  
"Now?"  
  
Ceila's cool reserve came into full effect.  
  
"I'm planning to be a nurse in the Arctic where I am the last line of defence against anything and I would like to know- now, if possible- what I should do if I ever to encounter such a contagion?"  
  
Gavin sipped his water.  
  
"You're either desperately trying to avoid me or that is the worst come-on line I've ever heard!"  
  
Ceila straightened her shoulders.  
  
"No, I'm trying to come on to you."  
  
Gavin gave in.  
  
"You're a funny, funny woman, Ceila."  
  
Ceila smiled wryly and whipped a napkin over her lap.  
  
Gavin had another sip of water. He locked his jaw.  
  
"I'm not five. I see what's happening. You're trying to avoid me. Are you seeing someone?"  
  
Ceila looked him in the eye and uttered with a quick, quiet confidence.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Gavin became downcast, as though a block of ice had formed in the pit of his stomach.  
  
"I see," he said at last. "That's why you were trying to shoot me down."  
  
Ceila could see how he was stung.  
  
"I wanted to tell you before, but I couldn't. Don't take this the wrong way, Gavin."  
  
Gavin could not believe her response.  
  
"How should I take it? I'm shot down by a gorgeous woman I'm spending a fortune on!"  
  
Her look was ever ingenuous.  
  
"If it helps, I only ordered the salad."  
  
Predictably, it had no effect on Gavin.  
  
Ceila leaned on the table.  
  
"You don't want me."  
  
Gavin's face read of want.  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
Ceila summoned a courage that she had failed to draw on before.  
  
"So does someone else, and I want him. I'm sorry."  
  
Ceila folded up her napkin. She huffed a little.  
  
"I'm sure you hate me by now."  
  
Gavin reached for her hands.  
  
"No," he shook his head. "Never."  
  
**  
  
They scarcely talked during a dinner they barely touched. Gavin dropped Ceila off at her flat. He looked up the rickety iron-wrought steps over the Thai restaurant's kitchen.  
  
"You live here?"  
  
"Yeah," she nodded. "Rent's as cheap as hell given that someone was made into sushi here."  
  
Gavin was shocked.  
  
"Really?"  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She kicked a pebble at her toe.  
  
"Are you leaving tomorrow?"  
  
Gavin nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"I was supposed to have left today," he admitted, "but something held me back."  
  
Ceila felt self-conscious again. His wanting her had her at ill ease. She never felt desirable, nor had she wanted that effect on anyone. Now she wished for anonymity, to be a particular face, if not a different one.  
  
"You'll forget me when you're gone," she said, feeling that it was a lie.  
  
Gavin backed away for her.  
  
"You don't strike me as the kind to be forgotten."  
  
Ceila watched as Gavin entered his car and drove away.   
  
Ceila trudged into her flat. She threw her keys onto the coffee table. Just then, her cell phone went off. She answered it.  
  
"Can I come over?"  
  
Ceila did not smile to hear Luka's voice.  
  
"Of course."  
  
**  
  
Ceila hated the darkness. Outside lights barely creaked through the blinds. She could faintly see the plaster on the ceiling. She tucked her hands under her head. She thought of Gavin. Why did he want her? Was it the same as Luka's wanting her? She tried to fool herself that Gavin was like the others whose fantasy it was that behind the facade of the sweet-faced student was a young woman who yearned for intimate company. But Ceila knew she could not continue with that untruth. Indeed, Gavin had seen her as a pretty face but he did stay for her. Ceila had no choice but to let him go. She had who she truly wanted.  
  
"Luka?' she called out softly.  
  
Luka rolled over and nudged his half-sleeping form against Ceila.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
She touched his head.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Luka grunted.  
  
"You woke me up for nothing?"  
  
Ceila smiled and shook her head.  
  
"No. I just wanted to say that I adore you."  
  
Luka rested her head on her chest.  
  
"I would wake you up to tell you that, too," he whispered.  
  
Ceila raised a surprised brow.  
  
"Why haven't you?"  
  
Luka half-shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. I suppose I was sleeping."  
  
She playfully smacked him.  
  
"Get back to sleep, you lazy-ass!"  
  
**  
  
Those whom God wishes to destroy, He first makes mad.  
  
Another night shift. This shift in particular was pushing for time. Ceila had to run from her classes to the el train and right to her shift. She was five minutes late.  
  
Carter marched behind her.  
  
"You're late."  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes. She did not relish answering to Carter.  
  
"I had class."  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"Don't apologize to me," he returned. "Kerry's the one who wants you."  
  
"What for?" Ceila asked.  
  
Carter did not look at her but rather focussed on his paperwork.  
  
"Don't know. She's in treatment room five."  
  
Ceila grimaced.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Ceila stamped off to see Kerry.   
  
Luka emerged from a treatment room.  
  
"You're late!"  
  
Ceila was in no mood to be reminded of her failings. Luka could see that.  
  
"Don't worry!" he assured her. "I'll tell everyone that you were one hour early!"  
  
Ceila had to smile. Luka always had a way of making her feel happy.  
  
"I have to go see Dr. Weaver now," she unhappily revealed.  
  
Just then, thunder belted the earth.  
  
"Not a good sign," Luka shook his head. "Tell me about it after. I'll be in this room for a while. A man tried to fix his satellite dish with a pair of pliers."  
  
Ceila grimaced.  
  
"Never drink and use the wrong tools!" Luka warned as he returned to the treatment room.  
  
That being said, Ceila made unwilling haste to Kerry. She saw that Kerry was examining an x-ray.  
  
"Ah, Student Nurse Kowalski! Please." Kerry motioned her forward."I need to talk to you."  
  
Ceila stood before Kerry. Her back was ramrod straight.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Kerry patted the girl on the shoulder.  
  
"A little bird tells me you had an association that might be considered problematic."  
  
Ceila remained aloof. She wondered if Kerry was talking about her and Luka. Whatever the case was, Ceila decided she would apologize for nothing.  
  
"Someone told me that you were with Dr. Lofton on an unofficial capacity," Kerry said quietly.  
  
Ceila's gaze had become ice. She crossed her arms.  
  
"Did they?"  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"Now, I realize that, technically, at least, there is no conflict-of-interest given that he is not a doctor here and you are not his student but there is the appearance of propriety."  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
"Well," she exhaled, "officially, he is the one who invited me to dinner, which consisted of nothing more than a brief discussion of infection control and colours."  
  
Kerry seemed surprised.  
  
"Colours?"  
  
"Yes," Ceila nodded.   
  
Kerry nodded in return.  
  
"I see. And was there anything else?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"Officially? No. He drove me home. Officially."  
  
Kerry was stunted by Ceila's obstinance but had no choice but to trust her.  
  
"Well, I suppose this doesn't need to go any further, but it would be advisable that you avoid such associations," Kerry counselled. "They could prove damaging."  
  
Ceila coldly regarded Kerry. She had never asked for the woman's help but was not ungrateful for it. Nevertheless, Ceila did not care for Kerry's incessant vigilance. She felt it was intrusive.  
  
"Understood," Ceila answered.  
  
Kerry, believing the girl was sincere, smiled. She slowly walked with Ceila toward the centre of the ER.  
  
Kerry chuckled.  
  
"If this is as racy as things get, I guess we can handle it!"  
  
Ceila was touched by Kerry sudden levity.  
  
Kerry continued to chuckle.  
  
"I wonder how I could rationalize your dinner-date with Dr. Lofton?!"  
  
Kerry walked on without Ceila.  
  
When Ceila turned her head, she noticed that Luka had finished treating his patient. He had heard everything. He glared at Ceila.  
  
Ceila froze. She felt guilty. She reached for Luka.  
  
"Luka, please...."  
  
Luka brushed by her and charged toward the bay doors. Ceila ran after him.  
  
Frank saw Luka storming for the doors.  
  
"Dr. Kovac, there's a call from...." he started.  
  
"Take a message!" Luka snapped brusquely and went out into the driving rain.  
  
Ceila ran after him.  
  
"Luka, wait!"  
  
Luka either did not hear her or ignored her. He strode past the ambulance bay onto the street.  
  
Ceila chased after him.  
  
"Please don't be angry with me," she pleaded.  
  
Luka could only look at her.   
  
"Why were you there? With him!"  
  
"I didn't want to be," she admitted weakly.  
  
Ceila paused.  
  
"He wanted an answer so I gave him one," she answered uneasily.  
  
Luka was disbelieving.  
  
"At dinner?"  
  
"Yes," she answered. "I told him what I wanted. I want you. I want everything about you."  
  
Luka still did not believe her.  
  
"No you don't! You don't know what you are saying! You want what you believe I am! You don't know me any more than I know you!"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"That's not true! I know you more than you think I do!"  
  
The rain was drenching them.  
  
"Where is this coming from Luka?" she asked frantically. "I know I should have told him to back away and I didn't. I'm sorry, but I want only you."  
  
Luka's expression softened a little.  
  
"Then you should have tried harder."  
  
Ceila scowled.  
  
"Who are you to talk? You think I don't know?! Is there anyone who hasn't been with you? You find one man who knows me the way others know you!"  
  
She was ready to stamp away.  
  
"You're the one who's a whore!"  
  
Luka grabbed her wrist.  
  
"Please don't go!"  
  
"Why shouldn't I?" she snapped.  
  
Luka looked helpless and defeated in the face of Ceila's indignation.  
  
"Because I don't want you to go."  
  
Ceila became less defensive.  
  
"I don't want to go, but I don't think I have a choice."  
  
"Yes, you do," Luka said in a voice to be heard just above the driving rain. "Stay."  
  
Stay.  
  
The word was lead upon Luka's lips. Ceila couldn't bring herself to react. Luka first pushed her away and then drew her back to him.   
  
"What do you really want?" she asked.  
  
"I don't want you to go," he answered.  
  
"Then I won't," she said. "But I won't stay like this."  
  
And for a while, neither of them said anything.  
  
Ceila finally broke the silence.  
  
"I'm getting out of the rain, Luka," she said. "I'll see you in the morning."  
  
Luka did not nod or even acknowledge her words. He felt ashamed that he did not trust her. She had been honest. He was letting his fear get the best of him.  
  
**  
  
Ceila trudged back into the ER. She was sopping wet and still stung by Luka's words. She could see under the sagging tresses flopped in front of her face that the gossipy masses in the ER had seen her and Luka's dramatic exits. Susan locked her eyes on the girl. Ceila's face was contorted in anger.  
  
"What?!" She yelled.  
  
One could see Susan's head snap back at Ceila's outburst. Susan, in her stoic manner, said nothing but let the girl stamp away to a drier, quieter place.  
  
**  
  
Luka had finally come in from the rain. There was no audience to greet him. He slipped into an empty treatment room with a towel and a set of scrubs. He kept thinking of Ceila. Her trust of him had not wavered, though his trust of her had done so. He wouldn't be surprised if she no longer wanted anything to do with him.  
  
"Luka?"  
  
Luka turned around. A voice that was not Ceila's had called him. It was raspier, a rasp that one got from smoking.   
  
Abby stood at the door.   
  
"Uh, hi," she said awkwardly.  
  
Luka nodded politely.  
  
Abby walked to him.  
  
"I was wondering...."  
  
Abby stopped. Her hands wrung themselves.  
  
"Yes?" Luka asked.  
  
"I wanted to..." she started.  
  
Luka's face had the look of genuine concern. It both comforted and frightened Abby.  
  
"I could use some help at my place," Abby said. "If you're....not.... you know, busy. If you can come by in a couple of days. I have a day off and- if you could....?"  
  
Luka smiled a little and nodded. Why not?, he thought.  
  
"Yes, alright."  
  
* 


	14. Sleepless

Sleepless  
  
It was 4:07.  
  
Luka casually noted the time and puffed away the last of his cigarette. He sat awake, even though he would have to get up in two hours. Ceila slept soundly next to him. She nuzzled against his arm, barely moving. His gaze on her stayed, lingering like a touch. In his mind, he replayed the days' events. They awoke together, ate a breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs (her favourite) and went to work separately. Guess as they might, no one at work knew of their affair. Only lurid speculation whispered through the halls and he was not one for lurid speculation. "What are they to us?" Ceila cavalierly asked, not realizing, or caring, what effect their affair would have.   
  
The work day was nothing if not productive. A heart attack patient was brought back to life, a girl was diagnosed with strep throat, other nameless, faceless patients came and went. They walked home together and went to bed.  
  
Now he was awake and thinking.  
  
He was thinking about her and why, if at all, she wanted him. He was a spent man, a broken man. He could not deny his life was coming together because of her. He felt happier, even loved, but didn't know how long it would last. She was young. She would grow tired of him. She would find another lover. She would get a great job. When he pressed her, her answers were vague. That wasn't good enough for him. He needed to know. All she would tell him was that she loved him and they were as one soul. It meant something.  
  
For now.  
  
**  
  
It was 5:06.  
  
Ceila nudged against Luka's prone body. She knew he was thinking. She always wanted to know what he was thinking or writing in his notepads. Sometimes he would tell her.  
  
Lately, he was fearful, fearful that she would leave him. She laughed it off. She said the only way she would leave him is if she were dead.  
  
Or maybe he was unhappy.  
  
She shuddered at the thought. Did she not complete him? Did she not love him enough? She swore to God she did. She loved him always.  
  
He would become irritable and ask her if she was happy or if she ever loved him. Would it always be him? Was there a future with him? She tried to allay his fears but could not completely convince him. How could she? She did not have a crystal ball, she would say. She could not see into the future. Fifteen years from now they could be debating how best to pay the mortgage or where to take the children for summer holidays.   
  
Or they could die tomorrow.  
  
She could only ply the certainty of one thing- that she always loved him. Such words, though, could not soothe his dark, fearful mood.  
  
Ceila touched Luka's brow and wished him peaceful sleep. They would have to get up in an hour. 


	15. Set It All In Motion

Set It All In Motion  
  
Luka looked around Abby's apartment.  
  
"Ummhhmmm."  
  
Abby's eyes widened.  
  
"What?"  
  
Luka now looked at her.  
  
"I'll need to drill a fixture in the ceiling in order to put the fan in."  
  
Abby looked at him incredulously.  
  
"You do?"  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"Can't you just screw it on?" she quizzed.  
  
Luka laughed a little and shook his head.  
  
"No. Something has to carry the weight of it and then there is the matter of the wires." Luka scratched his head. "I could do it."  
  
Abby now crossed her arms.  
  
"Can you?"  
  
Luka shrugged. He was placid and wistful.  
  
"A year ago, you could have moved in with me. It's much cooler in my flat."  
  
Abby threw her head back. Who knew that putting in a ceiling fan would rehash events?  
  
"Luka..."  
  
Luka shrugged again.  
  
"I'm just saying."  
  
She touched his chin.  
  
"I'll still need a fan, though."  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"I'll help you put it in this afternoon."  
  
Abby smiled. She was safe- for now.  
  
**  
  
Kerry clutched her file and made her way into the surgeons' lounge. Romano was talking and laughing with a bespectacled browned-haired man. Romano turned his head and acknowledged Kerry.  
  
"Ah, Kerry, let me have the pleasure of introducing a friend and a damn fine doctor, Rick McAllister. He'll be doing a tour in the battlefield you affectionately call the ER."  
  
Kerry couldn't believe it. There would be another foot in the door in her ER. She would bite her tongue- for now.  
  
"How do you do?"  
  
McAllister smiled and extended his hand.  
  
"Hey! I hear you get a lot of action, even of the teaching kind."  
  
"It is a teaching hospital," Kerry answered. Duh.  
  
McAllister laughed.  
  
"I'm not one for hand-holding the kids but I'll give it my best shot."  
  
McAllister's pager went off and he excused himself, smiling at Kerry as he did so.  
  
Kerry shot Romano a dirty look.  
  
"What favour did he do for you, Robert?"  
  
Romano looked at Kerry with a surprised look on his face.  
  
"What makes you think a shady deal went down in a backroom? I'm surprised at you, Kerry. I really am. No, Rick is an old college friend of mine."  
  
"You have a friend?" Kerry sarcastically chuckled.  
  
"Ha-ha," Romano snipped back drolly. "I do have feelings and yes, even friends. Anyway, Rick left Hudson Terrace Medical Centre for greener pastures and I was only too happy to oblige him. Besides, you hire Canadian orphans and pathologists from Maine."  
  
"I didn't hire Kowalski and Dr. McDermott has a stellar reputation," Kerry corrected.  
  
"But not with you," Romano returned.  
  
Romano walked to the elevator.  
  
"Look, you don't have to bend over backwards for him. Just treat him as you would anyone else. Show him the ropes. Invite him over for coffee."  
  
Romano stepped into the elevator.  
  
"I think he likes you."  
  
Kerry had a look of mock surprise on her face as the doors shut. She would just have to take this on the chin as she would any other Romano-made screw- job.  
  
**  
  
Abby watched as Luka screwed in the support for the ceiling fan. He was so darn handy around the house, she thought. When he made his initial bid for her to live with him, he showed her how he would adjust things to facilitate- as he put it- her smallness. The apartment was built for people like Luka and Paul Bunyan but he would still lengthen the cupboards and strategically put step stools around the place.  
  
"Do you need help?"  
  
Just as Abby offered her assistance, Luka's hand slipped and he cried out in pain.  
  
Abby gasped and went to him.  
  
"Oh, sorry! Are you alright?"  
  
Luka cussed and held his hand tightly.  
  
Abby reached for him.  
  
"Luka, what is it?"  
  
"I cut my goddamn hand!" he snarled.  
  
Abby wrapped his hurt hand in her kerchief and took his keys from the lamp- stand.  
  
"I'll drive you to the ER. You'll need some stitches."  
  
Luka pulled away from her.  
  
"Come on, Luka," she tried to reason with him. "Don't be a child about this! I distracted you and you got hurt. It's the least I can do. And don't worry- I'll tell everybody you hurt your hand in a manly pursuit."  
  
Luka shot a quick look at her.  
  
"What?!"  
  
**  
  
The ER had drummed to virtual halt for the time being.  
  
McAllister looked at the backboard. Carter was standing next to him.  
  
"Slow day," Carter observed and replaced a chart.  
  
"Are you normally this slow?" McAllister asked.  
  
Carter laughed.  
  
"Oh no! Far from it."  
  
McAllister nodded.  
  
"Good." He wriggled his fingers. "You know what they say- idle hands are the devil's workshop."  
  
Kerry placed on a gown and drew Gallant to her.  
  
McAllister smiled.  
  
"At last, some action!"  
  
"A simple MVA," Kerry said. "I just want Gallant to observe."  
  
McAllister nodded.  
  
"I am here to work, you know, Kerry."  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"Yeah. I know." Kerry collected herself. "But this is a teaching hospital and I would like our students to practice their skills."  
  
McAllister was distracted by another voice.  
  
"Doctor, I have a patient for you."  
  
Abby walked into the ER clutching Luka's bleeding hand.  
  
McAllister walked over to Luka.  
  
"What happened here?" he asked.  
  
"He hurt himself while drilling a hole in my ceiling." Abby smiled evilly. "And he didn't cry. Not once."  
  
Luka returned her evil look with a burning one.  
  
McAllister chuckled.  
  
"Your secret is safe with me, Super-Man."  
  
Luka rolled his eyes.  
  
"Please don't trouble yourself. I could easily have Nurse Lockhart give me stitches. She is the reason I am here, after all."  
  
Abby was stung.  
  
"I said I was sorry," she said under her breath.  
  
"It's no trouble," McAllister assured him. "It's why I'm here."  
  
McAllister called a dark-haired girl over to him.  
  
"Student Nurse... Kowalski?"  
  
The dark-haired girl turned.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'll need you to assist on some stitches," McAllister explained.  
  
Luka looked uncomfortable. A doctor he didn't know and a student nurse were about to treat him for a stupid mishap.  
  
"Don't worry," Ceila reassured. "I can put the stitches in without you feeling it."  
  
Luka allowed himself to smile.  
  
"That would be good, Ceila."  
  
Ceila, blushing, bit on her lower lip and led Luka to a treatment room.  
  
**  
  
Carter sat at a carrel behind the admittance desk. He saw Abby talking with Lydia, Chuny and Haleh.  
  
"Abby!"  
  
Carter walked out from behind the desk and joined Abby.  
  
The other nurses resumed their duties.  
  
"I didn't know you were on. You didn't tell me."  
  
"I'm not. I'm here with Luka," she explained.  
  
Carter became downcast and curious at the same time.  
  
"No, he hurt himself putting in a hole in my ceiling."  
  
Abby made clumsy hand gestures to illustrate Luka's accident.  
  
Now Carter was more curious.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
Abby huffed.  
  
"No! He was just...helping me put a ceiling fan in, I distracted him and he drove the drill into the side of his hand."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Abby frowned.  
  
"Yes, Mom."  
  
Abby crossed her arms.  
  
"He's quite handy."  
  
Carter smirked.  
  
"And he's also letting Kowalski give him doe eyes."  
  
Abby peered into the treatment room. Ceila was suturing Luka's hand, smiling and even laughing.  
  
"They're not doe eyes," Abby denied. "They're... nurse eyes."  
  
**  
  
Luka now stared ahead of him. He flinched once.  
  
"Sorry," Ceila apologized.  
  
She cleared her throat.  
  
"Dr. McAllister, should we administer a mild anaesthetic?" she asked.  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"I might insist on it," McAllister insisted. "The nerves are too tender. If anything, you'll just be more comfortable- at least until Student Nurse Kowalski stops butchering your hand."  
  
Luka was more affronted than Ceila. He could see the scarlet rise above the Canadian's pursed lips.  
  
"She's not hurting me and her suturing is fine," Luka defended her.  
  
McAllister said nothing. He simply threw away used gauze.  
  
"I'll get something for the pain," McAllister said. "Ketamine should do the trick."  
  
"I can't have ketamine," Luka warned. "I have an allergy to it. And I don't even want anything."  
  
"Something topical, then," Ceila piped up.  
  
"I'll do the doctoring," McAllister rasped at her and left for the drug lock-up.  
  
Ceila continued suturing.  
  
"That guy is riding my ass!"  
  
Luka breathed softly.  
  
"He is new. And I hear Dr. Romano had him hired. That says everything."  
  
"Yeah," Ceila smirked.  
  
Ceila's touch was gentle. Luka felt almost relaxed despite his injury.  
  
"You left early this morning," Ceila said softly.  
  
"I had to help Abby with something," Luka admitted.  
  
Ceila's brow furrowed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She needed something fixed," Luka answered.  
  
Ceila continued to suture.  
  
"It seems that every time you try to help her with something you end up getting hurt," she noticed.  
  
Luka locked his jaw.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
Their conversation was interrupted by McAllister's return. He had a vial and placed it on the treatment tray.  
  
Ceila looked at the vial and shook her head.  
  
"No, Dr. McAllister, this isn't ketamine. It's BZD. I suppose the pharmacy made a mistake and sent too much that down here. "  
  
The man looked mortified.  
  
"Oh," he said uneasily. "Someone should keep them in check."  
  
"I really don't need anything," Luka insisted.  
  
"I think it's best," McAllister returned and left for the drug lock-up once more.  
  
Luka was frustrated.  
  
"Am I invisible?"  
  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
  
"To him you are!" She dabbed Luka's wound with cotton. "He should just give you something topical and be done with it!"  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"He doesn't know what he is doing but you do," he snarked and gave Ceila a small thumbs-up.  
  
She grinned.  
  
**  
  
McAllister paced back to the lock-up. Damn that brat, he thought. He opened the cupboard door and reached for some topical analgesic or even a minor dose of ketalar or haloperidol if it made that Euro-doctor feel better.  
  
"Dr. McAllister?"  
  
McAllister turned his head and reached into the cupboard.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Haleh addressed him in the hall.  
  
"Dr. Weaver has some forms she's like to go over with you when you've got the time."  
  
McAllister nodded and clutched a vial.  
  
"Yes. Thank you."  
  
McAllister casually tossed the vial in the air and caught it. Best to finish things before it got really busy, he thought.  
  
**  
  
"I'm back!" McAllister smiled.  
  
"I think the stitches are a little too tight," Luka observed.  
  
Ceila seemed taken aback.  
  
"I tried to make them small, not taut."  
  
McAllister looked at Luka's hand.  
  
"No. This is swelling. I'm going to relax the muscle and then apply a cold compress. That should reduce the swelling."  
  
McAllister put some of the contents of the vial in a syringe.  
  
"For the last time, I don't need an injection, Doctor," Luka refused.  
  
"A topical's just not going to do it, Dr. Kovac," McAllister said as he grabbed Luka's wrist and injected the wound site. "You'll thank me when it doesn't hurt!"  
  
Luka tried to pull back and stood up.  
  
"What is it?!"  
  
"Ketalar. Just a small dose. Don't worry," McAllister assured.  
  
Luka sat back down.  
  
"It doesn't look like it."  
  
"You won't feel a thing," McAllister assured him.  
  
Luka became gradually slack.  
  
McAllister placed the used vial and syringe on the treatment tray.  
  
"All done!"  
  
McAllister turned to leave.  
  
"Good work, nurse. Get Dr. Kovac a cold compress and finish the chart."  
  
Ceila nodded uneasily.  
  
"What a jerk-off!" she declared. "You told him you didn't want anything!"  
  
Ceila now looked into Luka's eyes carefully.  
  
"Luka?"  
  
"It's hot in here," he replied quietly.  
  
Luka's eyes were glassy and he slouched.  
  
"Your pupils are dilated," she said. "Would you like to talk to another doctor?"  
  
Luka shook his head uneasily.  
  
Ceila now put her hands on her hips  
  
"Well, whatever he gave you worked."  
  
She started to clean up.  
  
"It's hot in here," Luka repeated and removed his jacket.  
  
"It's May and we're on the verge of summer, Luka," Ceila said as she threw away the rest of the used gauze. "I'll get you something to drink, if you like."  
  
Luka's slouch became more pronounced.  
  
Ceila turned to him. Her brow furrowed.  
  
"Luka, are you alright?"  
  
Ceila touched his skin. It was clammy and slowly draining of its warm olive colour.  
  
"Luka?"  
  
Luka exhaled difficult breath. His neck was like a flaccid stalk of corn. His head wobbled back and his muscles were too relaxed. He awkwardly swivelled his head to her.  
  
"Plava oci."  
  
His long fingers brushed her eyelashes gently.  
  
"Luka, I'm going to get Dr. McAllister now," Ceila said softly. "Stay here, okay?"  
  
Luka clasped her wrist tightly.  
  
"No, don't go."  
  
Luka stumbled upright.  
  
"Somebody!" Ceila cried out.  
  
Luka struggled to breathe but his muscles began to tense up again. His grip started to hurt Ceila's wrist.  
  
"Luka, let go."  
  
"Don't leave..." he panted.  
  
Malik entered the room.  
  
"Hey! What's up?"  
  
"Find Dr. McAllister, Malik," Ceila said without removing her eyes from Luka. "Right now."  
  
Malik furrowed his brow.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked. He now looked at Luka. "Hey, Dr. Kovac, you're not looking so good."  
  
Luka burned Malik with a glassy glare.  
  
"Stay away from me!"  
  
Malik moved carefully to Luka.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?"  
  
Luka swung at Malik and sent him flying.  
  
"Stay away from me!!"  
  
**  
  
Carter and Abby had been alerted to the sound of crashing in the treatment room. They ran in only to see Luka keeping everyone at bay with bleeding scarred hand.  
  
"Stay away from me!"  
  
Malik crawled back up, nursing a bleeding lip.  
  
"He hit me!"  
  
"He's altered!" Ceila cried.  
  
"Get four of haloperidol, Abby," Carter advised sotto voce.  
  
Abby slipped out of the room to get haloperidol.  
  
Carter had his eyes locked on the manic Luka.  
  
"Ceila, what did you give him?"  
  
"I didn't give him anything...." she denied.  
  
Before Ceila could finish explaining herself, Luka rushed Carter. He and Malik tried to restrain him. Carter had to virtually jump on top of him to stop him from fighting back. Luka fell against the wall but still pounded at the two men.  
  
"Stay away from me!" he screamed.  
  
Abby slipped between them and injected Luka with the haloperidol. The men let go of Luka. Luka propelled himself forward and staggered for a bit. He stared at Abby dumbly, flailed for a bit and fell into her arms. Ceila dropped to her knees and tried to examine Luka.  
  
Haleh rushed into the treatment room. Everyone was breathless from exertions. Luka, she saw, had collapsed. His hair was drenched with sweat and his pallor was flushed. His hand was bleeding anew. He breathed with great difficulty.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Abby could only look at Haleh helplessly.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
She cradled Luka in her arms. He panted for a bit and stopped convulsing.  
  
Abby jogged the fallen man's head.  
  
"Luka? Luka?"  
  
Luka was still having trouble breathing.  
  
"Get a crash cart now!" Carter yelled.  
  
Luka was placed on a gurney and immediately all hands were over him. He started convulsing again.  
  
"He's tachying at 140!" Abby cried.  
  
"Blood pressure down to forty!" Ceila supplied.  
  
Carter looked for pupil reaction.  
  
"Ceila, step away from Dr. Kovac, now!"  
  
Ceila's jaw fell. She stepped away from Luka and watched as the others tried to save him.  
  
"I need to know what he was given!" Carter demanded. "Haleh, tox screen, arterial blood gas and chem seven. Where the hell is Dr. McAllister?!" Carter cried out. "Push 1 mg of Diprovan! We have to intubate!"  
  
Abby was frustrated.  
  
"He has to stop convulsing first."  
  
Carter looked quickly at Ceila.  
  
"What did you give him?"  
  
Ceila shot a quick look at him.  
  
"I didn't give him anything!"  
  
"Dammit, Ceila! What was he given?!" Carter yelled.  
  
"I don't know! Dr. McAllister said he gave him a shot of ketalar!"  
  
Abby looked at her in horror.  
  
"Ketalar? He has an allergy to ketamine!"  
  
"I know," Ceila returned. "But Dr. McAllister gave him a dose, anyway. I don't think it was enough to hurt him."  
  
"How much?" Carter demanded.  
  
"What?" Ceila asked.  
  
"How much?!" Carter demanded again.  
  
"I don't know!" Ceila yelled back.  
  
Haleh became flushed.  
  
"There are no traces of ketamine."  
  
Carter bit the inside of his cheek. He glared briefly at Ceila.  
  
"I need to stop the convulsions," Carter said in measured rage. "Prepare a naloxene push. We have to flush whatever it is out of him."  
  
"He's turning blue, John," Abby said in a broken voice. "His airway is compromised."  
  
"Let me intubate," Ceila pleaded.  
  
"I'm not letting you near him," Carter rasped. "A tube and forty of sux!" he demanded.  
  
"He's still tachycardiac," Haleh said.  
  
"I would be, too, if someone injected me with a drug I was allergic to," Carter sniped.  
  
A nurse burst into the trauma room.  
  
"Dr. McAllister just accompanied a patient to surgery."  
  
"Shit!" Carter cussed under his breath. "Get him down here, will you?"  
  
Luka threw a grand mal seizure. His back arched, the cords of his neck stood out and a scream tried to eke itself out of his throat. He fell back limp and moved no more.  
  
"Prep the defibrillators to 340!"  
  
Haleh pushed the sux and Carter intubated him. Abby prepared the defibrillators.  
  
"Clear!" Carter cried and applied the defibrillators to Luka's chest.  
  
Haleh looked quickly at the monitor.  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
"Again!" Carter cried and shocked Luka once more.  
  
The monitor emitted a relieving beep.  
  
"We have sinus rhythm," Abby said finally.  
  
Carter rubbed the stress from his brow.  
  
"Take him up to the ICU and continue to monitor him. Get an ECG and an EKG. And somebody find out what the hell he was given!"  
  
Snapping off his gloves, Carter left the trauma room, glowering at Ceila the whole time.  
  
**  
  
Kerry hurried to the ICU. Luka, she saw, was being hooked up to a ventilator and IVs. He had been given something in the suture room and nearly died on the gurney. It couldn't be true but when Kerry saw the tall man lying motionless as the ICU nurses worked him over and Carter glaring at the student nurse she previously had faith in, it had to be true.  
  
"Who told you could administer a potentially fatal drug?!" Carter yelled.  
  
"I never did!" Ceila shot back.  
  
"What's going on?!" Kerry demanded over the angry, raised voices of her subordinates.  
  
Carter placed his hands on his hips.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski was suturing a cut on Luka's hand and she claimed to have given him a dose of ketamine."  
  
"I did not!" Ceila denied.  
  
Kerry raised her hand for some quiet.  
  
"Ceila, tell me what happened."  
  
Ceila gulped once.  
  
"I was suturing Dr. Kovac's hand. Dr. McAllister was observing. I asked if Dr. Kovac should have a mild anaesthetic. Dr. McAllister said yes and went to the drug lock-up to get it. He first brought back BZD. I pointed out his error and he left the room to get something else. Dr. Kovac didn't even want a painkiller but when Dr. McAllister returned he injected him with something."  
  
"What was it?" Kerry asked.  
  
"I didn't see," Ceila admitted. "I believe it was ketalar. At least that's what Dr. McAllister said it was."  
  
"Didn't you check to see what it was?" Kerry pressed.  
  
Ceila threw up her hands frustrated.  
  
"No! He put it on the treatment tray and walked out of the suture room. And what am I supposed to do? Question the doctor?"  
  
"You do it all the time!" Carter shot back.  
  
Ceila gave him a glare.  
  
"Dr. McAllister gave Dr. Kovac an injection without his consent. And I'm a student nurse remember? I don't push drugs, I change IVs and suture cuts!"  
  
Kerry breathed softly.  
  
"Is the treatment tray still in the suture room?" she asked.  
  
Ceila thought for a second.  
  
"Dr. Kovac was altered. He became violent and stuff was thrown everywhere."  
  
"Find it," Kerry ordered.  
  
"You won't find it," McAllister said.  
  
He was standing in the doorway and had been apprised by one of the nurses of what happened.  
  
"Where the hell were you?" Carter demanded.  
  
"He was with a patient," Kerry explained desperately. "But we need to figure out how this all happened, so please, no recriminations."  
  
"All I did was administer a topical analgesic," McAllister said.  
  
Ceila turned pale.  
  
"No, that's not true!"  
  
All eyes turned to him.  
  
"I did not administer an injection," he denied.  
  
Carter did not believe him.  
  
"Please explain why Dr. Kovac threw a grand mal seizure and went into cardiovascular and respiratory distress."  
  
McAllister now looked at him, coldly.  
  
"I didn't say he didn't get an injection. All I am saying is I didn't give him one. I did initially retrieve ketamine from the drug lock-up prior to the suturing but Dr. Kovac warned me that he had an allergy to it so I never used it."  
  
"Did you return the ketamine?" Kerry asked.  
  
"Yes," McAllister answered.  
  
"So what was Dr. Kovac given?" Carter asked.  
  
"I don't know," McAllister denied. "You'll have to ask Student Nurse Kowalski."  
  
Ceila gaped and then turned angry.  
  
"You lying son-of-a-bitch!"  
  
Carter held her back.  
  
"Ceila would never do that!" Kerry insisted.  
  
"The proof," McAllister put forth, "is in Dr. Kovac's bloodstream."  
  
McAllister steeled himself.  
  
"I don't know what Dr. Kovac was given but I can assure you I did not give it to him."  
  
He gulped.  
  
"I do, however, feel responsible."  
  
With that, McAllister left the room.  
  
Ceila, now free from Carter's lock, swivelled to Kerry in search of credibility.  
  
"Do you believe that son-of-a-bitch? He is lying! You have to believe me..."  
  
Kerry coldly looked at Ceila.  
  
"I want you to go home, Ceila. Do not speak of this to anyone."  
  
Ceila bit on her lip and fled the room.  
  
Carter now turned to Kerry.  
  
"You know, Malucci did something stupid like that, too."  
  
Kerry only scowled at Carter.  
  
"She is not Malucci!"  
  
Kerry crutched off to the drug lock-up in the ER. She opened the cupboard door and started counting. Her fingers brushed over haldol, lidocaine, and ketamine. She counted each one and tried to think what was missing.  
  
**  
  
Kerry returned to the ICU ward. Romano, she could see, was waiting for her.  
  
He crossed his arms and glared at her.  
  
"Kerry, it seems that there is always someone being badly hurt in your ER."  
  
Kerry clenched her jaw.  
  
"Robert..."  
  
"Before you bore me with endless details, I'd like to get an update on Luka's condition," he interrupted. "To see if he won't sue us after he wakes up."  
  
Romano entered the room where Luka was.  
  
"If he wakes up."  
  
Luka lay motionless with a tube down his throat to help him breathe.  
  
Kerry was breathless. He was like a fractured god, still beautiful yet so broken.  
  
Romano approached a nurse on duty and inquired about Luka's condition.  
  
"He isn't breathing on his own, his blood pressure is dangerously low and his heart barely registers a beat," the ICU nurse explained.  
  
Romano took his light-pen, lifted Luka's eyelids and peered into his eyes.  
  
"Pupils are nonreactive."  
  
"These machines are keeping him alive," the nurse said. "One more thing- the complete tox screen came in. He had a dangerously high level of lidocaine in his blood."  
  
Both Kerry and Romano were surprised.  
  
"Lidocaine?" Kerry quizzed. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes," the nurse nodded and returned to her other duties.  
  
"Lidocaine toxicity!" Romano huffed. "Son-of-a-bitch!"  
  
He composed himself.  
  
"Kovac's brother isn't a lawyer, is he?"  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"I believe he is."  
  
Romano steeled himself.  
  
"Well, I don't think I need to tell you what creek we're up."  
  
"Robert, I don't think Ceila is responsible," Kerry said in a small voice.  
  
Romano's eyes rolled.  
  
"I'm not interested in your desire to play mommy to some smart-ass who pushes potentially fatal drugs to patients."  
  
Kerry clenched her jaw.  
  
"That's not Ceila and you know it!"  
  
She kept her voice down so the ICU nurses wouldn't hear.  
  
"Ceila has been eager and curious but when has she ever taken it on herself to do something like this?"  
  
"There's always a first time for everything," Romano said and made his way out.  
  
**  
  
Abby's lips quivered as she smoked her last cigarette. She couldn't go back into the ER or face Carter (given that he was irate with someone she knew he was attracted to). All Abby could do was smoke the last of her cigarette and wait.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
Abby looked up. Susan had just started her shift.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked.  
  
Abby mashed out her cigarette with her foot.  
  
"No," she answered. "Luka."  
  
Susan nodded.  
  
"Yeah. I heard. I can't believe Kowalski would do something that stupid!" Susan spat.  
  
Abby shook her head and chewed her nails.  
  
"Neither can I. And that's part of the problem."  
  
**  
  
Ceila was in the doctor's lounge, desperately avoiding or ignoring the glares of other doctors and nurses. She couldn't leave the hospital. She thought of Luka and then Dr. McAllister. She could not believe someone would lie like that.  
  
She peered out the door to see if the coast was clear. McAllister was going to the elevator.  
  
"Dr. McAllister!"  
  
McAllister was surprised to see her.  
  
"You are supposed to be at home, Kowalski, and I am not supposed to talk to you nor you to me."  
  
Ceila jumped into the elevator with him.  
  
"What is going on?"  
  
McAllister looked at her strangely and pressed a button for a floor.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Don't play stupid with me!" she huffed indignantly. "You gave Dr. Kovac something- something which caused him to become mentally altered and eventually go into cardiac and respiratory distress!"  
  
"Did I? He's also in now a coma," McAllister casually stated.  
  
Ceila's jaw dropped.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dr. Kovac is now in a coma."  
  
Ceila trembled and turned quite pale. She crossed her arms.  
  
"You gave him too much ketamine or BZD or..."  
  
"I did no such thing," McAllister denied.  
  
Ceila turned red.  
  
"Goddammit! Don't you lie to me! I was there!"  
  
"And what did you see, Student Nurse Kowalski?" McAllister challenged. "What was in the vial? Where is it now? What did Dr. Kovac ask for?"  
  
Ceila uncrossed her arms.  
  
"You're sandbagging me."  
  
McAllister looked straight at her.  
  
"I don't think that what's happening here, Student Nurse Kowalski. You made an error that nearly cost a patient his life. You've jeopardized not only him but the hospital and its reputation as a teaching facility."  
  
Ceila couldn't believe what she was hearing.  
  
"That's not true."  
  
McAllister stared at her steely before exiting the elevator.  
  
"Prove it."  
  
**  
  
Ceila had to see if McAllister's words were actually true. She charged to the ICU but then her legs became sluggish. She would soon see her lover teetering toward death. When there might have been something she could have done before, she could do nothing now.  
  
Ceila slowly marched to Luka's room in the ICU. Romano stopped her.  
  
"Hey, Buffy, Attending-Slayer! Where do you think you're going?"  
  
Ceila stopped. She did not look at Romano.  
  
"I wanted to check on Dr. Kovac," she answered.  
  
"Let me save you the trouble," Romano rasped. "He's in a coma with next to no brain, cardiac or respiratory function and just as much possibility of pulling out of it."  
  
She bit on her lip.  
  
Romano huffed.  
  
"Please don't tell me that you're going to cry!"  
  
Ceila avoided looking right at him.  
  
"No."  
  
Romano nodded.  
  
"I see. Are you hoping then that Dr. Kovac won't sue you? He won't, given that he's now a gork, but his family might," he spat. "I'd find myself a good lawyer if I were you."  
  
Ceila met his cold glare.  
  
"I had such high hopes for you," he admitted in a low voice before leaving Ceila to wallow in her sense of hopelessness.  
  
**  
  
Ceila had been riding the elevator for half an hour now, pushing buttons forcelessly.  
  
Gallant stepped in and gazed at the slouching girl.  
  
"Are you going to tell me what a royal fuck-up I am?" she sputtered, without even looking at him. "Or did you just start your shift and are horribly out of the loop?"  
  
"No," he said softly. "I know what's up."  
  
Gallant pressed the button for his floor. He carefully looked at her.  
  
"You should go home and get some rest."  
  
Ceila barely looked at him.  
  
"I can't."  
  
She sniffed.  
  
"And I can't go or see him, either. Do you see the dilemma I'm in?"  
  
Her jaw quivered.  
  
"I've killed him. I know it."  
  
Ceila steadied herself.  
  
"Since I got here, Dr. Kovac has always been good to me. Dr. Weaver has, too. Boy, have I repaid their faith in me!"  
  
Gallant looked on her sympathetically.  
  
"I have faith in you," he admitted. "I don't think you let them down. A mistake was made..."  
  
"I didn't make it, Michael," she spoke quickly. "Please believe that. No one else will."  
  
"I believe you," Gallant said softly. "For what it's worth."  
  
Ceila smiled softly at him.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I'm going to see him myself. Come with me," Gallant offered.  
  
Ceila took his hand.  
  
"I'll do that."  
  
The elevator stopped on the ICU floor and the two made their way to Luka's room. They could see even in the dimmed lights Luka's wretched condition.  
  
"God..." Ceila sighed and her shoulders caved in.  
  
Gallant rested his hand on her arm.  
  
**  
  
It was six AM.  
  
Kerry had made special effort to get to work much earlier than usual, in case Luka had made any progress. The ICU ward is especially quiet.  
  
McAllister was there, peering at his felled patient through the window. He was standing next to a henna-haired woman- Tess McDermott, the pathologist.  
  
"Tess," Kerry nodded politely. "Dr. McAllister."  
  
Tess, likewise, nodded though she didn't particularly like Kerry. She returned her gaze to Luka.  
  
"I found out something about your handsome attending," Tess offered. "He inherited his mild allergy to ketamine from his mother. You see, Eastern European hospitals don't believe in natural childbirth one bit. They drug women in labour so much that they are on a entirely different plane of existence, which might explain some of their films."  
  
"I missed your cynicism, Tess," Kerry dryly admitted. "I have no idea how we would have survived medical school without it."  
  
"And I missed your love for your fellow man and your warm personality," Tess retorted. "But if I may be allowed to finish. The ketamine push they gave his mother passed through the umbilical cord to him. Luckily, the effect lasted only seconds at birth but a lifetime for him. He also had long legs- a strapping twenty inches he was at birth. That's no baby for a petite woman. Good thing that Mama Kovac is as strapping as her boy."  
  
"If I may divert this conversation to something "less" important," McAllister said impatiently. "I want to know his status."  
  
"They're going to run another EKG on him," Tess said. "But so far, nothing."  
  
Kerry touched the glass.  
  
"Zero to two milligrams of ketamine or its equivalent would cause minor disorientation and hallucinations. Anything over five milligrams would be enough to kill him."  
  
Kerry's knuckle rapped the glass.  
  
"But Dr. Kovac suffered lidocaine toxicity. Of course, you didn't know that, did you, Dr. McAllister?"  
  
"No," McAllister replied without looking at her.  
  
He touched the glass lightly.  
  
"It's a shame," he said. "A life gone to waste like that. Is there any chance he may recover?"  
  
Kerry shook her head.  
  
"It doesn't look promising."  
  
McAllister gulped.  
  
"I'm sure Student Nurse Kowalski never meant to kill him."  
  
Tess drew out steely anger.  
  
"Maybe she should have. If he fails the apnoea test, he'll be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life."  
  
"I think I should try to talk to Kowalski," McAllister offered. "I feel responsible."  
  
"No," Kerry refused. "I think it would be best if the two of you did not speak of this, to yourselves or anyone."  
  
McAllister bit his lip.  
  
"If you think it's best."  
  
McAllister left the women to start his shift.  
  
"What's going to happen to Kowalski?" Tess asked.  
  
"She'd never be able to be a nurse," Kerry said softly.  
  
"That's not good enough," Tess said, nodding her head in an ominous way. "Considering."  
  
**  
  
Kerry finally started her shift. The nurses whiled away the quiet time before the next trauma by folding sheets in a treatment room.  
  
Haleh neared Chuny.  
  
"Apparently, Nanuq from the North is up for the chopping block. Her skinny ass is gone!"  
  
Chuny giggled.  
  
Kerry's presence put an end to the cruel gossip.  
  
"Haleh, I'd like to speak to you for a moment."  
  
Haleh left her folding and joined Kerry outside.  
  
"Haleh, did you see anything yesterday?" she asked.  
  
Haleh wondered at Kerry's vagary.  
  
"I saw a lot things, Dr. Weaver."  
  
"I mean, with Dr. McAllister," Kerry explained. "Did you notice him take anything from the drug lock-up?"  
  
Haleh thought for a second.  
  
"I saw him  
return  
something but  
I couldn't  
tell you when  
that was."  
  
"When was that?" Kerry asked.  
  
"Oh, two in the afternoon, I think," Haleh answered,  
  
"I mean- before or after Dr. Kovac came in with his hand laceration?" Kerry clarified.  
  
"Oh, he was nowhere near the drug lock-up before Dr. Kovac came in," Haleh said. "He was at the admit desk talking to Carter about something and then Dr. Kovac came in. He went straight to the room with Kowalski and started stitching him up. He must have left the room after that because he was in the drug lock-up when I told him he had some paperwork to do."  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"Thank you, Haleh. Please don't repeat this to anyone."  
  
Haleh raised a curious brow.  
  
"Is this about Student Nurse Kowalski?"  
  
Kerry put her finger to her lips.  
  
"Please, Haleh, not a word."  
  
**  
  
Kerry was by herself in the lounge. She alone had the unpleasant task of informing Ceila that a hearing would convene. The girl would be at home, unable to do anything in her defence. Kerry picked up the phone and dialled Ceila's number.  
  
"Ceila?"  
  
"Yes, Dr. Weaver?" the girl's voice was like liquid silver. "Is Dr. Kovac alright? No one will tell me anything."  
  
Kerry bit her lip.  
  
"No change," she regretted. She paused for difficult breath. "I've spoken to the board. A hearing will be convened for tomorrow."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Ceila?" Kerry called.  
  
She could hear Ceila breathing.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I am sorry. I really am," Kerry apologized. "I tried to talk to them."  
  
Ceila's voice was low and soft.  
  
"Thank you, Dr. Weaver."  
  
Kerry continued.  
  
"What I'd like you to do is to write down everything you remember. Can you do that?"  
  
"Yeah," Ceila answered, "but it's not going to do any good."  
  
Kerry would not let her be discouraged.  
  
"Don't say that, Ceila. Be here early."  
  
"Alright," Ceila confirmed.  
  
Kerry hung up the phone. She rapped her knuckles on the table and hoped that Ceila had at least an ounce of the confidence she displayed in her time working in the ER.  
  
**  
  
8 AM.  
  
An ordinary sunny day, curiously, was judgment day for some.  
  
The board of physicians had convened in the meeting room. They chattered softly with each other, discussing the quality of the danish and occasionally looking at their notes to see whom they were interviewing. Romano was there. He said nothing but waited, tapping the rim of his glass of water. Kerry came in and sat at the back of the room. Ceila, she saw, was early. Her long black hair was tied back severely. She wore a long beige skirt and a soft pink short-sleeved shirt. She looked more cute than adult. She wrung her hands and kept her head down. McAllister was in the front of the room. He sat up straight with his head held high and waited patiently. Abby entered the room and sat next to Kerry. She gave Kerry a brief grave look and waited for the hearing to begin.  
  
Romano cleared his throat, a signal that the hearing would start.  
  
"We're about to begin."  
  
Romano looked coldly at Ceila.  
  
"Miss Kowalski, I advise you to leave for this portion of the hearing. Don't stray too far."  
  
Ceila wordlessly rose from her seat and walked out of the room.  
  
McAllister sat before the board, cleared his throat and sipped a glass of water.  
  
A doctor joined his fingers together and addressed McAllister.  
  
"Please state your name."  
  
"Doctor Rick McAllister," he stated. "I was chief resident at Chicago Memorial before accepting an attending position at Hudson Terrace Medical Centre in New York."  
  
The doctor spoke again.  
  
"Please explain, to the best of your recollection, the events of the day in question."  
  
McAllister's gaze slightly veered left.  
  
"Dr. Kovac came into the ER, presenting with a hand laceration about eight centimetres in length and I estimated less than two millimetres deep. Blood loss was minimal and I determined there was no nerve damage. However, there was slight muscular damage causing Dr. Kovac discomfort."  
  
"What was your course of treatment?" the doctor asked.  
  
"I instructed Student Nurse Kowalski to prep Dr. Kovac while I retrieved a vial of ketamine from the drug lock-up," McAllister answered. "I entered the room and instructed her to irrigate the wound, which she did, and the proceed with the sutures."  
  
The doctor was confused.  
  
"You did not suture?"  
  
McAllister shook his head.  
  
"No."  
  
Another doctor spoke.  
  
"You did not administer any analgesic?"  
  
"At first, no," McAllister replied. "I was concerned once Dr. Kovac experienced pain and told him I had ketamine. He told me he had an allergy to ketamine so I returned the vial."  
  
The second doctor resumed her questioning.  
  
"Did Student Nurse Kowalski administer anything- to your knowledge?"  
  
"To my knowledge- no. She had irrigated the wound..."  
  
The second doctor was now confused.  
  
"Wait- she irrigated the wound before or after you entered the room?"  
  
McAllister thought for a moment.  
  
"She may have  
done that  
before I  
instructed her  
to proceed  
with  
suturing."  
  
The first  
doctor spoke  
up.  
  
"Were there any drugs present?"  
  
McAllister did not look at the board.  
  
"I do not recall."  
  
The first doctor wrote this down.  
  
A third doctor now spoke.  
  
"How would you characterize Student Nurse Kowalski's attitude during treatment?"  
  
McAllister crossed his legs and joined his hands. His entire demeanour was one of cold, hard confidence.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski's attitude was certainly not one I would classify as professional. It seemed she was infatuated with Dr. Kovac. She smiled and joked with him. Her attention was elsewhere, for certain."  
  
McAllister swallowed an obstruction.  
  
"I take full responsibility for not curbing this behaviour."  
  
Romano looked on him with all the sympathy he could muster.  
  
"That will be all, Dr. McAllister," the first doctor said.  
  
With that, McAllister got up and left.  
  
The doctors collected their notes.  
  
Abby crossed her arms and leaned over to whisper in Kerry's ear.  
  
"That's bullshit! I've seen Ceila work with Luka before and she's never been the go-getter! Not like that." Abby swallowed hard. "McAllister's a fucking bullshit artist!"  
  
Kerry knew it.  
  
"If you are going to lie, you better have a good memory. And I think his is failing."  
  
Kerry's brow furrowed.  
  
"He said he went to get a vial of ketamine before Ceila started suturing? That's not right. Why did the board miss that?"  
  
Abby shushed her.  
  
Ceila was called in.  
  
Kerry smiled at her slightly. Ceila returned the smile.  
  
Ceila sat before the board.  
  
"Please state you name."  
  
"Ceila Kowalski," she answered. "Third year nursing student."  
  
"Please describe the events of the day in question," the third doctor asked.  
  
Ceila gulped.  
  
"I was called to assist on a hand laceration. Dr. Kovac was the patient. His laceration was no more than seven or eight centimetres in length. Dr. McAllister wanted me to apply the sutures. I retrieved a suture kit and irrigated the wound. This was done while Dr. McAllister supervised."  
  
"So he did not retrieve anything before you began suturing?" the second doctor asked.  
  
"No," Ceila answered. "When Dr. Kovac experienced discomfort..."  
  
"Did he experience discomfort because of your sutures?" the second doctor asked stiffly.  
  
Ceila looked affronted.  
  
"He experienced discomfort because of swelling, not because of nerve or muscular damage or my sutures. I had sutured before, under strict supervision, and have had no complaints either from the staff or the patients."  
  
Kerry was proud of the girl's strength and confidence.  
  
The second doctor seemed halted.  
  
"What happened when Dr. Kovac experienced discomfort?"  
  
"I asked Dr. McAllister if a mild anaesthetic should be used or a topical analgesic," Ceila answered. "Dr. McAllister said ketamine was needed. Dr. Kovac told him of his allergy to ketamine. Dr. McAllister left the room and came in with a vial of BZD. I told him he had the wrong vial. He left again and returned with another vial. I don't really know what was in it. Dr. McAllister said it was ketalar. He then injected Dr. Kovac with it."  
  
Ceila paused.  
  
"Dr. McAllister insisted that Dr. Kovac receive an injection even though he didn't want one. He made Dr. Kovac take one. I don't even think he knew what was in it and Dr. McAllister certainly wasn't truthful about its contents."  
  
The first doctor wasn't swayed by Ceila's confident testimony.  
  
"What happened to this vial?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Did you remove it? Did you dispose of it?" the second doctor asked.  
  
Ceila was becoming angry.  
  
"No! Dr. Kovac became altered and stuff was thrown around the room. I don't know what happened to it!"  
  
The second doctor gripped her pen and gazed at Ceila with a white-hot glare.  
  
"What if I were to tell you that no such vial was found?"  
  
Ceila became silent.  
  
"I didn't inject Dr. Kovac with anything. I would never do that. Not ever. Not to him."  
  
"Why should we believe you?" the first doctor asked. "Last November, you and Dr. Kovac sealed yourself in a room, in your words, 'to protect a patient'. I must say, Miss Kowalski, I am not finding you credible at this point."  
  
Ceila's braced her jaw in earnest response.  
  
"I have never endangered a patient, nor did I give Dr. Kovac anything that would harm him!"  
  
The doctors gazed at Ceila coldly.  
  
"That will be all," the third doctor pronounced.  
  
Ceila's eyes flashed with anger. She rose from her chair with a clenched fist at her side.  
  
Kerry bowed her head. She felt that Ceila's testimony would only cost her.  
  
Carter walked past Ceila. Ceila stopped at the door and looked at him.  
  
"Please state your name," the third doctor asked.  
  
Carter's back was straight and his head was upright. Nothing about him belied his purpose.  
  
"Doctor John Truman Carter. Chief resident."  
  
"Please describe the events of August tenth," the third doctor asked.  
  
Carter drew in breath.  
  
"A patient came in with minor facial lacerations and contusions after being in a car accident. Labs were drawn and an EEG was about to be performed. In the mean time, the patient experienced convulsions."  
  
"What did Student Nurse Kowalski do?" the first doctor asked.  
  
Carter gulped.  
  
"Student Nurse Kowalski wanted to administer atavin."  
  
The second doctor looked surprised.  
  
"Did you allow her?"  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"No. It was determined that the patient suffered epilepsy that was undiagnosed for years. In all fairness, Student Nurse Kowalski did bring attention to it but was unaware of how to treat it, especially given that the labs and EEG were not ready."  
  
"Has she done anything similar?" the third doctor asked.  
  
Carter's demeanour became cold.  
  
"She has expressed what some of my colleagues have termed "excessive enthusiasm" in practising medicine. She expressed desire to do intubations, IV changes, things like that."  
  
The first doctor nodded.  
  
"That will be all."  
  
Ceila could not believe what was happening. She hurriedly walked from the room to the elevator. Carter followed her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ceila," Carter apologized.  
  
She did not look at him.  
  
"You were overstepping your bounds," Carter reminded her.  
  
"And you used to inject fentanyl into your veins!" she rasped.  
  
She now looked at him with cold, accusing eyes.  
  
"You're not the only one who knows how to be petty!"  
  
All Carter could do was clench his jaw. He had no idea how cruel she could be, nor did he understand that only one opinion mattered to her.  
  
Ceila moved from the elevator, having elected to take the stairs instead.  
  
**  
  
The hearing was over. Abby and Kerry watched as Romano stormed out of the room wordlessly.  
  
"That guy never misses a chance to fry someone!" Abby snarked.  
  
Kerry nodded her head in agreement.  
  
"I just hope Ceila's testimony was good enough."  
  
Kerry thought for a second.  
  
"Why did McAllister come here?"  
  
Abby shrugged.  
  
"I dunno. Happier climes?"  
  
Kerry shook her head.  
  
"This pasture is not as green as others," Kerry muttered.  
  
She excused herself from Abby.  
  
"I've got homework to do."  
  
**  
  
Ceila's fingers brushed over Luka's long eyelashes carefully.  
  
"Dragi , probuditi se. Imam ne?to re?i vam."  
  
He did not stir.  
  
Ceila stifled a sob.  
  
"I was here once. I know you can hear me."  
  
She leaned closer to speak into his ear.  
  
"Things are going to be right somehow. You're going to come back to me, and when you do, I have so many things to tell you."  
  
Ceila rose from her chair next to Luka's bed. She kissed his cheek.  
  
"O?ekivati mene."  
  
Ceila left the room, wiping away hot tears.  
  
**  
  
Kerry scurried about the admittance desk.  
  
Frank presented a yellow piece of paper to her.  
  
"Dr. Kovac's brother called. He wants to know his status."  
  
Kerry looked at the paper thoughtfully.  
  
"Thank you, Frank."  
  
Kerry continued scurrying. She was about to ask Frank for something.  
  
"Looking for this?"  
  
Susan waved a fax in Kerry's face as she munched on an apple.  
  
Kerry snatched the fax from Susan and read it.  
  
Susan still munched on her apple.  
  
"Looks like Dr. McAllister's in hot water."  
  
Kerry looked puzzled.  
  
"I thought you didn't care about Student Nurse Kowalski."  
  
Susan shook her head.  
  
"I don't," she roughly admitted. "But if Junior's not here then I'm stuck for a human piñata."  
  
Kerry couldn't help smirk.  
  
"Did you know that Junior is also allergic to ketamine?" Susan asked between bites of the apple.  
  
Kerry shook her head.  
  
Susan nodded.  
  
"Yep. Doubt she would be so free and easy with something that could give her convulsions."  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"McAllister might."  
  
**  
  
Prayer is the last refuge of the scoundrel.  
  
Ceila pondered at that saying as she entered the church. What else was she supposed to do, she wondered.  
  
Slumping into a pew, she scolded herself. Piety was best reserved for Sundays and faith had no place in a world of concrete facts. She thought these things before and now she could not think why she had all abandoned but the faith she was raised in as a child. She needed it now, especially as the world of man had turned on her.  
  
Ceila stared at the statue of Saint Theresa in the side chapel. The poreless plaster statue seemed to look back at her vacantly. Ceila knelt, made the Sign of the Cross and began to pray.  
  
**  
  
Lizzie walked the floor of the ICU to check up on a patient who was now on bypass. She could see hurried movement in the ward. The ICU nurse called her into the room. Wasting no time, Lizzie ran in to assist. She could not believe it. The comatose Luka stirred and struggled to breathe on his own.  
  
Lizzie and the nurse started to extubate the man. He coughed and sputtered and then became dazed. Lizzie wiped away excess saliva from his lips.  
  
"Luka, do you know where you are?"  
  
Luka did not answer her. He stared at the ceiling with a relaxed expression.  
  
"Luka?" Lizzie asked again.  
  
Luka now looked at her. He only smiled and touched her hand.  
  
**  
  
Kerry could hardly believe it when she received word of it. She had to race down to the ICU to confirm it with her own eyes. Luka had regained consciousness. Not only had he regained consciousness but his condition had been upgraded to fair. It was as though nothing had happened to him.  
  
Tess joined her in her wonderment.  
  
Tess smiled.  
  
"I'm glad."  
  
Kerry doubted it. Tess always wanted her pound of flesh and didn't care from where she got it.  
  
"I didn't want it to happen, Kerry. Really."  
  
Kerry doubted her but decided not to argue the point.  
  
"As long as he is recovered," Kerry nodded.  
  
Kerry entered the room. Lizzie and Abby were with him. Abby held his hand and repeatedly told him how lucky he was. Luka was insensible to it all. He was weary but responsive.  
  
"Luka!" Kerry cried as she joined the other two women at his bedside. "How are you?"  
  
Luka inhaled.  
  
"I feel alive but tired. Isn't that odd?"  
  
"What is odd is your recovery!" Kerry exclaimed. "Somebody up there is looking after you!"  
  
Luka was perplexed.  
  
"What recovery? I cut my hand! Why am I here?"  
  
Kerry was agape.  
  
Lizzie looked at Luka.  
  
"You mean- you really don't remember what happened?"  
  
Luka looked at her innocently.  
  
"No."  
  
Kerry had to sit down.  
  
"Luka, you suffered from lidocaine toxicity. Someone gave you lidocaine for your hand. Don't you remember?"  
  
Luka only smiled.  
  
"No one would do a thing like that, Kerry. That would be stupid."  
  
"Luka, we nearly lost you," Abby related.  
  
None of the explanations had any effect on Luka.  
  
"From a cut hand?"  
  
Abby rolled her eyes.  
  
"No! You had a grand mal seizure. You had cardiac and respiratory distress. You lost nearly all brain function!"  
  
Luka now realized the severity of their accounts.  
  
"This can't be. I don't remember any of this."  
  
Lizzie nodded sympathetically.  
  
"Your memory will return. It will, also, take a while for you to get your co-ordination back," Lizzie said.  
  
A cup fell from the bedside table. With one swift movement, Luka caught it and placed it back on the table.  
  
Abby's eyes bugged out.  
  
"Wow."  
  
Lizzie, likewise, was astounded.  
  
"Well, you're recovering nicely," she said as she rose from her chair. "I'll leave you to rest."  
  
"So will I," Abby concurred as she left with Lizzie.  
  
Luka was still perplexed.  
  
"It was just a cup," he said as he looked at Kerry puzzled.  
  
Kerry tapped his hand.  
  
"It's been a tense few days," she said.  
  
Luka was downcast.  
  
"I've been asleep for a few days?"  
  
Kerry nodded.  
  
"Do you really remember nothing?"  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"My hand was hurt."  
  
Kerry sighed.  
  
"Get some rest, Luka. You've got shifts next week!"  
  
Luka rolled his eyes at her joke.  
  
**  
  
Gallant could hardly contain his excitement. He hid in a storage closet and pressed a preset dial on his cell phone.  
  
"Ceila? You've got to come down! It's Dr. Kovac. He's pulled through!"  
  
**  
  
McAllister could not believe the news. In fact, no one could. Luka was expected to die but did not. His memory of the event was virtually nonexistent, however. McAllister adjusted his tie and moved away from the crowd of staff relating Luka's miraculous recovery to each other. He stopped when he hit a solid body. He turned to see who it was. A little red- haired woman glared at him.  
  
"I'd like to talk to you."  
  
McAllister followed Kerry to the lounge. Pratt was munching on a sandwich while Gallant was finishing the last of his yogurt.  
  
"Make yourselves scarce, boys," Kerry commanded.  
  
With haste, they left the lounge but hung around unawares to hear what was going to happen.  
  
Kerry glared at McAllister.  
  
"You thought you could get away with it."  
  
McAllister looked down on her.  
  
"I don't know what you mean."  
  
Kerry huffed.  
  
"Don't play this game with me! I know you went to the drug lock-up twice after Dr. Kovac arrived and I also know he did not want an injection."  
  
McAllister smirked.  
  
"Did Student Nurse Kowalski tell you that?"  
  
Kerry returned his question with a dirty look. She presented the fax to him.  
  
"She's a little more credible than you."  
  
McAllister looked pale.  
  
Kerry's face bore a look of clean disgust.  
  
"You're a...You're a. fucking bullshit artist!" Kerry accused as she pulled the fax from his hands.  
  
Outside of the lounge, Gallant raised a scandalized brow.  
  
"Wow!" he muttered under his breath to Pratt. "Dr. Weaver is a cussmouth!"  
  
Kerry marched out of the lounge.  
  
Pratt and Gallant hugged the wall, hoping not to be seen.  
  
Pratt blew out anxious air.  
  
"Damn! I'd hate to be McAllister now!"  
  
**  
  
Ceila ran like a woman possessed. Her hair had become undone and her clothes no longer had their neat and pressed orderliness. She bolted to the ICU where Luka convalesced alone. She burst through the doors and ran to Luka's side. She could not contain her joy as she pressed her lips to Luka's. She embraced him tightly.  
  
"I knew you'd come back!"  
  
She broke from her embrace and held Luka's face in her hands.  
  
"Do you hate me?"  
  
Luka was confused.  
  
"Why?"  
  
He kissed her.  
  
"I could never hate you."  
  
He held Ceila tightly.  
  
Ceila, feeling absolved somehow, relaxed in his embrace.  
  
**  
  
Romano did not want to hear from Kerry. His hand gripped the tumbler of scotch (the stuff he had hidden in his desk) with his back to the night sky.  
  
A knock disturbed his silently foul mood.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Kerry stood at his door with a fax in her hand. She let herself in and sat at Romano's desk.  
  
"I've been looking for you."  
  
Romano nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I thought you would."  
  
He opened the top drawer and pulled out his bottle of scotch.  
  
"Want a drink?"  
  
Kerry shook her head.  
  
"I think you know why I'm here."  
  
Romano braced himself.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He swigged his drink.  
  
"Kovac remembers nothing and Kowalski's in the clear."  
  
"I thought she would be," Kerry admitted.  
  
Romano chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, you would."  
  
Kerry cleared her throat.  
  
"I know you didn't want to believe the worst in Student Nurse Kowalski so I'll spare you the trouble of mentioning it, but you don't have that luxury with McAllister," she said.  
  
Kerry presented the fax to Romano.  
  
"What is this?" he asked as he scanned the document.  
  
"Three months ago, Dr. McAllister administered a fatal dose of atavin to a twelve year old girl," Kerry explained.  
  
Romano shook his head.  
  
"No, no, it can't.uh.. No."  
  
"It's true, Robert," Kerry affirmed. "He claimed he was exhausted at the time of the dosage. He resigned to avoid further trouble."  
  
Romano shoved the paper away.  
  
"This is the same doctor who stabilized a stroke patient everyone else had given up on.."  
  
Kerry sighed heavily.  
  
"Robert, he may very well have been a competent physician."  
  
"Is!" Romano snapped.  
  
"He nearly killed someone and was prepared to let a nursing student take the fall!" Kerry angrily returned. "What has to happen before he really does kill someone?"  
  
Romano buried his face in his hands.  
  
"Let me talk to him," he pleaded. "I'll talk to him."  
  
Kerry relented. She rose from her seat.  
  
"Do that, Robert, before it's out of your hands," Kerry warned.  
  
**  
  
McAllister sat before Romano with an empty tumbler waiting to be filled with alcohol. He smiled.  
  
"You going to let this thing sit empty, Robert, or is there a bottle of Absolut in your drawer waiting to be poured?"  
  
Romano was in no mood for levity.  
  
"It's scotch, actually."  
  
McAllister shrugged.  
  
"A classic."  
  
"I know about the atavin kid," Romano interrupted.  
  
McAllister was taken aback.  
  
"I don't know what you mean," he stammered.  
  
Romano grimaced.  
  
"Don't shit me, Rick! We've been through too much!"  
  
McAllister clenched his fist.  
  
"Look, Robert."  
  
Romano shook his head and rubbed his mouth.  
  
"I have no idea when you started plummeting to the ground, Rick, but this can't go any further."  
  
Romano sat up.  
  
"You've lied in your initial statement and lied to the board so I don't know how you're going to get out of this, but I do know that Kovac has no memory of all of this, and even if he did, he's not the litigious kind. Kowalski- well, she's a different pack of cards."  
  
McAllister bit his lips and stared down. He wrung his hands.  
  
"I swear to God, Robert, I never, ever meant to hurt him."  
  
Romano did not look at him.  
  
"I'm sure you didn't."  
  
McAllister went pale.  
  
"You pull one twelve hour shift and then another and then you realize you've worked twenty-fours without stop and.. somewhere in the back of your mind you think: did I give that patient too much of something?"  
  
He bit his knuckle.  
  
"And that's when the shit really hits the fan."  
  
Romano looked at his friend, the same look he offered him at the hearing.  
  
"I want to feel bad for you, Rick," Romano offered softly, "but you damn near killed someone and were willing to let a kid go down for it. That's a real crap thing to do and the Rick I knew would agree with me."  
  
Romano joined his hands together.  
  
"You go to the board tomorrow and come clean."  
  
McAllister smirked.  
  
"Commit professional suicide? What the hell have you been breathing in?"  
  
Romano's jaw squared.  
  
"You can go to them or I'll rat you out."  
  
McAllister gaped in disbelief.  
  
"Shit, man, that's cold."  
  
Romano nodded.  
  
"Yeah, as cold as setting a kid up for a fall and nearly killing her boyfriend."  
  
Romano looked away from McAllister.  
  
"Give Bridget my hellos, will you?"  
  
McAllister nodded and stood up. He moved his mouth as he would speak but said nothing. McAllister turned and walked out the door.  
  
Romano finally pulled out the scotch and poured himself another drink.  
  
**  
  
11 PM.  
  
The paramedic read the bullet.  
  
"White male in his late thirties pulled out of the river."  
  
Susan looked at the victim in disgust.  
  
"Shit! This day just gets better, doesn't it?"  
  
Carter checked the man's pupils.  
  
"Nonreactive."  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"He's been down too long."  
  
Susan had no choice but to agree.  
  
"Time of death: 11:05."  
  
**  
  
Kerry knocked on Romano's door.  
  
"Come in."  
  
Kerry saw that he was leaving.  
  
"Robert."  
  
"I convinced McAllister to commit professional suicide," Romano rattled off cavalierly.  
  
He clenched his car keys in his hand.  
  
"I'm sure he'll thank me for it someday, like when hell experiences a Minnesota winter!"  
  
Kerry pursed her lips together.  
  
"Robert, I'm sorry but.. they found Dr. McAllister's body in the river. It was too late to get him back. I'm sorry."  
  
Romano bit his lip. He clenched his car keys tighter.  
  
"Good night, Kerry," he said quietly and walked out of his office.  
  
* 


	16. Fate's Children

Fate's Children  
  
Things had settled down for the most part. No one was reproachful for past wrongs and sleep came easily for most people.  
  
But not for everyone.  
  
Luka lay awake in his bed. Ceila was sleeping next to him.  
  
"Ceila?" he whispered to her.  
  
Luka stared at the ceiling. No light shone in the room.  
  
"Ceila?"  
  
"Mmmmm?"  
  
"Ceila, I had a dream," he said.  
  
Ceila was sufficiently awakened to offer her indifference borne from fatigue.  
  
"So?"  
  
Luka was annoyed.  
  
"It's a dream! You take your dreams very fucking seriously! They are telling you things!"  
  
Ceila rolled over and paid her lover heed.  
  
"What was your dream about?"  
  
Luka looked at ceiling again.  
  
"I dreamt I saw Death."  
  
"Death?" Ceila queried incredulously.  
  
Luka nodded.  
  
"I saw her."  
  
Ceila's brow furrowed.  
  
"Her?"  
  
Luka was more than annoyed. He was incensed.  
  
"Dammit, Ceila!"  
  
Wishing to be both sensitive and conciliatory, Ceila apologized quickly.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Luka now calmed down and related his dream to Ceila.  
  
"I saw Death. We were in a crowded room and she was sitting across from me. She did not look differently from anyone. She was- particular, but not different. She left her chair and embraced me, like a friend, like she had known me all along."  
  
Ceila furrowed her brow once more and pursed her lips.  
  
"Luka, I don't think it was Death."  
  
Luka tried to object but Ceila shushed him.  
  
"I think this woman you saw was, um, a repressed...thing..." she proffered. "Something at the back of your mind that's been forgotten. I don't know, but I don't think it was Death."  
  
Luka would not believe Ceila's theory.  
  
"Ceila, it was Death," he insisted.  
  
Exhausted, Ceila huffed impatiently.  
  
"Luka, look. Did you die in your dream?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"No."  
  
"Then it wasn't Death," Ceila said finally. "Now good night!"  
  
Luka could argue his point no more. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.  
  
**  
  
For a change, Ceila woke before Luka did. She let him sleep. He needed all the peace he could get.  
  
She rose from bed, went to the kitchen and made tea.  
  
Ceila wrapped her hands around her mug. She thought of what Luka said and how quick she was to dismiss his dream. She let fatigue rule her emotions. After Luka awoke from his coma, he remembered nothing and, consequently, did not feel how he had cheated death. Those feelings developed after everyone reminded him of what happened. He became pale and had a tightness about the chest. Kerry let him have time off but it was not enough. Every night he had a dream, not of his death but of curious or vague things. Women dressed in black, places he had been to, faces that were familiar yet not familiar. Ceila had no idea what any of those things meant, nor did she know how she might help him.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Luka had woken up and made his way to the kitchen.  
  
Ceila put her mug down.  
  
"Luka, you're awake! Let me get you some tea."  
  
Luka sat at the kitchen table and let Ceila make him some tea.  
  
"Did you have another dream?" she asked.  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"No."  
  
Luka and Ceila were about to say something at the same time but stopped to let the other speak.  
  
"You go," Luka insisted.  
  
Ceila sat down and put Luka's tea in front of him.  
  
"Luka, I didn't mean to ignore you last night."  
  
Luka smiled and shook his head.  
  
"It's just that..." Ceila tried to explain, "ever since...what happened.....people have been telling you how lucky you are to be alive in a way that.....It's like you're a roadside accident and lucky to pull out of it, but I don't think you feel lucky to be alive."  
  
Luka did not look at her.  
  
"You're right. I don't feel lucky."  
  
She touched his hand.  
  
"You are lucky."  
  
Luka now looked at her.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Ceila thought for a second.  
  
"I've always been told that if you're alive, it's because God wants you to be alive."  
  
Luka looked insulted. His face screwed up in disgust.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I'm alive and others are dead! God wants me alive for that?!"  
  
Ceila's ice-blue eyes never wavered.  
  
"I don't know what is in the mind of God but, yeah, Luka. You're alive, and when I see the people you've saved and when I think how happy I am with you, then I can't think of anything else."  
  
Ceila brushed back long locks of wavy black hair.  
  
"It's conceivable that the only reason why that one guy exists is so you can save his life and it's also conceivable that the old woman on the corner is alive only to say good morning to me. We're alive, Luka, even if we don't know why we are. Sure, people talk and talk about it but they only talk themselves in circles and raise bigger questions to the ones they are supposed to answer. I say life is to infinitesimally short to ask those questions. Just live."  
  
Luka ran his finger along the rim of his mug.  
  
"That's not an attitude to take."  
  
Ceila huffed and threw her head back.  
  
"You talk too easily of death, Luka. Talk about life, instead."  
  
She grabbed his hands.  
  
"Luka. Let's get out of here. I finish my practicum soon. Ask Kerry for time off. We'll head up North. You'll see all those places I've been telling you about."  
  
Luka smiled a little. He touched Ceila's face.  
  
"Maybe I'll take you to my home in Šibenik. You know- with the rough rocks and the ports and the pirates who buried treasure!"  
  
Ceila laughed.  
  
"I'm packing my bags!"  
  
Ceila left the kitchen to take a shower. Luka leaned on the table and rested his head on his arms. He shut his eyes and tried to think of home.  
  
**  
  
"Abby?"  
  
Abby was startled out of her revery by Susan.  
  
"You're lost in space," Susan rattled. "What's wrong?"  
  
Abby shook her head.  
  
"Nothing," she lied.  
  
Abby grabbed the chart she was filling out and fled the admittance desk and away from eavesdropping ears. Susan took the hint.  
  
"What's up?" Susan asked.  
  
Abby did not look at her.  
  
"Do you think I should go back to med school?"  
  
Susan rolled her eyes.  
  
"What? Abandon the glorious proletariat nurses' struggle?"  
  
Abby became impatient.  
  
"I was being serious."  
  
Abby gulped.  
  
"I just thought after Luka nearly died on us that I could be a little more than some hand-holding, pee-collecting drone!"  
  
Abby smiled awkwardly and looked at Susan quickly.  
  
"Just a thought."  
  
Susan nodded her head.  
  
"If you think it's best."  
  
Abby smiled some more.  
  
"Luka thought...."  
  
Susan grinned.  
  
"You've been thinking a lot about Luka, haven't you?"  
  
Abby swivelled her head to Susan, a frown etched on her face.  
  
"No I haven't! I can't stand him!"  
  
Abby stamped away leaving Susan flustered.  
  
"Why does everybody want me dead?" she asked herself.  
  
**  
  
Abby stopped storming away when she saw Ceila in a treatment room. The girl was performing tasks that had become her staple since coming to County General. Abby wondered how she managed to fit in enough hours of trauma duties.  
  
"Hey!" Abby called out.  
  
Ceila turned her head.  
  
"Oh, hello," she said casually.  
  
Abby ambled into the treatment room.  
  
"Still busy?" Abby said, feigning interest in what Ceila did.  
  
"Yes," Ceila nodded her head.  
  
Abby bit on her lip.  
  
"How's...Luka?"  
  
Ceila stopped what she was doing.  
  
"What makes you think I know?"  
  
Abby could see through Ceila's obfuscation.  
  
"It's just that you seem to talk to him a lot."  
  
Ceila nodded. She picked up a sheet.  
  
"He's trying to hold up."  
  
"Is that all?" Abby asked.  
  
Ceila folded the sheet. There was a mark of tension on her face.  
  
"He told me he saw Death."  
  
Abby's eyes bugged out.  
  
"Death? Like, really? The Grim Reaper? The sickle and everything?"  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No, like, in a dream," she explained. "Some woman that's familiar or something like that. I don't quite understand."  
  
Abby nodded. Things were making sense in a roundabout way.  
  
Ceila finished folding the sheet.  
  
"I'm not surprised he has dreams about Death," Ceila admitted. "Things people feel or see get incorporated in the random images we call dreams, but his dreams seem more vivid. I think he feels unlucky to have survived and feels depressed about it. He should probably talk to a priest or a psychiatrist or somebody about it but... you know him- he's Mr. Iron-Man."  
  
Abby's gaze was blank. She knew all too well.  
  
"Yeah. Absolutely."  
  
Abby's hands fell to her sides.  
  
"Well, I'll let you get back to work. Later."  
  
Ceila nodded politely and continued to work.  
  
**  
  
Abby sat beside Susan in the lounge.  
  
"That proves it!" Abby rasped. "That is incontrovertible evidence! They are fucking!"  
  
Susan begged Abby to keep her voice down but the woman was too incensed to pay her heed.  
  
"They are doing it!" Abby rasped. "They are sleeping together. Him and that....that.... NAFTA whore!"  
  
Susan wondered where Abby got that insult from.  
  
"You don't know that, Abby," Susan said sotto voce.  
  
"Yes, I do!" Abby spat back. "She's always cozied up to him on their spare time! He is standing on guard for thee, if you know what I mean, and I think you do!"  
  
Susan shushed her just as Kerry wandered in to replenish her cup of coffee. Having filled her cup, Kerry left the lounge.  
  
Abby continued her accusatory tirade.  
  
"I wonder how long this has been going on? Weeks? Months?"  
  
Susan tried to calm Abby down again.  
  
"You can't prove any of this, Abby! Kowalski probably felt really bad about what happened and paid Kovac a visit."  
  
Abby shook her head.  
  
"Oh no! They're sleeping together and he's been giving her good marks!"  
  
Susan shook her head.  
  
"He doesn't grade her, Abby, and besides, Kowalski might be a nob half of the time but she's on the ball when it comes to her work, no matter what screw you think Kovac is turning."  
  
Abby was appalled.  
  
"Do not use nob, screw and Luka in the same sentence, Susan. It conjures up memories."  
  
Abby stared wistfully into space.  
  
"Long, lingering, stroking, throbbing memories."  
  
"My point," Susan continued, "is that you can't prove either of them are sleeping with one another, ergo, no sleeping to get to the top."  
  
Abby stood up.  
  
"Oh no! I'm convinced that Kowalski the NAFTA whore is sleeping with Luka the man-whore!"  
  
Susan could not comprehend Abby's persistence.  
  
"Even if they were, so what? What do you care?"  
  
Abby halted.  
  
"It's...unethical."  
  
Susan smirked.  
  
"Since when did you care about ethics? Since Kovac and Kowalski were involved?"  
  
"That's not true!" Abby denied. "Ethics keep this place afloat!"  
  
Abby started toward the lounge door.  
  
"I'm going right to Kerry and I'm going to say....."  
  
"Vanessa!" Abby shouted at Kerry.  
  
"I mean- Kerry, Luka Kovac and Ceila Kowalski are.....!"  
  
Kerry, still in wonder as to why Abby had invaded the privacy of her office, waited for the woman's seemingly imminent revelation.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Abby hesitated. The bile that had risen in her throat had now become an obstruction. Whatever emotion she had failed her, as it had always done. She froze.  
  
"Yes, Abby?" Kerry prompted her.  
  
"They are mammals!" Abby spat out and left Kerry's office.  
  
Kerry placed down her pen and tried to make sense of Abby's cryptic outburst.  
  
**  
  
Susan caught up to Abby as she was leaving work.  
  
"Hey, Abby! Wait up!"  
  
Abby only ignored her and walked faster.  
  
Susan bolted to her side.  
  
"Hey, Mary Sunshine! Did you tell Kerry?"  
  
Abby finally stopped.  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
Susan seemed shocked.  
  
"You said you would."  
  
Abby clenched her fists.  
  
"I didn't tell her, alright! I'm chicken shit! Is that what you wanted to hear?"  
  
Susan would not put up with Abby's outburst.  
  
"No, but I did want to hear you would sleep on it before spreading a rumour."  
  
"It's not a rumour...." Abby insisted.  
  
Susan huffed.  
  
"Until there is an X-rated video of them on the Internet, it is a rumour."   
  
Abby bit her lip.  
  
"You're not going to look for a video like that, are you, Abby?" Susan asked.  
  
"No!" Abby snapped. "I'm gonna go home and pretend this never happened."  
  
"Good thinking!" Susan commented.  
  
Abby stormed away before Susan could chasten her further.  
  
Susan sighed. There was no reaching her friend, she supposed.  
  
**  
  
It had started to rain.  
  
Ceila thought it best for Luka to move into her flat for the time being. She believed a change of scenery was in order.  
  
Both Ceila and Luka sat at the opposite edges of the bed. Luka crunched and uncrunched his toes and Ceila brushed her hair.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked.  
  
"I am forming balls with my toes," Luka informed her. "It will help me sleep."  
  
Ceila was confused.  
  
"Isn't that supposed to help you with jet lag?"  
  
Luka stopped, defeated, and scowled.  
  
"Goddammit!"  
  
Ceila looked sorry she ever said anything. She stopped brushing her hair.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Luka shook his head, fell back on the bed and laughed.  
  
"No! I only thought that might help me sleep but it won't! You're right!"  
  
He looked at the ceiling.  
  
"I'm never going to sleep."  
  
"Maybe Demerol might help," Ceila suggested.  
  
Luka rose from his slumped position.  
  
"No, something more.....red!"  
  
"Red?" Ceila quizzed.  
  
Luka ran to the refrigerator and ran back to the bedroom with a bottle and bottle-opener.  
  
"Chianti!" he cried.  
  
"Where did you get that bottle?" Ceila asked.  
  
"I got it," he answered quickly. "Have some."  
  
Ceila shook her head.  
  
"No, Luka, I can't."  
  
He opened the bottle and lay on the bed.  
  
"Come on!"  
  
Ceila resisted.  
  
"No."  
  
Luka pouted in a culmination of childlike play and seduction.  
  
Ceila curled into a ball.  
  
"Please, Luka, I can't."  
  
He had a drop of wine on his forefinger. He rubbed the drop on Ceila's lips.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah, Luka, I am," she asserted.  
  
Luka lay back with the bottle of Chianti.  
  
"Last chance."  
  
"I don't think so, Luka," Ceila apologized.  
  
Luka shrugged and gulped back some wine.  
  
"I might keep some for you," he barely promised.  
  
She touched his brow.  
  
"Keep it for a while."  
  
**  
  
The rain pelted down and splattered on the window panes.  
  
Abby, having changed into her bed clothes, looked out the window briefly and sat at the edge of her bed. She thought of what Ceila had told her. Maybe it wasn't odd that Luka would have disturbing dreams, Abby reasoned, but she did not wish to hear such things from Ceila. She hated the fact that the student nurse had a better rapport with her former lover than she had. What could they have had in common? Luka was older than Ceila. He was an experienced doctor and she was a student nurse. Maybe Ceila reminded Luka of someone. Abby huffed. Maybe the answer was much simpler. Luka was a man and Ceila was tight-assed little vixen. Abby laughed at her unfounded conclusion. She reclined on her bed and closed her eyes, wanting sleep to overtake her.  
  
Abby shot up from her sedate position. Her jaw quivered as if she were cold. Her eyes were made large by the presence of someone unknown in her room.  
  
The woman sat still in the chair next to the dresser. Her hands were folded and she smiled, the glow of which was not as vibrant as her eyes. She wore a long black dress and kept her black hair rolled neatly on her head.  
  
"Who are you?" Abby stammered.  
  
The woman did not answer. She simply smiled.  
  
Abby gulped. What Ceila had said to her before echoed in her head.  
  
"Are you Death?"  
  
The woman shook her head.  
  
"No," she answered in soft, dulcet tones. "I have been with Luka from the beginning."  
  
Abby did not understand. The woman smiled.  
  
"I am Luka's watcher."  
  
Abby tried to understand.  
  
"Like his guardian angel?"  
  
"Yes, something like that," the woman smiled. "His guardian angel."  
  
The woman rose from the chair.  
  
"I visit him every so often, to let him know I am with him."  
  
Abby curled herself up on her bed.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to protect him?"  
  
The woman sat next to Abby.   
  
"What I am supposed to do and what you think I am supposed to are different things."  
  
The woman touched Abby's brow.  
  
"Sleep, Abby."  
  
Abby reclined slowly, unable to recoil from the woman's cold touch.  
  
**  
  
7:05 AM.  
  
The alarm blared loudly.  
  
Abby shot up and slammed the off button. The sun had come out and dried the pavement. The chair next to the dresser had been jarred slightly and the edge of the bed was depressed by a human form but Abby didn't notice. She staggered out of bed to the bathroom, washed her face and prepared for the day.  
  
**  
  
Luka's eyes flickered open. Ceila slept next to him. Her black hair was splayed dramatically against her pale skin and the whiteness of the pillow. His fingers traced her face. She still slept. Luka laid his head on her breast and strained to hear her heart.  
  
He had a dream about her.  
  
She was waiting for him in the rain. He was in a big, dark house and there was no way for him to get out. He could only watch her from the window.  
  
Now awake and listening to her heart, Luka decided he not want to ever be separated from her. He knew this as her heartbeat became louder and her skin warmer to the touch.  
  
**  
  
They had been up for two hours.  
  
Ceila shut off her computer. She ran to Luka who was still finishing his breakfast.  
  
"I e-mailed my friend," she reported. "He said we can use his cottage."  
  
Luka smiled.  
  
"I like the sound of that."  
  
Ceila tied back her hair and swung her bag over her shoulder.  
  
"I knew you would! Now all you need is some official vacation time and we're set!"  
  
Ceila bolted out the door.  
  
"Later!"  
  
Luka nodded. He would ask Kerry for the time off. He needed it, after all.  
  
Luka reached for his cell phone and dialled in a familiar number.  
  
"Hello, Kerry? I must ask you something."  
  
**  
  
Ceila was still on the el train when Luka phoned her about the happy news. Luka was able to take time off, meaning he could lounge in cottage country or take a jet plane to Šibenik. She grinned. Things were coming into play. The distance between her and Luka was closing. She could feel it. Maybe she could not understand his dreams but she did know him. She knew him more than anyone else did. She cared about him more than anyone else did. All she wanted was for him to be happy. She could do that if she could tighten the circle around him.  
  
Ceila thought some more. Accord must be restored in all arenas. Ceila bit the inside of her cheeks. She would have to swallow her pride for that to happen.  
  
The el train stopped. Ceila stepped off and made her way to the ER.  
  
**  
  
Carter checked the woman's heartbeat once more.  
  
"Still weak, Mrs. Waits," he addressed his patient.  
  
He turned to Lily.  
  
"Keep her monitored."  
  
Carter wrote some more instructions on the chart, gave them to Lily and walked out of the trauma room. In the corner of his eye he could see a well-kempt waif shadow him wordlessly and with a hung head.  
  
"Yes, Student Nurse Kowalski?" he cried without looking at her.  
  
Ceila raised a brow.  
  
"What? No Nanuq of the North? No Working-Man's Angelina Jolie?"  
  
Carter was annoyed.  
  
"Ceila, I have no time to play the Name Game."  
  
Ceila looked disappointed.  
  
"But you usually do. Granted, you're not as good at it as Dr. Lewis is but you rattle them off so well."  
  
He spun around.  
  
"Get to the point."  
  
Ceila's eyes were a simple blue.  
  
"I was mean to you and I'm sorry."  
  
Carter tried his best not to look defeated.  
  
"Forget about it," he muttered without emotion.  
  
Ceila offered a slight smile.  
  
"I will now."  
  
With that, Ceila disappeared amid the mingled bodies of the sick and the working.  
  
Carter damned the girl. He could not hate her. It must have taken every ounce of strength to swallow her pride and apologize to him, he thought. However, it now made it difficult to despise her. Ceila was good at taking things on the chin. And turning the tables.  
  
Carter flung a pair of used gloves in the rubbish, feeling utterly useless and defeated.  
  
**  
  
Abby observed Ceila as she pumped oxygen into the elderly patient.  
  
"We have to keep her blood pressure at seventy," Abby advised.  
  
Ceila nodded.  
  
Abby noted the vital signs on the monitor.  
  
Ceila was focussed on the task at hand.  
  
"Abby, do you mind if I ask you something?"  
  
Abby was put off guard that the girl should ask her anything. She never did, really. No advice, professional or otherwise.  
  
"Sure," Abby replied.  
  
"Do you think even little things have an effect on bigger things?" Ceila asked. "Like, even seemingly insignificant things?"  
  
Abby shrugged.  
  
"I guess so."  
  
Abby was curious.  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
Ceila similarly shrugged.  
  
"No reason."  
  
Abby disbelieved her.  
  
"Does this have to do with anything?"  
  
"No," Ceila denied. "Just thinking."  
  
Ceila drew in breath.  
  
"Maybe you should have dinner with Dr. Luka," she suggested. "He'll want to have dinner with a friend."  
  
Abby was stunned by Ceila's suggestion. She tried not to let it show.  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
Abby could see that her question agitated Ceila.  
  
"I just thought Dr. Luka needs to be connected to someone here," Ceila replied. "Make him feel like someone still cares about him."  
  
Abby crossed her arms.  
  
"And what makes you think that no one does?"  
  
Ceila became more evasive, decisively so. She smiled wryly.  
  
"You ask an awful lot of questions, Nurse Lockhart."  
  
**  
  
The day went on. The halted progress of time was weighing down on Ceila. There were no traumas rushing by, no assistance was needed. There was only the slowness of time and tedious chores to do.  
  
Romano walked into the suture room where Ceila was preparing beds.   
  
"Hey, Working-Man's Angelina Jolie!"  
  
Ceila turned her head at once and, seeing it was Romano, continued working.  
  
"I'm wondering if you have time to view surgery," Romano piped. "Some very interesting things have been happening in chest cavities."  
  
"Not interested," Ceila muttered.  
  
"Of course you are!" Romano chuckled. "You know what they say about surgery and sex!"  
  
"I'm not interested in that, either!" Ceila snapped back.  
  
Romano crossed his arms.  
  
"Maybe a bowl of Fat Girl's Choice French Vanilla ice cream then?"  
  
Ceila ignored him.  
  
Romano bit his lip.  
  
"Look, I'm trying to apologize, and yes, I realize I suck at it, but I still want to do it."  
  
Ceila swivelled her head to him.  
  
"I don't want it."  
  
Romano huffed.  
  
"Look, I may not be a touchy-feely hippy-guy but I see where I am wrong. And I also know bullshit when I see it!"  
  
Ceila threw down a bed sheet.  
  
"I don't want anything from you!"  
  
"Whatever, Kowalski!" Romano sassed as he turned from the room. "Maybe we'll have a shot of tequila later!"  
  
"Whatever!" she shouted back.  
  
**  
  
Abby skulked about in the hallway. She wanted to be hidden. She kept her head and shoulders low, as if such actions would somehow make her unseen. She lifted her head when she saw Luka walk unannounced and unhindered into the lounge.  
  
Abby wanted to follow him but could not find the strength. She had avoided Luka before in many respects. She had not wanted to talk to him about their faltering relationship or about her mother's treatment (she had seen how right he was and was grateful when he did not impress his rightness on her). She snapped at him and blamed him when he had any faith in her or offered help.   
  
She was not sure why she avoided him.. It could not have been pity or concern (let alone affection) that drove her to him now. Abby chided herself for that possibility. Rather, Abby felt goaded, albeit, indirectly by a young girl whom she felt was infatuated with her former lover. Her legs did not budge. She wanted them to. She had to reach Luka or lose him for good.  
  
Abby moved to the lounge through a strength not familiar to her. She saw Luka at his locker removing some things.  
  
"Hey!" she piped.  
  
Luka turned around. He seemed surprised to see her.  
  
"Oh! Hello!"  
  
"I haven't seen you in a week!" Abby smiled. "How are you? You doing okay?"  
  
Abby moved close enough to see his eyes. She saw the symmetry of his face- his cheekbones, his lips, even his eyelashes. She remembered his beauty.  
  
"I'm alright," he answered uneasily. "Kerry is good enough to let me rest, but I have to return to work in a while."  
  
Abby shrugged.  
  
"Work- bane of our existence."  
  
"I guess," Luka concurred.  
  
Abby put her hands in her pockets.  
  
"I was just wondering if you were free tomorrow night for dinner at the Jasmine Garden?"  
  
Luka looked hesitant.  
  
"I don't know...."  
  
Abby slapped Luka on the shoulder, adamant for a positive answer.  
  
"Come on! You remember the Jasmine Garden. It's your favourite place!"  
  
Luka scratched his head.  
  
"I'd like to go but I can't. Carter would not like it."  
  
Abby's face became stone.  
  
"Don't worry about him, Luka. Be at the Jasmine Garden at eight. I'll meet you there."  
  
Luka suddenly smiled.  
  
"Alright."  
  
She returned his smile and felt warm at the thought of the future meeting.  
  
**  
  
Abby had taken a cab to the Jasmine Garden. To have taken her own car would have aroused suspicion in Carter. Luka was there- naturally- and waited outside for her. Abby smiled. He simply wore khakis and a short-sleeved shirt. No matter what he wore, Abby thought, he always looked good. He had his hands in his pockets and smiled when he saw her.  
  
"I thought Carter would not let you go," he admitted.  
  
"I don't need his permission to do anything!" Abby smirked.  
  
Luka was taken aback.  
  
"Oh no! I meant that he might not like you to have dinner with me."  
  
Abby pulled the door of the restaurant open.  
  
"I don't care what he likes."  
  
Luka shrugged and went in.  
  
A waitress led them to a table and poured them some water.  
  
Abby clasped her hands together.  
  
"Are you going to have your usual?"  
  
Luka shook his head.  
  
"Don't tell me this is my favourite place, Abby. I read the restaurant review, too."  
  
Abby looked chagrined but Luka sought to reassure her.  
  
"No, Abby. Thank you for taking me here. I like Thai food. I do."  
  
Abby felt a little absolved.  
  
"I just thought you could use a night out instead of staying at home or working half-shifts."  
  
Luka could see her point.  
  
Abby now smiled and placed a napkin on her lap.  
  
"Besides, here you can eat the rice with your hands."  
  
Luka laughed.  
  
"I haven't eaten with my hands since I was a child."  
  
Abby was incredulous.  
  
"I was only two!" Luka defended himself.  
  
Abby placed a napkin on her lap.  
  
"I didn't know that about you."  
  
Luka sipped his water.  
  
"There is a lot you don't know about me."  
  
Abby felt chagrined again. She knew he was right. At least Luka did not linger on past wrongs. She could easily forget them.  
  
"How have you been keeping?" she asked. "I mean- when you're not at the hospital, what do you do?"  
  
Luka looked at a menu.  
  
"My friends have come by to see me."  
  
Abby nodded.  
  
"Oh, that's good!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Kowalski come by?" Abby asked uneasily.  
  
Luka briefly stopped looking at the menu.  
  
"Yes."  
  
His eyes returned to the menu.  
  
"She is very concerned about me."  
  
Abby avoided his eyes.  
  
"I'm sure she is."  
  
He looked back at her again.  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"Let's order," Abby quickly suggested.  
  
Luka nodded and looked at the menu once more.  
  
**  
  
After the meal, Abby took Luka back to his apartment building. She walked him up to his flat. He picked up a stack of mail left in his mailbox, evidence of a suspicious absence. Abby pretended not to notice. She only looked around.  
  
"This place is darker than what I remember," Abby said.  
  
Luka only shrugged as he placed his mail down.  
  
"It's the same place as it always has been."  
  
Abby chuckled and pointed to a window.  
  
"That's the place where Carter and I came in before...."  
  
Luka did not smile. His grave look cowed Abby into a contrite mood.  
  
"Would you like some coffee or tea?" he offered.  
  
Abby shook her head.  
  
"No, I'm fine. I just thought...."  
  
She swallowed.  
  
"I just thought we would talk."  
  
Luka was confused.  
  
"About what?"  
  
Abby wondered if Luka was indeed clueless or if he had moved on, as he had an ability for.  
  
Luka moved closer to the couch.  
  
"I don't think there is anything to talk about."  
  
He hung his head sadly.  
  
"It should have been done before."  
  
"Maybe," Abby agreed. "But there's always something that could have been said or done. Maybe."  
  
She looked into his eyes.  
  
"Do you feel sad...about...what's happened?" she asked. "Ever?"  
  
He looked at her, tempting himself to brush away the lock of hair on her cheek.  
  
"Maybe, but I think of other things. It's okay now, I think."  
  
He was more solid to himself.  
  
"I know it's okay."  
  
Abby touched Luka's face.  
  
"It's been different without you."  
  
Luka did not warm to Abby's touch. He seemed not to want it. Trembling, he took her hand from his face.  
  
"Maybe I should call a taxi for you."  
  
Abby pushed her body against his and pressed her lips to his unready mouth.  
  
**  
  
It was early morning when she finally stirred. Abby touched Luka's head once and left him asleep on the couch. She buttoned her blouse, put on her skirt and crept out the door, hoping that Luka would keep silent.  
  
**  
  
The phone rang.  
  
Luka shot up from the couch. He saw that Abby was gone. The phone rang again. It had been days since he heard his own phone ring, an inconvenience he was without being at Ceila's flat. Half-clothed, he stumbled to the phone. He saw Ceila's cell phone number on the display screen. He did not pick up the phone but backed away slowly and went to bathe.  
  
**  
  
Abby arrived at work early today. A smile was on her face and a spring was in her step. She seemed uncharacteristically happy. She even chirped morning greetings at the patients.  
  
"How are you, Mr. Baxter?"  
  
The old man in the gurney smiled back at her.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
Abby spritely turned on her heel.  
  
"Hello, Ceila!"  
  
Ceila rushed to her. Her hair was tied back crudely and her scrub suit was dishevelled.  
  
"Abby, I've been looking for you."  
  
Abby fluttered her eyes in disbelief.  
  
"What? No 'good morning, Abby?' Nothing?"  
  
Ceila gulped.  
  
"I need to ask you something."  
  
"Ask away," Abby chirped.  
  
Ceila swatted away loose tousles.  
  
"Where did you take Luka?"  
  
Abby was surprised at the girl's forwardness.  
  
"Luka?"  
  
"Dr. Kovac, I mean," Ceila corrected.  
  
"Out," Abby simply answered and trotted away. "Why?"  
  
"I only ask," Ceila stuttered, "because I phoned his apartment and he wasn't there. I was worried. It was so late."  
  
Abby laughed.  
  
"You don't need to worry about two adults, Ceila."  
  
Ceila caught up with Abby.  
  
"I worry because he nearly died."  
  
Abby nodded her head to Ceila.  
  
"Looks pretty good for guy who cheated death."  
  
Abby resumed her happy canter.  
  
Ceila stopped moving but kept her eyes on Abby, wondering at her carefree attitude.  
  
**  
  
Luka didn't want to be at work today. He felt guilty about a lot of things. He wasn't sure if it was a sense of duty or need that forced him to move.  
  
Luka closed the door of his locker slowly. The white coat he regularly wore was taking on an uneasiness with each wearing. Deaths he could not stop, the frailty of his own body and self, his own diminishing purpose at the hospital, people around him, things he had done or not done. All of it forced his mind elsewhere.  
  
"Luka!"  
  
He spun around. Ceila, her hair and uniform unkempt, staggered to him.  
  
"I tried to call you," she said, reaching for his hands and holding them to her face. "Luka, where were you?"  
  
He removed his hands from her face gently.  
  
"I went with Abby for dinner. It was very late so I was at my own place...."  
  
Ceila's brow furrowed.  
  
"I called you there."  
  
Luka avoided her eyes.  
  
"I must have turned the phone off."  
  
Ceila breathed a sigh of relief. She picked up his hand and held it to her face.  
  
"I just didn't know where you were. I know I shouldn't worry but I do."  
  
He grinned.  
  
"Don't."  
  
He touched the lop-sided roll she quickly effected.  
  
"First, get your hair out of your face. You look like no one owns you."  
  
Ceila laughed.  
  
Luka swung his arm over her shoulder.  
  
"Then, we have a patient who has infrequent muscular spasms but no other discernible neurological symptoms."  
  
"Not enough potassium?" Ceila quizzed.  
  
Luka shrugged.  
  
"Maybe. Help me find out."  
  
Ceila started fixing her hair and followed Luka to the trauma area.  
  
**  
  
Their shifts had ended hours ago.  
  
Carter sat on the bed and looked out of Abby's bedroom window. People jaunted by for a summer evening stroll. He wanted to walk with her but she would not go out with him. A busy day shift would make one too tired for such strolls.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
Abby poked her head of the bathroom where she was brushing her hair.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Carter now looked at her.  
  
"Where did you go last night?"  
  
Abby laughed as she brushed her hair.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Carter would not be moved by her obstinance.  
  
"I just want to know."  
  
Abby put down the brush and fingered the handle.  
  
"I went out with Luka."  
  
Carter was surprised.  
  
"Did you?"  
  
Abby swallowed. She would not budge for him.  
  
"Yeah, and we had a nice time. The Jasmine Garden lives up to its reputation."  
  
Carter rose from the bed.  
  
"Really?"  
  
Abby now laughed at Carter's skepticism.  
  
"We just had dinner. That's all. I thought he could use a night out. Well- Ceila suggested it but I seconded the motion and we had a nice time."  
  
Abby resumed brushing her hair.  
  
Carter scoffed.  
  
"Funny. Ceila was the one who put him in the coma in the first place."   
  
Abby's head swivelled to Carter.  
  
"That's not true! It was Dr. McAllister. Besides, what if I were there? He probably would have blamed me! That's the problem! Nurses get the blame for doctors' screw-ups."  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
"Don't pit nurses versus doctors, Abby."  
  
"It's true!" she shouted back.  
  
Abby was really indignant.  
  
"You know, you wouldn't have made an issue out of it if I were a doctor or if Ceila were a doctor."  
  
Carter was incredulous.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's true!" Abby maintained.  
  
"You're just trying to create a conflict where there is none, and I find it extremely odd seeing as you can't stand Ceila!" he exclaimed.  
  
Abby threw the hairbrush on her bed.  
  
"This has nothing to do with Ceila, John! It's simply a matter of right and wrong, and don't pretend that there isn't a gap between the nurses and the doctors! Yeah, sure, fine, the doctors have all this training and blahblahblah, but that doesn't mean that when things head south, nurses should be blamed for things that are not their fault!"  
  
Carter leaned on one foot.  
  
"You slept with Luka, didn't you?"  
  
Abby's face screwed up in disgust.  
  
"I can't believe you!"  
  
Abby moved to her bed and pulled at her blanket.  
  
"And I am tired of you acting as though you own me!"  
  
Carter crossed his arms.  
  
"Oh, do I?"  
  
Abby was toe-to-toe with him.  
  
"Yeah, you do."  
  
"Well, maybe I wouldn't feel that way if I didn't feel compelled to bail you out whenever you have a little crisis or you need help buying Prada!" Carter spat.  
  
Abby's face glowed lividly.  
  
"Get out of my room!" she demanded and threw down a pillow.  
  
Carter grabbed the pillow.  
  
"Gladly!"  
  
Abby slammed the bedroom door after him and buried her face in her hands.  
  
**  
  
When Abby woke up, she saw that Carter was not in the apartment. In her heart, she was glad. He had said (and perhaps meant) some nasty things.   
  
Abby slumped on the couch.  
  
How did it get to this? She felt like taffy stuck on two things. Luka had always been good to her (even after the cruel things he had said!). She now acknowledged to herself that there were things she did, consciously and not, to dig at him. It was stupid and childish. She didn't know how to make it up to him.  
  
As for Carter, his was a shoulder that became cold and hot. What he wanted, Abby thought, didn't matter. She only wanted rid of him.  
  
Abby rose from the couch and stretched.  
  
"Tomorrow is another day!" she piped.  
  
**  
  
Abby walked into work as happy as she did the day before. It was as though her argument with Carter never happened.  
  
"Good morning!" she smiled at everyone she saw.  
  
Yosh returned her smile.  
  
"You're in a good mood!"  
  
"Yep," Abby agreed as she placed her things in her locker. "All's good!"  
  
Abby fixed her hair in a roll and started to see patients.  
  
Kerry walked up to her.  
  
"Oh, Abby, I tried to reach you before. Dr. Coburn would like to see you as soon as possible." Abby nodded and went to the elevator.  
  
Luka caught Abby in the elevator before it closed on him.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
Abby was taken aback by Luka's swiftness.  
  
"Whoa!" she gaped. "Someone's on the move!"  
  
She inched closer to him. Luka did not reciprocate her warmth.  
  
"Luka, what's the matter?" she asked.  
  
He looked directly into her eyes.  
  
"I have to say something to you."  
  
Abby smiled and waited.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He bit on his lip.  
  
"It has been different without you," he started. "You were right about that."  
  
Abby shook her head.  
  
"I meant- me without you."  
  
She tried to touch his face but he would not accept her hands.  
  
He did not wait. There had been enough of that.  
  
"I don't love you."  
  
Abby sank. Her chest felt as though it had become ice.  
  
Luka did not stutter or tremble. He was solid.  
  
Luka said nothing else. He let himself off the elevator when it stopped and walked from Abby.  
  
**  
  
Abby kept her appointment with Dr. Coburn. The whole time she could see Luka's face- the delicate lines, the steeliness of his eyes. Her lungs still felt as though they were composed of ice. It was a feeling she couldn't shake.  
  
Carter breezed by Abby with a medical bag and a plasma cooler, looking at her only once.  
  
"Kowalski, get a move-on!" he shouted.  
  
Ceila put on her jacket.  
  
"Dramatic rescue?! You couldn't drag me away!"  
  
Both of them entered the elevator and pressed the button for the heli-pad.  
  
"Hi, Abby!" Ceila chirped.  
  
Abby looked at the girl with weak eyes. She fluttered her hand weakly.  
  
"Come back soon, guys," she muttered.  
  
The doors shut on Abby and she went on pretending nothing at all had happened.  
  
* 


	17. Harder To Breathe

Harder To Breathe  
  
The elevator was quickly rising to the roof.  
Ceila finished braiding her hair.  
"What's the disposition?"  
Carter handed her the plasma cooler.  
"A maintenance worker was trying to fix a broken gas main," Carter explained. "The pipe ended up blowing on him. As far as we know, he's got flash burns and he appears to be impaled on something."  
Ceila's eyes contained a glint of excitement.  
"Yummy," she drawled in her dry way.  
Carter looked at his watch.  
"By the way, you're not air-sick or afraid of heights, are you?"  
Ceila scoffed.  
"No!"  
Carter looked at her once.  
"Good."  
The silence of the elevator was broken by the whirring of the helicopter blades.  
Carter and Ceila hopped onto the helicopter and it took off.  
"Malucci could never go on the helicopter because it made him sick," Carter said.  
Ceila grinned.  
"I can believe that. He used to get nauseous on our climbs outside of Norman Wells."  
Carter chuckled.  
"Well, I saw you this morning eating nothing but crackers while you were going over paperwork. Didn't look too healthy, in my opinion."  
Ceila was evasive.  
"I wasn't too hungry for breakfast."  
Carter tightened the buckle of his safety belt.  
"You'll need a breakfast of champions after this trauma!"  
Ceila could only offer cynicism.  
"I don't know why you guys think I can't handle the workload! Since arriving at County General, I've presided over two births, numerous active core-re-warmings, five burn victims- both minor and major, numerous fractures, lacerations, sprains, bruisings, frostbite, myocardial infarctions, shootings, stabbings, dialysis, chemotherapy, surgeries, and a crazy girl who bit me! In short, I've done everything you guys have thrown at me!"  
Carter did not look impressed.  
"Really? I thought you only collected samples!"  
Ceila could have slapped him.  
"We touch down in five minutes!" the pilot announced.  
Ceila sucked on her cheeks. The slap would have to wait.  
  
The helicopter landed on an abandoned scrub on the outskirts of the city. A rescue team was on site.  
Once Carter and Ceila hopped off the helicopter they ran to the incident commander.  
"Dr. Carter from County General," Carter introduced himself and pointed to Ceila "Student Nurse Kowalski!"  
The incident commander looked at Ceila.  
"Do you know a Detective Kowalski from the 33rd?" he asked.  
Ceila smiled.  
"My dad works at the 27th now!"  
"We can get friendly later!" Carter reminded them. "Where's the patient?"  
The incident commander led them to a manhole.  
"He's still down there! We got somebody to shut off the gas but it's gonna take some time to cut him loose! He's impaled at the shoulder on a cable, see? And it's a tight squeeze!"  
Ceila was losing colour.  
"Underground? I thought he was on the surface."  
The incident commander shook his head.  
"Oh no! He had to go under for this job! You're not bothered, are ya?"  
Ceila steeled her jaw defiantly.  
"No!" she denied.  
Ceila made her way to the manhole.  
"It's safe to go in, yeah?" Carter asked.  
"For now," the incident commander said. "But the tunnel's unstable. You've gotta get the guy out of there double-quick-time."  
Carter nodded and made way for the manhole.  
"Hey!" the incident commander shouted. "Ladies first."  
Ceila wasn't grateful for the incident commander's chivalry but nevertheless climbed down. She breathed in once, almost gagging on the putrid air and turned on her flashlight. She gripped the plasma cooler tightly. Carter was behind her. He, too, sputtered at the fetid quality of the air but followed Ceila through the tunnel.  
Ceila stopped and doubled over a little.  
"You okay?" Carter asked.  
Ceila nodded weakly.  
"Yeah, it's just that this air is really nasty."  
She gulped.  
"I'll be okay."  
Ceila walked on. The tunnel got darker, and tighter. Her breathing was laboured.  
"You can always go back," Carter suggested.  
Ceila shook her head.  
"You need me."  
They walked on carefully. Ceila turned the flashlight on a scorch mark on the cement.  
"Here's where the main blew."  
Ceila looked up ahead.  
"There he is!"  
She moved quickly to the felled maintenance worker. The man was unconscious and bleeding from where he was impaled at the right shoulder.  
Carter squatted to the man.  
"We have to cut him loose."  
Ceila shook her head.  
"He's lost too much blood to wait for a blow torch, even if we could get one down here. You can still smell the gas. We light one up, we'll go sky-high."  
"Damn!" Carter cussed.  
He moved closer to the man's right side and directed Ceila to go to his left.  
"On the count of three," Carter instructed, "and very carefully."  
Ceila nodded.  
"One, two...." Carter counted.  
Ceila and Carter lifted the man carefully off of the cable. The man was sufficiently awakened by the pain. Ceila and Carter laid him very still on the ground. Ceila pressed gauze onto the wound and bound it in place and propped his feet up.  
"Sir, can you hear me?" Carter asked.  
The man panted.  
Carter checked his pulse.  
"It's thready. Get his blood pressure."  
Ceila rolled up the man's sleeve and placed the blood pressure cuff on him.  
"20 over 40."  
Carter nodded.  
"Okay. We need a backboard. I'm going to stay with him while you get it, okay?"  
Ceila nodded.  
A crash of earth and rock hit the ground under the manhole's entrance.  
Carter gaped.  
"What the hell was that?!"  
Ceila ran to the entrance with only her flashlight to guide her. There was no light from above. The entrance had been closed off.  
There was no way to get out.  
Ceila's legs had become jelly. She struggled to get breath out of her lungs. Her head swam in sickness. She tried to contain it but she could not. Everything was spinning. Fear was taking over.  
"Kowalski!"  
The voice lacked clarity.  
"Ceila!"  
Carter appeared before her. He looked at the closed-off entrance.  
"We have to get out! Do you understand? Ceila?"  
Ceila gasped frantically.  
"There's no way to get out! There's no way out!" she screamed.  
Carter shook her violently.  
"Get a hold of yourself!"  
Ceila's eyes darted to and fro, seeing Carter's angry face, the darkness, the blood loss of the maintenance worker and a face not familiar her.  
She gasped and tried to break free from Carter but he would not let her go.  
"I want to get out!" she screamed. "I don't like the dark!"  
Carter shook her again.  
"Dammit! Pull yourself together!"  
Ceila stopped panicking but she still trembled.  
"We're going to get out," Carter said. "The maintenance worker is worse off than we are so we have to focus on him. Now, the rescue team knows that we're here so they're going to work as fast as they can to get us out. In the mean time, we're not going to panic or talk if we don't need to. We don't have enough oxygen. We're going to head back to our patient and help him survive this, okay?"  
Ceila nodded quickly.  
Carter let go of her shoulders and led her by the hand back to the maintenance worker.  
  
Much of the ER still had no idea what happened at the rescue site.  
Luka bolted as fast he could down the corridor.  
"Jerry, get a helicopter ready now!"  
Jerry got on the phone and tried to reach the helicopter pilot.  
Susan was bewildered.  
"Why? What's going on?" she asked.  
Luka flung off his white coat.  
"I got word on the radio that Ceila and Carter have been buried at the rescue site."  
Susan was shocked.  
"Do we know what their status is?"  
Luka grabbed a medical bag.  
"That's what I am going to find out."  
Susan's expression was grim.  
"I'll get Chuck to go with you."  
Luka nodded.  
"Thanks."  
Kerry got off the phone with the incident commander at the rescue site and trudged off to Luka.  
"Luka, wait! Carter and Ceila are trapped underground with their patient. That I know. I also know that the rescue team is digging them out as we speak, but it will take time."  
Luka was gruff.  
"I'm not waiting!"  
Kerry grabbed his arm.  
"There is nothing you can do right now! We don't know what their status is. They could be uninjured, for all we know."  
"And they might be hurt!" Luka returned.  
Kerry stood her ground.  
"The rescue team is working as fast as they can to get them out. There is nothing you can do but wait. The best thing for you to do is be here in case you are needed."  
Kerry backed away from him.  
Luka's nostrils flared. A rage built inside of him. He could not get to Ceila in any way.  
Susan jarred him from his singular frustration.  
"I guess she's right. Don't worry, Luka. I know some of the guys on the rescue team. They're good guys. And you know Kowalski- she's bulletproof!"  
Luka now looked at her.  
"Ceila wasn't hit with bullets."  
Luka cussed and stormed away.  
  
Carter turned on the flashlight and shone it on his watch. 11:15. He turned it off.  
"Can you leave it on, please?" Ceila asked in a shaky voice.  
Carter glared at her.  
"There isn't enough battery power to chase away the boogie-man," he spat.  
Ceila crouched into a ball and hugged her legs.  
"Our patient still has low pressure," Carter informed her. "Do you care about that?"  
Ceila turned her head to him.  
"What do you want me to do about it?"  
Carter checked the wound on the man's shoulder.  
"I expect you to at least keep a lid on things."  
Carter pressed on the man's wound.  
"Want to tell me why you were freaking out instead of keeping your characteristic cool?"  
Ceila swivelled her head.  
"I just don't like being here, okay?! And I don't feel like discussing it with you, so leave me alone!"  
She buried her head in between her knees.  
"You're a fucking asshole! Just leave me alone!"  
Carter nudged her on the shoulder.  
"It is my problem if you can keep it together when a patient's life is on the line!"  
"When have I never done that?" Ceila snapped back.  
Carter could have shaken her.  
"Not fifteen minutes ago, you were....!"  
Ceila shushed him.  
Carter tried to speak.  
"Shut up!" Ceila demanded.  
Above them, the earth was shaking. Streaks of light came through cracks of loose earth and cement. Both of them covered their faces.  
"Hey!" a voice from above cried.  
"Down here!" Ceila screamed.  
The cracks became bigger. Cement and dirt was falling in huge clumps. Hands pushed away chunks of earth. Daylight finally shone through. Ceila and Carter covered their eyes.  
"Hey!" the voice cried again. "Is everyone okay?"  
Carter rose from his crouched position.  
"We're fine but we need a gurney. We have to evacuate this guy fast!"  
The incident commander peered through the hole the rescue team had made.  
"I think we can manage that!"  
  
By now, everyone had been apprised of what happened. They worked distractedly and were eager to hear any developments.  
Luka waited for news from a distance. He watched Kerry's every facial expression for any evidence.  
Kerry breathed a sigh of relief as she got off the telephone.  
"Carter and Kowalski have pulled through and are on their way with the patient!"  
Sighs and cheers of relief were heard throughout the ER.  
Susan let a huge sigh of relief.  
"Good things come to those who wait!" she said to Luka.  
He had become lax. He threw his head back and breathed easier.  
"I will feel much better if I can see Ceila with my own eyes."  
Susan nodded.  
"You know, Carter was there, too."  
"I know," Luka said matter-of-factly.  
He shook away the tension.  
"I'd better prepare a trauma room."  
Susan nodded.  
"I'll help."  
  
Lizzie held her hand over her eyes to block out the sun. When the helicopter touched down, she ran to it with a gurney to aid Carter and the patient.  
"What's his condition?" Lizzie shouted above the din of the helicopter.  
"Puncture in the right axillary artery," Carter answered.  
Ceila hopped off behind him and kept the patient's oxygen mask in place.  
"Blood pressure 20/40. Second-degree flash burns on both hands and first-degree flash burns on the neck and face," she added.  
Carter moved in front of Ceila and helped Lizzie move the patient.  
"Ceila, get the plasma cooler!" Carter ordered.  
Lizzie and Carter ran the patient into the elevator.  
Ceila glared at Carter and cussed under her breath.  
  
Lizzie waited for the elevator to arrive at the SICU.  
"I could have used Kowalski, actually," she commented.  
Carter shook his head.  
"Nope."  
Lizzie was curious.  
"Oh?"  
Carter adjusted the patient's oxygen mask.  
"I had a hard time keeping her calm in the tunnel."  
Lizzie gaped.  
"What? Kowalski? The trapeze artist? I find that hard to believe."  
"Believe it!" Carter returned.  
They arrived at the SICU.  
"I guess some people don't like small spaces," Lizzie supposed.  
Carter wheeled the patient to a prep room.  
"Well, that was everybody's problem but hers."  
  
Ceila hurried out of the elevator with the plasma cooler. She caught up with Carter in the SICU.  
"Hey!"  
Carter ignored her and kept walking.  
"Hey! I'm talking to you!" Ceila yelled.  
She ran in front of Carter so that he was forced to stop.  
"What do you want?" he asked.  
"I might ask you the same thing," Ceila snapped. "What the hell was that?"  
Carter crossed his arms.  
"I don't know what you mean."  
"Don't play games, Carter," Ceila demanded. "I mean, treating me like a dirty sock. That's what I mean."  
"I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing!" Carter smirked.  
"Don't give me that crap, Carter!" Ceila returned. "You've never had any faith in my abilities and you've made every move about me personal!"  
Carter looked down on her.  
"I never turned coward six feet under."  
Ceila bit on her lip.  
"I did not endanger that patient! I helped stabilize him, and what you did to me was the opposite of constructive!"  
"I saved your ass," Carter returned, "that should be a familiar feeling for you."  
Carter moved around Ceila and returned to the ER.  
  
Luka nearly crashed into Carter as he stepped out of the elevator into the ER..  
"Where's Ceila?" he panted.  
Carter did not look at him but shrugged.  
"I dunno. Crying her eyes out."  
Luka's brow furrowed.  
"What?!"  
"She's up in the SICU!" Carter impatiently snapped and walked from him.  
Luka decided to ignore Carter's impudence and went to the SICU.  
Abby was down the hall when she saw Carter emerge from the elevator. She ran to him.  
"John!"  
Carter looked up.  
"Abby."  
Before Abby could get to him, Kerry ran along side.  
"Nice work, Carter."  
Carter swivelled his head to Kerry and Abby.  
"Kerry, I have to talk to you."  
Kerry nodded.  
"In a minute, okay, Abby?" Carter excused himself and went with Kerry.  
Abby nodded and waited. She was used to it.  
  
Luka could see Ceila, her shoulders slouched, her head down, loose black curls drooping.  
"Ljublena!" Luka cried.  
Ceila looked up to Luka. She offered him a weak smile.  
Luka ran to her, picked her up and swung her off her feet.  
"Luka! Put me down!" she pleaded.  
Luka did put her down and kissed her hard. He held her.  
"Carter said you were crying! Are you alright?"  
Ceila brushed some hair from his brow.  
"I'm fine!"  
Luka disbelieved her.  
"You were trapped. I thought you were hurt."  
Ceila kept her head down.  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
Luka stroked her face.  
"Why? What's wrong? What happened? You can tell me."  
Ceila removed Luka's hands from her face and started to shuffle away.  
"I just want to finish my shift, Luka."  
Luka felt anxious as he did before, the energy of which was still making him shake.  
  
Kerry could not believe what Carter was telling her.  
"What?!"  
"She panicked," Carter repeated.  
Kerry shook her head.  
"No, I can't believe that."  
"Kerry, I would not make this up!" Carter insisted. "We could have lost the patient. You know as well as I do a loose cannon has no place in an ER."  
"Ceila is not a loose cannon!!" Kerry returned. "Her performance has been exemplary! Even you have been satisfied with her work performance!"  
Carter sighed.  
"Some of what I've seen has been... satisfactory," he admitted. "But there are other factors."  
Kerry crossed her arms.  
"Such as?"  
"Her attitude sucks, Kerry," Carter huffed, "I don't think I need to tell you that."  
Kerry could not disagree.  
"But you think her attitude is just the tip of the iceberg?"  
"Something like that, yeah," Carter affirmed.  
He cleared his throat.  
"There was a matter of a report a few months back."  
"Her midterm reports?" Kerry asked.  
"Yeah," Carter nodded. "Kovac gave her a report."  
Kerry raised an incredulous brow.  
"Do you think there is something improper going on between her and Dr. Kovac? I certainly hope, for your sake, that you're not suggesting that because that is a very serious accusation."  
Carter remained still.  
"Maybe I am. You've seen how she acts around him."  
Kerry smirked.  
"Well, yes, she's friendly with him, but nothing in the way of an overly flirtatious manner, at least not that I've seen. And I wrote a report for her, as did Susan and the nurse managers. What are you saying about us? That- that maybe we were won over by her cute, little smile? That's just ridiculous!"  
Carter put up his hands in defence.  
"All I'm saying is that maybe he overlooked something in her that was noticed by others...."  
"Only you," Kerry retorted.  
"And others!" Carter pointed out.  
"Gossip is not proof, Carter!" Kerry snapped.  
Carter hung his head and put his hands on his hips.  
"Look, if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. But if I'm right, then it would be a mistake to pass Kowalski."  
Kerry relented.  
"All right. I'll look into this. But if I find nothing untoward, then that's it. The matter is dropped."  
Carter nodded and turned to leave.  
"And Carter?"  
He swivelled his head to her.  
"Yeah?"  
"Not a word," Kerry warned. "We don't need any more gossip."  
Carter backed away and waited for the other shoe to drop  
  
Dusk gradually approached. The incident earlier on in the day was virtually not talked about. Everyone just wanted to go home.  
Kerry made her way carefully through the hallway. She peeked into an observation room and looked in on Ceila. The girl was changing the IV of a man who had come in after an accident. Her hands were light and gentle as she replaced the IV. Kerry laughed to herself as she remembered a regular who had asked for her. 'The girl with the butterfly hands!' she said.  
And in a day she would be gone.  
"Ceila!" she called out to her.  
Ceila turned her head and put her finger to her lips.  
"Ssshhh! He's sleeping!"  
Kerry nodded in a conciliatory way and walked over lightly to where the girl was standing.  
Ceila puffed up the man's pillow.  
"He came in three hours ago and asked for his wife," Ceila explained. "We still can't find her."  
Her expression became very soft.  
"It's not a good thing to have no one know what happened to you."  
"I need to talk to you," Kerry said quietly.  
Ceila and Kerry walked to another part of the room behind a curtain.  
Ceila drew the curtain.  
"I'm leaving in a couple of days," Ceila informed Kerry. "I'm headed back to Canada."  
Kerry nodded.  
"I realize that."  
Ceila smiled.  
"I have something for you," she said, "but I left it at home."  
"Well, that's nice of you," Kerry thanked, "but this is a different matter."  
Ceila's mood was now more serious.  
"About today?"  
Kerry nodded.  
"Carter told me that you had trouble in the tunnel."  
Ceila, ashamed, did not look at Kerry.  
"It'll never happen again," she promised.  
"Good," Kerry nodded, "because in emergencies, it's important that nothing sway you from the task at hand."  
Ceila looked at Kerry with steely eyes.  
"I've never let feelings get in the way of a patient's care."  
"I can believe that but other things come to mind," Kerry returned.  
Ceila furrowed her brow.  
"Such as?"  
Kerry swallowed.  
"It's been suggested that you've had unwise associations... with Dr. Kovac."  
Ceila pursed her lips.  
"Says who? Carter?"  
Kerry did not look directly at Ceila.  
"I won't go into that...."  
"It was him, wasn't it?" Ceila insisted. "He is always....!"  
Kerry stopped her in mid-tirade.  
"It wouldn't be the first time such things have happened, Ceila. You do remember Dr. Lofton?"  
"Nothing happened!" Ceila insisted.  
"And I believe you," Kerry said, "but if you have been involved with Dr. Kovac in a nonprofessional way, then there will be repercussions."  
Ceila crossed her arms.  
"What will you do to Dr. Kovac?"  
Kerry steeled herself.  
"If there is reason to believe that you and Dr. Kovac have had a relationship and that he acted for your professional benefit, he could be suspended indefinitely, face disciplinary hearings," Kerry answered.  
Ceila's gaze became colder.  
"This is mud-slinging, Dr. Weaver, and you know it."  
Kerry was equally cold.  
"Not if these accusations are true."  
Ceila inched closer to her.  
"You tell me when I have been incompetent, neglectful or even thoughtless in my duties and I'll tell you precisely the nature of my relationship is with Dr. Kovac."  
Ceila gasped once melodramatically.  
"Unless this is all about 'extra-curricular activities'?"  
Kerry squared her jaw.  
"You're not helping Dr. Kovac."  
"I will help Dr. Kovac," Ceila promised. "We're not doing anything wrong."  
Ceila walked away from Kerry.  
"Excuse me but I have things to do, Dr. Weaver."  
  
Carter was alone in the lounge. He leaned back on the couch. He was glad to have at least one moment when he could be by himself. The shift was half over and he felt exhausted.  
"John?"  
Carter opened his eyes and sat up.  
"Abby?"  
Abby sat next to him.  
"I've been trying to get you but we always miss each other," she said.  
Carter smacked his head.  
"Oh! Sorry! It's just been crazy all day!"  
"I just wanted to see how you were," Abby admitted.  
"I'm good," Carter said.  
Abby was taken aback.  
"Just good? Not claustrophobic? Nothing?"  
Carter's face was alight at Abby's question.  
"You heard about Ceila?"  
This surprised Abby.  
"What?"  
Carter put his back and closed his eyes.  
"Let's just say she's better above ground than under."  
Abby was still puzzled.  
"What's that supposed to mean? I guess most people are... I mean.... What? Was she, like, panicking?"  
Carter nodded.  
"Yeah, you could say that."  
Abby chuckled.  
"No grace under pressure she!"  
"You can say that again!" Carter smirked.  
A silence fell between them.  
Carter swallowed an obstruction.  
"Abby, did you.....?"  
Abby waited for Carter to finish.  
"Did you want dinner some time?" he asked. "Maybe at that Thai place you like?"  
Abby thought for a second. She waited for something else.  
"I don't think so," she muttered.  
"Somewhere else then?" Carter suggested.  
Abby nodded.  
"I'll think about it."  
Abby looked at her watch and rose.  
"Gotta go," she tried to smile. "Five hours left."  
Carter nodded.  
"Later then?"  
Abby had doubt in her.  
"Maybe."  
  
Luka and Ceila were alone on the east wing stairs.  
Ceila paced on the landing while Luka sat on a step.  
"Why are you worried?" Luka asked. "You said so yourself: what are they to us?"  
Ceila could have slapped him.  
"Because Kerry can ruin you!"  
Luka stood up and held Ceila's arms.  
"I don't care about myself," Luka breathed. "I care only what she can do to you."  
"Luka, don't be!" Ceila pleaded.  
"You should worry," Luka warned. "I know what it's like to have things taken from you."  
"If you're not gone from me, then I don't care," Ceila said softly.  
Luka sighed and held her.  
"How can you be so fearless, djevojka?"  
She nuzzled against his chest.  
"She has no right to hurt you, Luka. None. I don't care about myself. It's that easy."  
Luka stroked her hair.  
"Ceila, I don't want you to worry about me. I can take care of myself."  
He held her from him.  
"I want you to finish your shift and I will see you when I get home."  
Ceila nodded uneasily and left the landing.  
Luka wiped his mouth. He couldn't decide what was more worrisome- Kerry's meddling or Ceila's fearlessness.  
  
The shift was over.  
Luka put his white coat away in his locker and grabbed his messenger bag.  
"Luka!"  
Luka spun around.  
Kerry blocked the exit to the lounge.  
"I've been meaning to speak to you all day but we seem to miss each other."  
Luka decided to feign ignorance.  
"If this is about next week's night shift, I already know about it."  
Kerry shook her head and walked up to him.  
"No, it's about something else."  
"What?" he asked.  
Kerry readied herself for the difficult task at hand.  
"What is the nature of your relationship with Student Nurse Kowalski?"  
Luka tried to look concerned.  
"What do you mean, Kerry?"  
Kerry was doubtful of his expression.  
"Let's not be naive, Luka. Is there anything going on between you and Student Nurse Kowalski of a personal nature?"  
Luka adjusted the strap of the messenger bag.  
"If this is gossip, Kerry, I won't answer. I don't like made-up stories."  
Kerry stepped right in front of Luka.  
"Luka, this is serious."  
"As am I," Luka insisted. "Don't believe everything you hear."  
Luka moved around her and left the lounge.  
"Good night!"  
  
The long shift was finally over.  
Abby sat alone on her bed in her apartment. Carter had decided to stay at his own place. Good, Abby thought. It allowed her time alone to think.  
Time to think about Luka and what he said to her.  
She replayed the moment in her mind over and over again.  
He was solid to himself when he told her that he did not love her. For once and for all, she meant nothing to him. He wasn't cold, cruel or vicious. Just so sure, almost sanguine. There was no hesitance in him. He just said it. It was something, Abby thought, he must have known in his bones. And when he knew that, that was it.  
Abby now doubled over. A raw sob eked out of her throat. She beat her head with her fists over and over. She wanted to feel pain all over her body. The pain had to be total. There was no other way.  
Abby was jarred from her self-masochism by the ringing of the phone. She wiped away her tears and answered it.  
"Hello?" she answered in a weak voice.  
She cleared her throat.  
"Oh, hi, Mom. No, I'm fine. Just so tired."  
Abby fell back on her bed.  
"No, no...."  
She shut her eyes.  
"I'm...just...thinking...."  
  
When Ceila finally got home, she jumped into the shower and went to bed but she could not sleep. She simply lay on her back and stared at the ceiling lifelessly.  
Luka lay next to her, too afraid to touch her. He watched for the slightest hint of emotion but could see none.  
"What's wrong, malina?"  
At last, a sigh heaved from Ceila's chest. Her voice was weak.  
"Luka?"  
Luka touched her hair.  
"Yes?"  
She gulped.  
"Do you ever feel... powerless?"  
"Sometimes," he admitted. "Why do you ask, malina?"  
"I just do," she answered in a shaky voice.  
"Is it because of today? Tell me," he implored.  
Ceila wrung her hands.  
"I... I.... couldn't stop... I couldn't think straight. I felt so weak."  
Luka shook his head.  
"You aren't weak, Ceila. You are the strongest woman I know."  
She tried not to cry.  
"Then why am I shaking? Look at me!"  
Luka grasped her hands.  
"Don't feel this way, Ceila. Just sleep."  
Luka brushed his hand over Ceila's eyes to shut them.  
"Sleep," he breathed.  
Lulled as a child would be, Ceila let her eyes be closed and waited to sleep to finally take over.  
  
Morning.  
Abby, barely awake, sat on the corner of her bed. Her hands lay immobile on her lap. Her hair hung like rope.  
After what seemed like the longest time, she rose from the bed. She felt weak. She gripped the edge of the dresser. She caught the image of herself- the knotted hair and the heavy bed-clothes- and was inflicted with a sense of dread and self-loathing.  
She sniffed and gulped the bile that rested in her throat and moved without feeling.  
  
Ceila sprung up from her sleep, gasping and panting for air.  
Luka shot up next to her, bewildered.  
"What's wrong?"  
Ceila put her head between her knees and hyperventilated.  
"My dream....I had a dream.... we were there.... they were doing an autopsy on us and we weren't dead but we couldn't call out or move...we.... and they...they put me under glass, in state, and everyone passed by... and I could see them... they kept my eyes open! I wanted to scream but I couldn't! I...."  
Luka cradled her in arms.  
"It was a dream! You're safe!"  
Luka stroked her hair.  
"Ceila, what's wrong? You have to tell me."  
Ceila buried her head in his lap.  
"I couldn't get out, Luka! I couldn't see. I couldn't breathe."  
He still stroked her hair.  
"Ceila, you're safe now. Nothing will happen to you."  
Ceila screwed her eyes shut. She started to wretch. She rose from the bed and staggered to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Leaning into the sink, she vomited.  
Luka rushed after her.  
"Ceila!" he cried as he banged on the door. "Ceila, open the door!"  
Ceila rinsed out her mouth and raised her head. She opened the door to a crack.  
"I'm fine, Luka."  
"You're not okay!" he shot back. "You have to lie down..."  
She smiled to allay his fears.  
"No, really, Luka, I'm gonna be fine. I could use some decaf tea, though!"  
Frustrated, Luka nodded at last and went to prepare some tea.  
  
Luka didn't care about appearances as he accompanied Ceila on the el train.  
"You can always take the day off," he quickly suggested.  
Ceila glowered at him.  
"It's my last day, Luka. I'm not ducking out of work."  
"You aren't feeling well," he maintained.  
Ceila huffed.  
"I'm fine! I just...."  
Luka didn't want to argue with the wilful girl.  
"If anything happens," he warned, "anything- you're going home! I'm sure the ER can do without you for a day!"  
Ceila rolled her eyes.  
"So I can go home and pack?"  
"I can do that for you!" Luka offered. "Why won't you let me help?"  
"It's too much work, Luka!" Ceila explained. "And it's bloody tedious and the organization and stuff! I'll have to get my mum to help store my stuff. No worries."  
"You shouldn't worry," he said.  
  
Kerry handed Frank the note.  
"Make sure it's a German chocolate cake," she said. "She likes that."  
"It's too sweet!" he complained.  
"It's not for you!" Kerry shot back.  
Susan rummaged through the rack for an interesting case.  
"Hey, Jing-mei! There's a guy who sweats too much!"  
Chen took the chart.  
"Thanks a lot!" she smirked.  
Susan picked up an interesting chart.  
"Kerry, you're not planning to throw Junior a good-bye party, are you?"  
Kerry stamped away.  
"Yep!"  
"We have to," Lily said. "She threatened to beat us with her cane."  
Susan rolled her eyes.  
"Oh great! Well, at least I don't have hear any more about she ate forty pounds of pressed meat and never gained a pound! That brat!"  
Pratt ran to the ambulance bay, looked around and ran back in.  
"Trauma?" Susan asked.  
Chen shook her head.  
"No. He bought Kowalski a Clue game- The Simpsons edition. He can't wait to make her guess what it is."  
Susan did a double-take. It was all so baffling.  
  
Luka helped Ceila off the el train.  
"Luka!" she whined. "I'm fine!"  
"You don't look fine!" he noted. "You could always leave!"  
"For the last time, I can't!" Ceila refused. "I have a feeling about something."  
  
Pratt ran back-and-forth, waiting impatiently for Ceila to come in.  
"Watch," he cautioned everyone as Ceila approached.  
Pratt practically ran over Ceila.  
"Kowalski- in the kitchen with the candlestick?!"  
Ceila thought for a second.  
"I dunno. The Simpsons edition of Clue, maybe?"  
No one could believe it.  
As Pratt whooped and cheered at Ceila's uncanny perception, Chen shook her head.  
"You told her!" she accused.  
"No, I didn't!" Pratt denied. "She's got the Brain!"  
Pratt continued to whoop and cheer.  
Luka had followed Ceila in and saw the whole scene.  
"There is no way anyone can do that!" he doubted.  
Chen could only concur.  
"I'm going to shave off his eyebrows when he's asleep!" Chen promised.  
  
Ceila put her things away in her locker and took a deep breath.  
"Just seven more hours!" she promised herself.  
Ceila walked out of the lounge.  
"Kowalski!" Chen called. "I need you to draw labs on this patient."  
Ceila nodded and followed Chen behind Curtain Three.  
"Mr. Crowl is complaining of excessive perspiration," Chen explained.  
"Do I have SARS?" he asked.  
"Uh, no," Chen emphatically denied.  
She wrote down some instructions on the chart for Ceila.  
"Urine and blood analysis and chem 7. Okay?"  
Ceila took the chart and nodded.  
"I won't be long, will I?" Crowl asked.  
"We'll try to keep your stay short," Chen promised.  
Suddenly, Ceila wretched and then vomited all over Crowl.  
All three people, for a moment, failed to move. Crowl felt utterly disgusted. Ceila became paler still and, embarrassed, mumbled an apology and fled the patient's bedside. Chen was trying to maintain control of the situation which, by now, was an exercise in futility.  
Susan drew open the curtain.  
"That's not like Junior to yak on patients!"  
Chen ignored her. She had much more pressing things to worry about.  
"Lily, could you help Mr. Crowl?"  
"She threw up on me!" he cried.  
Chen was impatient.  
"Yeah," she mumbled and chased after Ceila.  
  
Ceila hid in the washroom. She rinsed out her mouth and washed her face. She tried to keep her trembling under control.  
Ceila hung her head. It was like everything was going downhill. Her panic attack in the tunnel, her arguments with Carter and Kerry and now this. It was one embarrassment and fluke after another. Maybe Luka was right- she should leave before the day got worse.  
Ceila wiped her mouth. She would not leave, backing out like a coward, she thought. The worse shame would be to let anything get her down. Ceila steeled herself and reflected quickly on her time at the hospital. She took everything they had given her, she thought. There was no backing down now.  
"Kowalski!"  
Ceila swivelled around.  
Chen approached her.  
"Are you alright?"  
Ceila dried her hands and face on a piece of paper towel.  
"I'm good!" she exclaimed.  
Chen shook her head.  
"No, you're not! You threw up all over a patient!"  
Ceila avoided her eyes.  
"I said I was sorry," she muttered under her breath.  
Chen put her hands on her hips.  
"Do you have the flu?"  
"No!" Ceila denied. "It was just something I ate. I'm fine now."  
Ceila started to walk out of the washroom.  
"I'll start those labs."  
"No, you won't," Chen refused. "I had Lily do it. You can do something else."  
Ceila locked her jaw.  
"I'm fine!"  
"And I'll believe you," Chen promised, "when I see you don't throw up on anyone else!"  
Chen exited the washroom.  
"Shit!" Ceila cussed and threw the paper towel against the wall.  
  
Ceila exited the washroom and kept her head low. She ambled to the admittance desk. There might be paperwork she could do unnoticed.  
Susan spun around to the embarrassed girl.  
"Hey, Elizabeth Hurley!"  
Susan laughed.  
"Oh, that's gold!" Susan declared.  
"Goddammit!" Ceila cussed under her breath.  
Susan slapped Ceila on the back.  
"Oh! Hey! Not gonna yak, are you?"  
Ceila tried to hide her growing irritation.  
"No."  
"Oh good," Susan nodded, "because this is a no-hurl zone. Anyway, you can busy yourself in the radiology lab where any possible vomiting won't be impede any progress here."  
Ceila ground her teeth as she glared at Susan.  
"Don't be such a child about this, Junior!" Susan admonished her. "Now get to it or no juice for you!"  
Ceila stormed away from Susan.  
Only six and half hours more.  
  
Ceila barged into the radiology lab and plonked down on a chair.  
A woman with honey-brown hair removed her reading glasses and frowned on the girl.  
"You ER lot are all the same! Barging in when ya feel like it!"  
"I've been exiled here, Tracey," she explained.  
The woman tucked her reading glasses away.  
"That's no reason why you should forget your manners."  
"Sorry," Ceila mumbled quietly.  
Another woman with strawberry-blond hair pushed over to Ceila in her swivel chair.  
"Trust me! I know what it's like to be screwed over by them!"  
She examined Ceila's face.  
"How are you? Okay? I heard what happened."  
Ceila covered her face with her hands.  
"Oh please don't bring it up!"  
Tracey was intrigued. She turned to her lab partner.  
"What, Penny?"  
Penny looked quickly at Tracey.  
"Ceila was sick."  
Tracey looked sorry.  
"Oh! Not feeling so good? Well, it's your last day! No worries after this!"  
Ceila removed her hands from her face.  
"Oh no! Lots of packing to do when I get home."  
"We'll help," Penny offered. "I'll get Craig to move the heavy stuff."  
Ceila wanted to refuse but Tracey wouldn't hear of it.  
"No, my dear! I'll get my kids to do something!" she promised. "They'll be lazing out in front of that goddamn one-eyed babysitter by the time I get home! They can do some work for a change!"  
Penny tapped Ceila's knee.  
"See! Everything's coming up Milhouse!"  
Ceila had to smile. She regarded the two women. Tracey was more salt than light and Penny was ever the level-headed one.  
And seven hours from now, they would help her pack.  
  
Luka actually lurked in the hallway, looked over his shoulder and skulked. He wanted to go to Ceila after he heard what had happened. He wondered how he could approach her without raising suspicion. He could see her talking with the lab technicians through the window. She didn't appear pale or wan, as she had been earlier in the morning. Indeed, there didn't seem to be any evidence that she was sick at all. None of this dissuaded Luka. It couldn't.  
Shakily, he knocked on the radiology lab door.  
Tracey answered it.  
"Dr. Kovac! How can I help you?"  
He shoved his hands in his pockets.  
"I wanted to speak to Student Nurse Kowalski."  
She smiled genially and turned to Ceila.  
"Ceila, Dr. Kovac needs a word."  
Ceila stopped speaking with Penny and exited the radiology lab.  
Tracey and Penny peered at the couple through the window.  
"What's this then?" Penny asked.  
"Dr. Kovac wants a word with his missus," Tracey grinned.  
  
Luka still had his hands in his pockets.  
"Gossip travels fast," he related to Ceila. "How are you?"  
Ceila shrugged.  
"Good. It was just something I ate was all."  
Luka disbelieved her.  
"Are you worried about something? What's bothering you?"  
Ceila didn't want to say.  
"Well, not the packing any more. Penny and Tracey offered to help me after work."  
Luka was disappointed.  
"I wanted to help."  
Ceila tried to apologize.  
"I tried to tell them..."  
Luka shrugged.  
"No. If they want to lift heavy things then why should I stop them?"  
Ceila laughed and playfully poked him on the shoulder.  
"I was hoping we could spend some time alone," she revealed.  
"I'll see you in the morning," he consoled. "Before you go."  
Ceila's eyes slowly became red with the advent of blushing tears.  
Luka crouched to her height.  
"Hey! We can have pancakes, bacon, eggs- sunny-side up. Hhmmmm?"  
The tears were averted for now.  
"Sure," Ceila agreed.  
Luka cleared his throat.  
"Okay. I'll see you later. For lunch, maybe?"  
"Yeah!" Ceila nodded.  
"At one," Luka said and turned away.  
Ceila waved.  
"Later!"  
  
Tracey sighed heavily as she looked on Luka and Ceila.  
"I love it when couples get along!"  
  
Susan and Carter had already gowned up.  
"ETA?" Susan asked.  
"Now," Carter said.  
The rig pulled up and the paramedics lifted out a man with a gaping hole in his chest.  
"What happened?" Susan asked.  
"He slipped in the bathtub," the paramedic explained.  
Carter was confused.  
"He takes a shower fully-clothed?"  
"He was fixing something," the paramedic continued. "Fell onto his screwdriver. His wife called it in. A puncture wound to the lower left side of his chest. Couldn't control the bleeding in the field. Blood pressure is 20/40. Decreased breath sounds."  
They wheeled him into a trauma room.  
Susan called for a chest x-ray.  
Carter looked at the monitor.  
"PEA is minimal."  
"Thoracotomy?" Susan asked.  
"More than likely," Carter answered.  
"We'll do a peritoneal lavage first," she ordered.  
Susan further assessed the wound in the man's chest.  
"We've got to hurry with that x-ray," she grumbled.  
"We've got to start the thoracotomy," Carter said.  
"Not until we have the chest x-ray! I don't want to attempt a tube just yet," Susan warned. "Right now, cross-type for match and let's see what we can do about this bleeding!"  
"If he doesn't die of oxygen deprivation!" Carter added. "Can I have the sonosite?"  
A nurse handed Carter the sonosite. He rubbed protective gel over the scanner and moved it around the wound.  
"What do you see?" Susan asked.  
Carter was unsure.  
"A lot of fluid."  
He moved up the patient's chest.  
"Not seeing any obstructions near the lungs or heart. Just a lot of fluid. That's probably what's decreasing breath sounds."  
Carter put the scanner down.  
"I think we should intubate," he suggested.  
Susan shook her head.  
"Not yet. I don't want to fly blind."  
  
Penny rushed out of the radiology lab with the x-ray of Susan's patient.  
"Ceila, you like juicy cases, right? With lots of blood and gore?"  
Ceila ran after Penny.  
"Only for the greater good. Why?"  
Penny quickly flashed the x-ray to her.  
"What do you see?"  
Ceila quickly looked at it.  
"Looks like a stab wound," she surmised.  
"He fell on a screwdriver," Penny informed her.  
"It would have been my second guess," Ceila quipped. "Exsanguination in the lower left quadrant due to penetrating blunt force trauma, narrowly missing the lower portion of lung but hitting him square in the spleen. Lucky, I guess. And..."  
Ceila examined the x-ray closer.  
"What's this? This little....blotchy thing... This? Ya see?"  
Penny looked at it.  
"I see it. But what is it?"  
Ceila thought for a second.  
"What was he dressed in?"  
Penny shrugged.  
"Don't know."  
Penny tucked the x-ray into an envelope.  
"Let's hope Dr. Lewis knows what it is."  
Penny and Ceila rushed into the trauma room.  
Carter turned to Ceila.  
"Hey, Kowalski! Glad to see you're not in full-yak mode!"  
"Bite me, Carter!" Ceila snapped.  
"That's Dr. Carter to you!" Susan reprimanded her.  
Penny showed Susan the x-ray.  
"Oh good!" Susan heaved. "It missed his lung but skewered his spleen!"  
Penny cast a quick confident look on Ceila.  
"But there's something else," Penny pointed to a blotch on the x-ray. "See that?"  
"Yep!" Susan nodded. "What is it?"  
Ceila put on plastic gloves and examined the patient's shirt. Her finger caught on a tiny hole on his shirt.  
"I think I know what it is," she said as she indicated to the puncture in the shirt. "See that? That's a fragment of his shirt. Dig that out before you sew him back up."  
Carter feigned surprise.  
"Good work Kowalski! Gold star for you!"  
Penny joined Ceila in a glare.  
Ceila put on a new pair of gloves and gazed icily at Carter.  
"I suggest you stop this man's bleeding, Dr. Carter."  
"You can start prepping the patient," Susan joined in tersely. "Can you intubate?"  
Ceila grabbed an endotracheal tube and intubated the patient.  
Susan poured antiseptic on the patient's wound and Carter made an incision into the patient's side.  
"Student Nurse Kowalski, please hand me the clamp," he asked politely.  
Ceila handed Carter a small clamp. Carter inserted the clamp in the incision and opened it.  
"Now what?" he asked Ceila.  
Ceila hated it when he patronized her. Carter waited for a wrong or bold answer. She continued her icy gaze.  
"I would clamp the splenic artery in order to stabilize him for surgery."  
Carter huffed a little. He carefully removed a small fragment of cloth from the wound as Susan leaned over.  
"Don't need this," he said as he placed it in an emesis bin.  
Susan placed a clean cloth over the wound.  
"Let's move this guy to surgery."  
They wheeled the patient out of the trauma room to the elevator.  
Carter stopped Ceila.  
"The buck stops here, Kowalski," he warned. "I know how tight spaces give you the willies."  
The elevator closed on Ceila.  
Susan glared at him.  
"That's unbelievably cruel, John."  
Carter did not look at Susan but found a space on the elevator door on which to lock his eyes.  
  
Ceila cleaned up after the trauma and waited for Carter. She was furious at his pettiness. He wanted any pound of flesh he could get out of her, she thought.  
When Ceila saw Carter emerge from the elevator, she went after him.  
"Dr. Carter!" she called out.  
Carter walked from her, ignoring her.  
"Dr. Carter, I would like to have a word with you in private, please!" Ceila demanded.  
Carter slowed down only to refuse her.  
"I can't. Busy."  
Ceila put herself in Carter's path.  
"I really would like to sidebar with you, Dr. Carter."  
He looked around.  
"Okay. Why not here? It's only going to take a second, anyway."  
Ceila opened her mouth to speak but Carter interrupted her.  
"I just don't think you're cut out for this- no pun intended- and well, I just thought... you know.... seeing as you don't like tight spaces and everything, you wouldn't want to accompany the patient on the elevator. And that's all, really."  
That was it.  
Ceila formed a fist and punched Carter on the chin.  
Carter fell back and landed on his ass after failing to hold onto an empty gurney.  
Ceila stamped away.  
No one tried to stop her.  
  
Kerry raced into the lounge where Carter was nursing a sore chin. He had an ice-pack awkwardly pressed against a newly formed bruise. Abby was there as well.  
Kerry tried to examine Carter's contusion.  
"Carter, are you alright?" she asked.  
Carter removed the ice-pack to talk.  
"Yeah, it's nothing."  
"Kowalski hit him," Abby reported duly. "Without provocation."  
Kerry looked right at Carter.  
"Is this true?"  
Carter muttered confusedly.  
Kerry huffed.  
"I'll talk to her."  
Kerry charged out of the lounge.  
"She's lucky it's her last day!"  
  
Ceila made herself busy in an examination room. She changed the IV on a sleeping elderly woman. She discarded the disused items and tucked the old woman in.  
When Ceila walked out of the examination room, she found herself confronted by Kerry, who was waiting for her.  
Ceila could see from the woman's grave countenance that she was in no mood for levity or insubordination.  
"Can I ask you something, Student Nurse Kowalski?" Kerry began.  
"Yes," Ceila answered softly.  
"What the hell are you thinking?" Kerry spat out. "At any time?"  
Ceila thought for a second.  
"I really don't know what you mean, Dr. Weaver."  
The woman pursed her lips.  
"I'm sure you don't!"  
Kerry placed her hand on her hip.  
"I'm talking about Dr. Carter."  
Ceila now knew. She did not want to reveal her thoughts to Kerry, even now as an opportunity to do so presented itself.  
"No smart answers?" Kerry quizzed. "No smart-ass comments or complaints? Nothing?!"  
Kerry stood toe-to-toe with Ceila.  
"I'm in my right mind to send you home now and add what you did to your final report!"  
Ceila's eyes were perfectly clear.  
"You're in your rights to do so," she said calmly. "I did assault a resident."  
Kerry was confounded by the girl. It was as though she courted disaster, Kerry thought. The girl walked right into a punishment.  
"I'm not going to put this on your final report, Ceila," Kerry said at last, "but only if you apologize to Carter, after which, you'll leave."  
Kerry cleared her throat.  
"I hate to think you're leaving under such circumstances."  
Ceila coolly looked at Kerry right in the eye.  
"Put the incident in my report."  
Kerry was dumbfounded.  
"Are you refusing an order?"  
Ceila was cavalier in her response.  
"If this is an order, then yes."  
Kerry squared her jaw.  
"This isn't a polite suggestion, Ceila! You assaulted a resident in front of others and now you're refusing to take steps which might very well salvage your future reputation!"  
"My reputation has already been spoken for," Ceila put in. "I'm not apologizing to Carter for anything, so you can do as you like to me."  
Kerry held a clenched fist at her side.  
"You can go home."  
Ceila nodded curtly and walked away.  
Kerry bowed her head and hoped that Ceila wouldn't see the rising  
scarlet in her face.  
Malik looked at Yosh and Yosh looked at Malik.  
"I think it's cake time," Malik said.  
"You would be right," Yosh agreed.  
The two descended on the German chocolate cake like hungry packrats.  
As it became apparent that cake was present, the staff merged from recesses unknown and started helping themselves to it.  
The reason for the cake was missing but no one noticed. The cake was there, after all, to be eaten.  
Kerry, still stung by Ceila, wallowed behind the admittance desk with a file and sat down at a carrel.  
Susan helped herself to the cake.  
"Where's Junior?" she asked as she licked her lips. "This cake is for her, after all."  
"I sent her home," Kerry revealed. "I thought she would have cooled off after her altercation with Carter but I guess not."  
Susan put the plate down, looking guilty.  
"I didn't want to say anything."  
Kerry now cut a slice of cake for herself.  
"Yes?"  
Susan sheepishly lifted her head.  
"Carter had been riding Kowalski all day. I mean- he was really nasty to her."  
Kerry now looked at her.  
"So he hurts her feelings and she pops him?"  
"No," Susan negated, "he humiliates her time and time again and she pops him. He even slagged her for being claustrophobic."  
Susan wiped her hands on a napkin.  
"This isn't a new thing, Kerry," she admitted. "I guess Kowalski just had enough."  
Kerry put down her plate and wiped her mouth.  
"That's still no reason for her to act the way she did."  
Susan put her hands in her pockets.  
"Maybe, but I don't think that gets Carter off the hook, either."  
"So what should I do?" Kerry asked.  
Susan shrugged.  
"I don't know. I'm not the chief."  
Kerry exhaled. That didn't make her load any lighter.  
  
Gallant looked at his playing cards.  
"I accuse Bart with the gun in the kitchen."  
Chuny looked at the Clue playing board.  
"Are you sure?" she asked. "'Cause once you accuse, that's it. All bets are off."  
"Yeah," Gallant affirmed. "I know I'm right."  
Pratt grimaced at them.  
"Hey! That's Kowalski's game!"  
Gallant looked at him.  
"She said we could play it!"  
Pratt grimaced. The Simpsons version of Clue was the classier version of the original, he thought. It wasn't meant to be played as a time-filler.  
"Where's Kowalski, anyway?"  
Chuny shrugged as she opened the case confidential file.  
"Dunno."  
Chuny laughed.  
"You were right!"  
Gallant looked at the winning results.  
"I knew it!" he grinned. "Bart killed Mr. Burns with the gun."  
Abby happened by and replaced a chart.  
"I thought Maggie shot Mr. Burns."  
Pratt now asked Abby.  
"Where's Kowalski?"  
Abby shook her head and walked away.  
"Don't know. Don't care."  
Abby's abrupt response had them taken aback.  
Chuny pushed away her game pieces.  
"Winner gets to pack up!"  
Gallant started to put the game away.  
"I hope she didn't leave yet," he wished. "I wanted to say good-bye."  
  
Lily tapped Kerry on the shoulder.  
"There's a package for you on the table in the lounge," she said.  
Kerry thanked her and made her way to the lounge. A small white package lay on the table with a note marked in WEAVER in red letters. Kerry read the note.  
  
This is to thank you for everything you've done. You've taught me well.  
Thanks a ton, Mama Bear.  
Ceila  
  
Kerry smiled a little at Ceila's perfunctory thanks. It was so like the girl to observe formalities. Yet there was feeling in what she did. It wasn't just an obligatory act.  
Kerry unwrapped the package. It was a small walrus carved from soapstone. Kerry placed it on the table and regarded it. She wondered if Ceila thought she was a huge, tusked beast on the inside.  
Romano wandered into lounge.  
"Hey!" he cried. "It looks just like you!"  
Kerry lolled her head tiredly. She now wondered if it was Romano's purpose to perpetually be on her back.  
"Student Nurse Kowalski got it for me," Kerry said.  
Romano nodded.  
"Yeah, she got one for me, too. A polar bear."  
He picked up the walrus and examined it.  
"Do you think she got these from an Eskimo wholesaler?"  
Kerry snatched the walrus from him.  
"It's a gift, Robert!"  
Romano stepped back.  
"Hey! Don't snap at me! I'm just here for the cake."  
That surprised Kerry.  
"What?" Romano asked. "I like cake."  
He looked around.  
"Where is Kowalski, anyway?"  
Kerry replaced her gift in the package.  
"I sent her home."  
Romano was now surprised.  
"Why?"  
"She and Dr. Carter had an altercation and she refused to apologize," she explained.  
Romano huffed.  
"So what?! Maybe he had it coming. Ever think about that?"  
Romano slumped into a chair.  
"The way you keep discipline around here, I'm surprised there aren't any cock fights or something!"  
Kerry thought of a colourful retort but decided to keep it in check. Rather, she would pursue another train of thought.  
"Robert, have you ever noticed anything about Student Nurse Kowalski?"  
That was vague, Romano decided.  
"Like what? That she's pretty? She works out?"  
Kerry rolled her eyes.  
"I mean- does she form friendships with people here? Close ones?"  
Romano thought for a second.  
"I think one of the lab techs likes her. What's his name?"  
"Any friendships with doctors?" Kerry asked.  
"I wouldn't know," Romano denied. "I don't work down here."  
Romano got up.  
"Now, I'm going to hunt for some cake," he announced. "Hopefully the blobs down here haven't eaten it all."  
Romano turned to leave.  
"If Kowalski does turn up, let her know I'm looking for her, will you?"  
Kerry furrowed her brow.  
"Why?"  
"No reason," Romano said.  
Romano left the lounge.  
Kerry took the walrus out from the package again and regarded it.  
"I'd like to say something to you, too," Kerry muttered to herself.  
  
Ceila emerged from her suspicious absence. There were things she had to do before she left (and before Luka found out what had happened). She moved willowy through the hallway, hoping not to be seen.  
"Well, well, well....."  
Ceila stopped. She turned to Haleh who had her keen in her sights.  
"I thought you had gone," Haleh admitted. "Still creeping around, huh?"  
Ceila thought of a quick answer.  
"Just getting some things together before I go."  
Ceila started walking again, feeling bitter.  
"Then you'll never see me again."  
Haleh stopped her.  
"There's been a lot of talk about you," she said. "I want to know something before you leave."  
Ceila did not appreciate Haleh's hand on her arm, nor did she appreciate the gathering crowd of gossipy nurses.  
"What do you want?" Ceila asked defensively.  
Haleh couldn't help but smile wryly.  
"What's going on, you know, between you and Kovac?"  
Ceila looked at her with burning purpose through glass eyes.  
"I've been fucking him," she said simply.  
Everyone paused and gaped. Rumour became leaden truth.  
"Our favourite place is the radiology room in the east wing," Ceila admitted. "Failing that, the service elevator near the loading garage. There's plenty of room in there."  
No one moved or breathed.  
Suddenly, Ceila burst out laughing and everyone else laughed too, uncomfortably and then surely.  
Haleh could finally breathe after Ceila's shocking tale.  
"Oh my! I might almost miss you after all!"  
Ceila smiled briefly and then turned to leave.  
The masses had been sated.  
  
Luka looked at his watch. It was ten past one and still no sign of Ceila at the pita stand. He doubted there was a fresh slew of traumas. The last rig to pull up was twenty minutes ago (he would know seeing as he treated the patient who came in on it). Something else was up.  
  
Ceila, with tired fingers, peeled off the CANADA ROCKS bumper stick she had slapped on her locker many months ago. She threw the crumpled mass into her backpack, along with her other belongings. She removed the cardboard nameplate with her surname clumsily emblazoned on it and, looking at it once, placed it in her pocket. She patted the front of the locker.  
"Someone will look after you, old girl," she muttered and turned away.  
Penny caught Ceila before she left the lounge.  
"Ceila!"  
Ceila adjusted the straps of backpack.  
"Oh, hey, Penny! Sorry but I'm leaving ahead of schedule. I meant to tell you but I had stuff I had to take care of."  
"Oh, kid, don't be sorry," Penny excused her.  
The woman fiddled with a zipper on Ceila's backpack.  
"I heard Chief kicked you out," Penny revealed. She pursed her lips. "She has no right."  
Ceila shrugged.  
"I guess she does. I did hit Carter in the face."  
"He deserved it! "Penny blurted. "He's the one who should be leaving!"  
Penny took Ceila by the shoulders.  
"Fight this. I'll stand by you."  
Ceila shook her head slowly.  
"No. It's my last day. I just want out."  
Penny now crossed her arms in disbelief.  
"That doesn't sound like the Ceila I know."  
"I'm not dragging this out because I finally hit that arrogant SOB," Ceila said finally. "I'm on my way back to the motherland tomorrow! Yay!"  
Penny wanted to share Ceila's enthusiasm but couldn't.  
"Do you need anything taken care of?" she asked.  
"Nah," Ceila refused. "I took care of some things."  
Penny's blue eyes widened.  
"I hope that means something nasty."  
Ceila did not answer.  
"I have to jet."  
Ceila started out of the lounge with hunched shoulders.  
"We'll be at your place by eight-thirty!" Penny promised.  
"Thanks," Ceila added, before leaving for good.  
  
From the pita stand, Luka could see Ceila leaving the hospital. She had let the roll in her hair loose. A soft breeze had caught the loose curls and tossed them about. She shifted the weight of her backpack. Nothing about her demeanor suggested anything troublesome.  
Luka ran to her, catching her at the end of the curb.  
"Ceila!"  
Ceila was surprised to see Luka. The colour in her face waned.  
"Luka!"  
Luka examined her face.  
"I knew it! I knew you should have stayed home!"  
Ceila shook her head.  
"No. That's not it."  
Luka wouldn't listen. He put his hands on his hips.  
"You were sick this morning and you were sick here..."  
He looked surprised as though he discovered something novel.  
"It's probably that new stuff the cleaning staff use! It smells awful!"  
Ceila tugged at his white coat.  
"No, Luka, I...."  
She touched his brow, brushing her fingers lightly on his long lashes.  
"It's not the reason."  
Luka's shoulders caved in frustration.  
"What?"  
He threw his head back.  
"Goddammit, malina! You never tell me anything!"  
She grasped his hands.  
"Luka...."  
She avoided his eyes for a moment.  
"I'm leaving because I decked Carter and I wouldn't apologize for it."  
Luka still looked adorably confused.  
"Decked? Do you mean you punched him?"  
Ceila nodded.  
"Yeah."  
Her gaze veered right.  
"I'm fuckin' tired of him, ya know?"  
She let go of Luka's hands.  
"I'm not going to fight this because it's my last day. I hope never to see him again. Right now that's all I want."  
Luka's jaw squared more and more. The tension built in the back of his head.  
"I'm not letting this go," he said finally and stormed into the hospital.  
"Luka!" she cried. "Luka!"  
But he was gone. Ceila threw her head back, wondering how an opened can of worms could have multiplied so quickly in so short a time.  
"Hey!"  
Ceila turned left.  
Romano walked toward her.  
"I thought you were gone."  
Ceila bit her lip.  
"I was just leaving," she answered him.  
"Yeah, I know all about that," Romano huffed.  
He put his hands in his pockets.  
"Come with me."  
Ceila screwed her face up.  
"What? Why?"  
"Just come with me," Romano said.  
Ceila held her ground.  
"What for?"  
Romano rolled his eyes.  
"Stop being such a girl and come with me!"  
His manner was becoming more impatient.  
"Just follow me!"  
Ceila gave in. Might as well, she thought. What harm could it do?  
Luka knocked furiously on Kerry's office door.  
"Kerry?!" he cried. "Are you in?"  
Kerry marched to her door and pulled it open.  
"What?!" she snarled.  
Her face lost a bit of the initial annoyance when she saw it was Luka.  
"Oh! I'm glad to see you've pencilled in some conference time with me, Luka," she sniped.  
Kerry crutched off to her desk and sat down.  
"Can I help you at all, Luka?" she asked facetiously. "Or are you in the mood to just talk?"  
Luka walked into Kerry's office and stood before her desk. He tried to hide his outrage.  
"Why did you dismiss Student Nurse Kowalski?" he asked.  
Kerry shrugged cavalierly.  
"Why should that matter?" she chirped indifferently. "She's only a student. Not that you should care about her!"  
Luka could feel he was losing the fight to hide his anger. His nostrils flared.  
"Not when she is punished unfairly!" he returned.  
He placed his hands on his hips, puffing out heated air.  
"You've always been hard on her."  
Kerry took exception to that.  
"I've stood up for her and bent over backwards for her, Luka, so don't even think of playing the cruel stepmother card with me!"  
Kerry now stood up.  
"I offered her the chance to apologize to Carter for the incident today and she never did. My hands were tied."  
She pointed a finger at Luka.  
"I would have done the same for anyone!"  
She returned to her seat.  
"I was disappointed that she didn't take the opportunity," Kerry admitted. "I like Ceila..."  
She stopped. Her voice became low.  
"Even if she didn't like me."  
Luka could see now how Kerry was hurt by Ceila. He was softened by Kerry's disappointment.  
"I don't think she felt that way about you," he said softly.  
Kerry scoffed.  
"Oh come on! I'm the antithesis of cool! She probably thought I crimped her style!"  
Luka scratched the back of his neck.  
"She respected you, Kerry. Really."  
Kerry gazed at Luka with cool eyes.  
"How would you know?"  
He shrugged a little.  
"I just do," he said.  
Kerry doubted him.  
"I can't believe anything anyone says, Luka!" she revealed. "No one gives me a straight answer! About anything!"  
Luka's voice became more firm.  
"Even Carter?"  
Kerry would see to his challenge.  
"Let's find out."  
Kerry dialled a number on her phone.  
"Hello, Frank? Please send Dr. Carter up. Thank you."  
Kerry hung up the phone and crossed her hands.  
"Now let's see who's telling the truth."  
  
Luka and Kerry said nothing as they waited for Carter to arrive. They wrapped their arms around them as tension slowly built up. What would Carter say? What would Carter do? These questions raced in their minds.  
There was a knock at the door and a discreet entrance from Carter.  
"You needed to see me, Kerry?" he asked sheepishly.  
Kerry nodded.  
"Yes. Carter, sit down."  
Carter turned his head. When he saw Luka's stern face and crossed arms, he elected to take a more defensive stance.  
"No, I'll stand."  
"Very well," she breathed. "We're here just to clear the air about some things."  
Carter perceived what the matter was about.  
"This isn't about Kowalski, is it?"  
His head flopped back and he outstretched his arms.  
"We're not arguing over her, are we?" he whined.  
Carter's childish complaints did not phase Luka. He was used to such outbursts.  
"Why does she bother you so much?" Luka asked.  
Carter burned him with a nasty look.  
"Enough!" Kerry demanded. She settled down. "Carter, did you do or say anything that might have upset Student Nurse Kowalski?"  
"Like hi?" he asked facetiously. "I might have said that, yeah."  
"Please no smart answers," Kerry demanded. "She didn't hit you for no reason."  
Carter exhaled.  
"I wouldn't let her ride on the elevator when we had patients," Carter revealed. "Not enough room. She doesn't like tight spaces. That's all."  
Kerry raised an incredulous brow.  
"That's it?"  
"Yeah," Carter nodded.  
Luka scoffed at him.  
"Do you think we're stupid?" he rasped. "She would not be hurt by that. She has much thicker skin."  
Carter shot him another evil look.  
"You would know about her skin!" Carter rasped.  
Luka was stunned. Carter's insolence knew no bounds and now he alluded to his relationship with Ceila.  
"Carter, that is enough!" Kerry warned.  
Carter's face bore the look of supreme smugness, a look he had effected time and time again.  
"I was right."  
Kerry now rose and stepped between Carter and Luka.  
"Right about what?" she asked.  
"Ask Luka," Carter suggested. "I'm sure he can tell you."  
"I am not here to discuss rumours, Carter!" Kerry stated. "I'm here to talk about the incident today! Now, did you or did you not do or say anything to upset Student Nurse Kowalski?"  
"I don't recall," Carter replied.  
Luka rolled his eyes.  
"Bullshit!" he muttered.  
"Enough, Luka!" Kerry snapped.  
She glared at Carter.  
"You did say something to her! And I have reason to believe it wasn't the first time!"  
Carter unwillingly conceded.  
"If you say so."  
Kerry stepped aside and placed her hands on her hips.  
"So it's fair to characterize your actions as hurtful?"  
Carter rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.  
"OH, I am so sorry I hurt her little feelings!"  
Luka could have slapped him.  
"I think we can do without the sarcasm, Carter!" Kerry warned.  
Carter backed off.  
"I don't know what I did, but I didn't treat her any differently than I would anyone else!"  
Luka kept his head down. He paused for memory.  
"Like hired help."  
Carter strained to hear.  
"I'm sorry? What?"  
Luka tried to look conciliatory.  
"Oh! I'm not accusing you of anything! We're here to serve you and we do it happily."  
Carter couldn't believe what he was hearing  
"I'm the bad guy here? The guy with the bullwhip, right?"  
Luka would concede the point.  
"You said it!"  
"Enough!" Kerry yelled. "Enough with the name-calling and cheap shots! I want some answers now!"  
She swivelled her head at both of them.  
"I swear, if this is some silly schoolboy crush, the both of you will be suspended without pay!"  
Carter furrowed his brow.  
"Can you do that?"  
"If you piss me off, yes!" Kerry cried.  
Kerry paused and breathed deeply.  
"Now, will one of you please tell me what this is about?"  
Carter drew in breath.  
"Yesterday, Student Nurse Kowalski had trouble keeping calm in the tunnel. I gave her an opportunity to back out but she didn't take it. When the tunnel collapsed, she panicked, endangering not only the patient but herself. It's fair to say that now I don't trust her. When I communicated my thoughts to her, she went ballistic."  
Carter drew in breath more calmly than before.  
"It wouldn't be the first time, either."  
Luka gazed at Carter coldly.  
"I don't believe you."  
Carter dismissed Luka.  
"Believe what you like."  
"Oh, I believe she was scared," Luka clarified, "I just don't believe you."  
Carter gaped.  
"Oh, yeah, like, I'm making this up!"  
"Maybe you are," Luka supplied.  
"You weren't there," Carter returned. He looked at Kerry for support. "She was scared."  
"She admitted as much to me," Kerry added to Luka.  
She looked again at Carter.  
"But that doesn't explain why she struck you today."  
"I told you," Carter returned, "when I told her I couldn't trust her, she went thermal!"  
Carter exhaled.  
"That's just like her- temperamental!"  
Luka still held his cold gaze of Carter.  
"And you've proven my point."  
"Which was?" Carter asked.  
"You've never trusted her," Luka answered.  
"Well, not now, I don't!" Carter retorted.  
"Ever!" Luka said finally.  
Carter was adamant.  
"We can't have someone who can't keep her cool in an emergency!"  
Luka would not listen to him.  
"This isn't about her abilities! This is about her!"  
Carter denied it.  
"That's not true!"  
Luka became livid.  
"You lying son-of-a-bitch!"  
"That is enough!" Kerry cried as she pried her way between them once more. "I'm not seeing anything other some stupid pissing contest between you two!"  
She shook her finger at them.  
"If this is some boy-crush-thing, I will come down on you so hard!"  
Kerry sat behind her desk.  
"I want both of you to return to your duties, and not a word of this to anyone!"  
She breathed heavily.  
"Kowalski's punishment still stands."  
Kerry rubbed the stress from her brow.  
"Both of you can go."  
Luka squared his jaw, swivelling his head angrily to Carter who rested confidently and Kerry who was tired of the goings-on.  
"So if I were to hit someone in plain view of everyone, I would be suspended?" he asked her.  
"Yeah, sure," she rattled off tiredly.  
She nodded to the door.  
"Close the door on your way out."  
Carter left first.  
Luka paused, too angry to move or lift his glare from Kerry. He huffed once and charged out the door to the elevator where Carter was waiting.  
  
Luka was too angry to speak or move or even look at Carter. Carter became relaxed, at ease after the tension in Kerry's office. He glanced at Luka, even though Luka did not look at him.  
"I know you don't want to hear this but you should have known what you were getting into."  
Luka felt the break.  
Of all that Carter had done and said to him, that was it. The audacity Carter must have possessed to even think he could pry his way between him and his lover and then admonish him for it, Luka thought. Luka could not even think what he had done to Carter to merit such treatment he suffered in the past. He would not raise his voice even in mild annoyance at the insubordination, the intrusion into his relationship with Abby, the invasion of his home, the slurs, the insults.  
Luka knew what he had to do. He knew before he even left Kerry's office.  
The elevator stopped at the ER.  
Carter and Luka stepped out.  
"Dr. Carter, there's a patient to see you in Curtain Three," Lily informed him.  
Carter smiled genially and nodded.  
"Sure. Thanks."  
Carter walked toward Curtain Three, oblivious to all that was said at the meeting.  
Luka followed him for every step. His nostrils flared. He could feel his face grow red with rage.  
"Carter!" Luka cried.  
Carter turned around.  
Luka struck Carter in the nose. Carter flew back, landing once more on his ass. He felt his nose, now bleeding.  
Nearby staff gasped and stayed clear of the two men.  
Carter could not believe it.  
"You bastard!"  
Luka scowled at Carter in disgust and stormed away.  
Carter shot up and landed a punch on the side of Luka's head.  
Luka cried out and cowed down, holding his hand to his newly reddened ear.  
"You hit me in the ear!" he cried. "Who the hell hits somebody in the ear?!"  
Luka righted himself while still holding his ear.  
Carter wiped the blood from his nose with his sleeve.  
Luka sucker-punched Carter. Carter responded in kind with a punch that cut Luka just above the right eyebrow. Luka hit Carter in the face once more, pulled his white coat over his head and hit him repeatedly in the back. Carter plowed into Luka, pinning him against the wall. He was able to wriggle free from his coat and gradually punched Luka in the stomach, the chest and the face. Luka grabbed Carter's fists and head butted him, sending him flying back. Before the men could continue the fight some of the male staff stepped between them and held them back.  
Pratt and Gallant held the now bleeding Luka from Carter.  
"Let go of me!" Luka demanded, wriggling himself free. "I'm through with him."  
Carter tried to break free from Jeff and Malik.  
"I'm not through with you, you son-of-a-bitch!"  
Luka landed one more punch on Carter.  
Carter fell to his knees and collapsed on the floor.  
Luka wiped the blood that had flowed from his lip and sniffed once.  
"Dr. Karamazov, be good enough to tell Dr. Weaver I hit Dr. Carter and that I won't be coming in tomorrow."  
Jeff nodded uneasily.  
"Alright, Boss-Fella."  
The Canadian scratched the back of his neck as he looked on the felled Carter.  
"Can I ask why you did this?"  
Luka just shook his head and smiled. He turned from the men and went to the lounge to retrieve his things.  
  
They had been walking a long time. When they had stopped, they noticed not only the change of their surroundings but the quality of the drunks staggering about the alley ways.  
Ceila lifted her head to see a neon sign above her head not turned on.  
"This is a bar," she said.  
"Yeah," Romano chuffed. "No wonder they put you ahead of the class!"  
Ceila tried to back away.  
"No, I can't...."  
Romano pulled her arm.  
"Yeah, you can," he insisted. "I promised you a shot of tequila and I'm going to deliver!"  
Romano pulled her into the bar.  
"This is a really divvy place," Ceila noticed. "I mean- aren't you at least going to drag me to gentleman's club or something?"  
"No!" Romano huffed. "This is as close as I need to be. Now settle at the bar."  
He motioned the bartender to him and ordered two shots of tequila. The bartender poured the tequila and left salt and lime on a plate.  
"You're a girl of the world so I don't need to explain the procedure to you," Romano said and downed his shot.  
Ceila tried to back away but Romano poured the shot down her mouth. She sputtered and coughed.  
"Get the lime in! Quick!" he warned.  
Ceila looked for a place to vomit.  
Romano finished his slice of lime and shook his head.  
"That's how it's done!"  
He sat still and placed his hands on the bar. Ceila sat next to him, not knowing what else to do or what Romano had in mind.  
Romano appeared to Ceila as unusually relaxed like a man at peace with the world.  
"Yep," he muttered.  
Ceila tied back her hair.  
"Are you headed back to the hospital?"  
Romano shook his head.  
"Nah."  
He toyed with his empty shot glass.  
"Those miscreants can do without me."  
Ceila offered a weak smile.  
"Can they really do without you?"  
"Oh, Lord, no!" he cried. "But I don't feel like moving right now."  
Ceila rested her head on her fist and locked her eyes on the Michelob tab behind the bar.  
"Neither do I."  
  
When Carter awoke, he was on his back and Abby was dabbing his wounds in dimly-lit treatment room. He flinched at a single touch.  
Abby did not apologize for wounding him but continued to dab his wounds. That was something, he thought, Ceila would do.  
"What happened?" he asked.  
"You took quite a beating," Abby returned.  
"I know that," Carter said, "but after, I mean? How long was I out?"  
Abby shrugged a little.  
"I dunno. Maybe ten minutes."  
Carter closed his eyes.  
"Is Luka waiting for me?"  
"Nope," Abby said. "He's long gone."  
"Home?" he asked.  
"I guess," Abby answered indifferently.  
She wiped away a crusty wound.  
"He really worked you over!" she wondered.  
"Don't I know it!" Carter laughed.  
Carter stopped. He sucked on his cheek.  
"Look, Abby, I've been thinking about the last few days...."  
He hesitated, unsure that his words would find favourable reception.  
"I'm sorry I about some of the things I said. I just wanted to say."  
Abby huffed.  
"You get the snot beaten out of you and now you're Johnny Penitent?"  
Carter shook his head.  
"No, it's not like that. I still want to kick Luka's ass."  
Abby dabbed some more.  
"I wouldn't. He's a powerhouse."  
Carter breathed deeply.  
"This is something else. I... I know I've acted a certain way. I've been thinking about it. I really have. I wanted to say these things but they never got out in time. I'm sorry. I should have trusted you. Listened to you."  
Abby snorted and threw away disused cotton swabbings.  
"Don't worry about it."  
Carter sat up.  
"I do."  
He rubbed the back of his neck.  
"I can see where I was wrong."  
Abby now threw away her gloves.  
"I told you not to worry about it."  
"I want to do this, Abby," Carter breathed. "Let me."  
She smirked.  
"You can feel good on your time!"  
His jaw dropped.  
"I'm not doing this to feel good."  
Abby threw up her hands and walked out of the treatment room.  
"Whatever!"  
Carter threw his head back and let a sigh escape his chest.  
  
Kerry had a feeling that Luka would try something rash. She wasn't sure how and had a vague reason why but she did have a feeling where she might get an answer.  
Kerry knocked on the door of the radiology lab.  
Tracey pulled the door open. Kerry could see by the purse slung over the woman's shoulder that she was ready to leave.  
Tracey seemed surprised to see her.  
"Ah, Chief! How's business?"  
Kerry smiled curtly.  
"I need to ask you something really quickly. It won't take long."  
Tracey nodded.  
"Alright, but do hurry. I promised my son I'd pick him up."  
Kerry nodded.  
"I know you and Student Nurse Kowalski are....friendly," Kerry began.  
"I like to think she is a friend, yes," Tracey added.  
"Yes," Kerry nodded again. "And I know you have a fond working relationship with Dr. Kovac."  
"What's not to love?" Tracey chirped.  
Kerry leaned closer.  
"Did you ever see anything going on between them?" she whispered.  
Tracey now saw Kerry's true purpose. She remained secretly evasive.  
"I wouldn't know, Chief," she denied. "Not a lot of gossip passes through here."  
"I'm not naive, Tracey," Kerry said. "I can understand you want to be loyal to both of them but if there is something going on, I think I should know. So much has happened because of what you might think is gossip."  
Tracey, steely-eyed, readjusted her purse strap over her shoulder.  
"Good evening, Chief," Tracey said and walked around her.  
Kerry slapped her hand to her head. An answer of any kind evaded her yet again.  
Kerry crutched away from the now empty radiology lab past the admittance desk, hoping to regain some sanity in her office.  
Frank chewed on a donut.  
"Dr. Weaver," he motioned her to him. "A Fed Ex came in for you."  
He handed her the Fed Ex envelope.  
Kerry took the envelope from him and walked to the elevator. Once in the elevator, she examined the envelope. It had been sent locally. Curious, Kerry thought. Even more so, was the sender, comically called the Heads-Up Programme. She ripped the envelope open and read the files inside. The breath immediately left her body.  
Kerry went pale when she saw the meaning of the Heads-Up Programme.  
  
Though neither of them had drunk anything since their obligatory shot of tequila, they rambled in thought and conversation like ones who had spent the whole afternoon drinking.  
"What are you going to do after you get back to the tundra?" Romano asked Ceila.  
She knew he meant Canada.  
"I'm gonna finish nursing school," she answered. "One more year to go. And then..."  
She ripped the edge of a cocktail napkin.  
"I thought of being an Arctic nurse because of the need and everything but, you know, stuff happens and now.... I dunno. Station myself somewhere."  
Ceila shrugged and became silent.  
She swallowed hard and smiled broadly at a past thought.  
"You know, my mum wanted me to be a ballerina when I was a kid! Seriously!"  
Romano laughed hard.  
"A ballerina?" he quizzed. "I can't see you as a ballerina!"  
"Yeah, well, when you're a kid, you've got some really curious career choices," Ceila nodded. "And then there was the flirtation with ice-skater and gymnast, momentarily a teacher's aide, and finally I said I wanted to be a nurse and, all of a sudden, she was like- 'great! You've got an aptitude for it! I'll support you! Fantastic! Great career choice! I'm so proud of you!' And I'm thinking- why the hell are my career choices subject to-to someone else's opinion, even her's?"  
She wrapped her fingers around the circumference of the shot glass.  
"I mean, you're the one who has to walk the walk in this life, so..."  
Romano looked at her with equal doses of fatigue and interest.  
"Some such thing," Romano muttered.  
He flexed his hands.  
"I don't say this often because there are very few people to say it to- you have talent. Not just the talent for a nurse but a doctor."  
Ceila thought he was joking.  
"No, I'm serious," Romano asserted. "You not only have the talent but the balls, and that is what is seriously lacking in this world."  
He swivelled in his seat to see her.  
"Tell me, really, why you wanted to become a nurse."  
He shook his hand at her.  
"And don't give me this crap about helping others and smiles on babies' faces and that crap! Just tell me!"  
Ceila laughed a little.  
"Well, as incredibly Gouda as it may sound, I did want to help," she admitted reluctantly.  
Romano groaned.  
"Oh come on!" Ceila said. "Don't you tell me that you don't want to make a difference and you're just the guy to do it!"  
"Yeah, well," he conceded in a falsely modest way, "I suppose I am a bit that Albert Schweitzer guy."  
"Oh, whatever!" Ceila rolled her eyes. "You like helping! Admit it!"  
"Admit why you want to be a nurse, or even a doctor," Romano challenged. "Because you know in your bones you think you've got the balls to cheat death!"  
Ceila was cornered and she knew it.  
"No one can really cheat death," she answered.  
She ripped her napkin into shreds.  
"I could never sit still. True. Truer still, I enjoy a challenge."  
"Get to the point, Deliar!" Romano barked.  
She bit on her lip.  
"I can't put my finger on it."  
Romano was perplexed.  
"Try."  
"I did fix this guy's arm once," Ceila began, "but that's some hero bullshit you don't want to hear. Anyway, it felt good knowing that I could do something even half-assed while keeping a clear head."  
Ceila's eyes glazed over pensively.  
"There's situations where the pressure is high and the adrenaline's pumping and all that stuff," she began. "It's like you think you're in the driver's seat but there's the feeling that you're in the passenger seat experiencing all of this racing."  
"Okay, you're rambling," Romano pointed out. "Tell me something that makes sense."  
Ceila paused and then breathed finally.  
"We know ourselves and what we can do when we're forced to do it. And that beats a desk job any day."  
She pushed away the bits of the napkin.  
"That's kind of where emergency nurse is at for me."  
Romano had rested his head on his hand.  
"That's it? You're a pressure-junkie? You're in it for the rush? That's all?"  
She shrugged.  
"I guess. I don't know."  
He huffed.  
"That was a letdown. I was hoping for, you know, 'I wanted to be like my dad' or something."  
She shook her head.  
"It's far too complex a thing to ask me. I mean- I could easily help people being a nursing aide in a senior citizens' home but that just doesn't do it for me. I mean- would you be content working only in the ER?"  
Romano shook his head.  
"No. No, I'm honest with myself, and you should be, too. I hate people but I love surgery. I'm damn good at it and I have the guts to admit it!"  
"But you could help people?" Ceila pressed.  
"Yeah, I know," Romano agreed, "and I see where you're going with this. We do what we love. Life's on the edge of the razor and all that other fortune-cookie stuff."  
Romano breathed in deeply and held his head upright.  
"I know you don't like being told what to do," he said softly, "but don't waste your life on some hollow stress high or crusade to save the world. Do what you were made to do."  
"How do you know what I was made to do?" she asked.  
"I don't," he answered, "but I know when something doesn't have a chance in hell and when something does."  
Romano rested his hands on the bar.  
"Seriously, kid, I would really consider going into general practice or surgery. You've got a knack for those things. It's much better than wasting your life as some hand-holder."  
Ceila looked at the bottom of her empty shot glass.  
"I thought I would be doing something more."  
Romano shook his head.  
"Nah!"  
Romano shuffled off his stool and threw a few bills on the bar.  
"Anyway, good luck, many happy returns and pet those caribou for me, will ya?"  
Ceila chuckled.  
"Will do. Thanks."  
Romano threw back his hand in a clumsy adieu gesture and disappeared from the bar.  
  
Evening had finally set in.  
Penny and Tracey waited for Ceila in the alley behind the Vanilla Flower. They sat still in Penny's car. Penny kept her eyes locked on the wind screen and her hands tensely wrapped around the wheel.  
"Go over this again," she asked Tracey.  
"I'd rather not," she refused.  
Penny hung her head.  
"If the Chief ever found out what Kovac and Ceila were really up to..."  
"I know," Tracey agreed.  
"The rules are there for a reason!" Penny declared.  
"The rules don't matter a damn, Penny! You know that!" Tracey returned. "You and I have been privy to some real shite! I mean- career- damaging shite!"  
Tracey crossed her hands.  
"Who the hell do they think they are if they want to get in the way of two grown people having a bit of fun?"  
Penny sighed.  
"Dr. Kovac and Ceila aren't just two people. He's her superior."  
"I know that," Tracey said. "But he wasn't marking her. And we both know he never took any crap from her, nor her from him."  
"And Kovac isn't 'just a bit of fun'," Penny added. "He's got some real feelings."  
Tracey looked at the time on her cell phone.  
"The girl knows that."  
She turned and smiled at Penny.  
"I think they'll make a go of it. I really do."  
Tracey looked at the phone again.  
"Speaking of Ceila, where is she? It's almost eight."  
Penny looked at her watch.  
"Maybe the same place the boys are," she supposed.  
"So she'll have pizza, too?" Tracey wondered.  
Penny chuckled a little.  
"For our waiting, she'd better!"  
Tracey looked at her cell phone once more and then looked up.  
"Speak of the devil!"  
Ceila wandered to over to her flat. She smiled when she saw Tracey and Penny waiting and ambled over to the car. She leaned over to the passenger side window.  
"How long have you been waiting?" Ceila asked.  
Tracey kept her patience in reserve.  
"Long enough!"  
"We sent the boys to get pizza over twenty minutes ago," Penny said.  
Ceila looked grateful.  
"Thanks."  
Ceila looked in the car.  
"Where are the kids?"  
"The girls are baby-sitting Penny's kids," Tracey explained.  
Ceila frowned.  
"I really wanted to say good-bye to them!"  
"We're coming down for Christmas," Penny said. "We'll see you then."  
Tracey tapped on Ceila's hand.  
"Let's hurry this up, Kid!" Tracey cheerfully demanded. "Some people have work tomorrow!"  
Ceila rolled her eyes and pulled the car open. The business of packing had to get underway.  
  
It was nearly nine o'clock when a huge part of the packing got underway. Tracey's sons consigned themselves to an evening of forced labour. Another bout of computer games would have to wait. Tracey and Penny proved industrious, especially after Craig, Penny's husband, appeared with a much-anticipated pizza. The work moved at a quick yet labourious pace. Ceila removed all of her things from her room and placed them in boxes, keeping a watchful eye on the phone.  
Penny lifted pictures from the walls and Tracey handled some books on a shelf.  
"Where do you want these, dear?" Tracey asked.  
Ceila lifted her eyes from the phone.  
"Oh..." she said, jarred from her vigilance, "just in a box over there, by the door."  
"Is someone coming to get these things?" Penny asked. "I mean- there is only so much stuff you're going to take with you."  
"Yeah," Ceila nodded. "My mum is taking some stuff into storage until I can send for it."  
Tracey now looked at the phone.  
"Is someone gonna call?" she asked.  
Ceila tried not to look guilty.  
"I thought maybe one of the Jeffs would call."  
"I know Karamazov is working another shift," Penny revealed. "I think little David has a cold. McFarlane's really worried about that."  
Ceila chuckled a little.  
"I never pictured Jeff as worried," Ceila admitted.  
"Yeah," Tracey joined in. "Fatherhood has definitely made him soft."  
"What do you want done with this stuff?"  
Ceila turned around. Craig, Penny's lanky redheaded husband, fiddled with the few items of crockery Ceila had in the kitchen.  
"Just pack it," Ceila asked. "I'll help."  
Ceila climbed over half-full boxes and entered the kitchen to help Craig.  
Craig wasted no time in lifting out the contents of Ceila's cupboards.  
"We need some bubble wrap or something for these coffee mugs," he suggested.  
He had his back turned to Ceila, being uncharacteristically busy. Not that he was an idle man but being a house-husband (a departure from his hectic days as an information broker) had given him a certain degree of laissez-faire.  
"I can't thank you enough for helping," Ceila said softly.  
Craig looked at her. His eyes had a soft blue innocence that had been noticed before, but there was a look of being touched in them now.  
"Don't mention it," he returned.  
He continued to remove things from the cupboards and shelves but now at an easier pace. Ceila matched his pace.  
"I was..." he started.  
Ceila paused.  
"Yeah?"  
He now looked at her.  
"You know that CD you had," he muttered awkwardly. "The one you were playing when we were all together for August?"  
Ceila waited for her memory to be refreshed.  
"We were over for cocktails and barbecue," Craig extrapolated. "It was this soft samba sort of music."  
Ceila nodded with recognition on her face.  
"Ah! Bebel Gilberto!"  
Craig nodded.  
"I guess."  
He placed a mug securely in a box.  
"Yeah, anyway, I was humming that song all night long. I could not get that music out of my head for the life of me! So I want to know if I could copy the CD."  
Ceila smirked at him.  
"That's stealing!"  
Craig lifted a familiar mug and dangled it before her.  
"I recognize this!"  
Ceila was scandalised.  
"Penny gave that to me!"  
Craig only laughed.  
"Why don't you just buy the CD?" Ceila asked.  
"Why don't I just copy it?" Craig grinned wickedly.  
Ceila smacked him with a dish towel.  
"Okay!" Craig cried with his hands in mock surrender. "I'll buy it! Now that I know who it is!"  
Ceila left some mugs out on the table.  
"We'll leave these out for tea," she said.  
Penny popped into the kitchen almost unawares.  
"Did I hear tea?"  
Ceila moved toward the kettle.  
"I was just about to make some," she piped.  
Penny smiled.  
"Good. I could use some."  
Penny helped her husband pack the remainder of the crockery.  
"I'll let you know if the phone rings," Penny offered.  
Ceila turned the stove on. She kept her eyes low.  
"Thanks," she offered weakly.  
  
It was almost nine o'clock when Luka staggered in. He knew that Ceila would be in the midst of packing with her friends so he decided not to bother her, especially with the newly-formed bruises on his person.  
And he needed to think.  
He saw that some messages had piled up in his voice mail. He ignored them. He didn't want to be bothered by anything now. He reached for a cigarette (a verboten item since his relationship with Ceila had begun) and lit it up. He then slumped on the couch and put his head back (something he hadn't done since Abby had taken him out). He breathed heavily but finally.  
It was over.  
He couldn't return to the hospital. He severed his ties with it impromptu. He wondered why. When he thought of what he did earlier, he laughed.  
He stopped laughing when he thought of Ceila. The many months ago when she first arrived, bloodied and dishevelled, at the ER, he was stunned by her. Not in the way Carter had been (few had been stunned as such) but by how she looked.  
It was always how she looked, he thought. Determined to save her first patient's life. Disappointed at her feeling of insignificance. Her eager attitude. Her pouting. Her demure little looks with her bright, shiny eyes. Her looks of defeat.  
Then it was how she was. Eager to please, flirtatious, devoted.  
She never doubted him or challenged him. She overlooked his past infidelities. She wanted him, she said. She meant it, he thought. She had to have.  
Luka mashed out the cigarette, went to his computer and went online. He typed in airlines and started searching.  
  
It was ten-thirty when the packing, for the most part, had been done. All that was left were the remainders but a brief yet eventful stay in the flat above the Vanilla Flower. The landlord said he would be sorry to see her go.  
Ceila offered parting head rubs to Tracey's boys, thanking them for their help.  
"So you've got a ride to the airport?" Tracey asked one more time.  
Ceila shoved her hands in her pockets.  
"Yeah."  
Penny touched the girl's arm on her way out.  
"You know how to reach us."  
and Craig6..." Craig rattled off.  
Ceila nodded.  
"I know! I know!"  
Craig now picked Ceila up by the waist and hugged her.  
"We'll miss you!"  
Penny slapped her husband on the shoulder.  
"Knock it off, you!"  
Craig put Ceila down.  
Penny hugged the girl.  
"You know who's here if you ever come back," she said.  
Ceila did not look at her friends but nodded.  
Tracey ruffled the girl's hair.  
"You say hello to the old girl for me," she spoke affectionately of her country.  
"Will do," Ceila nodded.  
They departed at last. Ceila waved to them one more time and disappeared in to the emptying shell that was her flat. The boxes were packed, marked and lined up in a row. Not much for her short stay in Chicago. She kicked the duffle bag she was bringing with her and fell exhaustedly on the couch. She lay down on the last remaining cushion and, before closing her eyes, looked at the phone once more.  
  
No breakfast in the morning. Only the long ride to O'Hare airport filled spaces in between.  
"Ceila?"  
Ceila felt her father touch her face.  
"You'll call me once you land, right?" he pressed.  
Ceila nodded weakly.  
Her father hugged her and held her.  
"You're in the home stretch now!" he grinned. "You'll finish school and then you can pay off those goddamn loans!"  
"Don't remind me!" she begged.  
He held her face in his hands and kissed her forehead.  
"I'll be seein' ya, my girl."  
Her father let go of her and waved once more before she turned into the security wing.  
Ceila handed her passport and shoulderbag to security personnel with heavy arms. She was tired. And expectant.  
She wandered slowly to the gate. She had gotten the good-byes she expected from her friends and family (even last-minute calls sufficed). She had waited for one more.  
"Ceila!"  
Ceila spun around.  
Luka ran to the gate clutching his ticket desperately, leaving behind flustered airport personnel.  
Ceila was breathless when she saw him. He hadn't showed up or called at all and now he ran after her.  
"Luka!"  
"Wait!" he cried.  
She met him half way and embraced him.  
"I thought you wouldn't come!" she confessed.  
He was out of breath.  
"I wasn't sure if I should."  
Ceila saw the marks on his face.  
"What happened?"  
"I was in a fight...." he admitted. "With Carter."  
She looked amazed.  
"Wow! He did that? I'm almost proud of him."  
She touched an unscathed brow.  
"Why are you here? I thought you wouldn't come... I thought..."  
His face bore a look of confusion.  
"I don't know what to do."  
"I don't understand," she said.  
Luka swallowed. He did not veer his gaze from Ceila's eyes.  
"If I stay," he started, "I go back where I didn't make a difference..."  
She smiled at him.  
"You've always made a difference. Why won't you believe that?"  
"Only to you," he revealed.  
She felt defeated.  
"Oh, Luka, I know that can't be so."  
"It is," he said. "I know now that you're the only one who really makes me feel like a good person. And I want to feel like that always. If you're gone, then I won't."  
She gripped his shoulders.  
"Luka, you've always been a good doctor. I don't give a shit what anyone has ever said or done to you! You are a good person and don't let anyone make you feel different!"  
"Only you believe that," he said softly.  
Ceila's eyes had a gravity to them he could not fathom.  
"Well, if that's the way you feel, then why stay?"  
Luka thought about it.  
"Why stay?" she asked again. "If they don't care for you, leave."  
The attendant called out.  
"Boarding call for seats 16 through 30."  
Ceila adjusted the strap of her shoulder bag.  
"Look, you have the ticket and you have the choice."  
She touched Luka's shoulder.  
"Come with me. There's nothing for you here."  
Ceila walked over to the attendant and gave her the ticket.  
Luka hesitated. He looked back once.  
Finally, he turned into the gate and boarded the plane. 


	18. Waiting

Waiting

When he opened his eyes, he drew in awed breath. He was in a world he had never known.

The gray rock that jutted along side hardy but spindly trees was mirrored in the silver water. Islands in the middle of the lake looked like the sloping shoulders of sleeping giants. The sun was barely up but that still did not diminish the beauty around him. He turned to his lover. She looked back at him, her smile lighting up her girlish face.

"This is home."

Luka sat up.

"You were born here?"

"No," Ceila replied softly. "I was born in Ottawa. But this place is important to me."

She waited for Luka to recollect.

"Don't you remember? This place is the seed-ground of my people. A little more than a hundred years before my forefather came to this country, my foremother roamed this land - when it was still her people's land."

Luka tried to remember what Ceila had told him when they lay together long ago but couldn't. While she rambled about the beauty of Georgian Bay and what it meant to her, all he could focus on was her skin and how flawless the patch of skin just below her shoulder bone was. He was snapped from his reverie by her ardent declaration of _Luka, let's_ _go there._ It was a shadow of a memory made sharp only by her voice and her skin.

"Yes," he lied. "Of course."

Ceila grinned. She patted his lap.

"I knew you would like it."

She drove down the gravel road and turned right.

"We'll be on paved road in a few minutes," she promised.

Luka nodded and still looked out the window, transfixed by all that was around him.

"Good," he breathed.

His eyes never lifted from the rough rock or the trees that looked down on them.

He enjoyed the silence for that.

"Ceila?"

She didn't lift her eyes from the road.

"Yes?"

"You have to tell me more about this place," he asked, slouching in the passenger seat.

"Oh," Ceila nodded. "Well, this is a cottage overlooking the lake. My friend- who works in Toronto- comes down with his wife and..."

"No, no!" he laughed. "The history of the place!"

Ceila now understood.

"I told you before."

His eyes were locked on a glade of tall trees.

"Tell me again," he requested monotonously.

Ceila nodded, her hands gripping the wheel through the twists and turns.

"Well, over three hundred years ago," she began, "this all used to be untouched land. Only the Wendat -or Huron, as they were known- and the Iroquois lived here. The French came here for trading and that, and brought with them missionaries. My foremother was born just over five kilometers from here, where the old mission used to stand. Her father was French and her mother was Huron. Not too liked by most people. You never intermarried way back when."

Ceila turned over a bend.

"She was a convert and the missionaries saw her as a great opportunity to show how the French and the Huron could blend together."

"They used her?" Luka gaped incredulously.

Ceila took offense to that.

"No! Certainly no more than she wanted to be used. Imagine your parents are from the opposite ends of the ethnic divide."

Luka thought of Miran. He knew about _that_.

"She was abandoned," Ceila explained. "The missionaries looked after her. They looked after more people than what others like to admit."

Ceila slowed to a cottage at a fork of the lake and the trees.

"Anyway, in 1649, the Iroquois attacked, killing virtually anything that moved. My foremother survived but they really worked her over."

Luka sat up.

"So what happened to her?"

Ceila was not prepared for that question.

"Just went on living, I guess. I mean- they burned out her tongue and everything but I guess the rest of her was still functional."

Luka, his eyes bulging, asked no more questions. However her ancestors may have survived, they did so at a great cost and he did not wish to further delve into the subject.

Ceila pulled to the side of road and stopped the car.

"This is it," she indicated to a cottage on the right.

Luka got out of the car and looked the cottage over. It was a simple abode, removed from the other cabins that dotted the lakeshore. It was a burnished brown colour with faded cornices and a porch for sitting on and looking at the lake.

Ceila put her hand in the standing mailbox and rummaged around for the cottage key. She produced it with a beaming grin and skipped to the front door. She nudged the door open and swung her arm in a grand gesture.

"Voilà!" she cried.

Luka smiled at her and entered the cottage. It reminded him a little of the homestead in Šibenik. The furnishings were simple, even dated, but they were not meant for style. The real beauty lay outside.

"Do you like it?" Ceila asked.

Luka turned to her, smiling.

"It's perfect."

She grinned like an excited school girl. She skipped out the front door to the dock overlooking the lake. Luka followed her at a distance. Ceila stretched her arms and let out a great laugh. Luka laughed a little, too. There was something to be mirthful about at last.

Evening set in gradually like a dark violet haze over the forested horizon. The two had settled down to a quiet supper. Ceila's supper was simple. Luka would barely admit to himself that Ceila wasn't the best cook but she was passable. She did try, if only to please.

Ceila placed the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink and ran hot water over them.

Luka listened to all of this. He did not want to move from the table or even think, only to be.

"Luka?"

He was jarred from his idleness.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Tea?" Ceila cheerfully offered.

"Yeah," Luka nodded. "Thank you."

Luka stiffly rose from the table and wandered out to the porch. He sat on an old wicker chair, taking care to move a ratty plaid blanket from under him. In the dimming light he watched the lake ripple from the sporadic movement of loons and water insects. He remembered the homestead in Šibenik. The water came in gentle waves that diminished with the movement of heavy tides. Gulls would squawk and during the May festival he could hear the fire crackers go off in town.

"Luka?"

Ceila presented a cup of tea to him.

"Thank you," he said.

Ceila smiled and sat beside him.

"You like it here."

Luka smiled back.

"Yes."

He placed his hand on her knee.

"Thank you for bringing me here. I love this place."

She was glad.

"I knew you would."

Ceila looked out on the water.

"The sun is going down later and later," she noted.

"What time is it now?" Luka asked.

She craned her neck to see the clock on the mantle piece.

"Five after nine."

She leaned forward on her seat with her tea.

"I like moments like this when it's quiet," she said, "times when you can only hear the water and some bugs buzzing about."

She pointed to the bright lights in the sky.

"You can see the stars here. Not so much in the city."

Luka looked up as well.

"When we were little, my brother and I used to sneak out in the summer to the furthest end of our grandfather's orchard and point to each of the constellations."

Hepointed to one.

"Andromeda."

Ceila tilted her head and searched for it.

"Where?"

Luka pointed at each star.

"There," he said.

She shook her head.

"I can't make anything out."

"You have to use your imagination a little," he coaxed.

Ceila groaned.

"Oh! I can't see this thing! I'll take your word for it!"

Luka laughed a little as well.

"I suppose you have to do this a little more."

Ceila locked her fingers together.

"I guess you have."

Luka leaned back in his chair and sipped his tea.

"Yeah."

Ceila swished her hand at bugs buzzing in front of her face. She stood up and turned the fly-catcher on.

"I hate it when bugs get right in your face," she complained.

She sat back down and the two enjoyed a comfortable bout of silence. They watched the water ripple with the faint light from the fly-catcher to guide them.

Luka sipped his tea again.

"Malina, tell me something."

"Yes?"

He leaned back in his chair.

"Remember the time when you overturned the car?"

Ceila's brow furrowed.

"Why do you keep bringing that up?"

Luka shrugged.

"I just do."

He sipped his tea again.

"How did you come to be all wet?"

Ceila smiled wryly.

"Why do you want to know?"

He returned her sultry gaze.

"I just do."

Ceila thought for a second.

"I don't know if you have an expression like this in Croatian." She thought hard for a second. "Plivati bez rublje," she answered in an unsure tongue. "Is that right? Swimming? Wearing nothing at all?"

Luka laughed with a blush rising to his face.

"O-kay!"

He looked at her once more with sultry, inviting eyes.

"You're bad, Student Nurse Kowalski."

She returned his look. She then put her gaze low, rose from her seat and walked toward the water. Luka looked on as she did this. She stopped walking once she got to the water's edge.

The only visible lights were the fly-catcher on the porch, the light over the kitchen sink and the moon hiding behind intermittent clouds.

Ceila crouched in front of the lake. There was a spirit in the water. It lapped on the gravelly shore.

Luka looked at Ceila. She was happy here, he thought. Happier than he had ever seen her.

Ceila rose, removed her t-shirt and walked into the water.

Luka followed her.

Luka still had his watch on. It was nearly six in the morning. The sun crept up over the trees and coloured the sky a calm butbleak hue. Ceila fell asleep ages ago and was asleep still. Luka was happy for it. Her black hair mingled with rough shoots of grass. Luka covered her with his portion of the blanket he had taken from the porch and got dressed. He looked at the water. It was calm, not lapping on the shore as it had done last night. The sun was still rising and it was mirrored on the water's surface.

In the distance, a dog barked. It startled Luka who thought they had the lakefront to themselves. The dog, seeing it had company, playfully jaunted to Luka, jumped on him and licked his face. The owner was not far behind.

Luka poked Ceila in the arm to stir her.

"Ceila, get up!"

The dog was still jumping on him and licking his face. Its owner was calling after it.

Luka poked Ceila again.

"Get up!" he cried. "Someone's coming!"

Ceila stirred, still drowsy and unaware.

"What?" she muttered.

"Someone is coming!" Luka cried.

Ceila looked at him and the dog.

"Where did you get that dog?" she asked.

Luka pointed at an approaching woman.

"From her."

A woman in red track pants and an old cardigan finally caught up with her dog. She pulled on its collar.

"Scamper, over here!"

She impatiently brushed back sunny brown curls and pulled her dog away from Luka.

"I'm so sorry," she apologised quickly.

She caught sight of Ceila barely under the blanket.

"Oh... I'm really sorry," she apologised profusely.

Luka, likewise, looked embarrassed.

Ceila turned from the woman and Luka and discreetly put her clothes on under the flimsy protection of the blanket.

"I didn't realise you were otherwise occupied," the woman said.

Luka offered an awkward smile as if to apologise.

"We were...sleeping," Luka explained.

The woman nodded.

"Sorry about my dog," she said once more.

Luka now petted the dog.

"No. Don't worry about it. I like dogs."

The woman sought to break the awkwardness.

"Do you live here?" she asked.

Ceila, now dressed, rose.

"No," she answered. "We're staying at a friend's cottage."

The woman seemed intrigued.

"So you're not regulars to cottage country?"

Ceila shook her head a little.

"He isn't," Ceila indicated to Luka, "but I know the area well."

The woman smiled.

"Oh really? Well, my husband and I live up here," she pointed beyond the tree-line.

She extended her hand to Ceila.

"Simone."

Ceila nodded and extended her hand as well.

"Ceila," she said politely. "This is Luka."

Simone smiled back.

"Well, sorry to bother you," she mumbled and turned away.

Simone stopped.

"I feel bad..." she started. "About..."

Ceila and Luka looked at bit uneasy about their former state of undress.

"Never mind," Ceila offered quickly.

"Hey!" Simone called out. "You're staying here, right? At Peter's place?"

Ceila nodded.

"Yes. You know him?"

Simone nodded.

"My husband does. He goes sailing with him whenever they're up and about."

Ceila nodded.

"Why don't you join us for breakfast?" Simone offered. "We're having pancakes."

Ceila tried to politely refuse.

"Oh no. I wouldn't want to trouble you..."

She paused and spun around to Luka.

Luka shrugged.

Pancakes seemed like a good idea.

Ceila smiled.

"Thank you," she answered. "Pancakes would be lovely."

Simone smiled.

"Great! See you in an hour. Our place is just down the way."

Ceila and Luka waved as Simone and Scamper made their way back to their cottage.

Ceila brushed her hand through her hair.

"That was nice of her."

Luka shoved his hands in his pockets.

"You should be naked on the beach more often."

Ceila swatted him playfully and they ambled back to the cottage.

It was early yet but the sun had completely risen, marking the second day in what Ceila had cryptically called the seed-ground of her people.

Ceila and Luka took a shower before heading off to Simone's cottage for pancakes, having slept in less than the clothes they had worn the night before.

Ceila knocked on the cottage's screen door gingerly.

"Hello!"

Simone, seeing it was them, wiped her hands on a towel and allowed them in.

"Come on in!"

She led Ceila and Luka past a play-pen to the kitchen table and had them take a seat.

"It's really nice of you to invite us. Thank you," Ceila thanked Simone.

"Yes, thank you," Luka politely added.

Simone smiled.

"No bother," she chirped. "It's always good to see new faces at the cottage. And any friend of Peter's will automatically become a friend of ours sooner or later, any way, so this was a pre-emptive move."

Ceila cocked her head.

"I'm glad we beat you to the punch!"

Simone fiddled at the stove.

"I aim to please."

Ceila nodded. She tapped her fingers against the table.

"I'm not entirely new, you know," Ceila returned. "I do know the area."

Simone looked a little perplexed.

"I know Peter but I've never seen you around."

Ceila joined her fingers together.

"I've been lurking about every now and again. Camping out under the stars."

Simone smirked.

"You're a hippy!"

Ceila smirked.

"Yep. That's me!"

Luka listened to their conversation. Once again, he was struck by Ceila's ease with life. She could do anything, talk to anyone. He felt conscious about his own inability to be free around people, to be alive. After all the months he spent with Ceila, he still felt this way. It made him feel small.

"Luka?"

Ceila had a soft expression on her face.

"Simone asked you a question."

Luka felt embarrassed that he had been caught unawares.

Simone only smiled at Luka's inattentiveness.

"Lost in space, eh, Luka?"

He smiled warily.

"Where are you from, Luka?" Simone asked again.

"Croatia," he answered. "Šibenik."

Simone tried to mentally process what she had been told.

"That's near Zagreb, right?"

Luka smiled. "It's about five hours away."

Simone indicated a small space with her fingers.

"I was close."

She pointed a fork at him, as if to affirm her general knowledge.

"Right across the way from Italy!"

Luka nodded.

"Yes."

Simone smiled in a self-satisfied way.

"Aha! Not so out of the loop!"

Simone returned to her hot stove and finished cooking the pancakes.

Ceila looked around.

"Isn't your husband joining us?"

Simone placed a pancake on a platter and smiled.

"He's looking after the baby. Our Rourke, he's an early riser."

Ceila was keen on what Simone was saying.

"How old is he?"

"Nearly a year old," Simone answered.

She placed another pancake on the platter.

"Do you two have any children?" she asked.

Neither of them spoke, shifting weight on their shoulders and darting their eyes about.

Simone ignored the question, as they had done.

"What do you do?" she asked Luka.

Luka smiled quietly to himself.

"Nothing right now."

"He's looking for a change of place," Ceila added.

Simone was intrigued.

"From?" she asked.

"He's an emergency room doctor," Ceila explained.

Simone couldn't help but laugh.

"You're a doctor and you're looking for a new place?"

Luka shrugged.

"It was time to move on from my old place," he said and looked at Ceila.

Ceila smiled at him. She now looked at Simone.

"We're free spirits."

Simone nodded and placed the platter of pancakes before them.

"I can see that."

She sat before them.

"Tuck in, please."

Ceila helped herself to the pancakes but Luka seemed hesitant. He was unused to the informality even after all the years living in North America.

"Not hungry, Luka?" Simone asked. "You don't look like you eat enough."

Luka, feeling, out-of-sorts, now helped himself to some pancakes.

Ceila chewed her way through the first pancake.

"These are good."

She pointed a fork at Simone.

"You know who makes fantastic French toast? Luka!"

Luka was embarrassed.

"Uh, no."

"Yes," Ceila nodded. "You two should have, like, a recipe exchange or something."

Simone supposed so but kept light about Ceila's sudden bubbliness.

She sat down.

"So, if you two aren't gainfully employed or anything, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be doing something...?"

Luka and Ceila waited for Simone to finish her sentence.

"Useful?" she finally proffered.

Ceila put down her fork and Simone wondered if she had offended her.

"We have to change our lives," Ceila said. "We had been planning to come down here for a while now but things changed."

"What things?" Simone asked.

Ceila resumed her eating.

"Things."

Simone eased off. Neither of them, it seemed, wanted to talk. She would have to be content with their aura of pleasantness.

It was officially morning now that the rest of the cottagers had emerged from the cozy recesses of their vacation homes to the outdoors. Ceila observed them from the veranda of Simone's cottage. She put her tea mug on the armrest of the chair she was sitting in.

Simone sat in a chair next to her.

Ceila acknowledged her with a smile.

"Need some company?" Simone offered.

Ceila nodded.

"Sure."

She sat upright.

"Look- sorry about before. It wasn't like we were deliberately being cagey," Ceila tried to explain. "It's ..."

She fidgeted in her seat.

"It's kind of hard for Luka and me to open up sometimes. Especially now."

Simone raised a curious brow.

"Why now as opposed to any other time?"

"Well," Ceila explained, "we've had quite a go of things and there have been some sudden changes, things that make other stuff uncertain. It's not too important for you but my point is, I wasn't trying to be rude, nor was Luka. He's not like that."

Simone waved her hand at Ceila.

"No, no. It's up to you to be as open as you want. I'm not offended."

Ceila nodded. She felt a little more at ease knowing that Simone was not slighted by her former aloofness. She leaned back in her chair.

"Where's Luka?" she asked.

"With my husband," Simone answered.

She craned her head to see them out the side window.

"They're getting along famously."

Ceila smiled and sipped her tea.

"Well, that'sLuka. He has a way about him."

Ceila locked her eyes on the water. It waved about gently, swirling in little circles under the bright sun. She was mesmerized by it.

"Can I ask you something, Simone?"

Simone put her hands together.

"What about your husband makes you love him?"

She swiveled her head to Simone.

"If you don't mind my asking."

Simone once again set her at ease.

"No, not at all."

She thought for a second.

"He's...Eric!" Simone chirped. "He's fun to be with, he's dependable, and he's great with kids!"

Simone tried to look into Ceila's eyes.

"What about Dr. Feelgood makes you feel good?"

Ceila smiled quietly to herself.

"Well, he's fun to be with, he's dependable, and he's great with kids!"

Simone laughed.

"That's all the men we like!"

Ceila stopped smiling and returned her gaze to the water.

"There's something about Luka. It's under the surface but I know it's there. He hides things from people, but I can see. A twitch of his eyes. A set jaw. The way he breathes. He feels things. He makes people feel things."

Simone leaned closer to Ceila.

"These are impressions, Ceila."

Ceila did not look at her.

"They are," she conceded, "but they stay with you."

She looked at Simone now.

"It's not just his presence, Simone. It's him. He would lay himself in the line of fire - and he has done - and I would do the same for him."

Simone drew in sharp breath.

"That's extreme, Ceila. Do you really feel that way about him?"

Ceila nodded and drew her knees up to her body.

"I wanted Luka to see this place because it's important to me. My ancestor lived here. No one knows how important this place is to me except my uncle and him. I trust him so completely that I could share this with him."

Simone leaned forward, changing her view from Ceila to the water.

"That's good you can do that."

"And here, you can be away from the bullshit and the other stuff that complicates things when you're out in the bigger world," Ceila said.

"Yeah, I feel that way sometimes," Simone agreed, and sipped her tea. "Is there anything else about Luka you love other than his taking a bullet for you or anything?"

Ceila grinned.

"You mean aside from his generosity and his love for all creatures great and small and the kids and fixing the front step and that?"

Simone nodded.

"Something like that, yeah."

Ceila shook her head.

"I think that's it."

They laughed.

Simone turned her head at the sound of a small cry.

"I think someone wants to be picked up."

She excused herself and went into the living room, returning with her infant son in her arms. He squirmed and fussed with her hair.

Ceila moved closer to them.

"Is this your little man?"

Simone nodded proudly.

"One of them."

Ceila extended her arms outward.

"Can I hold him?"

Simone handed Rourke over to Ceila. He fidgeted in Ceila's arms but she only laughed.

"This looks like practice," Simone observed.

She stared at Ceila more intently.

"Is it?"

Ceila adjusted Rourke's shirt.

"I've been waiting for the right time."

"There's no better time than now," Simone said.

Ceila handed the fidgety Rourke back to his mother.

"I suppose so."

She touched Rourke's head once and looked for Luka out the side window.

"Luka's a good man," Ceila said. "He would stay if I asked him and go if I begged him."

Simone re-adjusted Rourke on her knee.

"He should just be sure he stays for the right reason and not because he thinks he should," Ceila said softly.

Simone put her hand on Ceila's shoulder.

"I think you're being paranoid."

She looked at Luka as well.

"If he is the man you said he is, then there is no reason to worry. You shouldn't be plagued with doubt."

Ceila nodded slowly.

"I know."

She swallowed hard.

"I know..."

Luka stayed along the lakefront while Simone and Eric prepared a light lunch of salmon and a salad. He skipped stones along the water. He stopped when he heard Ceila approach him.

Ceila smiled and covered her eyes to keep out the glare of the sun.

"Hey!"

Luka smiled back.

Ceila now put her hands on her hips.

"Eric tells me you might go out on his boat."

Luka nodded.

"If the weather is good, we might."

He bent over and picked up a smooth black stone.

"Did you want to come?"

Ceila shook her head.

"Nah. Not my thing, really."

Luka still examined the stone.

"Yeah."

He now looked at her. His eyes were clear and serious.

"Malina, is there something you want to say to me?"

Ceila was caught. He knew her. She could hide nothing from him.

"There was always something in the way before but now there is nothing," he pointed out.

Ceila stepped closer to him.

"Do you love me?"

His brow furrowed.

"Yes. You know I do. Why do you ask this?"

She touched his face.

"I only want to know, just to be sure. I mean- really sure."

Luka shook his head.

"You're always confident, Malina. You shouldn't be scared."

He had confidence in her, she thought. But he always had.

Ceila folded her hands.

"I'm two months pregnant."

Luka's jaw dropped. He said nothing.

Ceila stepped back. Was he disappointed?

Luka flung his head back and laughed. He picked Ceila up and swung her off her feet.

"Oh Malina!"

He stopped swinging her and cupped her face in his hands.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He became suddenly downcast.

"You were going to leave without telling me."

She bowed her head.

"I wanted to tell you so many times, even before the flight but you never came and ..." She wrung her hands. "Luka, you're a stand-up guy! You always have been! People know that and used you for it and... I didn't want you to think you should stay. Only that you wanted to..."

Luka was disappointed.

"Don't judge me like that! I would stay because I wanted to be with my child and with you! Didn't you believe that?"

Ceila nodded.

"I wanted to be sure."

She bowed her head.

"I did try before...when you were laid up after McAllister..."

Luka drew her to him and embraced her.

"I know. Don't try to explain..."

He placed his hand on her belly. He laughed a little.

"It's been a while."

Ceila put her hand on his.

"I know."

She swallowed.

"You know we have to get a house and find jobs and, for me, anyway, finish my schooling."

"Little things," Luka murmured.

Ceila shifted her weight from one foot to another.

"Well, this little thing will be a big thing in a few months."

Luka said nothing but planted his lips on her forehead.

"It will work out. I promise."

The tension Ceila had in her shoulders disappeared. There was no more fear.

Luka and Ceila sat next to one another at lunch time. They had retained their former quietness as well the penchant for conversation, something their hosts became at ease with.

Simone had sensed that something had been resolved. They were absorbed by the advent of new things.

"Won't be staying long, will you?" she casually asked.

Luka sipped the white wine he was offered.

"No. There's somewhere we have to be."

"On my boat?" Eric quizzed.

Luka laughed a little.

"Yeah, that, too!" Luka laughed. "But some other places."

He reached for Ceila's hand under the table.

"We're settling somewhere."

Eric nodded.

"Great. You'll let us know when you get there, right?"

Ceila nodded, squeezing Luka's hand.

"Sure will."

He longed to show her the beauty of _his_ homeland. The cypress trees, the sharp peaks on the mountains, the rolling hills, the white walls of the churches and the antiquated stone roads where the Romans once trod. It wasn't quite like the beauty of her homeland but she glowed at everything he showed her.

They stayed at a bed and breakfast not far from the water. Next day they would journey to the homestead outside of Šibenik where his parents lived.

They lay together in bed. Despite having a long day ahead of them tomorrow, they stayed awake, thoughts of what else to do in Croatia and of the baby occupying them.

The lights in the room were dimmed.

Luka held Ceila to him.

"There are places where we can go rafting."

Ceila patted her belly.

"I'd like that but I'll wait until after the baby is born."

She smiled.

"Wouldn't it be great to take the baby camping with us?"

Luka blanched at the thought.

"No! We can't let the baby do that. We must keep the baby safe."

Ceila nuzzled Luka's shoulder.

"Oh, Luka! We're just camping, not jumping out of a plane. It will be alright."

He shook his head.

"No. I don't want to take any risks."

"Luka," she reasoned, "I used to go camping and sledding when I was a kid. I've done more dangerous things before I was twenty and I'm still alive."

Luka moved away.

"I'd like the baby to stay alive."

He rolled up onto his side of the bed and pulled the covers to his chin.

"We have a big day ahead of us. Let's get some sleep."

Ceila, feeling the cold of his remove, likewise pulled the covers around her and tried to sleep.

There was more to see the next day and the baby still did not have a name.

It was another sunny day. The top of the car was down. The wind caught Ceila's hair, sending it flying and waving through the air. Luka laughed. He found it funny.

"Luka, where exactly are we going?" Ceila asked.

"Šibenik," he answered. "At least, a place outside there. I was born there, you know."

She nodded.

"I know. I've even seen a picture of baby Luka, remember? Who are we going to meet?"

"My family," he replied.

She smirked a little.

"Yeah, I know that, but whom? Like your mum and dad? Any aunts and uncles? Who?"

"My mother and father," he answered.

His mood became a less jovial. He bit the inside of his cheek.

"They are very traditional. We must be careful what we say and do."

He looked at the tattoo on her arm.

"Do you have a sweater or something? I don't think they will like that."

Ceila frowned a little and reached into the backseat for a pullover.

He kept his eyes on the winding road.

"There is someone else there- their grandson."

Ceila looked at him and smiled.

"Your nephew!" She clapped her hands. "I've wanted to meet your family for the longest time..."

He gripped the steering wheel harder, never taking his eyes off the road.

"He is my son."

Ceila pressed her hands into her lap and looked away from Luka.

He swallowed.

"I can't tell you everything but just know that when things were bad, he saved me."

Ceila squared her jaw.

"You could have told me, Luka! I'm not going to judge you."

He didn't believe her.

"Oh really?"

She huffed.

"Yeah! If I were going to do that, I would have done so already!"

Silence. Spaces filling with anger and impatience.

Luka squared his jaw.

"You were going to leave without telling me about the baby!"

"I was waiting for the right time!" Ceila snapped back. "And this shit is _completely_ different!"

"Is it?" Luka bounced back.

"Yeah, Luka!" she returned. "How long have I known you? When did you ever mention this son who saved you? Hhmm? It's not like I would have branded you or anything!"

She huffed.

"Luka, if you have anything to tell me, just do it!" she demanded. "You should know by now you can trust me, and I would certainly appreciate getting prior knowledge of some things rather than finding out at the last minute!"

He would not let that pass.

"There are things you don't say to me," he retorted. "Things you can't say..."

She swiveled her head to him.

"Don't you dare!"

He stopped, realising his near-mistake.

"I'm sorry."

Ceila said nothing. She tied back her hair and let Luka drive in peace.

The road forked in three directions. One road led to the sea. The other would take one beyond Šibenik. The third fork led to the homestead. It was tucked behind apple trees and swaying grass.

They'd forgotten about their previous anger. Ceila, her temper having gotten the better of her, was now calm and spoke intermittently of how nice the scenery was and how she longed to finally meet some of Luka's relatives. Luka concurred. Their conversation was polite and sparse, the past hurts still stinging.

The homestead was just up ahead. Luka slowed the car into the drive. As Luka pulled up, four dogs jumped on either door of the car- a St. Bernard, a German Shepherd, a Siberian husky and an Irish Setter (the Dalmatian puppy wasn't at home). Ceila reached for one such dog and it licked her hand compulsively. When she got out, the Irish Setter jumped on her. Luka scolded the dog and told it to get off of her.

"That's okay, Luka," she said. "I like dogs. You know that."

"You won't like it when this dog jumps into bed with you!" he warned.

Ceila knew dogs were friendly but not _that_ friendly!

The front door swung open. A tall woman emerged from the shade of the porch. She covered her eyes from the sun.

"Luka!" she cried out.

Luka leaned against the car, smiling as he did so.

"Mama!"

The woman ran from the porch and hugged Luka.

"Oh my little boy!" she cried.

It made Ceila laugh to think that Luka, who towered over everyone, was little.

When his mother pulled away, she looked Luka over, examining him for change in height or mass, or any little change.

"You look good, Luka," she noted. "You must be eating well."

Luka nodded.

"I'm okay, Mama."

He put his arm around his mother.

"Mama, this is Ceila. Remember- I told you about her before."

The woman nodded carefully, almost taken aback by the sight of Ceila.

"Oh yes!"

She grasped Ceila's hands in hers.

"It is good to meet you."

She held Ceila's chin carefully in her hands and smiled softly as she looked at the girl's face.

"My!" she gasped and released her gentle caress of Ceila's face.

"Aren't you pretty!"

She now reached for Luka's hand and pulled the couple toward the house.

"Now you must tell me why you are both here!"

She looked especially on her son.

"Luka, your father isn't home but when he is, he will be so happy. He's asked about you. Miran, too."

She turned her head to Ceila.

"Miran is my grandson," she explained.

Ceila nodded.

"Yes, so I've heard."

Luka felt embarrassed. He did not look at Ceila.

"Inside quickly," she ordered. "The sun is out and it's too strong."

She held the door open for Luka and Ceila and then called the dogs in.

"They're thirsty, too," she explained to Ceila.

Ceila nodded.

Naturally, the dogs would be thirsty.

Rujan Kovac was a lovely woman, in more ways than one. Tall and angular, she bore an expression of pride that did not exclude friendliness. Her black eyes always gleamed. She tied her graying black hair back into a braid or a roll. After giving bowls of water to the big dogs, she poured cold fruit tea for Luka and Ceila. She never stopped talking.

"Your uncle Pasko has taken up with another woman - half his age, too," Rujan said as she poured herself a glass of fruit tea. "I really don't know why anyone bothers to say anything because it's obvious he has no shame. He had the audacity to ask the boys over for summer and Matja had the good sense to say no. It's one thing to ask his own grandsons over but to ask _my_ grandsons over! Never!"

She sat at the table where Luka and Ceila were sitting.

"Are you on holiday, Luka?" she asked. "You never told me why you are here."

Luka chuckled.

"You never stopped talking, Mama."

She sipped her tea.

"I've stopped now."

She reached over and touched Ceila's hand.

"You must listen! Luka has always told stories."

"It's not a story," Ceila told her.

Rujan was taken aback.

"Oh?"

Just then, Zdeslav and Miran walked in. Zdeslav gaped at seeing his youngest son. Miran was holding a Dalmatian puppy. He thrust the dog into his grandfather's hands, ran to his father and threw his arms around him.

"Tata!"

Luka could see how the boy had grown. Soon he would nearly be as tall as his father.

Miran locked his big indigo eyes on Ceila.

"Hello!"

Ceila grinned.

"You must be Miran!"

Luka whispered into Miran's ear.

"She's from Canada."

His eyes lit up when he heard she was from Canada.

Rujan took the Dalmatian puppy from her husband and gave it to Miran.

"Go on a walk with our guest and take the pride of our province with you."

Miran held the puppy in one arm and took Ceila's hand.

"Come. We have to walk the new puppy."

He smiled broadly at her.

"Puppies are like babies but in dog form," Miran explained.

Rujan clucked her tongue.

"Puppies are like babies! That's silly!"

Miran was quite serious.

"But they are, Baba. Dogs are God's way of showing us He loves us, just like sunshine and Easter candy."

Ceila laughed.

"I bet they are! Let's go."

Miran, glad at finding someone who agreed with him, walked out with his guest into the hot sun.

Zdeslav sat across from Luka, scratching the head of the St. Bernard.

"We weren't expecting you, Luka."

Rujan poured her husband a glass of fruit tea.

"He was just going to tell us why he's here."

Zdeslav and Rujan waited for Luka to answer.

Luka's eyes darted back-and-forth.

He would have to tell them.

"I don't work at the hospital anymore," he slowly revealed.

His parents were puzzled.

"Why? What happened?"

Luka shook his head.

"I left because I wanted to."

He looked at Ceila walking with Miran through the sheer curtain.

"Ceila- I want her to be my wife."

Rujan gasped and clapped her hands together.

"Oh Luka!"

Zdeslav was happy.

"You've asked her to marry you? That is the best news!"

He grasped his son's hand.

"If she is a good girl, then you'll be so happy!"

"I haven't asked her yet," he revealed.

This baffled his parents.

"Well, you can't marry her until you do, Luka!" Rujan cried.

"I will, Mama," he promised.

"And you need another job," Zdeslav pointed out.

Luka wrung his hands.

"I know, Tata."

Still, his parents were happy.

"You have to tell Miran, as well," Rujan pointed out.

She clasped Luka's hands in hers.

"_After_ you ask her."

Zdeslav leaned closer to Luka.

"Will you live here or in her country?"

Luka was lost. He kept his eyes on Miran and Ceila until they completely disappeared from view.

"I don't know."

Miran and Ceila walked down to the beach, stopping periodically while the puppy sniffed at something or chased a bug. All the while, Miran told Ceila how his grandparents came about having the puppy and how he insisted on training it. Ceila listened but her eyes caught the brightness of the water and it mesmerised her.

"Miss Ceila, do you have a dog?"

She was jarred from her daze.

"I'm sorry?"

"Do you have a dog?" Miran repeated. "Like a husky dog?"

Ceila kicked at the pebbly sand.

"My uncle has a wolf."

Miran gaped.

"Really?"

Ceila nodded.

"He doesn't listen too much to my uncle, though."

Miran petted his puppy.

"What do you do in Canada?"

"I'm studying to be a nurse," she answered.

"Like a trauma nurse?" Miran asked. "Like where Tata works?"

Ceila nodded.

"Just like that."

She scrutinised every line on Miran's face, every eyelash, the shade of his hair and his unique eye colour. She looked for Luka in the child she just met and wondered what her own unborn child would look like.

Miran was perplexed.

"What, Ceila?"

She tried to allay his confusion.

"I'm trying to see your father in you."

Miran scratched the puppy behind the ears.

"Mama says I look like Tata sometimes and I look like her sometimes."

He shrugged.

"I don't know."

He now examined Ceila's face.

"Do you look like _your_ father?"

Ceila thought for a bit.

"I think I have his nose..."

She reached into her pocket.

"Right here in my pocket!"

Miran laughed.

"Do you look like your mother?" he asked.

She kept her eyes low.

"Some people think so."

Miran peered into Ceila's eyes.

"Like her eyes?"

Ceila smiled a little.

"Yes."

Miran brightened and let the puppy wander.

"Just like me, too!"

Ceila and Miran had wandered from the beach to the orchard out the back of the homestead. They sat under the shade of an apple tree. The Dalmatian puppy rested at their feet. They toyed with blades of tall grass and chattered away.

Ceila regaled Miran with stories of her country- the vastness, bathing in cold rivers, nights with no end. Luka could hear her as he approached carefully.

"The closest we'd get to natural light is when the sky would turn a dark blue colour..." she told Miran.

"Are you boring him?" Luka joked.

Ceila and Miran brightened to see him.

Miran jumped up and embraced his father.

"Tata, Ceila is the most amazing person. I know for a fact she's seen a moose. She says they're so big that they can make a car crash!"

Luka looked amazed.

"Is that so?"

Miran nodded furiously.

Luka crouched to his height.

"Your grandmother is making cookies and she needs your help."

Miran was surprised.

"You know my feelings on cookies!"

He ran inside to help his grandmother.

Luka and Ceila laughed at the fast-retreating Miran and his pleasure of cookies.

Ceila rose from the shade of the tree.

"He's a bright kid."

She nodded.

"I like him."

Luka nodded.

"I knew you would."

Ceila shoved her hands into the pockets of her pullover.

"You could have told me about him."

Luka kept his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

She kept her eyes fixed on Miran until he disappeared into the homestead.

"Luka..."

He waited for her to finish.

"Your children," she started uneasily, "tell me about them."

Luka steadied his quivering jaw.

Ceila tried to make the request easier.

"Were they anything like Miran?"

Luka was forced to laugh.

"No! No one can be like him!"

He shook his head.

"I don't..."

He gulped.

"I don't want to talk about them."

Ceila touched his shoulder.

"Please. Don't keep this from me."

She choked back emotion.

"I don't want to hurt you because I know this is painful but I don't want anything to be held back. Things can't work for us if they do."

Luka swiveled his head to her. He could have slapped her.

"There are things you don't tell me. Secrets! I know it! You keep them from me!" He glared at her. "You don't tell me about your children."

Ceila quivered.

"That's not fair."

"Yes, it is," he returned.

He could see her shake at his anger. He felt sorry for it. There were things she did not want to say and why she did not want to say them. But her insistence one knowing his pain was too much. He touched her face now, tenderly, as if to apologise for his anger.

"Don't ask these questions, Malina, and I won't ask you questions you don't want to answer. Please."

Her chin quivered and her eyes blushed with tears.

"I told you what I saw after my accident put me in a coma, remember? You even know about Ike and Avivit. You have no idea how I've tried to bury that. No one in myfamily even knows. And all I ask of you is to know how the baby is like his brothers and sisters."

Luka's shoulders fell under the weight of guilt. He brushed away her advancing tears with his thumb.

"You have no idea what it's like to outlive your children," he admitted in a soft voice. "To look at your hands and realise that they could have saved one, just one, and they didn't."

Luka rested under the shade of the tree.

He looked into the distance.

"Jasna," he began, "was my daughter. She was like my wife- always thoughtful, with green eyes. And she never stopped asking questions. 'What are trees made of, Tata?' 'What's in the sky?'"

He laughed wistfully.

"I loved her so much."

He paused now.

Ceila could see it was getting harder for him.

"Marko was my son."

He laughed when he thought of Marko.

"He had big brown eyes and looked surprised at everything. He loved being high on my shoulders. If I ever let him down he would run away until my wife or I caught up to him. Every Sunday, after church, I would buy him candy."

Luka stopped.

His eyes became glassy.

"I can't... they didn't live long enough for me to know any more."

Hot tears ran down his face.

"I didn't know my own children so how can I tell you about them?"

Ceila went to her knees and held him. He tried to resist her embrace but she held firm.

"No, Luka. You knew them."

She ran her fingers through his hair.

"You knew them as much as you could know them."

She kissed his head.

"Why do you torture yourself like this, Luka? You do so much for people and yet you hate yourself."

"They're dead and I'm not," he said. "I didn't save them."

Ceila shook her head.

"Don't. Don't say that."

She held him tighter.

"If you were dead, I would never have known you."

She smiled a little.

"You wouldn't have a new child, the way you have now."

She rose and he hugged himself to her waist.

"You're alive for a reason, Luka."

Luka opened his eyes, glassy but now full of realisation. He supposed it was true.

She hadn't led him astray.

"Ceila, I'm sorry. How can you stand me being so cruel?"

She crouched and touched his brow.

"You're not a bad guy, Luka."

She tapped his shoulder.

"You're kind of a softie!"

He now laughed and fell to her shoulder feeling a sense of relief.

They stayed under the tree for some time. Luka saw his mother and father exit the homestead with what appeared to be food. He surmised that there would be a long evening of conversation and eating.

"Go to them," he told Ceila. "Talk with them. I know they will like you."

"Say it like you're sure," she asked him.

He smiled.

"If you can speak in Croatian, you're half way home," he joked.

Ceila smiled and rose from under the tree. "Then I'm half way home."

She walked over to Luka's parents.

Luka, too, rose.

He had to find Miran. There was much to tell him.

By four in the afternoon the sun had relented in its mercilessness. It had become cool. It was time for an outdoor cook-out (in honour of the lost son returning home with his bride-to-be). Zdeslav set up the outdoor grill and splashed it with flammable liquid (best not to ask). Rujan prepared some vegetables. A sudden breeze pulled a strand of hair from its austere roll and she brushed it away carelessly.

Ceila was alone with Luka's parents. She would try out her Croatian but was nervous about it. One mistake could cause great embarrassment or worse, Ceila thought.

"Can I help?" Ceila asked.

Zdeslav did not look at her. He waved his hand at her.

"No, no," he refused. "Help my wife."

Rujan smiled and wiped her hands on her apron.

"No! You're our guest!"

Rujan's expression became pensive. She sighed and touched Ceila's face.

"You are so white. The sun will make your skin a nice colour soon."

Ceila suddenly felt self-conscious about her paleness. She wanted to break away from that vein.

"You were a teacher, Mrs. Kovac?" she asked.

Rujan smiled.

"You may call me Rujan."

Ceila nodded.

"Yes...Rujan."

Rujan sliced the tomatoes.

"I was a schoolteacher. Many years ago."

She nodded to her husband.

"He used to be a train conductor."

She placed the sliced tomatoes aside.

"And your parents- what did they do?"

Ceila chuckled a little.

"They weren't teachers."

Rujan was put off by Ceila's aloofness.

"How do you mean?"

Ceila caught Rujan's abrupt response.

"Police officers," she finally replied.

Rujan nodded.

"So you would never be a criminal!" she joked.

Ceila nodded.

"I guess."

Zdeslav laughed as he placed slices of meat on the grill.

Ceila allowed herself to relax now. The hard part, she supposed, was over. She looked around.

"Give me something to do, please," she pleaded. "I feel like a fifth wheel."

Rujan sighed.

"Wash some fruit."

Ceila nodded.

"Alright. Where is it?"

"See in the cellar," Rujan told her. "There should be some apples and peaches."

Ceila nodded and trotted off after the fruit.

Zdeslav still prepared the meat.

"I hope the pretty girl knows how to cook."

Rujan huffed.

"Oh Zeddi! Stop thinking with your stomach!"

Zdeslav scowled.

"I'm not!" he denied. "I'm...being...practical."

Rujan rolled her eyes. Of course he was, she thought.

Luka was not far from where Ceila had left him- near the apple tree. Miran, now freed from his willing responsibilities of cookie-making (and eating), joined him. He fingered a blade of grass and stood next to his father.

"Baba and Djed are with Ceila," Miran reported. "The food will be ready soon."

Luka smiled.

"Oh?"

Miran nodded.

"Uh-huh. Just for Ceila."

Luka nodded. He took Miran's hand and sat the boy next to him under the tree.

"What do you think of Ceila?"

Miran brightened.

"I like her. She likes having fun, and so do I!"

Luka smiled.

"I'm glad you like her."

He snatched a blade of grass and toyed with it.

"I want to marry her."

Miran blanched a little.

"Marry her? Like- to be your wife?"

He dropped his blade of grass.

"What about Mama?"

Luka looked at Miran.

"No, Miran."

Miran gulped. His little face was becoming whiter.

"Then Abby? What about her?"

Luka shook his head.

Miran bowed his head and tucked little fists into his pockets.

Luka touched Miran's cheek.

"I love Ceila."

"And Mama? And Abby?" Miran asked.

"Not the same," Luka replied.

He wanted Miran to understand.

"Miran, your mother and I are... we always felt differently..."

He took the boy by the shoulders.

"But we love you _so_ much."

Miran pulled away from him.

"I have to check on the puppy."

Luka rose and reached for him.

"Miran, wait!"

Miran pelted from the orchard, presumably to check on his puppy.

By the time Zdeslav had finished grilling the fish, the numbers at the homestead hadincreased. Mihail, Luka's cousin, walked from the marina and brought with him Ruza, a cousin visiting from the east. Rujan dusted her hands on her apron and crossed her arms, smiling.

"I knew you'd show up! Whenever there is food!"

Mihail smirked.

"Of course!"

Ruza walked along side of Mihail with a basket of raspberries.

"Well, I'm here just to see you!"

She presented the raspberries to her aunt.

"I brought these for you, Aunt Rujan!"

Rujan stretched her arms for the raspberries.

"Good girl. These will do well for dessert. Thank you."

Rujan, Mihail and Ruza walked up the path to back of the homestead and chatted about daily things.

"Luka's back, you know," Rujan said.

Mihail and Ruza were interested.

"Oh?" Ruza queried. "I thought he was busy with work at that major hospital in Chicago."

Rujan shook her head.

"No. He left his job. Wanted to move on, or some such thing. He was rather vague at first. Wicked boy for that."

Mihail and Ruza were confused.

"I thought that was sweet job," Mihail wondered. "Has he found something better?"

Rujan smiled.

"Something like that."

She pointed to Ceila in the distance. She was laughing with Zdeslav.

Mihail raised a curious brow.

"Who's the pretty girl?" he asked.

"Her name is Ceila," Rujan said. "She's from Canada."

Rujan smiled and linked arms with Ruza.

"He has big plans for her."

Ruza smiled knowingly.

"Long, white dress plans?"

The two women giggled softly.

Mihail locked his eyes on Ceila. Her black hair was coming undone from the pony tail she had it in. She smiled broadly.

"What's Luka going to do with this girl?" he asked.

Ruza rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Marry her, naturally. After that, he doesn't know."

Mihail looked at Luka walking in from the orchard.

"Luka doesn't know what he's going to do? That's not like him," Mihail noted.

He shrugged.

"Oh well. He'll get it sorted out. He always does."

Mihail stopped pondering and looked for something to eat.

Rujan set the basket of raspberries next to the prepared food.

"We have some raspberries for dessert," she announced.

Ceila broke from Zdeslav and picked out one.

"Good! I love raspberries."

Rujan smiled and led the girl to Ruza.

"This is my niece, Ruza. She brought the raspberries."

Ceila smiled at Ruza.

"Hello."

Ruza offered a strained smile.

Ceila could sense some hesitation.

"Yes?"

"You look like someone I know," Ruza said and then tried to be friendlier. "How do you know Luka?"

Ceila helped herself to another raspberry.

"We worked at the same hospital."

Ceila picked at the raspberries until Rujan slapped her hand away.

"I'll send you there if you don't stop eating those raspberries!" the woman scolded.

Ruza still offered the same awkward smile.

"Try to save some for the rest of us."

Ceila nodded and kept her eyes low.

Mihail met Luka halfway from his journey back from the orchard.

"Luka!"

Luka smiled at his cousin a little.

"When did you come?" he asked.

"Just now," Mihail answered.

Luka nodded, distracted.

"Did you see Miran?"

Mihail shook his head. "Not today, no."

Luka ignored the first part.

"I was looking for him."

Mihail nodded.

"He's around somewhere, I'm sure. You know how he's mad about the dogs. He's probably playing with one right now."

Luka didn't believe him but kept still.

Mihail at last pointed to Ceila.

"Your mother told me you left that hospital of yours and brought back that girl with you."

Luka smiled at Ceila.

"Yeah. That's Ceila."

"I know," Mihail nodded.

He walked with Luka toward the gathering.

"You brought her all the way from America to here. Is there a reason?"

Luka tried to hide a glare.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yeah!" Mihail admitted. "Is she important to you?"

Luka did not hide his impatience any longer.

"What kind of question is that!"

Mihail walked past his cousin.

"Just something I want to know."

Mihail joined Zdeslav and started to eat.

Miran had returned at last. He kept quiet and removed from the gathering. He fed the dogs scraps of barbecue in a manner unusually listlessfor him.

Luka was happy to know that at least he was safe and surrounded by family. He wanted Miran to understand what he felt about Ceila and how he did not feel the same way about Hanouš and Abby. Mihail sat next to Miran and made him smile. Luka glared at his cousin. He knew he was with the boy when he wasn't. Mihail had become some kind of replacement to his son. He damned his cousin.

He felt a tug at his shoulder. It was Ceila.

"Walk with me," she asked in a small voice.

They turned from the gathering.

The sun was setting.

Ceila caught the gold of the sun on Luka's hair.

"It was quite a party."

Luka nodded.

"Yes."

"You didn't eat much," she prompted.

Luka shrugged.

"Wasn't hungry. I had some things to think about."

Ceila was curious.

"Oh?"

Luka nodded and Ceila smiled wryly.

"Is there something you wanted to ask me?"

Luka stopped.

"What? No!" he denied.

Ceila laughed.

"I know when you're lying."

Luka was caught and he knew it.

"I should have asked you before," he admitted. "A long time before and I'm sorry I didn't."

"Ask me now," Ceila insisted.

Luka nodded.

"Marry me."

Ceila was breathless.

Luka did not move.

"You don't want..."

Ceila shook her head.

"No, no. It's just... I kept expecting moonlight and roses and things..."

Luka was humbled. "I'm sorry."

Ceila shook her head.

"No." She wrapped her arms around him. "We could be on a fiery airplane hurtling down at a million miles an hour and I'd still marry you!"

Luka shook his head. "No one would marry us like that!"

She cocked her head to the side. "I don't know about that!"

Luka sat alone in the kitchen. Everyone had either gone to bed or home. The moon cast a pale light over the cliff past the trees. Luka looked on it, letting himself be caught by its light. A glass of milk sat before him on the table, barely touched. He touched the side of the glass absent-mindedly.

He had put Ceila (and the baby) to bed, tucked under a pink quilt. She had agreed to marry him even though neither of them knew their next move, a state they never thought they would be in. But still, she knew he loved her and he knew she loved him.

"Luka?"

Luka was jarred from his pensiveness.

His mother stood in the kitchen, her bed robe wrapped around her tightly.

"Can't sleep?" she asked and sat before him.

Luka shook his head.

"Not yet, Mama."

He looked into his mother's obsidian eyes.

"I asked her to marry me."

Rujan's smile was broad.

"And she said yes?"

Luka nodded.

Rujan could cry.

"I've waited for this," she admitted. "For you to live again."

She touched his hand.

"I know she is not..." Rujan stopped before she could utter what they feared to.

"But she is...a good girl..."

She smiled again.

"And you are so happy!"

She rose from her seat.

"I'll get the family to come down. They have to hear the news!"

She touched her youngest son's face.

"There will be life again!" Rujan toddled off to bed.

All Luka could think about was how he saw Ceila that day in Dubrovnik, her black hair free from any snare, the onyx necklace he had given her around her neck and the impish smile on her face. The face was burned in his memory before and after it had been made. In his mind he could see her walking away into the crowds and the old buildings, her dark hair swishing back and forth, becoming one with the crowd, unforgettable. But there was another memory, not as fresh but still vivid. It was a memory no one and nothing would let go of.

Luka finished his milk and left the kitchen.

Tomorrow, the family would come to see his new bride.

Adam looked at Ceila from across the table. She wasn't just striking, he thought, she was beautiful. Her white face was porcelain and her black hair didn't just fall to her shoulders; it lay there waiting for Luka's hand to run through it. Her eerie blue eyes stared before her (it made her seem cold and removed, hardly a warm woman, he thought). She didn't say much but struggled with Croatian and smiled politely. She asked about Mass times, which made his aunt, Rujan, happy. He wanted to talk to her and would do so once his other aunts stopped coddling her about her wedding dress.

"Won't your family come?" asked Aunt Ava.

"I haven't told them yet," Ceila admitted.

Rujan huffed.

"Full of secrets, this one!"

Adam could see Ceila resented what Rujan said but said nothing. Maybe her cold remove was for a reason.

His mother, Magda, touched her face and then turned it this way and that.

"She's so pale, and thin! Do you eat, girl?"

Adam could see Ceila's reserve slipping away.

"Plenty."

Luka called to his aunt from across the table.

"Aunt Magda, leave her alone!"

Magda pulled away from Ceila.

"Luka, she doesn't look healthy."

Luka frowned at his aunt.

Ruza disagreed.

"Of course she is! She's plenty healthy! She hikes down the mighty rivers of Canada and everything!"

Ceila laughed at Ruza's joke and felt a little at ease.

Magda only muttered something under her breath. She moved to Rujan.

"She's like Danni a little but not as colourful."

Rujan stiffened her upper lip, signifying her desire not to mention the name again.

Ceila locked her eyes on Rujan.

Adam could see all this from his vantage point, away from the aunts and near the children.

Luka sat next to Miran but it appeared the boy did not notice. Indeed, he kept his head down and his gaze from his father.

"Miran?"

No answer.

Luka reached over for the bread and butter.

"Do you want me to make you a sandwich?"

Miran did not answer.

"Please talk to me," Luka pleaded.

Miran lifted his head a little but did not look at his father.

"Will you move far away from me?"

Luka spread butter thinly over the bread.

"I will never be far away from you. You know that."

"But you're away from Mama," Miran pointed out.

Luka sighed heavily.

"I can't explain things between your mother and me."

"But you're marrying Ceila and not her."

"I love Ceila. I've always loved her."

"Is that true? Then what about us?"

Miran now looked at Luka.

"I don't know what to think any more, Tata."

Luka looked Miran squarely in the face.

"I've always loved you. That's what you can know."

Miran nodded slightly.

"If you say so."

Miran's little brow furrowed and he rested his head on his arms.

"What should I tell Mama?"

"I'll tell her," Luka said. "Will you come to the wedding?" Luka asked. "Ceila wants you there. She likes you, you know. She never stops talking about you."

Miran nodded.

"I dunno."

He hid his face from his father again.

"Maybe."

Luka placed his hand on his son's hair, brushing it back-and-forth.

"Please, Miran."

Miran moved away to the opposite end of the table.

"I said I'd think about it!"

A huge sigh broke Luka's shoulders. His head fell to his chest. He knew now he never wanted his son to walk away from him.

Rujan moved to the kitchen counter and started to cut more bread for the visiting family.

Ceila came up behind her and helped her.

"Why does everybody think I'm Danni?" she asked.

Rujan stopped, turned pale and spun her head to Ceila.

"That's...not true..." she denied.

Ceila disbelieved her.

"No. People keep saying it. That I remind them somehow of Danni. That was her name, right? Luka's wife- Danni?"

Rujan kept slicing the bread.

"It's nothing. It's just talk."

Ceila shook her head.

"Don't."

Rujan stopped. She cut her eyes into Ceila.

"Do you know how this family was torn apart by the deaths? Hhmmm? My own grandchildren, my own son, my daughter-in-law whom I loved."

"I'm not trying to hurt anyone or replace anyone," Ceila said. "I just want to marry Luka."

Shebowed her head but Rujan took her face in her hands.

"The memory of her is so near," Rujan whispered.

She picked up the bread and carried it to the table.

Ceila stayed behind. She gripped the counter.

Luka walked up behind her.

"Hey! There's still alot of food!"

He placed his hand on her belly.

"I know you two need the food."

Ceila struggled to smile.

"I'm full," she said and walked away.

Luka stopped her.

"Hey! Don't let my mother or aunts get to you. They always meddle."

Ceila shook her head.

"It's not that."

She moved from Luka and away from the family that had come to see her. She left under the pretense of a headache.

Luka found a moment alone to smoke a cigarette. It was late in the afternoon and the sun was disappearing from an angry sky.

"Do you need company?"

He turned to the voice.

Ceila was there. Her hair was undone. She wrapped her arms about herself.

Luka smiled at her.

"Sit by me."

Ceila pleasantly refused.

"Been sitting and talking all day."

She cocked her head to the side and reflected on her answer.

"Or rather- I've been talked about."

Luka knew.

Ceila pulled on her pullover.

"Everyone keeps making references to Danni."

She wrapped her arms around herself more tightly.

"Your wife."

Luka did not look at her.

"I suppose that's natural seeing as I'm filling her shoes, so to speak," Ceila assumed.

"Don't," Luka begged.

Ceila swallowed an obstruction.

"Luka, if you love me and the baby and you want to marry me because you love us both..."

He looked at her.

"I do," he insisted.

Ceila nodded.

"I just wouldn't want to be a ghost is all."

Ceila shuffled back into the house, leaving Luka alone with his cigarette and the angry sky.

Rujan had the couple separated. It wasn't right for an unmarried couple to be together, she said. Ceila thought of the child in her belly and then thought of how to tell the woman about it.

Luka put Miran to bed. The boy spoke very few words to his father. Ceila saw how it pained Luka that his son wasn't speaking to him. She wondered if Miran hated her. She had to ask Luka about it. In everything, she had to tread lightly, even on the subject of Danni, the woman no one could stop talking about.

That night, Ceila crept into Luka's room and slept near him. She wanted to watch him as he slept (as he had done to her). She wanted him to love her. With all the talk of Danni, doubt started to creep in. She kept thinking of when they first connected. She felt that he wanted her and not just her body. But now something was being resurrected that she could not stop.

Ceila drifted off but shot up an hour later. It stirred Luka.

"What? Ceila?"

She panted.

"It was just a dream..."

He breathed.

"What was your dream?" Luka asked.

Ceila hesitated but then told him.

"I was drowning. I was being pulled under into the darkness. Finally, I couldn't see the light any more."

Luka shut his eyes.

"You're lying."

Luka turned over.

"If you're not going to tell me at least don't lie to me." he resumed sleeping but Ceila could not sleep anymore. She just watched as he slept.

An hour later, she woke him up.

"Luka?"

Breathing.

"Luka, I'll tell you about my dream. I was digging a grave for myself, with my hands."

"Why?"

"I was ashamed of myself. I was dead."

Luka turned around.

"Why? Why were you ashamed? Why do you think you are dead?"

Ceila bit her lip.

"I don't want to say."

"You have to say."

"Why do I?"

"I told you things I wouldn't say."

Ceila became cold.

"I was ashamed because I was stupid, because I was weak."

Luka understood. He peered into her light blue eyes.

"Because you think it was your fault that man overpowered you and ruined you?"

Ceila nodded.

"Ceila is dead. There is nothing left," she said blankly.

Luka touched her forehead.

"I remember you cried when a child in the paediatrics unit was dying. And I told you that you couldn't save everyone and you said you knew. Well know now you can't always save yourself but that doesn't make you bad or even dead."

He held her face in his hands.

"The girl I know isn't dead."

He brushed her hair over her face playfully.

"Sleep, Ceila. Just rest."

Ceila, somehow feeling absolved, shut her eyes and slept.

When Ceila woke up, Luka wasn't beside her. She tiptoed out of his room and slipped through the house. No one was up and the sun was coming over the slowly cresting water. She went back to her room and slipped on some warmer clothes. She left the house without making a noise and wandered to the cliff. He was there, just as she thought he might be, looking at the sun as it was rising.

She stood next to him.

"You love her still. I know. That's alright. I don't expect you not to."

She stubbed her toe on the stones.

"You knew her once and sometimes that's all you can hope for."

Ceila put her hands on her hips. "I can't be her."

Luka didn't look at her.

"I know you can't."

He turned from the sunrise to her.

"I don't think you are her. I never did."

He swallowed hard.

"Danni was someone no one could ever imitate."

He touched her chin.

"And no one ever can ever be you."

His fingers traced her face.

"Promise me you won't hide or think that you're dead, or hate yourself."

Ceila shook her head.

"I know you'll look after me, Luka. I don't have to think that."

Luka laughed.

"I know you can look after yourself. You don't even need me."

Ceila shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Well, there's always the odd pickle jar."

Luka laughed.

"Okay, you _do _need me."

He touched her brow.

"But not for other things."

He swung his arm over her shoulders.

"I think we should run away before the wedding. If Mama has her way, it will be too big to pay for."

Ceila nodded.

"That's a plan."

She nestled her head into his shoulder.

"One of many."

Luka agreed.

"Yeah."

Not a month after they had left Chicago and four months since they had become lovers they married.


End file.
